A person is part of society, and the attitude of others, the assessment of his qualities, abilities, and attractiveness are important to him. But no less important for us is self-esteem, the attitude towards oneself that is formed in a person throughout his life. The place we occupy in society, our self-confidence, and the degree of social activity largely depend on the level of our own assessment of our strengths and weaknesses.
What is self-esteem
Self-esteem is how a person sees himself, how he imagines himself and his place among other people. Day after day we make conclusions about our character, habits, abilities, compare ourselves with others, draw conclusions, try to change, become better, more perfect. Some consider themselves superior to others, more successful or more talented. Others, on the contrary, suffer from imperfection and dissimilarity to the chosen ideal.
From early childhood, self-esteem determines a person’s behavior, mood, and internal balance of feelings. The child begins to evaluate himself without learning to speak properly. The baby may cry because he is not able to fasten his sandals.
“That means I’m worse than my mother,” the three-year-old toddler thinks, and his self-esteem is rapidly falling.
And if mom reminds you that neighbor Slavik has been dressing and putting on his shoes himself for a long time, well, consider that the beginning of a low self-esteem complex has been laid.
The way a person evaluates himself leaves an imprint on his entire life. High or low self-esteem is equally dangerous. A biased assessment of one’s own strengths and weaknesses leads to the fact that a person is perceived inadequately by others. It is difficult to evaluate oneself objectively, and yet, in the words of the English philosopher Francis Bradley, “every person is what he thinks of himself.”
Effective methods to increase self-esteem
The most important step on the path to self-improvement is to recognize that there is a problem. Often a person disguises it behind other feelings and deliberately avoids resolving the issue. As soon as awareness comes, you can safely move on to the following methods of increasing self-confidence:
- Keep a diary of achievements. This step does not require any serious financial or time expenditure. It's simple: at the end of each day, take 10-15 minutes to write down your small and big victories that happened to you today. Maybe you read a book or finally got up an hour earlier than usual? You can always find a reason to praise. This will help you develop a positive mindset every day and focus your vision on personal success. It is important to re-read your notes daily.
- Change your environment. Evaluate those with whom you communicate most often. If there are negative people in your circle, refuse to interact with them. More often you are in the company of positive and successful people who are confident and have a positive attitude towards you.
- Play sports. The best way to distract yourself and clear your thoughts of negativity is physical exercise. In addition, if low self-esteem is associated with external data, sports will help you get in shape. By the way, during sports, our body produces the hormone of happiness - dopamine.
- Give up self-criticism and soul-searching. You won’t be able to increase your self-esteem if you constantly scold yourself for something or constantly express dissatisfaction with your appearance and abilities. Praise yourself more often and think positive thoughts.
- Avoid comparisons. Each of you is a unique person with your own individual set of qualities, strengths and weaknesses. Remember that there will always be those who have achieved greater results than you. In this case, it is worth taking an example from them, and not engaging in self-flagellation. Better yet, compare yourself today with yourself yesterday, and track your growth by recording your achievements in the diary we talked about above.
- Listen and say affirmations. Affirmation is a positive judgment that creates the right psychological attitude. These are our statements and beliefs, thoughts, feelings and desires that we want to have right now. It is important to formulate affirmations in the present tense. For example: “I have a prestigious and highly paid job”, “I am beautiful and healthy”, “I am a happy person”.
- Get out of your comfort zone. Yes, many people have heard about this method, but not everyone decides to do it, because it’s so comfortable and safe to be in your “shell.” Face your problem. Do you feel insecure when you are in a new company? Visit crowded places and events more often and be the first to start a conversation. Our online program “Best Communication Techniques” will be an excellent assistant for you, where you will learn how to interact more effectively with people thanks to interesting communication techniques. You just have to take a step and you will understand that everything is not as scary as it seemed at first glance.
- Attend trainings. There are many different training activities aimed at increasing self-esteem and gaining self-confidence, so all you have to do is choose the one that’s right for you. If you are not yet ready to take the training, watch a movie or read a book on a current topic.
- Forgive yourself. Uncertainty is often a consequence of feeling guilty about oneself. None of us are immune from mistakes, and it is important to be able to forgive ourselves for them. Write yourself a note and tell in it about your feelings, emotions, thoughts, problems, failures, and be sure to forgive yourself in writing for everything for which you feel guilty.
- Meditate. Meditation helps you completely relax physically and let go of your thoughts. There are many different techniques aimed at getting rid of self-resentment and achieving peace.
Self-confidence is not an innate quality, but rather formed in the process of life. Your main task on the path to healthy self-esteem is to love yourself, learn to believe in your own strength, which is only possible through daily work on yourself and your thoughts.
Do what you love, do not deny yourself small and big joys, always think about the good and then everything will work out!
Good luck!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Psychological picture
- Conditions for character formation
- Overcoming impostor syndrome
- Formation of self-awareness
- How to increase self-esteem: practice from the field of NLP
- Formation of correct self-esteem
- Formation of self-esteem in children
- Self-criticism
- Three masks of pathological narcissism
- The Complete Guide to Self-Confidence
Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation
Classification
Self-esteem is present in every person. For some, it is presented in its infancy, at the level of “better or worse,” “he can, but I can’t,” “they scold me, but I’m good.” This level of self-esteem is typical for children, but can persist in adults. More often than not, with age, a person forms a stable opinion about himself, which is difficult to correct.
There cannot be too much self-esteem - it is either enough or not enough. Depending on how sensibly a person approaches the assessment of his strengths, qualities, and actions, one can distinguish between an adequate and inadequate assessment. Self-esteem may depend on a specific situation or a person's mood. There are a great many criteria by which a person evaluates himself, but we can identify the most characteristic and inherent to most people.
Myths about self-esteem
This concept is well known to everyone, but not everyone knows exactly how a person should perceive himself for a comfortable life. In connection with this, the following stereotypes arose:
- The formation of self-esteem occurs only based on the opinions of other people about a person. This is only true for children. With age, personal experience becomes the main, although not the only, criterion for one’s success.
- A person with normal self-esteem can always perceive others correctly. An inadequate self-image leads to the same attitude towards others. Unfortunately, the rule does not always work in the opposite direction.
- The higher your self-esteem, the better. This is only true if the person is truly very successful, i.e. he perceives himself adequately. Otherwise, this will hinder its development and complicate communication with other people.
- Men's self-esteem depends on the number of partners in their intimate life. In reality, this state of affairs is only a consequence of inadequate self-perception. After all, the number of partners does not always indicate any attractive personality traits. On the contrary, often it is through success in intimate life that both men and women try to compensate for lack of self-confidence.
- Self-esteem must be stable. This interferes with personal development. A normal self-perception must be flexible and adjustable due to changes in evaluation criteria or due to other significant factors.
- Women's self-esteem should not be high, because modesty is a beauty for a girl. This is another fairly common stereotype. Modesty is a character trait that can be present in both high and low self-esteem.
- The perception of oneself formed in childhood cannot be changed. Ideas established at a young age are very difficult to correct. However, it is possible. Moreover, the formation of adequate self-esteem usually occurs in adulthood. Moreover, it is based on a person’s personal experience.
- High and low self-esteem are equally bad. In fact, a self-confident person has more internal resources to achieve what he wants. This does not mean that one should not strive for an adequate perception of oneself. After all, the role of self-esteem in a person’s life lies in the ability to choose an activity according to one’s strengths and abilities, as well as control personal growth.
Types of self-esteem
Adequate and inadequate
The difficulty in separating these two types is that a person always considers himself right in assessing his own merits and demerits. The level of adequacy is determined by the level of common sense, the ability to evaluate one’s actions and personal qualities.
Stable and floating
In the process of growing up, an attitude towards oneself is formed, an assessment of one’s abilities and capabilities. By a certain age, every person knows exactly whether he is capable of becoming an astronaut or a ballet dancer. At the same time, self-esteem is influenced by mood and achieved success: praise from a boss or loss in a competition can significantly increase or decrease the level of self-esteem.
General, private and situational
This division indicates the area or area of self-esteem. You can have high overall self-esteem, but admit failure in economic affairs. Or vice versa, suffer from an inferiority complex, but be proud of successful children or voluminous hair.
When designating the type of self-esteem, concepts such as “good” or “bad” are not used. Self-esteem can be of different levels - high, low or average
Psychologists also use other ways to classify self-esteem. In particular, current self-esteem, or assessment based on achieved results, is highlighted; partial, depending on achievements in one area; potential, due to innate abilities and inclinations.
Depending on how a person treats his strengths and weaknesses, whether he underestimates or overestimates their significance in his own eyes, we can talk about different levels of self-esteem.
Unstable self-esteem and its varieties
Self-esteem is the foundation of personality. We are accustomed to the terms “high” and “low” self-esteem. Psychologist Boris Litvak proposed replacing them with more objective “stable” and “unstable”. In his book “7 Steps to Stable Self-Esteem,” the author says the following:
The “I” of a person with stable self-esteem does not depend on external events. He focuses on changing reality, but does not pass all events through his “I”. This allows him to be more calm and practical. Unstable self-esteem suggests that a person’s idea of himself, his life, his environment, his achievements is constantly changing depending on the external events that occur in his life.”
Stable self-esteem, according to B. Litvak’s theory, has the formula “I+”. In this state, a person understands that everything is fine with him, regardless of what others think about him. If self-esteem is shaky and highly dependent on external factors, its formula is the opposite - “I-”. A person oppressed by his low self-worth compared to other significant people is emotionally dependent on evaluations. Therefore, his psychological state is directly related to approval or censure from the outside.
To one degree or another, the tendency to react to the message of the environment is inherent in everyone, since a person is inextricably linked with society. However, a person with unstable self-esteem shifts the center of importance from himself to others. Instead of being the Sun in his own galaxy, such a person becomes a small planet, cutting circles around public opinion. The constant need to prove significance forms the strategy of social adaptation. A person with the “I-” base unconsciously transforms it into the formula “I+, if...”. This is a kind of substitution of the “I+” concept, in which he feels good only if certain conditions are met.
I+ if I'm the best
Such people strive to be the first in everything. They can be successful in their careers, lead a busy life, always stay in the flow and even cause envy. However, in an effort to win all possible awards, they remain unhappy. The reason is that the source of motivation is not inspiration, but a neurotic fear of one’s inadequacy.
What should I do?
- realize your true goals without regard to their prestige from the point of view of society;
- allow yourself to make mistakes and be imperfect;
- transform the source of motivation from fear to inspiration;
- stop dividing people into those who are better or worse than you.
I+ if I please others
This type of unstable self-esteem is characteristic of societies with a Soviet past. For several generations in a row, people were taught that their main task was to make others happy. Your own happiness and well-being came last. In addition, the influence of public opinion (What will people say?) had a strong influence on the life of each individual. In this regard, the concept “I am + if I please others” is often found in our realities. Such people are dependent, nervous, and tend to go with the flow and remain led. They find it difficult to say “no” and assert their personal boundaries.
What to do:
- learn planning and goal setting;
- learn to refuse;
- pamper yourself and reward for any (according to personal criteria, not external) achievements;
- build personal boundaries;
- don't be afraid to ask for help;
- talk about the problem from the position of healthy egoism.
I+ if I'm strong
These are independent people who stand firmly on their own two feet. They broadcast their confidence to society, sometimes provoke conflicts themselves, and carefully hide their weaknesses. But their disadvantage is that the image of an invincible person is dictated by the fear of being ridiculed. The ban on feelings and the state of eternal struggle are very exhausting and make it impossible to enjoy life.
What should I do?
- accept yourself with flaws and weaknesses;
- accept and live any of your emotions;
- learn compromises;
- avoid extremes in judgments about people and yourself;
- find a safe outlet for aggression.
Levels of self-esteem
If we abstract from the types of self-esteem, we can distinguish high, low and adequate levels of self-esteem. The same thing can be expressed in slightly different words: high, low and average self-esteem. There is no fundamental difference here, the difference is only in the accepted formulations.
The idea of average, or adequate self-esteem, has no clear boundaries. Just as it is difficult to characterize the “average”, inconspicuous person, it is not easy to describe average self-esteem in isolation from its extreme manifestations.
Adequate
It is a realistic perception of yourself, not too different from how others perceive you. A person with adequate self-esteem carries conscious confidence, his feelings are stable, and his mental state is in harmony with the external manifestations of feelings and emotions. People who perceive themselves realistically easily build relationships with others, react calmly to criticism and are always ready to joke about themselves.
Adequate self-esteem implies a correspondence between a person’s aspirations and the ability to realize these aspirations. The famous toast is “May your desires always coincide with your capabilities!” — well reflects the essence of adequate self-esteem.
Understated
If the assessment of one’s own capabilities is underestimated in relation to their real value, one can speak of low self-esteem. Such a person is not confident in his abilities and shows a strong dependence on the assessment of others. Moreover, he draws conclusions about his capabilities not from the real statements of other people, but from his own conjectures - they probably think about me in such and such a way.
A person with low self-esteem is characterized by increased anxiety, suspiciousness, and inability to make decisions and take responsibility. Such people are often negatively disposed towards others; they see a trick everywhere, an attempt to infringe on their rights.
The other side of low self-esteem is uncertainty, shyness, timidity. An intelligent, talented, worthy person in all respects, to whom parents or other people - teachers, managers, spouses - have instilled the idea of his supposed inferiority, can also suffer from low self-esteem.
Overpriced
Inflated self-esteem is not a purely negative quality until a high opinion of oneself begins to interfere with the adequate perception of such a person by others. If a person with high self-esteem has real superiority, for example, solves problems better than anyone or runs the fastest, those around him will forgive his arrogance for the time being.
More often it happens differently: a person with high self-esteem looks down on others, without having any reason for this. He considers all his actions and thoughts to be the only correct ones, and in case of failure, he blames circumstances or other people.
Hand in hand with high self-esteem go arrogance, arrogance, swagger, disrespect for other people's opinions, and sometimes aggressiveness and cruelty. Such people cannot stand criticism; it is impossible to convince them, to force them to look at what is happening from the other side. All these qualities repel people and create a social vacuum around an inadequate personality.
You should understand the difference between high and inflated self-esteem. High is based on real merits and achievements, inflated indicates a false self-perception
Reasons for low self-esteem
According to psychologists, several factors can influence a person’s self-esteem: relationships with parents in childhood, assessment of others, fixation on a specific failure, appearance. Let's look at typical reasons.
Comes from childhood
Often parents surround their child with overprotective care, fearing that the child will take the wrong step, fall, or hurt himself. This influence creates a feeling of helplessness and ineptitude in the child, making him completely dependent on mom and dad. The result of such upbringing is that in adult life it is difficult for a person to make a decision and do something on his own.
The child also takes an example from his parents: if he sees that mom or dad are unsure of themselves, then they will reproduce this behavior in the future. For example, mom allows insults in her direction from her father, or dad doesn’t stand up for mom in controversial or dangerous situations, because unsure of his abilities.
Another reason comes from childhood - the lack of love of parents for the child and constant comparison with someone not in favor of the baby. This is the opposite of overprotection. The child is not noticed, is not given due attention, or, even worse, is offended and physically abused. As a result, the child loses faith in his own strengths and abilities. Such situations make a child a “difficult” teenager in the future.
Negative experience
In life, each of us has moments when we fail in business. This could be an unfulfilled relationship, betrayal by a friend, or a fiasco at work. And here it is important to adequately assess the situation, and not excessive self-criticism. Often a person becomes fixated on bad experiences and begins to avoid making decisions.
By the way, failures in childhood can cause serious psychological trauma to a child, which affects self-esteem in the future.
Influence of others
Society plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. Where initiative and independence are not valued, confidence in the individual will not develop.
Excessive criticism of other people has a particular impact. If a person is initially weak-willed, then criticism has a detrimental effect on him: he gives up, becomes withdrawn, and lacks the desire to do anything. Often, weak-willed people deliberately begin to criticize themselves in public. Their goal is to get their words refuted and increase their own importance. In this case, it is important not to support the opinion of such a person, but to encourage him.
Communication with manipulators also contributes to a decrease in self-esteem. It is important for them to impose their opinion, to gain power over a person by instilling a feeling of self-doubt in their victim and extolling their importance.
External data
Dissatisfaction with one's appearance or the presence of visible pathologies are often the reasons for ridicule by peers and unhealthy criticism from others in adulthood. For example, if a woman is ashamed of her excess weight, then any statements on this matter from the outside will be perceived especially sharply and can even lead to depression, when for a self-confident woman criticism is a reason to become even better at something.
This is the case when it is again worth reminding of a simple truth: love yourself, and others will love you.
Whatever the reason for your loss of self-esteem, there are excellent methods that you can use to restore your self-confidence. Let's talk about the most effective of them.
Self-esteem structure
The concept of self-esteem can be conditionally divided into two components: cognitive or cognitive, and emotional, built on a person’s experience of ideas about himself. In other words, self-esteem consists of a set of qualities that a person possesses and his attitude towards these qualities.
To these components we can add a third component - the behavioral component, which is the link between the internal assessment of oneself and how society evaluates the individual. Thus, self-esteem consists of three interrelated parts:
a person’s idea of his abilities, appearance, character, place in society, his own attitude towards these ideas, building relationships with others based on these ideas
In total, these three components give the concept of “self”, or “I-concept” - a term common in foreign psychology. The core of the “I-concept” is the emotional component, which is responsible for the degree of self-esteem, the balance between the level of a person’s aspirations and his real achievements.
Ways to correct self-esteem
It is imperative to increase self-esteem. It's never too late to learn to love yourself and accept yourself with all your shortcomings. This is a characteristic that can be easily corrected with diligent, targeted practice.
- It is advisable to engage in self-development, gain new knowledge, skills and impressions
. The more the intellect is pumped up and the horizons are broader, the more self-confident a person is. In addition, he becomes an interesting conversationalist and people notice this, are drawn to him, and begin to compliment him. - By the way, about compliments
. Learn to receive them with the air of an English queen. There is no need to justify yourself with the phrase “You look so good!”, It’s better to answer: “It is what it is!”
- You should never overuse excuses
. A person with good self-esteem is confident in himself, so he is responsible for all his actions and has no need to apologize.
- Learn to create a good mood for yourself, smile and praise yourself for any reason.
. Got up from the couch to wash the floor? “What a great fellow I am!” But if you don’t get up, then you don’t need to scold yourself. Say: “Let my gorgeous legs rest a little.”
- Forgive yourself for mistakes, everyone makes them
. You need to get rid of the feeling of guilt; it is aggression directed against yourself.
As you work to improve your self-image, remove yourself from toxic people who criticize and devalue and let them pour their venom elsewhere. When you love yourself, their opinion will become indifferent to you, or you will be able to respond adequately.
Functions
The ability for self-esteem and the need to evaluate one’s qualities is inherent in human nature. The absence of this ability makes it difficult to exist in society and makes it impossible to adequately perceive the world and oneself in this world.
The following main functions of self-esteem can be identified:
regulatory protective reflective developmental emotional
The regulatory function helps to make a decision, to make a choice. With the help of this function, a person decides how to behave in a given situation - to do or not to do, to agree or refuse.
The protective function is characteristic of adequate and inflated self-esteem. In case of failure or unforeseen circumstances, it allows you to survive the situation without serious losses, does not allow you to give up and lose faith in yourself. This function does not work for people with low self-esteem.
The reflective function reflects a person’s attitude towards himself. It realistically shows how an individual relates to his actions and promotes an adequate assessment of his own actions.
The developmental function does not allow you to stop there. It stimulates constant self-development, personal growth, and encourages the idea of the need to acquire new knowledge and skills.
Emotional function occupies a special place. It is she who is responsible for the degree of satisfaction with her own qualities, allows her to feel adequate and comfortable.
In addition to those listed, some other functions of self-esteem can be identified - adaptive, helping to adapt to external circumstances; corrective, performing control functions in the process of life; terminal, forcing you to stop actions if they develop undesirably, and some others.
Self-Esteem Functions
The description and content of the functions of personality self-esteem, as a basic concept in psychology, are given in the table.
| Functions | Description |
| Stimulating | Motivates a person to take actions that can increase self-esteem. |
| Post forecast | Blocks actions that may affect self-esteem. |
| Regulatory | Ensures that the individual accepts tasks and makes decisions. |
| Emotional | Allows a person to satisfy needs and enjoy life. |
| Protective | Forms personality stability. |
| Controlling | Provides self-control during a person’s performance of tasks and actions. |
| Developmental | Motivates for self-development and improvement. |
The process of forming self-esteem
The formation of self-esteem occurs throughout the entire period of personality development. This process begins from the moment of birth and reaches its culmination in the preschool and school years.
There is reason to believe that self-esteem begins to form already during the period of intrauterine development. The following facts have an impact: whether the child is desired or not, the parents have high hopes for the heir or perceive the birth of the child as a current event in their life.
Self-esteem is formed on the basis of the child’s interaction with the world around him. The first people a baby encounters are his parents, brothers and sisters, and other relatives. Then it’s the turn of kindergarten teachers and teachers. The nature of how others evaluate a child’s behavior and abilities in the first five years of life leaves an imprint on his entire future life.
Respectful attitude on the part of parents, high assessment of abilities, well-deserved praise, support for initiative form adequate or increased self-esteem in the child.
If a child from an early age is taught to think that he can’t do anything, that he does everything worse than his peers, if he is not given the opportunity to show independence, imagination, and initiative, the result is that he grows up to be an insecure, complex loser with low self-esteem. Experienced teachers or talented coaches and mentors will be very lucky in this case.
At school age, there is an opportunity to correct and raise self-esteem by identifying and stimulating abilities for creativity, science, and sports. If the moment for the formation of general high self-esteem is missed, there is a chance to raise private self-esteem, to teach you to evaluate yourself higher in one area.
Where does self-doubt come from?
The formation of self-esteem occurs at different periods of life. In each individual period of time, the most significant factor at the moment develops. The most important period when self-esteem develops is considered to be childhood. After all, it is at an early age that a person acquires fundamental ideas about himself, the world and those around him. Much during this period depends on the parents: their degree of acceptance of the child and awareness of what self-esteem is and how it affects the child’s life. The most important thing at this age is approval from elders. The child unquestioningly assimilates the self-esteem set by his parents.
The roots of self-perception are found in deep childhood. Parents often call their child an incompetent, a bungler, and other unpleasant words. Since the formation of self-esteem is just beginning in childhood, the child does not question the words of adults. Mother and father at this stage are undeniable authorities for him. No matter how good their intentions, the child will learn for many years, if not for the rest of his life, that he is bad and does not live up to the expectations of his loved ones. Over time, this will lead to the development of low self-esteem and a guilt complex.
To prevent such a scenario, parents should not scold their child if something doesn’t work out, especially if the child does it for the first time.
To raise a person who adequately perceives himself, parents need to not only understand how a child’s self-esteem is formed, but also work on their own. Do not forget that children subconsciously copy the behavior of adults. Thus, they run the risk of inheriting low or high self-esteem.
In adulthood, the foundations of stable self-esteem can be disrupted by severe emotional shock, such as the loss of someone close, being fired, or any major failure. You should start restoring your self-confidence immediately. You can cope with this on your own if the events that occurred did not lead to depression. In other situations, it is better to contact a specialist. The influence of self-esteem on human behavior is difficult to overestimate. It is this factor that sets the vector of life.
Factors influencing the formation of self-esteem
At an early age, the formation of self-esteem is influenced by the people with whom the child encounters most often - parents, older brothers and sisters, grandparents. Self-esteem is not born on its own, “out of nowhere.” The habit of evaluating oneself develops gradually, under the influence of the assessments that people around us give us.
With age, the proportion of various factors changes. If for a small child the first place is the assessment of his actions by his parents, then for a schoolchild the priorities shift towards the assessment of teachers and peers. An approximate list of factors influencing the self-esteem of a primary school student is as follows:
assessment by a teacher, mentor, coach opinion of parents, relatives opinion of fellow students, hobbies personal experience, sense of competence influence of reflection
After a child enters school, the formation of self-esteem rapidly gains momentum. An internal reassessment of values occurs: a spoiled child receives critical comments from the teacher, is subjected to ridicule by peers, and faces his first failures in the learning process. This can lead to low self-esteem, nervous breakdowns, and reluctance to go to school. And vice versa - those qualities that were previously scolded by parents turn out to be in demand and are recognized by classmates, which helps to increase self-esteem.
Recommended books
- Asper K. Psychology of the narcissistic personality. Inner child and self-esteem.
- Brian Tracy. Self-esteem.
- Branden N. Six pillars of self-esteem.
- Gyuru E. Self-esteem in children and adolescents. A book for parents.
- Kovalevsky V. Optimal model of thinking and the logic of objective self-esteem.
- Koryagin A., Barieva N., Koshlakova Yu., Borovkova D. Self-esteem and confident behavior.
- Litvak B. 7 steps to stable self-esteem.
- Lorenz T., Oppitz S. Self-esteem. Boost your confidence!
- McGee P. Self-esteem.
- Nikulina I. Development of self-esteem in schoolchildren with visual impairment.
- Novichenkova E. Yu. Crises of childhood. Building healthy self-esteem.
- Poletti R., Dobbs B. Self-esteem. The main benefit.
- Trebunskaya O. The Matrix of Life. Self-esteem and satisfaction.
- Udilova I. Self-esteem as a woman. Become a confident woman.
The works of millionaire speaker Brian Tracy are extremely popular. He is Canadian and motivates people to develop themselves. His audiobook “Self-Esteem” can be downloaded online in the public domain.
Mikhail Labkovsky, a family and individual psychologist, is also popular. He adheres to the point of view that an overestimated assessment allows you to achieve maximum heights in life, while a low assessment pulls you to the bottom and drowns there. Reading his essays and lectures online on these topics is very interesting.
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Diagnostics
One of the qualities that characterizes an adult, self-sufficient person is the ability to correctly assess one’s capabilities and abilities, and to separate one’s own assessment from the opinions of others. How objective a person is in this assessment can be determined using various methods and methods for diagnosing self-esteem.
Diagnosis of a person’s assessment of his skills, qualities, and character traits lies in the sphere of competence of specialists - psychologists, psychotherapists, teachers. Analyzing various types of self-esteem, psychologists came to the conclusion that it can be optimal and suboptimal, or, in other words, adequate and inadequate.
In order to correctly diagnose self-esteem, specialist consultation, the use of scientific methods and various testing methods are necessary.
Optimal self-esteem is expressed in the fact that a person treats himself with a healthy amount of criticism, assessing himself realistically. With such self-esteem, an individual is able to notice the pros and cons in himself, sees his successes and notes failures, sets realistic goals for himself and is able to correct his behavior. A person adequately evaluates himself and tries to imagine what his actions look like from the outside. The internal state of such a person is characterized by harmony and stability.
Suboptimal self-esteem means excessively high or, conversely, low self-esteem. People with inadequate self-esteem either idealize themselves or unreasonably belittle themselves. Such people do not perceive any comments from the outside, or interpret them to suit their own opinion. A fair reproach or request to reconsider one’s attitude is perceived as an attempt to humiliate or insult one’s dignity. Such a person, even if he cannot deny an obvious mistake, writes it off due to the nagging or envy of others.
What is it for?
The development of adequate self-esteem is required for practical survival in society. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, you can wisely emphasize some and hide others - this works to create a positive image, helps in your career, establishing the right connections and overall advancement.
Inner peace from understanding your place in life (be it a president, or a failed student) gives inner stability. This is an adequate point from which you can start, but if the presented image and the real one diverge, then there is less calm, those around you react as if to a soap bubble and bypass you. Fewer anxieties and internal tension make a person healthier somatically, gain secure relationships with others built on honesty, a safe living environment, and reliable functioning of the body without nervous breakdowns. Also, adequate self-esteem allows a person to more easily accept both the world around him and all his manifestations, hence there is less tendency to various types of addictions and eating disorders.
The reality of your goals and the ability to calculate your capabilities allows you to achieve much more. The widespread desire to improve self-esteem, raise it and feel confident and happy only leads to illusion. Thinking that he can easily cope with everything, a person does not calculate the time, his limited strength and ends up failing. Someone who has an adequate assessment will not go into confrontation with a stronger person, but will offer cooperation, ask for advice from a professional, and will not resolve all issues on their own. Perhaps, even admitting your true stupidity, you can achieve more by simply delegating all the necessary tasks than with average intelligence trying to do everything alone.
This is the main survival mechanism found even in animals. Competent scanning of the surrounding space, correlating this with your skills and dimensions allows you to survive. A medium-sized predator, seeing small prey, decides to attack and remains well-fed, which prolongs its life. But when confronted with a large enemy, he flees and also remains alive. If you do not correctly assess yourself, your strengths and the world around you, and act equally in both of these situations, then the result will be disastrous. Therefore, some mechanisms for tracking the world are fixed evolutionarily, the rest are more highly developed, usually relating to the social level, which a person must develop himself.
Self-esteem concerns not only one’s own position and skills, but also resources and the ability to distribute them. Realizing that you have a lot of money, but you are extremely tired, it makes sense to order a taxi; those who are cheerful but poor should choose to walk. All this is not only a method of saving and proper allocation of resources, but also of building successful further activities and development. A person can finally predict what his actions will lead to. Only with an immature personal structure and inadequate self-esteem can any person’s actions lead to different, and most importantly surprising, results.
How to increase self-esteem
It’s good if the child’s parents, who have discovered signs of low self-esteem in him, are concerned about this issue. To do this, you don’t need to be a professional psychologist, just watch how the baby reacts to adults’ comments. Confusion and tears in the eyes indicate low self-esteem. If a child tries to defend his opinion, to do it his own way, this is a good sign. The child’s attempts to provide a logical basis for his actions, for example, to say that this is more convenient or easier for him, indicate good, adequate self-esteem.
When a child begins to attend kindergarten or school, his self-esteem can take a serious hit. Accustomed to parental praise for every trifling achievement, he finds it difficult to tolerate criticism from elders or ridicule from peers. The task of parents at this stage is to support the child, analyze the situation, and give wise advice. If a student is not good at exact sciences, he needs to find subjects that arouse the greatest interest. It is quite possible that failing in math will not prevent a child from becoming a talented biologist or writer.
Expressed self-esteem is fully formed in a child by the age of 5. Raising the level of self-esteem to a sufficient level is an important task for parents and teachers of child care institutions
Low self-esteem can also be raised in an adult. This is more difficult to do than in childhood, because you will have to completely reshape the formed attitude towards yourself. In childhood, this attitude is formed based on the assessments of other people. This means that now we need to find people who will help us go through the entire path of developing self-esteem again.
Such a person can be a professional psychologist or a specialist who practices methods of increasing self-esteem. Good results will come from attending webinars, working in a group of like-minded people, and independently studying relevant literature.
There are several simple but effective ways to increase self-esteem:
Use self-hypnosis formulas, periodically mentally or out loud say the phrases: “I can do this. I will definitely succeed,” or: “It’s not the gods who burn the pots. I will succeed too!”
Determine your areas of expertise. It’s impossible to be perfect in everything - if you suffer from comparing yourself to a beautiful and slender friend, talk more often about what delicious pancakes and pies you can cook.
Read also: 10 ways to increase self-esteem
Learn to accept praise adequately. People with low self-esteem are too embarrassed when they hear compliments addressed to them; they seem like a joke to them. Just reply “thank you!” and accept what you hear on faith.
Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Sometimes you need to smile at your reflection in the mirror instead of being upset about the pimple on your nose.
For every minus, find a plus. If your salary was reduced, you need to look for another, more interesting job. A loved one forgot to wish you a happy birthday - that’s his problem, not yours. Bad weather is an excuse to watch a good movie.
When wondering how to increase self-esteem, you need to separate the important from the unimportant. Before you change something, you should think about how important it is for you and whether it will lead to even bigger troubles. The famous phrase “If you can’t change your circumstances, change your attitude towards them” is quite suitable for the issue of increasing self-esteem.
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Low self-esteem is not necessarily a bad thing. There are many examples of successful people who have suffered throughout their lives from self-doubt and an overly critical attitude towards their own weaknesses and shortcomings. This is especially true for subtle creative people - actors, writers, artists.
If there are such people in your circle, give them a hand of support. Hint on occasion that tact, modesty, and lack of ambition are their plus, not their minus. But if low self-esteem prevents you from living, working, achieving your plans, remember the words of Bill Gates: “The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. Life will require you to finish things BEFORE you feel confident.”
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence?
Modern society is concerned with how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Read more about how to deal with low self-esteem by following the link.
