How to be calm under pressure: at home, at work and in society

How to be a calm person when society and loved ones put pressure on you? Three ideas on how to become calmer under any circumstances.

This article contains videos and articles on the topic of managing your emotional state. A set of additional materials at the end of the article.

Pressure is present everywhere and always. Every person tries to put pressure on other people and force them to do what he wants. This is how the world works.

Since childhood, a small child puts pressure on his mother. He shouts: “Mom, I want to eat!” He doesn’t know the word “mom” yet, but he’s already trying to influence her with his scream.

The child grows up and educators, teachers and the whole world begin to put pressure and influence on him. Work begins. And the greatest pressure is when a person gets married. How to be calm in any situation?

Watch the full video on how to be calm under pressure.

The value of solitude

Quiet introverted people see the beauty in being alone. A calm person can be invited to a party on the weekend, but he will politely refuse, preferring to spend time with his cat or his favorite book. Such personalities may seem strange to some, but extroverts have a lot to learn from them.

In today's world of traffic and noise, quiet, calm people are often forgotten. Although sometimes they themselves are glad of this, because they have more time for their favorite activities. Quiet people are always involved in some kind of creative work, so they are more often artists, musicians, writers, etc.

Found a violation? Report content

Characteristics of calm people

Psychologists call such a person a phlegmatic person. This is a separate type of temperament. He is characterized by the qualities of slowness, restraint and taciturnity. This means that a very calm person rarely expresses his true emotions. However, such people are not devoid of feelings. After all, various emotions are always raging inside them. Because every person experiences stress when making serious decisions. Calm personalities are no exception. They may appear completely emotionless on a date or job interview. However, internal experiences affect them. This is reflected in physiology: hands shake, pupils dilate or contract.

Among a large number of people, it is easiest to identify calm individuals. After all, they show themselves as a reserved and pedantic person. Also, this type of people avoids disputes and quarrels in every possible way. Phlegmatic people think for a long time before making a decision.

Reasons why you can lose peace of mind

In fact, there are many reasons in the world due to which you can lose peace of mind and balance. But let’s highlight the most important ones:

1. Fear . Fear of some event that is going to happen in the future often disturbs us and our peace of mind. All these events that are not connected with the present moment disturb us in advance, we suffer and worry about them. And this happens until this event occurs and we see the result.
2. Guilt before some person. Guilt is essentially an inner voice that reproaches us from within because we didn’t do something or simply offended someone. The feeling we experience weighs heavily on our thoughts. The most unpleasant thing in such situations is that we do not know how to atone for our sin and seem to be in a state of expectation of some kind of miracle.
3. The burden of circumstances . This concept is the fact that we have undertaken to do something, but subsequently we cannot complete it due to some circumstances. Having made a promise, we simply cannot keep it.
4. Resentment . Very often a person loses his calm because someone has offended him. Injured pride constantly reminds us of this factor and does not allow us to calm down on our own for quite a long time.
5. Aggression and anger . These factors also have a depressing effect on the balance of the soul.

How to find peace of mind in the above circumstances.

1. Very often, factors such as resentment, guilt or fear lead us away from reality. We constantly worry about situations that should happen or have already happened, but you just need to learn to live in the present moment and be content with what you have in the present.
2. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone perceives it adequately. Having made a mistake, you need to learn to admit your guilt and experience it appropriately , and not torment yourself because of it for a long time.
3. Learn to say “no ” immediately if you realize that you cannot do what you have been asked to do. By refusing right away, you will not give the person hope and will not worry about the fact that you cannot fulfill your promise.
4. Learn to forgive the offense immediately, and do not wait for the moment when the offender asks you for forgiveness. This may not happen at all, and your peace of mind will be lost for a long time.
5. Everyone experiences negative emotions. But you should be able to release them on time. Just don’t show your anger and irritation in public. This can also lead to negative consequences and you will spoil not only your own peace of mind, but also that of the people around you.

What does soft character mean?

Many people value a gentle character very much, considering it to be a blessing. This is a rare phenomenon that is not often seen these days. A gentle character is:

• When you choose peaceful methods to end a conflict because you know that violence leads us nowhere. It only increases the quality of hatred.

• When people and their feelings are more important to you than just physical issues and materials. You are a person, a thinking person.
• When you have a constant desire to help others in the best possible way, because when you see pain anywhere, you bring out the mother within you who is always ready to nourish others.
• Sometimes people can take advantage of your gentle nature by playing mind games and realizing that you have powerful intuition and you know it, but you still decide to help them because you are strong enough to not allow others to weaken your strength.

Being a gentle person is good, but you must also become stronger. Don't get too attached to anything, and also try not to expect anything in return. Otherwise it will end up hurting you. This is why people these days don't consider a gentle nature a good quality (they don't want to be offended).

Intonation

It is not for nothing that in the Russian language there are so many different definitions applied to this characteristic of speech. Intonations can be “capricious”, “bored”, “hysterical”, “ingratiating”. The maximum amount of information can be obtained by carefully listening to the tone in which the interlocutor speaks to us.

No other characteristic of speech is so revealing! It is intonation that gives us the opportunity to recognize the character of the person with whom we communicate.

In order to understand who we are dealing with, it is enough to choose an exact definition of the tone that our communication partner most often uses.

Capricious intonations are characteristic of people accustomed to comfort and satisfaction of any of their needs; ingratiating ones - unsure of themselves; whiny - irresponsible. An imperative tone is a sign of arrogance and power, an arrogant tone is a sign of narcissism. You can continue this list yourself, based on your own observations.

Conversation intonations

In addition, it is worth considering that the perception of our words by others directly depends on what intonation we use. A harmless phrase uttered arrogantly and disrespectfully can take on an offensive sound and cause conflict. And even the most unthinkable request, expressed in the right tone, will be fulfilled. Therefore, we can avoid misunderstanding, inadequacy and unnecessary tension in relationships if we learn to first monitor the intonations we use, and then consciously select the appropriate tone of speech for the situation.

Temperament: 4 types of human temperament

A person’s temperament can be called a kind of biological foundation on the basis of which the personality itself is formed.
These are social properties of the psyche that determine the dynamics of mental activity, behavior and social adaptation of people. Hippocrates is considered to be the founder of the doctrine of types of temperament. He argued that people are divided depending on the ratio of the four main substances of the body: black bile, yellow bile, phlegm and blood. Claudius Galen supported the idea of ​​Hippocrates and wrote an entire scientific treatise called “Right Measure”.

Take a temperament and extroversion/introversion test.

Disadvantages of a choleric person

Cholerics have a strong-willed character.

Type of nervous system: unbalanced, unrestrained, overly mobile.

A choleric person takes on any difficult task, no matter how difficult it is. Such people are excellent speakers, they are eloquent and convincing in almost any dispute.

Choleric people are not vindictive, they quickly forget grievances and cannot hold within themselves for a long time a feeling of anger towards the offender.

Cholerics are excellent leaders; they can organize people and make difficult decisions for them. In a critical situation, a choleric person is able to group, repel the enemy, and protect a weak person.

The choleric person is not restrained in his statements in relation to current events, and can sometimes become rude.

Cholerics have a certain tendency to dominate other people. Often people with such temperaments are prone to rapid mood changes and excessive gesticulation.

In the love sphere, the choleric person is quite jealous, and for him the loved one becomes a kind of property. People with this type of temperament quickly fall in love and become attached to another person. Sometimes choleric people in relationships are prone to anger and scandals.

Choleric children are quite capricious and are often the center of attention in the family. A child can use his emotions to achieve the desired result. Such children are often capricious, show hyperactivity in adolescence, and may become interested in sports or music, but they quickly become bored with their hobbies.

The main disadvantages of a choleric person include:

• Excessive haste in your actions and actions;
• Cholerics are not patient;
• Excessive impulsiveness and imbalance;
• Excessive straightforwardness and harshness when communicating with other people;
• Aggression that occurs periodically;

Psychologists recommend that choleric people learn to work on themselves. This work should include the ability to control oneself in any conflict situations. Often choleric people make rash decisions and literally throw themselves into the pool headlong. The ten-second tactic suits them, which consists of mentally counting to ten before making an important decision or expressing an opinion.

A phlegmatic person is a balanced person who carefully thinks through his every step. Usually such people have an analytical mind and look at life around them soberly.

Phlegmatic people are quite lazy, often prefer not to be active and go with the flow. They are always calm and unperturbed. Even if they have experienced stress or an unpleasant life situation, they do not always show their temper.

It is difficult to anger a phlegmatic person; his nervous system is like a scale keeping balance. If it is difficult to bring him to simple emotions, then making him show activity or joy is even more difficult.

In other words, the phlegmatic type of human temperament is recognized as the most balanced and emotionally stable.

Phlegmatic people do not immediately make contact with people; they need time to assess the situation. A sudden change in the environment is like a tragedy for them and it is very difficult to bear. These people do not like active entertainment, they like a cozy home environment, and often prefer to spend time alone with themselves.

Phlegmatic people are painstaking and diligent in their work, they have a good memory and can remember large amounts of information.

Phlegmatic people are rather closed and hidden; they are reluctant to show sympathy for another person. But if a phlegmatic person likes a representative of the opposite sex, then he will do everything to achieve his favor.

It is quite difficult to find friends with a phlegmatic person; he does not make contact well. But if a person with this type of temperament finds a friend, then this friendship can last a lifetime. For phlegmatic people, family is a kind of fortress in which they feel comfortable. Such people get married late and may spend a long time searching for a partner.

• They are often not receptive, do not take initiatives, and react poorly to external stimuli;
• They may be stingy with emotions, slow to get involved in work, and have poor contact with people around them;
• Difficulty adapting when changing living conditions;

Psychologists recommend that phlegmatic people be active people and avoid lethargy and laziness.

Melancholic people are prone to attacks of despair and depression. The temperament of such people is sluggish and pessimistic. Any event, even a minor one, makes a melancholic person worry. He does not know how to enjoy life, and sees it exclusively in a negative tone. Sadness and melancholy can cover such a person for no reason; melancholic people often experience a feeling of self-pity.

People with this type of temperament have to resort to secrecy and suppression of emotions. They experience everything within themselves, which is why depressive mental states appear. Psychologists note that a huge number of people who commit suicide are melancholic.

A melancholic person reacts slowly to external stimuli, does not remember information well, and often suffers from a lot of complexes and an excessively low level of personal self-esteem. Motor activity is sluggish and inexpressive.

Melancholic people cannot work intensively and monotonously, as they necessarily need rest or short breaks to stabilize their psychological state. In a social environment, such people are lethargic, uncommunicative, and it is difficult for them to find a soul mate or a close friend. It is difficult for them to be active and cheerful. They choose sanguine or choleric people as people, since this choice is explained by the melancholic’s subconscious desire to be taken care of.

It can be difficult for melancholic people to arrange their personal life. Often a big role in the fiasco of love relationships is played by their indecision and cowardice. They choose a strong person as their life partner. There are also advantages to this type of temperament.

Melancholic people are kind, vulnerable, and will always share the last thing they have. They subconsciously want to help a person in need.

• Emotional instability, indecisiveness, lack of self-confidence and strength;
• Difficulty with the perception of the surrounding world, vulnerability, pessimism;
• Tendency to depressive mental states;

Psychologists strongly recommend that melancholic people not close themselves off. Try to explore the world, travel, communicate with new people. You can try mentoring to improve your personal self-esteem. Engage in active sports, dancing, any creativity. A melancholic person needs to be close to loved ones and friends, and not withdraw into himself and his feelings.

Take a temperament and extroversion/introversion test

How to add toughness to a soft character?

Here are some recommendations that will help you make your soft character tougher (in the good sense of the word):

• Listen first, but don't forget to speak up.
• Let your actions speak for you.
• Accept praise, but always give credit.

• Stop looking for approval from others.
• Learn to say no.
• Put your comfort before the comfort of others.
• Don't let unkind people take advantage of your responsiveness.

Calm Benefits

Calm is a state of mind in which there are no internal contradictions and conflicts, and the perception of external objects around you is equally balanced.

Thanks to calmness, a person is able to:

1. Overcome internal contradictions and external obstacles;
2. Free yourself from self-doubt, your complexes and fears;
3. Self-improvement;
4. Attract others to yourself;
5. Be confident in your abilities;
6. Think correctly and take thoughtful actions.