How to be calm in any situation without valerian: 7 proven methods

“Calm, only calm” - Carlson’s life motto does not sound childishly wise.

Keeping yourself in control when problems are pouring into your head like a cornucopia is extremely difficult!

In stressful situations, a person resembles a time bomb: a careless word, movement - and an explosion.

Anger and aggression are weapons with a huge damage zone, from which innocent people can suffer. Simply because they fell under the hot hand.

How to stay calm in any situation? Learn to control your emotions and save nerve cells?

Controlling emotions is not a flight to Mars or a nuclear physics problem.

Every person can regulate their internal state. This is especially important if:

  • it is difficult for you to control your behavior;
  • Every little thing gets on your nerves;
  • you often face difficulties and resolve important issues;
  • changes are coming in life;
  • you want to become a reserved and balanced person.

Why control emotions?

Let's think about how often each of us utters such phrases: “I acted so rashly,” “I couldn’t contain my emotions,” and the like? In fact, people tend to justify their own actions by their inability to control their behavior. But such incontinence leads to the destruction of a person’s social contacts, in particular, it negatively affects family relationships, impedes professional fulfillment and career growth, as well as personal development. Therefore, one of the secrets of a successful person can be called calmness - only calmness will help you find the right solution in critical situations and confidently take the necessary measures.

How to develop such a quality in yourself? Where to begin? Below we will tell you how to learn to control your emotions.

Psychology considers the concept of balance as a person’s ability to adequately respond to external stimuli. Thus, by learning to correctly perceive factors of different types and strengths, it is possible to achieve the ability to control one’s own emotions. How can you stop taking the troubles that arise in life too close to your heart? Below we offer several effective ways to solve this problem.

Symptoms of stress

Stress manifests itself at different levels and has devastating effects on the physical, emotional, mental and behavioral areas. Let's talk about everything separately.

Under stress, the body strives to mobilize all its resources, and at the physiological level a whole range of changes are possible:

  • cardiovascular system: changes in blood pressure, hypertension, heart rhythm disturbances, interruptions in heart function, tinnitus;
  • digestive system: lack or decreased appetite (less often - increased appetite), weight loss, abdominal pain, dyspeptic symptoms (nausea, vomiting, belching, heartburn, stool disturbances, heaviness in the stomach);
  • respiratory system: lack of air, inability to take a deep breath, shortness of breath, asthma attacks, frequent colds;
  • musculoskeletal system: muscle spasms, convulsions, constant muscle tone, back pain;
  • integumentary system: rash, allergic reactions, increased sweating;
  • nervous system: headaches, low resistance to stress, low temperature (less often, high temperature);
  • reproductive system: decreased libido.

The next level is emotional, and here the following changes are possible:

  • anxiety, restlessness, premonition of trouble, attacks of causeless panic;
  • causeless irritability and moodiness;
  • emotional decline, sadness, melancholy, depression, suicidal thoughts (separately, tearfulness is noted in women);
  • decreased self-esteem, increased demands on oneself;
  • lack of interests in life, passive behavior;
  • constant tension, difficulty relaxing.

Next, we move on to the intellectual level, at which stress manifests itself as follows:

  • inability to make decisions;
  • memory impairment;
  • obsessive thoughts (mostly negative);
  • difficulty concentrating;
  • absent-mindedness and disorganization.

As for changes in behavior, they manifest themselves as follows:

  • emotional instability (it often leads to conflict situations at work and at home);
  • inattention (it affects performance and appearance);
  • workaholism (one of the responses to stress is going to work);
  • the desire to suppress stress with the help of cigarettes and alcohol (an increase in the quantity and frequency of their use is noted), as well as drugs.

The above symptoms most often appear in combination, rather than one at a time. There is no need to sound the alarm if you suddenly begin to notice one or two manifestations of stress in yourself or someone around you (although you still need to pay attention), but if several of them begin to appear at once, this is already a reason for closer observation and taking appropriate measures.

As you may have noticed, even the symptoms of stress are already a serious shake-up for the body (by the way, regarding the shake-up, stress does not always have only a negative effect, and you can read more about this in our article “Stress: is there any benefit from it and how can it be done?” get"). However, stress can also lead to other consequences, which we will discuss below.

Complete rest

How does a modern person relax after a hard working day? Most often, he devotes no more than 5-6 hours to sleep, while at least 8 hours are necessary for health. In addition, the noise of the city bustle and highways does not allow you to fully restore your strength, and pressing problems do not allow you to relax and fall into a deep, sound sleep. In recent years, there has been a significant increase in various disorders of the nervous system - people more often began to suffer from insomnia, insomia, and postsomic disorders (a feeling of weakness and fatigue after rest). Of course, the lack of proper rest contributes to the development of irritability and excessive emotionality. How to become calm and balanced if you have trouble sleeping? Here are some effective recommendations:

  • You shouldn’t watch TV or surf the Internet right before bed; it’s better to read a book;
  • drink tea with mint and honey - this is a tasty and healthy drink, which also helps to cope with irritation and nervousness;
  • take a hot bath with the herbs of sage, lemon balm, oregano, chamomile - such a pleasant procedure will not only relieve fatigue, but also calm the nervous system, set the body up for the upcoming rest;
  • It is recommended to avoid drinking strong tea and coffee;
  • Don’t forget about a daily walk in the park - fresh air will refresh you, and the picturesque landscape will calm you down.

From theory to practice

If you want to start actively working right now to develop self-control, reduce the level of stress in life, clear your mind and reboot your consciousness, I advise you to take the “Brain Detoxification” course from Vikium, which will help you:

  1. Focus on what's important.
  2. Reduce stress and anxiety levels.
  3. Improve the quality of sleep and rest.
  4. Reduce distraction.
  5. Get rid of toxic thoughts.

The training consists of 10 lessons and practical tasks. You will receive tools and exercises, as well as video and audio materials. At the end of the course, they will give valuable recommendations for independent practice.

Is it worth holding back your emotions?

A leisurely walk along a picturesque alley or relaxing in a comfortable chair with a cup of aromatic herbal tea is certainly a useful pastime for calming the nervous system. But is it worth suppressing emotions when the situation encourages their active manifestation? According to psychologists, such containment of negativity within oneself only aggravates a person’s mental state. Experts recommend dealing with accumulated emotions with the help of hobbies. Each person chooses an activity based on his interests, but psychologists consider art therapy, sports (including extreme sports), and various dance styles to be the most effective hobbies.

Self-control diary

Experts recommend a method such as psychological control to patients who complain of incontinence and imbalance. Its essence lies in observing the reactions that occur in a person to any external stimuli. To do this, psychologists suggest keeping a diary, in which it is recommended to note various conflict situations and the reaction of the person being studied to them. After which the recordings, together with a specialist, must be analyzed, determined and, if possible, eliminated the root cause of incontinence.

In addition to keeping a diary, there are other ways of self-control. For example, such as meditation, switching attention, breathing exercises and others. In addition, the inability to control emotions can be hidden under the guise of humor and a positive attitude towards others.

How to stop being nervous about anything?

For some people, even everyday events are stressful. A person who is nervous about anything cannot enjoy life. Even positive events cause a lot of emotions that he cannot cope with. In such situations, you should use several techniques at once to get rid of this habit forever and return to a positive perception of reality.

Shichko method - getting rid of any bad habit

This method allows a person to get rid of the bad habit of concentrating his attention only on unfavorable events that make him feel anxious and restless.

This method involves keeping a diary, notes in which should be left before going to bed. At the same time, you need to regularly write self-hypnosis texts that will motivate you to obtain the desired result.

In addition, you can insert your photos into your diary (or keep an Instagram), assessing the positive changes in your appearance that have occurred over a certain period.

Before going to bed, it is necessary to consolidate in writing guidelines aimed at eliminating feelings of anxiety from a person’s life. This method allows you to quickly change your approach to life and learn to enjoy every moment.

Involvement in an exciting, interesting business

In cases where it is not possible for a long time to detach yourself from the situation that has caused severe anxiety, you need to switch to a more exciting activity.

Reading an interesting book or playing a computer game will help you get distracted.

A trip to the forest, to a concert, or to another pleasant event will help you to detach yourself from the current unfavorable situation. After stress is relieved, a solution to the problem will be found faster.


Saying affirmation phrases is another technique that allows you to quickly calm down in a stressful situation. To do this, you need to create your own relaxed image in your mind.

You should repeat positive statements in your mind that can quickly improve your mood (I am rich, I am healthy, I am happy, I am famous, I am the best).

When using this method within a few minutes, the effect of reducing nervousness and restoring mental balance is achieved.

Regular laughter

Laughter will help you get rid of the habit of worrying about trifles. Some people lose the ability to laugh. To improve your mood, you can read jokes or watch a funny program. Laughing for a long time will help you get rid of unpleasant thoughts and feelings of anxiety. You should relax in this way as often as possible.


Walking in the fresh air allows you to quickly put your senses in order. It is best to choose a park area for a walk. The sight of trees and well-groomed flower beds helps to quickly get rid of unpleasant thoughts. During your walk, you should concentrate on breathing in fresh air and contemplating nature.

Relaxation massage course

If a person’s work involves solving many problems and the need to be in a state of stress, he should regularly undergo relaxing massage courses to reduce anxiety levels.
You need to tune in in advance to the fact that the professional movements of a massage therapist allow your body and thoughts to acquire the desired lightness.

Observing unpleasant thoughts

Often, intentionally fighting unpleasant thoughts does not give good results. In this case, it is recommended to step back and calmly observe your worries and fears. It is advisable to use this technique in a quiet place where you can relax and close your eyes. Such exercises will allow you to quickly get rid of unpleasant thoughts and see better solutions to problems that arise.


Systematic self-analysis will also help you learn to control the manifestation of negative emotions. Experts recommend devoting a few minutes every day to thinking and understanding the actions and reactions of others to them. It is important that nothing around disturbs you - self-analysis should be carried out in silence and in comfortable conditions for the person. Psychologists recommend looking at yourself from the outside - only in this case can you achieve an objective assessment, after which it is possible to draw the right conclusions. It is recommended to write down the most significant judgments for a person that were formulated as a result of self-analysis - this will increase the effectiveness of self-analysis as a way to achieve balance.


The following books will help supplement the psychologist’s advice on how to cope with anxiety and nervousness:

  1. Sarah Devoe “Relax! 100 ways to enjoy life."
  2. John Medina “Age has nothing to do with it. How to make your brain think quickly and remember a lot.”
  3. Gary John Bishop “Worry Less, Live More.”
  4. Ruby Wax “Tame Your Brain!”
  5. Virginie Grimaldi “You will understand when you grow up.”
  6. Dan Katz “The Lizard in Your Head.” Funny comics that will help you better understand yourself and everyone around you.”

There is also a wonderful video from Mikhail Labkovsky that will help you control your emotions:

Useful tips

In addition to what has already been said, we will share simple but effective tips on how to become calm and balanced:

  1. Create comfort around you. When a person is uncomfortable in any room, irritation and aggressiveness arise. Therefore, it is so important to correctly create the interior not only at home, but also at work. You should be guided by the principle: “You don’t need what is expensive, but what you like.”
  2. Minimize communication with people who have a negative attitude towards the world around them and often complain about life.
  3. Determine your own priorities and set a clear goal.
  4. Practice time management - time control will reduce the likelihood of critical situations and streamline your daily routine.
  5. Don't leave unfinished tasks.

If you don’t know how to become calm and balanced, you should seek professional help from specialists, in particular a psychologist and neurologist.

First steps in the fight against stress

To successfully deal with stress, you need not only to know what methods are used to overcome it (we will discuss them below), but also to understand how it occurs, and also be able to identify sources of pressure. Let's talk about everything in order.

Determining the stage of stress

Understanding the stages in which stress develops is required in order to correctly determine options for its subsequent treatment, as well as to realize how advanced the situation is. To describe the stages of stress progression, it is best to refer to the concept of Canadian physician Hans Selye, first described in 1936 in his work describing the general adaptation syndrome.

Selye named three stages of stress, each of which gradually flows into the other:

  • First stage. The human body is in a state of shock and strives to overcome irritating factors, for which it produces more energy. The feeling of anxiety increases.
  • Second stage. It can be called the stage of resistance, when the body tries to develop a certain immunity (we recommend that you read the material “How to develop immunity against stress”). The volume of hormones that increase stress and depress a person is reduced. There is balance and calmness, and the disappearance of feelings of anxiety.
  • Third stage. Under the influence of stress, the body begins to deplete. The psycho-emotional state worsens, the body's resistance to stress factors decreases, and the feeling of anxiety increases. If this condition continues for a long time, changes begin to occur at the physiological level.

In the case of each individual person, each stage has its own duration. In addition, all stages are individual for individual situations. They can last for several minutes or several weeks.

This information is sufficient for a person to determine the progression of stress in his or her own case. But all this is mostly theoretical. The practice of working with stress begins directly with identifying the source of stress and its possible elimination.

Identifying the Source of Stress

Even the barking of a neighbor's dog can be a source of powerful psycho-emotional disturbance. However, such things are perceived by a person as ordinary; they fit quite harmoniously into the array of daily events, and therefore in most cases they are not the main irritant.

People tend to think of the real stress maker as something much larger. This could be, for example, an endlessly yelling boss at work or an economic crisis in the country. But this is still a fallacy, and in reality the situation is completely different from what most people believe.

If we start looking for the starting point, we will find it in the barking dog. When we are cheerful and full of energy, we perceive almost all external stimuli relatively objectively and adequately. But when we didn’t get enough sleep because of the dog’s barking, irritation begins to take hold of us, and through its prism we begin to perceive everything that happens.

As a result, after a while we begin to “seem”, commit rash actions, and “break wood.” And the neighbor’s dog has no idea that her barking puts pressure on our psyche and that it is because of it that our lives are filled with problems and relationships with loved ones suffer.

We have described the simplest situation, although in real life not everything is so simple, and the causes of stress are often not so obvious. But still, in the vast majority of situations, you can do without the help of a specialist to understand the problem and find its true cause - the source of stress.

To begin with, you can use the simplest technique to help you understand what is causing pressure. You take a piece of paper and a pen and, in chronological order, write down all the negative events that have happened recently. After this, it is enough to conduct a small analysis of everything that was written in order to get to the bottom of the truth.

And to help in the search for this truth, psychologists have even developed several special auxiliary questions to answer the main question: “Where did it all start?” To determine the primary source of stress, you need to ask yourself (questions are asked in this order):

  • When did the changes start?
  • What happened before the changes?
  • How has the world around you changed?
  • How has my attitude towards what is happening changed?
  • How has my attitude towards people changed?

On the same topic, we recommend reading the article “Questions to yourself to cure stress” so that the search for the cause of stress will be more thorough and painstaking. And remember that you need to answer these questions as honestly as possible - this way you can really help yourself by becoming a true friend and useful advisor. But the real work, of course, is not in thinking and answering questions, but in applying effective ways to deal with stress.

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