Selfishness is one of the partners in a relationship - it is one of the most serious problems. As a rule, it manifests itself as a desire only to receive, without giving anything in return. This is not only about material wealth - an egoist takes love, care, and affection for granted. The desire (sometimes unconscious) to live only for oneself is inherent in representatives of both sexes. You don’t have to think about harmony and a happy, strong relationship with a person who loves only himself. You can only endure for a while, hoping that your partner will change, but people change extremely rarely.
Self-love - what is it?
What does self-love mean? This, as we have already noted, is self-acceptance and self-respect. But it is also the ability to take care of yourself on three levels: soul, body and mind.
Let's look at the components of self-love in a little more detail:
- Self-acceptance. This is awareness of all your pros and cons, advantages and disadvantages, external or internal characteristics and their unconditional, non-judgmental acceptance. And also this is the ability to admit and accept mistakes, to put up with the past, whatever it may be.
- Self-respect. This is the ability to set and maintain personal boundaries, no matter what, follow your system of values, principles, and beliefs.
- Self-care. This is living according to your needs and interests. Self-care also involves continuous self-development, timely treatment of diseases and their prevention, care for the body and psyche (sports and proper nutrition, healthy sleep).
A person who loves himself will not tolerate what he does not like, hurts or is not interesting. Personal happiness and comfort for such a person come first. He is ready and able to give up everything and everyone who prevents him from being happy and healthy physically and psychologically.
How is self-love different from selfishness? This is best described by a quote from Oscar Wilde: “To live the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.” This is indeed a true statement from a psychological point of view, although Wilde himself was not a psychologist.
Important! Self-love is not associated with selfishness, self-pity or self-flagellation. Self-love is total acceptance, continuous self-development and a healthy critical look at oneself.
The meaning of reasonable egoism
But he must not only take into account the interests of others, but also help them. Reasonable egoism can be considered a manifestation of a strong personality. A strong person will be able to take care not only of himself, but also of other people. At the same time, he can unselfishly help not so that he will no longer be considered an egoist, but simply because he can do a good deed.
But weak individuals who help everyone, although they themselves need help, do this precisely in order to be supported in return. And this is not a manifestation of reasonable egoism. That’s why it’s so important for a person to engage in self-development and become stronger.
What is self-love, signs
How and in what ways is self-love manifested? Self-love manifests itself on all levels and on different scales. Here are just a few examples of self-love:
- get rid of bad habits that destroy the body, for example: alcohol, cigarettes, overeating or strict diets;
- normalize the regime of work and rest, sleep (to get enough sleep, an adult needs at least 8 hours);
- eat regularly and balanced;
- give up a job you don’t like and find something you like;
- relax without feeling guilty, do what you want;
- do not sacrifice yourself for others;
- clean the house and keep it clean;
- take care of your appearance, take care of clothes, hair, body, skin, etc.;
- do not communicate or meet toxic people;
- do not tolerate anything and change what does not suit you;
- praise yourself and give yourself compliments;
- take care of loved ones, because your well-being depends on their well-being, just like vice versa (however, if these people do not reciprocate, that is, you give but do not receive anything, then you need to exclude them from your life).
The woman is selfish. Bad or good?_8212
A woman who loves herself is self-sufficient, in most cases successful and attractive to others. So, every representative of the fair sex needs a bit of healthy egoism.
So why are men drawn to women who know how to be selfish in moderation and love themselves, but at the same time do not forget to give warmth to loved ones. Such a woman will not demand that her beloved devote time to her 24 hours a day, will not throw hysterics and scandals if he forgot to call and will not think that she did something wrong if her partner is simply in a bad mood. A significant advantage of normal female pride can be considered that a self-sufficient representative of the fair sex considers it completely unnecessary to meddle in someone else’s life, knows how to wait and forgives insults. She just doesn’t need to assert herself at the expense of a man. She knows her own worth and does not depend on other people's opinions.
A woman who is a mother also needs selfishness. At first glance it sounds strange, but only at first glance. Many mothers are shocked by the instructions on the plane: in the event of a crash, they are instructed to first put the oxygen mask on themselves, and then on the child. In fact, nothing strange. How can a mother help her child if she loses consciousness? No way.
The analogy with everyday life is direct. A morally and emotionally exhausted woman who pays absolutely no attention to herself is also unlikely to be able to give much to her children. Agree, it’s also hard for children every day to see their mother, exhausted by everyday life, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It is precisely from this situation that healthy female egoism protects. No, such a woman does not love only herself. But she also loves herself.
The wife is selfish. What is so good about it? In general, a lot. Judge for yourself: what could a spouse like more: a tired and nervous wife in an old robe and without a trace of makeup, but the table will be bursting with cutlets, borscht and dumplings, and the tiles in the kitchen will sparkle with surgical cleanliness? Or a cheerful and beautiful lifelong friend, but sometimes half of your dinner consists of semi-finished products? Do you know, dear women, that 80% of men prefer the second option? (Apparently, the remaining 20% are domestic tyrants).
If pride crosses the line of reason, this is a special conversation. Your wife will not be in the least concerned about the cleanliness of your shirts, but she herself will spend a significant part of the total budget on caring for her person. If you had different ideas about where to go in the evening, in order to avoid scandal and offense, it is better to refuse your option immediately. Your personal space means nothing to her. With all this, you are constantly to blame. Would you like some advice in this case? Here it is: run!
Why don't people love themselves
As a rule, this is associated with a difficult childhood. For some, their parents instilled complexes through direct influence: “You’re stupid,” “You’re ugly,” “You’re stupid,” “You’re bad,” “I don’t love you,” “It would be better if you didn’t exist,” etc.). And for some, the formation of complexes and a drop in self-esteem are due to the indirect influence of parents:
- low family standard of living;
- alcoholism or other addictions, illnesses, vices of the family or one of its members;
- indifferent attitude towards the child;
- authoritarian parenting style;
- overprotection, which does not allow the child to develop as a person, to know and understand himself;
- emotional coldness towards the child;
- dislike of parents for themselves and each other.
Gradually, the influence of society is added to the influence of parents: peers, educators, teachers, etc. In adult life, they are replaced by colleagues, friends, partners. And here it is impossible to say unequivocally what the influence of these people will be. On the one hand, a person who does not love himself often becomes a victim of bullying, mobbing, and dependent relationships. On the other hand, on his way he may come across people who, by their example, good attitude and love for this person, will help him change his attitude towards himself and begin the path to healing.
Men's manicure
A metrosexual really needs to take exquisite care of himself. From the outside, this does not always make a pleasant impression. Various spas, skin care products - they cannot be indifferent to all this. Men's manicure does not seem like something superfluous to them. Such guys believe that it is necessary to take care of your nails and sincerely condemn girls who do not do this. Usually a metrosexual chooses as his life partner a woman who agrees to share all his interests. Of course, she must have good taste in clothes and be able to carefully take care of herself.
Tips on how to develop self-love
How to love yourself:
- study yourself;
- work on self-esteem;
- develop self-confidence;
- draw up a portrait of your new self;
- make a life plan;
- develop a sense of humor.
The plan for working on yourself differs from case to case. You must decide what exactly you need to fight, and only then select recommendations and exercises for each of the points. For example, there is such a good exercise in psychology for correcting self-esteem and self-acceptance. It is especially suitable for cases where rejection is more related to appearance. What to do:
- compliment yourself in front of the mirror every day, for example, in the morning while washing your face;
- look at yourself in the mirror for five minutes and say: “I love myself”, “I am beautiful/strong/brave”, etc.
Pride and egocentrism
For sociopaths, these 2 extremes are simply off the charts. They literally elevate themselves above other people, focusing only on their privileges and desires. They only consider their own opinion to be exclusively correct, not wanting to listen to anyone else.
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My experience
Here's what helped me love myself:
- Getting rid of toxic people, things, activities. For 1-2 months, I observed and analyzed a lot, and kept a diary of emotions. I tracked what and who drained me, when and why my mood deteriorated. Soon I was able to make a list of what I would have to say goodbye to if I wanted to maintain a stable level of performance and be happy. Then she started saying goodbye.
- Finding something you love. The criteria for the job were as follows: it is related to my education (psychological and pedagogical), does not require leaving home, does not limit development and provides maximum freedom, can feed me. I tried different options for working via the Internet, analyzed my feelings and eventually came to copywriting. And although not all people consider this type of employment stable, I have a feeling of confidence in the future. As a last resort, I know that I can definitely master something else.
- Choosing a hobby. Each person should have their own outlet. You can choose a new hobby or return to old ones. For example, I returned to playing a musical instrument. I also relax when I prepare desserts or bake something.
- Getting rid of complexes. My main complex that I had to fight was being overweight. Because of him, I couldn't accept myself. Having gone through all the stages of “grieving” from the search for a magic pill to strict diets, I came to the only adequate approach: moderate and regular exercise + moderation in food. A well-known joke helped me: “To lose weight, I ate the same thing as everyone else, but half a bucket less.” Of course, food problems also had psychological reasons. I had to work with this too. I had to track when and why overeating or weight gain occurred.
Model haircuts
A metrosexual would never agree to wear the same hairstyle for a long time. He feels the need to constantly change so that the next image does not become boring to him. Model haircuts each time emphasize the momentary mood and, as a rule, a guy is never completely internally satisfied with how he looks. Hair foam for men who are so obsessed with their appearance is the most common body care product.
They are ready to search for a long time for the ideal option for themselves and try products from different cosmetic companies. It seems to such a person that it is impossible to do without mousse for hair styling. For metrosexual men, their own comfort is of great importance. This internal balance is achieved only when the wardrobe is bursting with new things, and the dressing table is all lined with numerous jars and boxes.
Brand clothes
Thinking about what men who take care of themselves are called, one cannot help but note their ability to look good under any circumstances. Guys who focus too much on their appearance choose the most expensive clothes from famous manufacturers. They will never spare money to once again show off in front of society. Many people mistake such men for very wealthy and independent people. However, in reality this is not always true.
A metrosexual guy may well turn out to be the son of rich parents or even live off women. In most cases, it is not difficult for them to start new romances: external attractiveness and the desire to please work. A woman in love often turns a blind eye to a guy’s obvious shortcomings and doesn’t think at all about what men are called who look after themselves too actively. External attractiveness comes to the fore. It is she who fascinates and deprives common sense.
Bisexuals
These people are capable of being attracted to both men and women. They do not give preference to any one gender, and admit that they never know who will become the object of their passion.
It is wrong to assume that bisexuals have not decided on their orientation; they really, by nature, love both men and women equally.
- How I realized that I was bisexual: 3 real stories
Sapiosexuals
If most people are turned on by watching porn, then a sapiosexual can get pleasure from watching the programs “Custom Game” or “What? Where? When?". The thing is that these people are excited by the outstanding intellectual abilities of the object of desire.
It is believed that there are more sapiosexuals among women than among men. For such couples, long philosophizing and intellectual conversations are like foreplay. According to sapiosexuals themselves, they are especially sexually attracted to people who are capable of convincingly changing their own point of view in an intellectual debate. Wasserman, your way out!
