The question of how to stop being shy, withdrawn and insecure worries a huge number of people who want to overcome their inner fear. Since the listed character traits rarely occur individually, but flow from each other (a shy person is usually withdrawn and unsure of himself), in order to suppress them you will have to do serious step-by-step work on yourself.
Shyness in any form prevents you from being yourself. A person reveals himself fully only when he feels at ease. Stefan Zweig. Impatience of the heart
Too shy girl
The most important
Let's start with the most important thing - determine what is really happening. No matter how, you find yourself in unfamiliar company. There is a person in front of you with whom you need to chat - exchange a few words, joke, discuss any issues, etc. Naturally, you want everything to be successful, because this is a normal desire for any person.
However, for some reason the body tenses up, the eyes begin to dart, the speech becomes crumpled in general - everything is not going as smoothly as we would like. What's happening? What happens is that you start to worry. Why are you worried? Because you are afraid of making a bad impression. This is where the shyness mechanism comes into play . It’s better to do nothing and say nothing than to blurt out something wrong. “What if they condemn you,” says the brain.
This is the whole problem. Shyness is a fear of other people's opinions , not a character trait. By overcoming this fear, you can free yourself from the bars that bind your emotionality and, as a result, overcome your timidity. But how to do this? Let's finally get to practice.
Where does timidity come from?
Shyness, like other character traits, can be congenital, or it can be acquired. With innate everything is clear: if, for example, the father is timid and timid, then the child, having inherited the corresponding genes, can grow up the same. Acquired timidity is the result of improper upbringing.
A timid person in childhood was probably often criticized, compared unfavorably with his peers and received little praise. He breaks a cup or falls and immediately hears: how awkward you are. If he is not given some kind of activity, parents must give the example of a neighbor’s child, who, let’s say, already fluently reads not only the primer, but also newspaper text, or spends hours learning scales with inspiration, or has some other fantastic skills.
As a result of such upbringing, a whole bunch of complexes arise. A person considers himself worse than others, has no self-respect, and sometimes does not even love himself. Hence the false confidence that others perceive him in the same way.
Authority
The first thing we need is a relaxed state in society. Just remember: when you communicate with a friend, you don't worry. You are not shy about your words, long pauses and bad jokes. You're kind of in a neutral atmosphere and you're not afraid to screw up.
Approximately this state should be achieved in conversations with ordinary people. A state in which you and your interlocutor will be at the same level of significance. (Naturally, this does not apply to the size of the wallet or the position held, we are talking specifically about the internal mood). [adsense1] In order to achieve this state, you need to constantly increase your confidence and self-esteem. You must respect yourself, feel your inner strength. Meditation and spiritual practices are unlikely to help with this; you need to start doing something in the outside world, give your all and give it your all. You need to accumulate achievements that you will be proud of and that you will remember. At a certain point, when there are enough of them, you will be able to communicate with people easier because you will not put someone else's authority above yours. Here are some examples of what you can do to improve your confidence:
- Join the gym
- Start running
- Earn a certain amount of money
- Write a list of your past victories
- Find a passion and develop it
- Engage in self-development
- Read books (see books on self-development for girls)
- To study a foreign language
- Set daily goals and achieve them
- Find what you don't like about yourself and work on it
Also, to increase your confidence, you need to get rid of all controllers and idols. These could be influential friends, popular people, overbearing parents, etc. You need to start doing what your soul wants and filtering the opinions of people around you. You have to be yourself and listen to yourself, because this is the only way to develop independence, confidence, and then emancipation.
In fact, this is enough to loosen up and get rid of shyness. All that is required is confidence and normal self-esteem, and the rest will take care of itself. However, let's look at a few more ways to approach the issue holistically.
How to overcome shyness?
In most cases, shyness problems manifest themselves when communicating with the other sex. Shyness manifests itself in the fact that a young man, for example, cannot approach a girl, or is overcome by panic. This problem mainly affects young people aged 14 to 30 years.
In everyday situations, when you need to interact without options (work, study or other everyday communications), usually a shy person can control himself. But when it comes to something new, for example, with an unfamiliar wife, then things are bad. Taking a step towards a conversation, much less inviting someone somewhere, becomes a serious problem, for which people are already turning to a psychologist. After all, a person cannot do anything with himself to overcome shyness on his own, so he needs outside help
Appearance
Clothes, hairstyle, nails - everything should be at an acceptable level. Of course, if the looseness is strong, you can walk around in rags and enjoy the attention of people, but we are still far from that.
You yourself know the feeling when you put on your favorite clothes and walk down the street with your head held high. This feeling should be used in unfamiliar society. Whether it will get better is not a fact, but at least a large part of the worries will disappear , because you will be sure that “judging by your clothes” you will be received well.
Environment
They say that we are a reflection of the five people closest to us . And it’s true: you’ve probably noticed that you and your friends (I’m generally silent about parents) do some things the same way. These can be special phrases, gestures, movements - little things that are not noticeable, but at the same time very important. So, in order to become liberated, you need to surround yourself with as many liberated people as possible. Little by little you will copy their behavior without even noticing it. [adsense1] It’s better if the communication takes place live, but you can get by with a digital analogue. Lectures, speeches, educational videos - the Internet is full of it all. Let's look at a short list and move on to the next point. So, here's what you can surround yourself with:
- TED lectures
- Shows like “Evening Urgant”
- Seminars and trainings
- Video presentations of new gadgets
- Creative activity if you are a schoolboy or student
- For young people - foreign and Russian pranksters
Ways to overcome modesty
How to stop being shy?
- Analyze situations in which a feeling of awkwardness arises.
- Understand yourself, find the true reasons for shyness.
- Work on yourself, explain why you shouldn’t be shy, why there is no reason to be afraid or ashamed of yourself.
- Imagine a situation in which shyness usually occurs and mentally overcome it.
- Facing fear halfway is a real practice of a traumatic situation and a new model of behavior.
You can overcome shyness on your own or by visiting a psychotherapist. The scheme is always the same:
- behavior analysis;
- identifying the cause;
- work on mistakes.
This method is applied to almost all types of psychological problems.
Sport
Try going to classes for a week - you will become a different person . When the muscles begin to work, the whole body begins to work: digestion and intelligence improve, fatigue decreases, and strength appears out of nowhere. The blood simply circulates through every cell of the body and charges it with vigor.
Okay, we are not interested in physiological processes. It is much more important that with the general improvement of the condition, self-confidence also improves. You become more alive and open to the world, which is what we need.
Shy or modest?
Shyness, isolation, and lack of self-confidence are very unpleasant and difficult conditions to live in.
It is difficult to speak in front of people, to defend your point of view, to admit your feelings. Of course, you can justify yourself by modesty, by not wanting to put yourself on display, unlike self-confident and pushy people. They irritate with their arrogance, but deep down I want to be just as relaxed and just as easy to enter into conversation. Modesty is a good quality, full of dignity. It really decorates, in contrast to boasting and complacency. There is no dignity in isolation and shyness, only a withering feeling of one’s own inferiority, internal struggle, tension because you cannot realize your desires - I want and I cannot. Psychologists call extreme manifestations of this condition social phobia.
We live among people and encounter them every day, whether we like it or not. When every contact is given with great difficulty, answering the question of how to get rid of shyness and self-doubt becomes vitally important.
Training
When a person enters an acting school, difficult challenges await him. On instructions from his teacher, he is forced to approach strangers and tell them complete nonsense. At first he feels ashamed and uncomfortable, but then it greatly helps him feel more relaxed on stage. [adsense1] This test can be transferred to our lives. Of course, you don't need to make an idiot of yourself and humiliate yourself in front of people. It is enough to simply ask passers-by for directions or time. In fact, it’s not so easy, especially when in front of you is a “cool guy” in his Mercedes.
You can also try to always take the initiative into your own hands. If you are in a company and need to resolve any issue, take it upon yourself . Talk on the phone, order a service, show the way. The more often you communicate with strangers, the faster you will get rid of shyness.
Additional ways to get rid of shyness
Before you stop being shy in companies or when meeting new people, you need to understand that solving this problem depends entirely on the person himself.
It will take some time to become more open, relaxed, and sociable. For some, a few weeks are enough to achieve success, while for others it will take several years before all manifestations of the described negative qualities are completely eradicated. Now there are several effective ways to stop being shy and withdrawn, unsure of yourself. This list includes:
- personal training;
- development of communication skills;
- performing special exercises (“go ahead”).
No need to replay either
The method of personal training has now gained enormous popularity, as it allows you to convince a person that he is no worse or better than other people he doesn’t know well.
Typically, specific guidelines are communicated in the form of a “teacher-student” approach, when an experienced mentor (psychologist) convinces withdrawn and insecure people that no one in the company is trying to ridicule, offend, or humiliate them.
Many of them also experience a certain amount of excitement, but in no way show their own negative feelings. Regular classes with a specialist who knows how to persuade help achieve results, and a person overcomes his fear of communication.
Sometimes it is recommended to develop communication skills by doing certain exercises. One of the most useful options for how to stop being shy in company is to simulate the situation in front of a mirror. It wouldn’t hurt to prepare a few universal jokes that will help defuse a tense situation or give you confidence in your abilities. The more a person “rehearses” alone with himself, the more confident and at ease he will feel in a real situation.
An innovative technique was to perform tasks that require considerable courage from an indecisive, shy person. For example, he should come up and talk to complete strangers on the street, ask for the phone number of an attractive girl (guy), or talk about some event in a public place. After 2-3 such exercises, progress is noticeable, as a person overcomes fear, becomes more open to the world around him, and gains self-confidence.
Lifehacks
Let's look at a few small life hacks to help remove shyness and uncertainty. These are short tips that fit into one or two sentences.
- Record a video with your camera, for example, summing up the day. This way you will learn to express your thoughts and will worry less about speech deficiencies.
- If you mess up in communication, then you can admit it to the person. “For some reason words don’t work for me at all, I’m probably overworked.” This will indicate that you are an open person who admits his shortcomings.
- If you don’t know where to look and what to do, don’t do anything . This will give you freedom and relaxation. Don't play on others.
- Come up with a couple of prepared phrases that you can talk about with a stranger. If you can't think of anything, use surrounding events and objects to talk.
- Switch attention from yourself to the interlocutor, ask him questions.
- If you are embarrassed about your shortcomings in appearance, go online and Google. For example, if you have a big nose, look for “big nose.” You will be shown the faces of other people, and you will understand that you are worrying in vain .
- Everything is determined by your condition. If the pause is awkward and you are embarrassed, then it will be awkward for the interlocutor too. If you are silent and behave as if nothing had happened, then everything will be fine for the other person.
How to remove shyness and self-doubt and start living
Release your feelings
If there is a visual vector, it means that there are a lot of feelings. And they are given in order to feel another person, create connections, experience emotions, and receive impressions. It's surprising that a person who was born to create emotional connections is sometimes the one who is most afraid of doing so. But emotions require release, and then they turn negative - fears, hysterics, panic attacks.
After realizing this, you need to begin to reveal your sensory world:
- try to talk to a loved one, reveal your feelings to him, tell him about what has been painful for a long time. Let it be a person you trust, with whom you feel safe. Cry together;
- watch movies and read books that have someone to sympathize with, that tell stories that you can cry over. Yuri Burlan talks about how tears reveal feelings:
- Congratulate your friends and loved ones on holidays and birthdays, say what brings them joy and pleasure. Such small actions will teach you to pay attention to other people and remove concentration from yourself;
- give people gifts. Thinking about what a person needs, what he will be happy about, we reveal in ourselves the ability to feel another person.
