How can you learn to communicate with people and become an interesting conversationalist?

Why are some people able to find a common language in a matter of minutes without any problems and win the trust of complete strangers, while others are unable to come to an agreement even with their relatives? There is only one answer to this question: these people have different communication skills.

One of the most effective and at the same time simple ways to improve your communication skills can be expressed in just one phrase - be a good listener.

The ability to listen is that you do not simply close your mouth so that your interlocutor has time to insert a few phrases. You must really listen carefully and interestedly to other people's words. Not only will this help you build rapport, but it's also a great way to show respect for the other person.

When people feel this way about themselves, it immediately changes the atmosphere of your relationship. Just remember how great it felt when someone listened intently to you while you passionately talked about an event that was important to you.

All people want to be heard. By giving them this opportunity, you will immediately make many friends. Just don’t pretend: follow the story, ask clarifying questions, respond to key points. Sometimes this is not so simple, especially if your interlocutor does not shine with oratory skills.

In addition to listening skills, you may find a few other tips useful to help improve your communication skills.

Content

• What determines the quality of communication?
• What is the most important thing in communication?
• Listening technology
• Hearing technology
• Micro-hearing technology
• Establishing a confidence distance
• Stories about yourself
• Questioning and interrogation technology
• Humor and irony
• Technology and types of non-negotiation
• Ending a conversation
• Answers to listener questions

We see that the communication process is curtailed very much. People talk to each other less and less. If you used to be amazed by situations when a young couple was sitting in a cafe and both were staring at their phones (it was like a symbol of a new era), now this is so common that it no longer surprises anyone.

That is, people gradually forget how to communicate. But if you can’t stop this trend for everyone, then for people who have their heads on their shoulders, for them it can be slowed down. That is why we chose this webinar topic.

If a person thinks incorrectly, then he cannot speak correctly. Today, lengthy discussions do not fit into the pace of time and the thinking of the future. Therefore, in order to speak well, you need to think well.

Why is it so important to become sociable?

The ability to connect and develop relationships with other people has a powerful, positive impact on your entire life. Whether you want to improve your personal relationships or improve your business communication, it's important for you to know how to become sociable.

Communication skills are the key to building and developing friendly relationships and creating a strong social support network. Communication skills help you achieve your goals without compromising the values ​​of others.

People who do not have experience in the field of effective communication do not know how to behave correctly in various situations during the communication process. Some of us have the necessary skills, but lack the confidence to use them. Either way, with practice you will increase your confidence and improve your communication skills.

Build your confidence by interacting with other people. Develop communication skills that will increase your ability to build successful relationships.

A person is not born with the experience of effective communication. Like any skill, it is learned through trial and error and repetition through practice.

How to learn to communicate with people

The quality of communication with others depends on the following skills:

• listening, hearing and micro-hearing;
• establishing a trust distance;
• clarification of the picture of the world;
• finding common interests;
• stories about useful incidents or about yourself;
• reporting emotionally memorable events;
• the use of irony and humor;
• maintaining the correct information tempo;
• the ability to hold back;
• the ability to maintain the face of the interlocutor;
• the ability to package a conversation and its result.

There are types of art where if there is no skill, then nothing will work (for example, physical wrestling). The joyful point is that in the art of communication, even if these skills have not been acquired, the very moment when a person remembers that “this is the way to do it” will already help.

Ways to develop children's communication skills

The easiest way to develop effective communication skills in preschoolers is through play. For this purpose, didactic and board games are used, as well as joint play activities with older children, adults and teachers. During it, children learn interpersonal communication, cooperation, can express emotions and relieve internal tension (for example, the exercise “Roar, lion, roar - knock, train, knock”). Children overcome shyness, develop team spirit, and their enthusiasm for communication and interaction grows (for example, the “Magic Wand” exercise).

The socio-game method is also popular for developing the communication skills of preschoolers, which involves organizing activities as a life-game between microgroups of children. The teaching methodology is aimed at developing the individual qualities of children and revealing their creative potential.

Work in microgroups consists of several stages:

1. Grouping according to various principles (by gender, month of birth, color of clothing, counting rhyme, etc.);
2. Coming up with a name for the team;
3. Appointment of a messenger who receives an assignment from the teacher;
4. Group independent work process;
5. Presentation of results and their joint discussion.

Activities for working in a microgroup can be different. For example, as a task to create a working atmosphere, children can fill out a “Mood Map”, in which children note in what mood they came to class, draw a sun, a leaf or a cloud.

Another example of a game is “Writing by Air.” The leader, whom the children choose themselves, “writes” a number, letter or geometric figure in the air, and other children from the team guess what was written or drawn. At the end of each lesson, children exchange impressions.

In the process of such joint work, cooperation skills, the ability to hear another, the ability to make contact and other important components of a complex of communication skills are effectively developed.

What is the most important thing in communication?

Talk less, listen more

There is nothing new in this. Even in ancient times they said - keep your ears open and your mouth closed.

Draw information for a conversation from the conversation itself

To make a conversation interesting, it is very important to draw information for the conversation from the conversation itself. A conversation where one person tells what he knows, and then the other tells what he knows (such alternating monologues) is not a real conversation.

Real conversation occurs when a new subtopic emerges from what the other person answered. Then the conversation has unlimited food for itself. And here microhearing plays a big role, which will be discussed later.

Be not withdrawn, but not intrusive either

It is very correct when you talk no longer than the interlocutor wants. You need to say a little less than he wants to hear from you.

In addition, any conversation either brings closer or furthers the distance between people. She hesitates within the conversation. And it is very important not to press the distance, not to close the distance when the interlocutor does not want it.

In other words, the interlocutor should want to talk to you a little more than you want to talk to him. This is the correct position. Of course, if two masters meet, then it is impossible for there to be such a gap, only in this case the conversation will be completely equal.

The speaker is the seller, the listener is the buyer

How does the dialogue happen? The seller sold something (said something). Does this mean that the buyer bought what he said? Does not mean. He turned this product over in his hands and can put it back in place. It seems like I heard it, but didn’t take it into account.

He may ask a question, ask questions, ask questions, and then NOT buy the product. This is always a big disappointment for the seller - when he explained, told, proved, but his product was never bought.

But this means that when the seller sold the goods, he did not feel the buyer. I didn’t feel that he had already made an internal decision - not to buy - and titanic efforts were needed for him to buy.

Just as in a market economy the buyer is slightly higher in rank than the seller, so in communication, the listener is slightly higher in rank than the speaker. It also happens the other way around, but in general the situation is exactly like this.

For example, there is now a typical picture when an elderly man is talking to a girl (or sitting in a cafe, or walking somewhere on the street) and he talks and talks - it’s clear that he is selling a product. And I feel a little sorry for him, since it’s clear that the girl is looking somewhere with a detached look, she seems to be listening, but it’s clear that she’s not really buying the product.

Here is such a scene, it always hurts the eye, because a person tries, but he does not understand the other person.

What role do you most often play in a conversation?

Stage 2. Expanding your social circle

As strange as it may sound, to become more sociable, you need to communicate more. There are a few simple techniques that can move you in this direction.

Change your routine habits

Visit different stores, take new routes to work, dine in different cafes. Even during working hours, when going to the toilet, you can go up to another floor or go to the opposite end of the corridor. Every day you will see new faces, and this is a great opportunity for dating and communication.

Use social networks

Many people underestimate social networks, not realizing how often virtual communication leads to very promising real acquaintances. The main thing is not to be shy about inviting people to meetings, you can even offer to meet in a small group (if it is a group associated with common interests).

Don't mince your words

Often we limit ourselves to a simple “Please!” when we helped a colleague, or “Thank you!” when we received help. But it’s much better to say “Please! I’m sure you would help me too!” or “Thank you! And please contact me if you need help!” Phrases like these break through barriers and bring people together.

Combine business with pleasure

An interesting and exciting activity may well serve as a catalyst for new friendships. You can sign up for courses or trainings where there will be people with the same interests. Joint activities are an excellent opportunity to meet new people and start communicating. There are also special interest clubs that anyone can join, for example, there is a club for those who like to play “Mafia” in almost every city.

Invite and accept invitations

Like in the movie “Always Say Yes!” Do not refuse invitations when you are invited somewhere, and also try to invite someone yourself. This is a great way to become more sociable without creating an uncomfortable environment for yourself. You can choose how you spend your time. At best, it will be a pleasant date or a friendly conversation, at worst, it will simply be a valuable communication experience.

Don't be afraid to hear "No"

We are designed in such a way that every “No!” burns us. Therefore, adults experience panic fear of rejection and miss a lot of opportunities in life. But you don’t have to be afraid of the word “no.” Start breaking your usual behavior patterns. When you see a cute stranger (or stranger) at a bus stop, don’t hesitate to start talking. Even if the acquaintance does not work out, you will not lose anything, but will only gain valuable experience.

In conclusion, let's discuss such a simple, but at the same time such a complex question:

Listening technology

The technique of listening is to really listen and look like a person who is listening to another. Look like you are listening not only for the one who is speaking, but also for other people - otherwise you reduce the rank and image of the speaker. In this technology, you need to remember the following rules.

You must look at the speaker at least 20% and no more than 80% of the time

Why such percentages? Well, here I believe psychologists. It seems like they did a study and came up with the following theses:

• if the speaker is not interested in the listener, then the listener looks at him less than 20%;
• if the listener is only interested in the personality of the speaker, but not the content of his speech, then the listener looks at him more than 80%. Therefore, within this framework of 20-80 you need to try to keep your attention.

You need to think about the words of your interlocutor

After all, his information is unevenly distributed - some things are more important, others less important. Therefore, if it is clear that for the speaker a certain thesis is something serious, then you need to really think about this thought.

And it should be clear that you really thought about it - this is respect for your interlocutor. When a person doesn’t think, it makes a bad impression.

Before, when I started consulting, I often answered the question right away. If they ask me something, I answer right away. And then I realized that this was not right. In what sense is it wrong?

First, I need to think - maybe I’ll come up with something better. But that's not all. And if I thought, then the person understands that I thought about what he said, and not that I pulled ready-made recipes out of my pocket. Therefore, it is important to think about the words of your interlocutor. Sometimes, even if both are silent, it’s not bad for a conversation.

You need to support the speaker with your facial expressions

It is very important. I often gave interviews and remembered one journalist. She differed from other journalists in that she did not interrupt at all when I spoke. Only with facial expressions - she supported, was surprised, asked again. Such a dialogue, when one speaks and the other supports with facial expressions, I believe that this is a high class of journalism.

There is no need to interrupt the speaker until there is a pause.

Further speaking should be encouraged with interested anticipation.

For example, a person paused, and you feel that he still has something to say - don’t rush to speak, take this pause. This is all you need to do to be a good listener.

Why is it so important to be a good listener? The fact is that a good listener is much rarer than a good speaker. A good listener is someone who is interested in the speaker.

A good listener will make any non-talker talk and will extract interesting stories from anyone, because he draws food from the conversation itself. It is a higher art to listen well.

Universal topics for conversation

How to become easier in communication and be an interesting interlocutor? To do this you need to work hard. First, decide on topics that are close to you.

For example, animals. Almost everyone loves them. Even if you encounter someone who hates animals, you will have something to argue about. Start collecting interesting facts about animals, jokes and stories. This will help you come across as cheerful and stop being shy. Study the opinions of animal rights activists and their opponents. Watch discussion shows. They will help you understand how to become a good conversationalist.

It is important for you not to become a walking encyclopedia, periodically providing scattered information. To be interesting, you need to engage others in conversation. A sociable person always strives to involve others in a discussion. Therefore, the approach even to such a simple topic should be versatile. It can be viewed through the prism of psychology. For example, discuss a man who, feeling angry at his wife, secretly kicks her cat. Raise social problems, such as doghunting or grannies keeping dozens of half-starved cats, etc. You can present this topic with a humorous “sauce”. Only a variety of viewing angles will help you hold the attention of your interlocutors and become more talkative.

The topic of weather is considered a lifesaver in case the conversation has dried up and there is an awkward pause. However, some people get lost and don’t go beyond the phrase “the weather is nice today.” To prevent the conversation from fading in the first 2-3 statements, study the topic of natural phenomena. Remember the most amazing weather anomalies that have ever happened. Check global weather reports periodically. On Earth, hail, floods, and unprecedented heat regularly occur. You will have something to share with your interlocutor. By the way, you can study the weather on other planets. As soon as you develop your erudition, you will immediately feel how you become relaxed and easy to communicate.

Here's another example of how to develop sociability using a common topic. Health is a universal topic. You can talk with young people about healthy eating, vitamins and antivitamins, and with representatives of the older generation - about herbal medicine. Study the issue thoroughly. It is not enough to know that chamomile is brewed for coughs. Every coin has two sides. Herbs have benefits and contraindications. There are often cases when the ambulance did not have time to save people after taking harmless herbal teas. Study similar cases. Take an interest in newfangled diets, their downside, uncontrolled use of hormones and anabolic steroids. Tell us about it. However, be wary of becoming argumentative.

Hearing technology

You need to hear everything that is said

This means simply physically hearing. To do this, you must first of all not be distracted. A person is mainly distracted by some visual temptations and distracted by his thoughts.

Moreover, he is distracted by his thoughts in different ways. Sometimes it’s simply because the person is talking rather boringly and you don’t want to waste time. But sometimes it’s the other way around - he says something so important that you immediately have your own thought, you want to think about it further and you get distracted, you don’t hear what the person said next.

In this case, it is important for the one who is speaking to feel it and give the person a pause to think about some of the words.

You need to understand what is being said

Not only to hear in the sense that you can repeat what was said, but also to understand what is being said. And this is more difficult - you have to strain, sometimes ask again. You have to pack everything that is said in your head.

When you listen, there must also be a parallel process of memorization. A normal person remembers well the essence of what is said if he was able to pack it in his head - compactly, briefly, most importantly, and all this while listening.

Therefore, during pauses, you need to compactly retell what you heard, and sometimes even specifically stop the speaker, retell the essence of what was said and get confirmation that you understood everything correctly.

What kind of interesting interlocutors are they?

It turned out that an interesting interlocutor is a person who has three key traits:

• The ability to listen.
• The ability to improvise.
• Love for life.

Let's take it in order. By “listening ability,” experts mean a keen interest in another . People love to talk about themselves. But if everyone is focused only on their own person, it is unlikely that an interesting, rich conversation will begin between people.

The golden rule: one speaks, the other listens.

The ability to improvise is the ability to maintain a conversation on any topic . Flights to Mars, Fitzgerald's early work, North Korean foreign policy - you cannot know in advance what interests your opponent. But you don't need to. If his sphere of interests does not come into contact with yours, but you are interested in this person, it is enough to say, “I don’t know anything about this, but I’m very interested. Tell me more!”

And this is where the ability to love life and take an active interest in it will come in handy. Simply put, stay curious. Read, watch movies, scroll through the news. Develop in those areas that make you burn. This will make you attractive to others, and at the same time tell you how to communicate with them.

Micro-hearing technology

Micro-hearing technology means that you need to notice hesitations, pauses, voice changes, sighs, slips of the tongue, changes in facial expressions, posture, and sometimes emphasize such little things.

Sometimes you need to ask about identified accents

For example, “why are you so animated when you tell this?” This has twofold benefits. Firstly, the person understands that he was listened to carefully. Secondly, this may push him to some new story - very interesting, and sometimes simply important, from what he did not dare to tell you.

Observe changes in nonverbal behavior

Changes not only in facial expressions, but also in posture. You need to interpret this for yourself, and sometimes out loud. That is, you need to report your feelings on the behavior of your interlocutor.

Making assumptions about the unsaid

“Perhaps this is because?” It will be easier for you to remember if you expressed a version, but it turned out to be wrong.

You need to consider what is said that is confidential.

For yourself, you know what is best to remain a secret. But what is confidential for the interlocutor? Sometimes it's better to ask the speaker about it.

It is important to make sure that your retelling is better than the story of your interlocutor and that he liked it

When, after the retelling, he said: “Well, yes, actually,” you need to stop him after these words. The ability to retell is especially important for those involved in management consulting.

A person cannot be a consultant if he cannot retell a story about some events or problems better than he was told. He may not tell you in so much detail, but his story should make the main point clearer.

Stool syndrome

A person is included in communication with his own kind from the moment of birth. Therefore, all our basic communication skills are formed at a “preconscious” age. Our usual methods of communication are very quickly automated and become stereotyped. And over the years, it may turn out that the skills formed in childhood “lag behind” and do not correspond to new communicative tasks and situations of adult life.

Here's a simple example. One of the basic communication skills is self-presentation - introducing yourself to your communication partner(s). Self-presentation involves measured and selective self-disclosure. That is, it is important not to dump all the shocking details about “your loved one” on your interlocutors, but to provide exactly as much information as is necessary to form a positive impression of you and (most importantly!) to achieve the goal of communication.

Now imagine, say, the boy Vasya, who grew up with “stool syndrome.” “Stool syndrome” (this is a comic name, not a scientific term) occurs in children whose parents in every possible way cultivate their giftedness (even if it is actually absent) and demonstrate it to others. If guests come to such a family, the parents immediately loudly announce: “And now our Vasenka will read a poem / play the violin / sing!” After which Vasenka finds herself in the center of everyone’s attention (she stands on a real or hypothetical stool) and demonstrates her talents to everyone.

Gradually, the child develops the following attitude: “I must begin communication by demonstrating my talents, I must delight everyone and be the center of everyone’s attention.” How useful do you think such a communication skill would be during, say, important business negotiations? Surely you are familiar with such characters who, instead of focusing on the matter at hand, “pull the blanket over themselves.” They are ready to do anything, even disrupt negotiations, just to draw attention to their person. Such people do not possess the skill of self-presentation at a conscious level, routinely reproducing the “stool syndrome” formed in childhood.

8 Basic Communication Skills:

1. Orientation in a communication situation (including understanding of goals, roles, motivation of participants).
2. Establishing contact, starting communication (and a symmetrical skill - ending communication).
3. Self-presentation.
4. Receiving information from the interlocutor (active and passive listening, using questions, reading “body language”, etc.).
5. Providing information (presentation).
6. Emotional regulation and self-regulation.
7. Psychological influence (persuasion, suggestion) and resistance to influence.
8. Providing feedback.

Of course, there are also more complex communication skills, such as those related to negotiations or public speaking in front of a large audience. But without sufficient mastery of basic communication skills, mastering higher-level skills/abilities will be problematic.

Establishing a confidence distance

It is necessary to establish a trust distance

To do this, you need to correctly build role relationships. Each of us plays many roles in relation to the other. You can be a neighbor, a friend, a bowler, or a creditor. And to establish a trusting distance, you need to choose those roles where the distance between you and the person is closest for conversation.

From there you can continue to act more easily. In addition, there are many roles in the conversation itself - speaker and listener, doubter and prover, and the like. And you need to move through the conversation so that the distance becomes closer and closer and becomes as close as it is comfortable for both parties.

Repeat the other person's name often, but do not overdo it

Be able to hold back

If we keep our distance well and don’t say something, this motivates the interlocutor to ask questions and close the distance.

The easiest way to bring distance closer is to talk about childhood

Tell your own stories, ask others’ questions. Why does childhood bring us closer together? Because people are a little afraid of each other, even close people - this is normal, there is always a fear of making some mistake, of being offended somewhere, of being misunderstood.

Therefore, if a person is questioned about current events, he is not sure that he did the right thing and he is responsible for his words and deeds. But he is not responsible for his childhood, and therefore fearlessly talks about his childhood. And this lack of fear of communication, after talking about childhood, may continue.

How to develop communicative skills?

It should be remembered that sociability or sociability is not so much a character trait as a skill. And the same laws of development apply here as with any other skill. If you've spent your whole life sitting at a computer, it's possible that you'll quit the race in running competitions. However, the situation will change if you practice running daily for a long time. If you don’t train your memory, you will soon be unable to remember a piece of the most banal text. The same goes for communication.

A sociable person is in constant contact with others. But having once become a hermit, you will not be able to suddenly return to society and be a ringleader. However, daily communication will greatly improve your communication skills. How to become talkative? Where to begin? From the simplest:

1. Say hello to your neighbors, ask them how they are doing, how their children and parents are, what’s new in their lives. Under no circumstances allow yourself to be drawn into intrigue, do not support or spread gossip. This can push people away from you, and you will find yourself further from your goal than when you were a hermit.
2. The next step on how to develop your sociability is simple. Talk to strangers: in line, at a bus stop, with sellers. Do not be shy! In the market, you can ask if trading is going well. At the bus stop, how long ago was the minibus you needed? Complain that public transport has become worse, or be glad that the situation on the roads has improved. It’s a good idea to remember a real-life story, for example, how a person sued a transport company due to the lack of air conditioning. While waiting in line to see a doctor, you can talk about the pros and cons of paid and free clinics, tell something interesting about foreign medicine (after researching the issue first). However, you should not speak negatively about your doctor or talk about your illnesses. They don't like people like that.
3. Many trainings on the topic “How to become a sociable person” suggest talking to passers-by on the street. Come up with a non-existent opinion poll. For example, how do people feel about the sterilization of stray animals? Or whether it is worth allowing foreign citizens to adopt children. Select any current topic from the news and monitor public opinion. If you don't hear about any polling topics, scour the Internet and select a topic from surveys conducted by professional journalists. Be sure to ask the person why he holds this opinion. Try to make your own arguments. This is the simplest recipe on how to become more sociable and make friends easily.

You need to practice your communication skills every day. And after some time you will understand how to be relaxed, friendly and sociable in any company.

Stories about yourself

When we talk about ourselves, it is important to maintain a balance between stories about successes and failures. When a person talks only about successes, he looks like a braggart. When he only talks about failures, he looks like a loser.

It doesn’t have to be 50/50, but there should be some kind of balance. It is especially valuable when he talks about some embarrassments that are typical for many people. This shows what conclusions you have drawn, and these conclusions can be useful to many people.

The same thing, as a manager, I advise using mistakes made as material for training subordinates. It is also necessary to provide side useful information in a conversation that a person can remember and it will be useful in life.

This is especially important in sales. So, the seller may not sell the product, but he can tell some things that a person will remember, retell to others, and this story will be useful for others.

Questioning and interrogation technology

What is the difference between questioning and interrogation?

First difference. Questioning is when a person asks the following questions based on what has been said. During interrogations, questions are asked that are in no way related to previous answers.

Second difference. The interrogator wants to be told everything, but he himself is not ready to tell anything. He says in his tone, “I won’t tell you why I’m asking this.”

Therefore, interrogations should be avoided unless there is a reason for them. And even out of curiosity, still not interrogate, but question. That is, there must be a justified motivation in the questions and the questions must be related to the answers to other questions.

Sometimes you need to use unfinished questions that give you the right to ignore them

For example, when we are not sure how tactfully it will be to ask this or that, we ask the question in an understated way, we outline the question, giving the person the right to ignore and move on.

Questions must be asked with information included

That is, in addition to the question, there is a story, some other important information that clarifies it.

We need to move smoothly to more risky and confidential issues

If the person answering the questions is not uncomfortable, we can get much closer. But it is important to remember one nuance.

If we asked some risky questions and a person answered them, then he sometimes needs to explain to us why he answered those questions that did not need to be answered (or he did not have the right to answer).

Therefore, it is very important to give him the opportunity to justify himself in our eyes and in his own, after such answers.

Sometimes we need to ask questions that demonstrate our incompetence

Such questions raise the status of the speaker. In addition, this is useful for us, and the speaker is pleased that he has made us more competent.

Sometimes you need to ask questions to help the speaker tell everything in detail.

Often a person is going to tell us something in general, he has no plan to tell us in detail, but if we show with our questions that we have the time and interest to hear the details, then he will be happy to tell them.

There are two types of retelling

The first is like a police report. Only facts, without any lyrics, without any “in my opinion”, “it seemed to me” and so on. The second is as a work of art. These are two different types of retelling. Ideally, you should own both.

When we talk about ourselves, it is important to remember Oscar Wilde's quote - “The secret to being boring is to tell everything about yourself.”

When you are telling something for a long time, you should not ask your interlocutor, “Are you interested in what I am telling you?”

Who's to say it's not interesting? This question makes sense at the beginning of a conversation, but not in the middle. To really find out if a person is interested, evaluate his behavior. If he starts looking at you less, it means he is losing interest in the story.

Everything you tell can be retold to a third party, and you don’t know who exactly

Or it can be used against you by the same listener when you quarrel with him. This is a very important circumstance. There is no need to succumb to the charm of the moment, so as not to regret it later.

How to become sociable

3 Areas of Communication You Need to Improve

1. Nonverbal communication (body language).
2. Verbal communication (conversational skill).
3. Confidence.

Nonverbal communication

Non-verbal communication takes up a huge share in the communication process. What you say to people with your eyes or your body language has just as much impact as what you say with your words.

When you feel excited, you behave accordingly. For example, you may avoid eye contact or speak very softly.

In other words, you are trying to limit communication so that the interlocutor does not give your behavior a negative assessment.

However, your body language and tone of voice convey clear messages about the following:

1. Emotional state (impatience, fear).
2. Attitude towards the interlocutor (submissiveness, contempt).
3. Knowledge of the topic of communication.
4. Honesty.

How to Improve Nonverbal Communication Skills

#1. Identify problems

To get started, ask yourself a few questions:

1. Do I have trouble maintaining eye contact when talking to others?
2. Am I smiling too much because I'm nervous or too little?
3. Am I slouching?
4. Am I keeping my head straight?
5. Am I speaking in a timid voice?
6. Do I talk too fast when I'm worried?
7. Am I crossing my arms or legs?

Important parts of nonverbal communication that you should pay attention to include:

1. Posture (head raised up, body tilted forward).
2. Movement and gestures (crossing hands).
3. Physical distance (being closer or further away when talking to others).
4. Eye contact (look into the eyes or look away to the side).
5. Facial expression (smile, stony expression).
6. Tone of voice (speech sounds loud or quiet).
7. Confidence in voice (no comments).

#2. Experiment with and practice nonverbal skills

Try to practice only one skill at a time. Once you are sure you have mastered it, you can move on to the next one.

You can ask a close friend or relative to describe your nonverbal behavior. The feedback we receive can be very helpful because we don't know exactly how others perceive us.

Once you have identified the problem areas, change your behavior. You can practice your new nonverbal skills while standing in front of a mirror.

After you get results from practicing at home, begin to apply new skills in real communication with other people. A good idea is to start small, talking to salespeople in stores, for example.

Try to increase the intensity of eye contact while speaking. Watch your actions and pay attention to the reactions of others. For example, is the other person friendlier or more talkative when you make more eye contact and smile more?

Verbal communication

If you want to learn how to become sociable, one of your biggest challenges will be starting and maintaining conversations.

It's okay that you talk a little, because it's not always easy to think about interesting things and talk about them at the same time. This is especially true when you are anxious.

On the other hand, some anxious people talk too much, which is also not the standard of communication.

How to Improve Verbal Communication Skills

#1. Identify problems

Below are questions you can ask yourself to help identify areas you need to work on:

1. Do I have trouble speaking?
2. Do I stop talking quickly?
3. Can I just say “Yes” or nod and try to get other people to communicate so I don't have to talk myself?
4. I don't want to talk about myself?

Tips for starting a conversation

1. Start the conversation by saying something general and not too personal, such as talking about the weather (“It's a gorgeous day, isn't it?”).
2. Give a compliment (“That sweater looks great on you”).
3. Make an observation (“I noticed you were reading a book about sailing, do you have a boat?”).

You don't have to appear witty to be sociable. Try to be sincere, be yourself.

Some time after the conversation has begun, especially if you have already known the other person a little, it is advisable to move on to more personal topics, such as relationships, family values, goals and beliefs.

Remember to pay attention to your nonverbal behavior - make eye contact and speak loudly enough so that others can hear you without questioning you about what you said.

Tips on how to have a conversation

Remember that a conversation is not a solo, but a duet. When communicating, don't say too little or too much. Try to speak, allowing your interlocutor to speak out, while modest silence will not do you any good either.

Disclose information about yourself, such as your leisure activities, favorite football team, your hobbies and interests. Personal information should not be “too personal.” You can start by expressing your opinion about things that you like.

Ask questions about your interlocutor. If you've only just met him, try not to bring up very personal topics.

Try to ask open rather than closed questions.

A closed question is one that is answered with one or two words, such as “Yes” or “No”: “Do you like your job?” An open-ended question invites a much more detailed answer, such as “How did you get this job?”

To understand how to become sociable, remember that people generally love to talk about themselves, especially if the other person shows genuine interest in it.

Tips for ending a conversation

Every conversation ends sooner or later, so it makes sense to prepare for its end.

To end a conversation, you can say that you need to get something to drink, find someone you know at a party, go back to work, or you can promise to continue the conversation later (for example, “I hope we have a chance to talk again” or “See you soon.” time").

#2. Experiment and practice verbal communication

The next time you communicate with someone, try breaking some of your usual communication patterns. If you tend to not talk about yourself, try sharing your thoughts and experiences and see what happens. If you are used to waiting for the other person to finish a conversation, try ending it on your own initiative.

Below are some practical recommendations:

1. Talk to a stranger at a bus stop, in an elevator, or in line at a store.
2. Talk to your neighbors about the weather or what's happening in your area.
3. Interact with colleagues. Communicate positively with your co-workers during your lunch break.
4. Make new friends and develop friendships with people you know. Invite a colleague or acquaintance to meet for a cup of coffee, or invite a relative you haven’t seen for a long time to your birthday.
5. Give compliments to girls and more. Commit to giving at least two compliments every day, preferably ones you wouldn't normally say. Don't forget to always be sincere; to do this, give a compliment to someone who you think deserves it.

Confidence

How to become sociable? Become confident.

Confidence in the communication process is a sincere expression of one’s own views, desires and emotions, which evokes respect for them on the part of the interlocutor.

When you speak confidently, your communication style is not judged and you are responsible for your own actions.

If you depend on the opinions of others, you may have difficulty expressing your thoughts and emotions openly.

Assertiveness skills can be difficult to master, especially if being assertive means that you behave differently than you normally do. Perhaps you are afraid of conflicts in the process of communication, always agree with the views of people around you, and also avoid expressing your own opinion.

As a result of this behavior, you have probably developed a passive communication style. Instead, you may seek to control and dominate others by developing assertive communication skills.

There are many benefits to communicating confidently. It will help you treat others more genuinely and reduce anxiety and resentment. As a result, you gain more control over your life and reduce the number of circumstances that are beyond your control.

Confidence is a learned skill, not a personality trait you are born with. Confidence is not part of who you are because it comes from taking the necessary actions, practice and discipline.

#1. Identify problems

To get started, ask yourself the following questions to determine what direction you need to work in:

1. Am I asking for what I want?
2. Is it difficult for me to express my opinion?
3. How easy can I say “No”?

How to become confident in communication

Many people find it difficult to ask for what they need, feeling like they don't have the right to ask or afraid of the consequences of asking. You may be thinking, “What if he says no?” or “She'll think I'm rude and rude.”

When you ask something, it can be helpful to start by expressing your understanding of the other person's problem. For example, “I know you’ve been very busy lately.”

Then talk about the nature of your question and how you feel about it. For example, “This presentation is due next Friday, and I'm really worried that it won't be ready on time.”

It is important to talk about your feelings and not blame others. For example, it is better to say: “I feel bad when you are late for a meeting with me” than: “You are always late! You don’t care about me!”

Then describe what you want from the other person. Keep it as short and positive as possible. For example, “I would really like to understand how we can speed up the completion of our project.”

Finally, tell the other person what they will receive in return if your request is granted. For example, “I would try to help create slides for a presentation next week.”

Many people have problems expressing their views openly. Perhaps you wait for others to express their opinions first, and only then share yours if both opinions coincide.

To be confident means to be willing to express your opinion, even if others do not or your opinion differs from the views of others.

At the same time, confidence means the ability to accept new information and change your mind. However, this does not mean that you have changed your mind because others think differently.

How to learn to say “No”

Saying “No” can be difficult if you are not confident enough. However, if you cannot say “No” to other people, you will not be able to take responsibility for your own life.

When you say “No,” use an affirmative posture from your nonverbal communication arsenal (stand straight, make eye contact, speak loudly).

Before you speak, decide what your position is.

By saying “No,” there is no need to apologize, defend yourself, or make excuses.

If you find it difficult to immediately say “No,” answer “I need time to think.” This will help you get out of the vicious circle where you always agree with someone else's opinion.

Remember, every person has the right to say “No!”

#2. Build your confidence

First, consider the above about those times when you avoid opportunities to express your opinion, say “No,” or ask for what you need. How could you handle the situation differently?

Practice speaking out loud by yourself so that you become accustomed to the new way of speaking. For example, “Sorry, I can't help you this weekend,” or “I want the work done by the end of tomorrow.”

Then simulate a situation that will arise in the next week in which you can show your confidence. Start by speaking your mind or saying “No” to people close to you, and then apply the skills you've learned to interacting with others.

Evaluate how it went. Pay attention to the other person's reaction. Could you do anything differently next time?

Remember that confidence is like any new skill and takes time and practice. Don't be too hard on yourself at the very beginning if you are nervous or don't understand how to do everything right. It will take time for you to get used to the new communication style and the changes that will happen within you.

Attitudes that prevent you from becoming sociable and self-confident

To be confident is to be selfish

This is not true simply because expressing your opinions and preferences does not mean that other people are forced to follow you. If you act confidently (not aggressively), you do not deny that you have respect for other people's values ​​and beliefs.

Passivity is the way to be loved

To be passive means to agree with others, always allowing them to control you and not making any requests to them. This behavior does not guarantee that others will like or admire you. In fact, they may perceive you as boring and frustrated.

It's better to remain silent than to tell the truth

In some cases, it is indeed better for us not to express our own opinion, especially if it concerns the relationship between a manager and a subordinate, and even then not always. However, more often than not, other people will be interested in hearing your opinion. Think about how you would feel if everyone always agreed with you.

I have to do whatever is asked of me

When interacting with our friends, we may worry that we will appear selfish if we do not do everything we are asked to do. At work, we may worry that we will appear lazy or ineffective if we do not meet all of our colleagues' requests.

Other people won't know how busy you are or if you have other plans until you tell them.

Although communication skills need to be practiced, to better understand how to become sociable, you should carefully observe other people. Ask yourself, who do you feel comfortable communicating with? Study their behavior: smile, gestures, words, tone of voice. Incorporate other people's chips into your life.

Humor and irony

You should use irony and humor whenever possible. You have to learn this, of course. To learn to joke, you need to make friends with jokers.

But, there is an important principle of using humor - men often laugh AT someone, and women TOGETHER with someone. So, for humor to improve relationships, you need to laugh with someone, and not at someone.

Humor can be tested on neutral topics. A good way to use humor is to slightly change what a person says in a funnier way. In general, humor should be used, but it should be used carefully, as it is a double-edged sword.

Now, when we talk to a person, it is very important to maintain the information rhythm.

The fact is that when we speak, we change a person’s picture of the world. If we don't change it, he gets bored. If, on the contrary, we change very intensively - one new thing, then another, a third - then he does not have time to somehow arrange these components in his basic picture of the world, and he also becomes bored.

Here you need to know when to stop. The picture of the world needs to change with such a rhythm - he said something new, the interlocutor processed it, and again something new. At the same time, you must remember that when you talk to a mass of people, they need more time to process information, since the reaction speed of people in large numbers is dulled.

Sometimes you need to use short remarks instead of a long story. They give a person more time to think. When talking, you need to remember a simple thing - you can’t be right too many times.

One tells what country he was in, another brings up a cooler country, one says that he bought a bag for $500, another immediately beats it with a purchase for $2000. So, you don’t have to constantly interrupt the other with your superiority - either in being right, or in money, or in connections, or in something else. It's annoying.

Also, you need to remember that there is information fatigue. It is important to take breaks, coffee breaks, rest or switch to abstract topics.

Where do communication problems come from?

Communication skills are developed throughout a person’s life, and there are several main factors that are decisive. Let's look at the most important ones.

1. Features of education. Every family has its own ideals, and often parents deliberately instill in their child traits that are not conducive to great success in life. They are proud that their child grows up modest and non-conflict , studies well, obeys parents and teachers. Unfortunately, such peculiarities of upbringing create certain difficulties for a person in adult life.

In addition, the child’s model of social behavior is completely formed by the parent’s example. If a family leads a relatively secluded lifestyle and rarely invites guests, the child simply will not learn to communicate, and in the future will experience certain difficulties because of this.

1. Negative communication experience
   . Children are very sociable and often face negative reactions to this. Parents ask them to be quiet, peers start making fun of them, teachers at school shut their mouths. The consequences of such an experience are quite obvious.
2. Lack of erudition
   . If a person has few topics of conversation available, becoming more sociable will not be easy. Therefore, it is important to constantly improve your erudition, read a lot, and take an interest in current events and news.
3. Character traits
   .
   There are several character types, and the level of sociability is one of their main differences. Thus, phlegmatic people are usually less talkative than choleric people. But if we talk specifically about sociability, it is more convenient to divide into introverts and extroverts. For close friends, introverts are usually open and interesting conversationalists, but communicating with unfamiliar people is not easy for them. If you are an introvert, then your difficulties with communication are understandable, but completely solvable. Read more about who an introvert is in a separate article.
4. Diffidence
   . This problem prevents self-realization in all areas of life. It is difficult for an insecure person to find a job, make friends and build romantic relationships. If this factor is present, you should start by increasing self-esteem, otherwise other efforts may be ineffective.

Well, friends, we’ve sorted out the basics, now let’s move on to the main part.

Becoming more social is easy

First of all, you need to understand that sociability is a skill , not a personality trait. And valuable skills need to be developed. This is accessible to anyone, the main thing is to continuously improve in the chosen direction. The whole process will consist of two stages: developing communication skills (i.e. the ability to communicate with people) and expanding your social circle. Without further ado, let's move on to the first stage.

Technology and types of non-negotiation

1. Non-speaking can be like a protest against interruption. A very good way. You are sitting in a group, talking, you started to say something and were interrupted. You start your own - they interrupt again. In this case, you don’t need to interrupt yourself. It's better to wait to see if someone asks you to continue your words. If no one asks, then it means no one is interested. If someone asks, you continue.
2. Non-disclosure also happens when everything is already clear.
3. Non-speaking is like a listening test - without finishing one story, you move on to another to evaluate the listener’s reaction.
4. Non-statement as a test for the acceptability of a topic.
5. Axiomatic omission - you do not say anything and do not draw any conclusions, and the listener himself makes the conclusion.
6. Intriguing omission - not saying enough to intrigue.