How to learn to be silent. How to learn to remain silent - the psychology of this phenomenon

The folk wisdom “silence is golden” is always relevant, but not everyone adheres to this opinion. With the advent of maturity, having gained life experience, awareness of these words comes and people begin to think about how to learn to remain silent and not say too much.

Communication is a complex process in establishing contacts between people or entire groups. Without communication, society will not exist. No area of ​​life or activity can do without communication, regardless of whether a person prefers company or loneliness, whether he is an introvert or an extrovert. The ability to communicate correctly is a good quality, since both shyness and excessive sociability bring problems to a person.

Every person knows that in certain cases his words can cause pain to the interlocutor, cause aggression or a negative reaction in someone. Learning to remain silent and not say too much is quite difficult, for both women and men. It is required to think ahead and analyze all your thoughts and the consequences of publicizing any information.

People love to talk about all sorts of nonsense, everyday life, and exchange information about life situations. Having had a conversation and showing attention and sincere interest to your interlocutor, it is very difficult to resist saying unnecessary things.

In order not to say too much, you need to think through your words in advance, be one step ahead of the situation, and be able to instantly assess whether it is risky to say what you want to say to your interlocutor while in a specific situation. By learning to think ahead over time, the problem of learning to remain silent will be solved.

Manifestations of silence in everyday life

Silence has a special niche in our lives. There are a number of situations when the question of how to learn to remain silent is not raised, since this is not necessary. Silence is natural and obligatory in the following cases:

  1. Rituals – special events or people deserve to be observed with a moment of silence.
  2. Obligations - a unique version of monastic asceticism, considered worthy of special respect - a vow of silence.
  3. Rights – “You have the right to remain silent” implies time for thoughtful speech.
  4. Secrets - the ability to hide something and not give away other people's secrets has always been highly valued in any person.


Chatterboxes and whiners, nonsense people and idle talkers, gossipers and balalaikas - such unpleasant nicknames for people who torment absolutely everyone around them with their conversations. But they are someone’s lovers, children, grandmothers, brothers, parents! Love and respect for relatives is not a reason to stop being selfish and start changing? New hobbies, sports, education, career, romantic relationships - these are the areas that will fill your life with new impressions, free up energy and distract you from endless and meaningless conversations about nothing.

I hope in your environment, dear readers, there are no or very few such “finds for a spy.” If you know such a person, show humanity and make sure that he reads the article. Perhaps he will recognize himself and want to change. Agree, this will only make you feel better.

And finally, answer the question: which girl in the picture is more attractive and feminine, which husband, when he comes home from work, will want to hug?

And finally, a wonderful video: About the effect of swearing on a person on YouTube

Be sure to check it out and have a nice day!

If you liked the article, please share it with your friends. This is the highest rating for me. See you on the blog.

Best regards, Elena Selivanova

Basic ways to remain silent

How to learn to be silent? Psychology is a science that was one of the first to develop this problem and look for solutions that can help most people. In order to learn to remain silent at the right moment, use the following techniques:

  1. Self-esteem. If you notice an inability to control your speech and often cannot restrain yourself from speaking out, which causes you considerable inconvenience in life, you should first of all understand yourself. Why is this happening? Continuous chatter can signal a weakened nervous system, stress, depression, and other more serious psychological problems. Naturally, it would be best to discuss this with a psychologist. It will help you relieve internal tension, and the situation will definitely improve. However, not every person will see a doctor. Most people believe that they can cope with this problem themselves. You can try to figure it out on your own, but it will be much more difficult.
  2. Meditations. Self-immersion, comprehension. There are many techniques for relaxation, stopping thoughts, achieving inner emptiness, in which one’s inner voice is best heard, one’s personality is revealed, and sometimes very important truths are comprehended.

  3. Loneliness. In order to learn to remain silent, you can step away from society for a while and be alone with yourself. This will provide an excellent opportunity to listen and hear. At the same time, it’s good to listen not so much to music, but to listen to nature: the singing of birds, the murmur of water. Try to evaluate the environment, the whole world and understand your place in it.

How to learn to shut up in time?

To begin with, it’s worth defining that the concept of “talking left and right” can be viewed from different angles. For example, there are people from whom it is very difficult to extract at least a couple of words in a conversation, but once you learn a secret, you can’t stop them.

The desire to gossip arises like a bad habit - something like intoxication after a dose of someone else's “revelation”. The second category of people are those who do not know how to choose words when angry.

The third group are real talkers who love to discuss the weather, politics, and good discounts. Most often, the latter are not particularly keen on gossip - they just love to talk.

However, even in this case, if you suddenly put yourself in this category, you should remember that your loved ones and friends may simply... get tired of endless conversations.

So, how can real gossips learn to keep their mouths shut:

  • First, determine what forces you to retell the details of someone’s secret or personal life - dislike for a certain person or, on the contrary, interest in his person and even envy, a desire to harm this person or simply shake your head over the most unpleasant moments of someone else’s life and assert yourself in own eyes.
  • There is no need to feel sorry for yourself and justify yourself - the desire to gossip does not come from satisfaction with yourself and your own life. Accept it. When you realize that you have problems, there is a chance to become a more honorable person.
  • Try to remind yourself often that when you open your mouth, you are first and foremost talking about yourself as a person. This simple truth can change a lot. As soon as you are tempted to “scratch” your tongue, remember it and think about whether you want to be lower in your own eyes than you deserve.

  • Do you love yourself enough to focus your attention only on your own life, and not scatter it on someone else’s? If not, then you will have to learn such love.
  • Try to think about it - everything comes back to us. If you gossip about others now, there is a huge chance that they will gossip about you later. Of course, many may say that everyone is already discussing each other and you don’t care about it at all.
  • But what if the bones are “grinded” not by you, but by those closest to you - mother, children, husband? Would it be nice to realize that, to some extent, you yourself brought gossip into their lives, thereby exposing them to attack?
  • If you suddenly caught yourself thinking that right now you are ready to start discussing someone behind his back again, imagine this person next to you. Imagine that there is a “bug” hanging on your clothes and the person in question is listening to your speech, or as if he is standing around that corner and carefully watching you, or as if he is standing right here, in front of you.
  • Imagine his face and ask yourself a question - are you ready to tell him what you want to discuss to his face right now? If not, then it’s better to change the topic and talk about the weather.

Ways to remain silent in critical situations

How to learn to remain silent in such situations when emotions are in full swing and there is no opportunity to sit down and calmly meditate or retire, and words just rush out, and you are absolutely sure that you will regret them later?

  1. Breath. When a critical situation arises in which emotions take over and you want to speak out, but this cannot be done, breathing exercises help many. Take a very deep breath and exhale for a long time. For many people, just breathing for a few minutes is enough. The brain will be oversaturated with oxygen, and the physical state will change.
  2. Water. In order to remain silent, you can occupy your mouth with something else - drink water or eat something, chewing it well and not being distracted by extraneous irritants.
  3. Physical exercise. If possible, physical activity can be a good way to distract from unnecessary words. Whatever is most difficult for you: squats, push-ups, presses. In other cases, you can simply run away from an unpleasant conversation in the literal sense of the word.
  4. Painful sensations. Pain can distract you from almost everything in the world. Our body is so physiologically structured that in the presence of pain, it is distracted exclusively by them, everything else loses its significance. You can just pinch yourself. But modern psychologists have long come up with a more interesting method: a regular elastic band for tying banknotes is put on the wrist, and in emergency situations it is pulled back and released. In this case, you can adjust the amount of pain by pulling the elastic band to different lengths. By the way, this method is currently widespread and allows you not only to avoid unnecessary words in a particular situation, but also to prevent this from happening in the future, since the body develops a conditioned reflex: if you blurt out too much, you get pain.

Become your own best friend

Stop expecting other people to make you happy and to second-guess your needs and desires. Make yourself a priority. Do what brings you joy.

Loving yourself as a person is not selfishness, but a necessity. Get rid of negative evaluative statements about yourself: “I’m stupid,” “I’m too fat,” “I’m ruining everything.” Treat yourself with dignity and respect. Then external praise will become an organic bonus, and not a life goal.

Just realize that the only person who is always present in your life - day and night, year after year - is yourself. And when you are in a harmonious relationship with yourself, you don't need other people to fill the holes in your self-esteem.

Calmly explain the reasons for refusal

Although you are not required to explain the reasons for the refusal, it may be helpful. It will be easier for your interlocutor to accept a reasoned refusal, and you will feel fewer pricks of conscience. The main thing is to remember that a simple reluctance to do something is also a fairly good reason.

“Just sharply saying “no” and leaving it at that will be strange in most situations. This is a bit rude. I always briefly explain why I don’t want or can’t take on a specific task. And if I’m generally interested in the project, but don’t have time, I say that I’ll be ready to return to the discussion when I’m done with the current priority tasks,” says Pavel.

“When I refuse candidates, I always give detailed feedback. I explain why we cannot invite a person to work. I'm sure it makes rejection less unpleasant. I do almost the same thing with personal requests. I rarely even say “no” directly, but rather describe why I’m not ready to help,” says Ivan, a recruiter at an international company.


It is noteworthy that these phrases act on some like a tub of ice water splashed onto a heated crown, and on others like a red rag on a bull in a bullfight. Of course, conflict is an extreme manifestation, but a very real reaction to overly talkative people who do not know how to
listen to
their interlocutor, with their uncontrollable chatter they blow their minds, irritate, strain and bring those around them to the boil.
Today we will try to find effective practical tips
on how to learn to remain silent, which will be the key to peace of mind and an excellent help in pleasant communication with loved ones and strangers.

Silent game

An excellent option for working on eliminating talkativeness and training listening skills is the silent game. You can play with your husband, partner, friend or the whole company. Both fun and useful.

The rules are as follows:

  • The game lasts for one person at least 1 hour;
  • You should not speak at all for 1 hour;
  • When you are with another person, you cannot say anything at all. Your partner or friends can say anything and ask anything at this time, but you should not answer;
  • After 1 hour, switch roles

STOP signal

This exercise will also help you learn to restrain yourself.

Ask your husband or close friend, with whom you often spend time communicating, to inform you every time with a movement of his hand/finger/palm/the word STOP (choose yourself) that “you are starting to get carried away.”

An adult himself knows and often understands that the “stream of consciousness” has turned on, but cannot stop. Therefore, the help of a close and understanding person is undoubtedly needed.

After some time of such training, you will be able to stop yourself at the right moment on your own, smoothly moving the conversation in the right direction.

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