Let the one who didn’t get you cry: how to painlessly part with a married man whom you love very much

Sometimes parting with a lover is much more difficult than divorcing a legal spouse. Casual relationships on the side are so addictive that a woman, no matter how much she wants, does not find the strength to break off this connection. In this article we will give some recommendations on how to leave your lover.
From this article you will learn:
  • How to beautifully leave your lover according to all the rules
  • How to leave your husband and go to your lover
  • How to leave a married lover
  • How to leave your lover depending on your zodiac sign

Is it really necessary to break off the relationship?

We will not appeal to conscience, repeat banal truths about happiness that cannot be built on someone else’s misfortune, and offer to take the place of a deceived wife. You are already a big girl and you understand everything perfectly well. Moreover, such thoughts probably came into your head more than once, darkening your mood, but happily disappeared under the pressure of more positive ones: attitudes “I love him!”, “Everything is real with us, not like THERE,” “It’s not in my heart.” you order." And yet, the worm of doubt about how to break up with your married lover continued to gnaw at your loving heart, otherwise you would not have ended up on this page. Let's try to figure out what a forbidden relationship brings more - joy or worry?

Try the old psychologists' trick. Take a sheet of paper, divide it into two parts and write on one half all the advantages of your situation, and on the other half the disadvantages. And then, after comparing both lists, answer yourself honestly: is this relationship the best you deserve?


  1. You are freed from everyday life. Meetings with a loved one are always a small holiday, something special, long-awaited, separated from the boring everyday life. You don’t demand that you take out the trash and lay the floor on the loggia; he doesn’t turn his nose up at yesterday’s borscht. All that remains is the joy of meeting, albeit for a short time.
  2. You show each other your love. If in the relationship between spouses the number of kisses, hugs and passionate experiments in bed inevitably decreases over time, everything is like after a long separation. Even if in fact you haven’t seen each other for a day or two.
  3. You feel loved and desired because the man continues to come to you. And it’s so easy to believe that he does this out of great love, and not because of a desire to escape from the family routine or just have a good time with such a smart and beautiful woman like you. Who, moreover, does not nag him over trifles, is always cheerful and well-groomed, unlike his wife in a robe and with a screaming gang of children.


  1. Let's be honest, the vast majority of women, with the exception of a small percentage of surprisingly self-sufficient young ladies, cherish the hope of one day retraining from mistresses to lawful spouses. Alas, statistics are not on your side: according to its calculations, 75% of married men never dare to leave their families, and of the remaining 25%, almost half return to a rickety home after some time. After all, with your wife, your beloved ate a ton of salt, arranged his life, raised his children, but with you you have to start everything over again, and it’s not a fact that the gentleman will be capable of this. It turns out that you are simply giving a man your best years, which you could spend looking for a more worthy candidate, but in the end you risk being left broke.
  2. The routine that is missing in a relationship falls entirely on your fragile shoulders. No, if necessary, you can ask the gentleman to provide help in everyday matters, but, as a rule, this does not happen. In addition, at the most necessary moment a man may simply not be there - after all, he has his own life.
  3. The mistress is left alone not only in the face of everyday difficulties. She spends holidays and weekends alone, which the man is forced to give to his family. Of course, you can visit your parents or go to a party with friends, but even there you will remain a black sheep without a partner.
  4. It is not only the wife who suffers because of her husband’s infidelity. The mistress also has to put up with the fact that her beloved man is sent straight from her into the arms of another woman. And at the very least, it is naive to believe stories that there is no longer intimacy in their lives, that the wife is frigid, and that your sweetheart regularly wears a chastity belt outside the threshold of your apartment.
  5. Finally, public opinion. Oh, it can ruin the lives of even the most independent of us! Parents sigh disapprovingly and ask if they have a chance to wait for their grandchildren, colleagues glance disapprovingly, mutual acquaintances shyly remain silent when a taboo topic comes up in conversation. All this, of course, is a drop in the ocean, but it wears away the stone.

I've already stepped on this rake twice. I wouldn’t even wish my enemy to experience this, they are all the same... Although they live, it would seem, in different parts of the planet. The same words, the same gifts... Dear girls, never be fooled by these empty promises, you cannot build happiness on someone else’s grief, no matter how high the love may be.

Remaining in the status of a mistress, you waste time in almost guaranteed unpromising relationships, deliberately deprive yourself of the chance to start a normal family, regularly suffer from loneliness and, at least in the depths of your soul, realize that you are acting dishonestly towards your deceived wife. Even if you don't believe in karma, it's an unpleasant feeling. And in return - rare meetings, the same rare joy and the deceptive feeling that you are “not alone after all.” Is it worth it? Maybe it’s time to put the comma correctly, imprint in your mind “you can’t love, you can’t break up” and go in search of someone who will be ready to give himself to you without reserve, and not in rare stolen moments?

Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly?

It is important to understand that there is no painless way; it will still take time to heal mental wounds.

Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away.

It is worth considering your temperament when choosing a method, so as not to break down.

A quick way to end a relationship in 2 days

Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away. You should not give a chance to once again promise a beautiful future, or listen to empty assurances. You need to part in such a way that the person will never meet you on the way again and will not interfere with your life in peace.

It is best to talk frankly with your lover. Explain to him your position, speak detachedly and emphatically politely. Quarrels and scandals will lead to aggression on the part of a man and unnecessary stress, so you can avoid a personal conversation and resolve the issue with a phone call.

After such a conversation, all contacts should be stopped. No correspondence, calls, meetings. If you have to meet at work or in a common company, you should limit yourself to short remarks and rare polite addresses. It is best to completely eliminate it from your life, albeit with the help of drastic changes.

How to break up with the married man you love: two ways

Having made a strong-willed decision, one must be able to adequately bring it to life. Moreover, your man will probably have objections to this matter. They will use:

  • appeals to your feelings;
  • promises of imminent change;
  • accusations of callousness.

…And much more. Not every woman can withstand all this and not give up, especially if your feelings for your chosen one are still strong. To save yourself from temptation and unnecessary hassle, think through your actions in advance.

Dear girls, a married man is always pain and masochism, if you only need men for money, perhaps this is acceptable for you. But if you want love and understanding, if you are looking for affection and tenderness, care and patience, you will not be happy together, because he no longer waited for you and gave himself up to someone else long ago. Even if you waited for the divorce and he is “sort of” yours, believe me, nothing will stop him when the same beautiful young lady as you is next to him. Dear girls, melancholy and loneliness push us into relationships with married people, but believe me, a married man is the first swing of a shovel to dig himself a hole of unhappy love, pain and suffering, I repeat, no matter how fabulous your relationship may be.

Why does a woman have a lover?

The situation when a married lady starts an affair can be called standard. Almost always it develops according to the same scenario.

There are quite a few reasons why a wife and mother of a family may have a lover: routine, lack of passion for her husband, the desire to diversify her personal life. And often a woman can really fall in love with her new acquaintance. It doesn’t matter what motivates her, but after some doubts the girl agrees to intimacy.

Relationships on the side are almost never taken seriously, since no plans are made with this person. Agree, rarely does anyone see in a lover their other half, with whom they want to connect their lives and be together until old age. This connection exists for only one purpose - to get pleasure. If you can have a pleasant time with a man, then why not.

A secret love story is always excitement, pleasure, romance, adrenaline. It allows you to escape from everyday worries and family problems. In other words, a rendezvous with a lover is an effective way to relax (for example, after a quarrel with your husband), get bright emotions, and increase your own self-esteem. Since these relationships are not considered serious, the woman has the illusion that she is in control of the situation and can break off the relationship at any time.

At first, these piquant meetings are perceived as an exciting adventure, they tickle the nerves, but over time they turn into a habit and affection. How to leave your lover? And why, if in moments of frustration or sadness you can easily cheer yourself up with a pleasant date?

Some ladies manage to live a double life for many years: there is a home support in the person of an unloved but “convenient” husband and passion with a lover. And it’s not easy to give up this situation.

The woman realizes that she will have to look for another way to “fill the void.” From a spouse with whom you have been married for many years, you cannot get new feelings or romance, and sex becomes not a pleasure, but a duty. In other words, there will be a need to replace the male lover with someone. There are two possible options:

  • If a girl decides to fully return to the family, then she will have to re-build contact with her husband in order to receive the same emotions from marriage as from her lover.
  • Look for someone on the side again.

How can a married woman leave her lover? Let's say she decided to finally break off the connection, but... not today. Many representatives of the fair sex fall into this trap: “This will be our farewell meeting,” “I’m sad, I’ll just meet to talk,” “We’ll just have coffee and that’s it!”

In other words, the relationship drags on for some time.

To understand the situation, ask yourself 2 questions:

  • Why communicate with this person at all?
  • How will life change after a breakup? Will it get worse or better?

The long way is for those unable to say no

  1. Start reducing the number of meetings gradually but steadily. No, no, you’re not breaking up, it’s just that tonight my friend Katya tearfully asked me to help her dye her roots before a date. And on Friday, parents dream of taking their daughter to the dacha. And in August you and the girls are going to the sea. With a competent approach, separation may not happen as such, just at some point you realize that you last met six months ago and do not plan to resume the practice of secret dates.
  2. Get moody. Demand more attention, complain about loneliness, make claims. Let the time spent with you stop seeming like such a fairy tale to a man.
  3. Talk less often, this greatly contributes to distance. Show less interest in his affairs, and in response to a story about an emergency situation that a man had at work, tell him your story about a broken nail and a stupid colleague who ruined your stapler.
  4. Look for imperfections in your partner. And don’t say that he is ideal, there are no such people. He snores, yawns loudly, throws his street shoes at random, splashes toothpaste on the mirror while brushing his teeth, doesn’t like dogs... Start small, and soon this list will grow to amazing proportions, and it will be easier for you to bring your plan to life.
  5. Start a leisurely search for a new partner, but do not start a new romance. Just take a closer look, otherwise you, firstly, risk receiving an offensive “Prostitute!”, and secondly, your behavior may be perceived by a man as an attempt to make him jealous and force him to fight for you. But if someone interesting appears on the horizon, it will become much easier to put an end to the history of previous relationships.

She was little and stupid. A married man, “his wife is bad, they sleep in different rooms, they only keep the children, but he doesn’t love her, only me”... She listened, believed, considered herself a queen. And now, 7 years later, I became the wife of someone else, we lived for many years, we had 2 children, and here you are: “I never loved you, but I love that one over there, she’s younger, she has no children, she understands me.” You say there is no boomerang? And I know why I got THIS.

The role of temperament during a breakup

Temperament influences behavior in different life situations.

Each type has features:

  1. Choleric people approach relationships pragmatically and do not consider creating a family their main goal. They study a potential partner for a long time, looking for similarities in interests and outlook on life. Such people rarely fall in love, but they leave the relationship quite painfully and become strongly attached; due to frequent changes in mood, they are able to abruptly break off ties, even if they regret it.
  2. Sanguine people primarily look for a friend in a partner and strive for variety; they tend to fall in love often. They do not strive for constant control over their chosen one, they are generous with attention, and love to give gifts. Feeling discomfort in a relationship, sanguine people quickly pull away and easily leave.
  3. Phlegmatic people see their partner as a helper and choose with their mind, not their heart. They seek traditional relationships and predictability, value accepted moral principles highly, take relationships seriously, and are slow to let people approach you. Phlegmatic people leave after carefully weighing all the pros and cons and justifying the decision.
  4. Melancholic people are the most sensitive of all types. These people value romance, devote themselves completely to new relationships, become emotionally attached to their partner, and make sacrifices and concessions. They idealize their partners, have high expectations and are often disappointed, and they endure separation hard, do not let go of feelings for a long time and cannot hide them.

Do you want a decent man? Then remember this phrase: “you are a smart man.”

Every man considers himself smart. But many girls think that if you give such compliments to men, then he will relax, he will sit on his neck. Just try it. You can try this in any situation. The man talks a lot. What does he want to hear? He wants to hear how smart he is. Mom didn't tell him. How did most mothers raise their sons? “You’re bad, you’re doing it wrong, you’re doing it badly.” And she thinks that now I will criticize him, and he will become better. And you also look at your mother, grow up and think that you need to criticize your husband, a man on a date, and then he will have a desire to become better.

Do you want to know what a man needs to make you happy? Sign up for a free online course Man: honest instructions

How to give a guy a nice blow so that he doesn’t get offended: a few proven phrases

What to do if an unfamiliar young man who you don’t like wants to meet you on the street? Or a guy you know has fallen in love and wants a serious relationship? How to politely tell a guy off so that he doesn’t get offended and understands that there is no point in persisting. In our article we have collected the most delicate, soft, beautiful, original and tough ways to say “no” to a man. You will learn how to properly refuse a young man on the street via SMS. In addition, we will talk about the most common mistakes that girls make.

Why does a married lady need this connection?

A man is looking for benefits, but what is the basis of a relationship between a married woman and a married man? Her psychology is simple - a woman asserts herself or compensates for what she lacks in the family.

People who are amorous and overly emotional easily enter into new relationships. But most often this happens if the husband is not affectionate enough or is not able to satisfy his partner. And if a woman discovers that her husband is cheating on her, then the desire for revenge may throw her into the arms of her lover.

Change your life

After parting with a person, there is always a void in life. Think of it as free time to explore new activities and hobbies.

Experiment with your image, rearrange your home, sign up for courses (perhaps you’ve been wanting this for a long time, but you didn’t have enough time). Attend various events with friends, meet new people. It is likely that among your new acquaintances you will meet someone with whom you will live a long and happy life together.

Know that you have an inalienable right to be with a man who respects you. You should not play second fiddle in a relationship; your purpose is to be special. And nothing stops you from being like that.

Return to list


  • Choose a time and place that is convenient for both of you. It should be just the two of you. A quiet and cozy cafe, a park - choose the location at your discretion. Let this be neutral territory. You don't need to meet at his home or somewhere you feel uncomfortable.

If you don't know what reaction to expect from a man, choose a crowded place.

  • Try to stay calm. Speak confidently and firmly.
  • You can start the conversation with what doesn't suit you in your relationship. Emphasize that this format does not suit you, and you no longer agree to live as before.
  • If a man tries to convince you, stand your ground. Don’t be fooled by his persuasion and oath promises to leave his wife. Especially if he has used this tactic before.
  • Be firm in your intention. If you yourself are not sure that you really want to break up, you will not be able to convince a man of this. He will put pressure on you, you will break, and your relationship will continue.
  • Don't answer his messages and calls. There is a high probability that he will promise you to leave his wife, put pressure on you to feel guilty, and use various manipulations. There is no turning back.

Did he leave his wife?




  • Enlist the support of your loved ones (this man is no longer one of them). If you’re not ready to tell your secret to friends and relatives, it doesn’t matter.

Just start spending more time with them. Enjoy being with people who truly love you. Charge yourself with this energy.

Let time with your loved ones remind you that the light did not fall like a wedge on this man. Even without him, you still have people who are truly valuable to you.

  • Do you have a close friend or relative to whom you could vent? Do it. It will become much easier for you. After months (or years) of secrets and lies, you will feel a huge sense of relief. Tell about your intention to break up with the man. Get support. You will again be convinced of the correctness of your decision.
  • No one to talk to? This is not a reason to keep everything to yourself. Write down your feelings and emotions in a diary or blog. Should I keep my posts private or make them public? At your discretion. On a thematic forum you can exchange experiences with other women who find themselves in the same situation.
  • Take time for yourself. Be selfish. Remember your needs and desires. Self-care, healthy sleep, sports or meditation - start giving yourself as much love as you gave to a man.
  • Find yourself a new hobby, set yourself a new goal related to work or study. This will help you get through the breakup with minimal losses.
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