Ivan Vdovin
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Sadness is familiar to everyone. You sit in front of your computer this fall and feel a little sad that summer is over. Light memories came flooding back. And you don’t know what to do if you’re sad and want to cry.
This is familiar to everyone and this is a normal emotional state. Of course, if this is not pathological sadness. There is always a little sadness after fun, so our psyche rests and recovers in order to recharge itself with positivity.
What to do if you feel sad for no reason
If there has been no grief in your life recently - you have not lost a loved one or suffered from a serious illness, then it is possible that you are really sad for no reason.
In this case, it will be easier to get out of this state:
- Thank your fate for the fact that now you are really sad for no particular reason, but it could have been completely different! You are healthy, not hungry, you have friends and loved ones - isn’t this a reason to get out of the blues?
- It may also be that you are simply very tired of some of your responsibilities (work or household) and you simply need a good rest for a long time. Consider devoting a few days to self-care, minimizing your usual worries. If you work, take a vacation and at least a couple of days rest as you want.
- Often people get tired of the same type of days and begin to feel sad due to the lack of sensations. Perhaps this is your case? Then provide yourself with new emotions, and the easiest way to do this is by doing something you haven’t done before. This could be a horseback ride, an individual dance lesson, going to a concert and much more. Allow yourself to break out of your daily routine and experience something new!
- It can often be sad from loneliness. If you suspect that this is why you are sad, then find some company! Surely, you have a friend or girlfriend whom you can invite to the cinema or for a walk. If it so happens that you have no friends, then it’s time to make them - for example, on the Internet through forums on this topic. Also, your circle of acquaintances can expand significantly if you sign up for some interesting courses.
Is sadness a feeling or an emotion?
Sadness is the weakest of the negative emotions. It happens to everyone and it is necessary to recognize that sadness is a natural process of restoring our emotional state. This is how the psyche protects itself from overstrain. Everything is simple here, if today you have a lot of fun, usually the next day you are a little sad and miss the past coins.
Many people confuse sadness and depression, yet these are different states, although in fact the difference between them is only in the intensity of the impact on the person and emotional state. Apathy, by the way, is also not suitable for sadness.
Note that usually when you are sad, you want to cry, and tears are cleansing. Everything we cried is cleared from our psyche. Therefore, I do not recommend to never hold back your tears, but to have a good cry.
What to do when you feel really bad because of someone
It’s hard and you want to cry from loss (breakup, divorce, death of loved ones)
The death of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life. No matter how difficult it is, it is important to understand that you just need to survive this period. The first days after a grief event, a person usually experiences shock and cannot fully comprehend what happened. A week after the tragic news, a person begins to understand what kind of loss he has suffered, which turns into acute emotional and sometimes physical pain.
Mood swings, melancholy, aggression - all these symptoms are characteristic of the first year of loss. Then it gets easier. It is foolish to recommend being distracted by something else - in a state of strong emotions, you are unlikely to have the desire to do yoga or dance. However, still try not to plunge headlong into your grief. Realize that there are people who care about you and who need you. If you don’t want to plunge into deep depression for many years or even go to the hospital, then pay attention to the people who need you now. Delve into work, family matters, return to a once-forgotten hobby - do at least something that will help you ease the pain of loss a little.
Divorce is easier to cope with than the death of a loved one. It may now seem to you that your life is over and there will be no more light, but this, of course, is not the case. In your case, you can and should distract yourself from thoughts about divorce. Come to terms with the idea that if there was a separation, then not everything was smooth in your relationship - someone was fundamentally not happy with the other. There will still be a person in your life with whom you will be suitable for each other in all respects. Most likely, later, when you are happy, you will regret the days spent worrying about a person who is not meant for you.
If you are not yet ready for a new romance and meeting other men, then just bring new emotions and colors into your life. Surely, the period of divorce distracted you from many current problems and your own appearance. Make an appointment with a cosmetologist for several procedures, visit a hairdresser, and at least partially update your wardrobe.
Meet with friends more often, stay alone less. If you have few friends or regular meetings are excluded, then expand your circle of acquaintances by signing up for some trainings and the like.
Problems in love relationships
If a love relationship brings you pain, then you should think about breaking it off. Of course, parting will be a difficult stage for you, but even now it’s not easy for you. Wouldn't it be better to get over a breakup with a guy and start moving on rather than suffer in a relationship with him?
Share your experiences with your lover, tell us what worries you, and what developments you see next. The relationship remains the same and you still suffer. Parting is the only right decision for you.
Movies
As Captain Obvious would say, comedy lifts your spirits. But you still need to choose a comedy, and this is where difficulties begin for the inexperienced consumer. The concept of “comedy” is so loose these days, and the number of films available is so immense that you won’t be able to point your finger and get into a good movie, don’t even try. You can use ratings and study reviews of film critics online, but this is even more boring than doing nothing.
To avoid all the delights of choice, focus on the actor/director and focus on the classics. For example, Jim Carrey, a man with incredible charisma, in whose filmography there is not a single unfunny film. Or Rowan Atkins, the famous "Mr. Bean", the man who made the whole world laugh without saying a word.
Depressed state due to a lot of problems
First, you need to determine how depression manifests itself? So, there are several telling signs. They may be present in full, or you may observe some of them in yourself.
1. Decreased performance.
You feel like you have no energy left. Even if you gain strength and start doing something, you stop almost immediately. You cannot concentrate on your tasks, constantly being distracted by something else.
2. Depression.
Your mood leaves much to be desired. Most often, you are not in the best mood, feeling depressed. People around you are increasingly noticing that something is wrong with your mood, and you are not even trying to hide it.
3. Lack of interests.
You used to be fascinated by a lot of things, but now everything happens differently. You are not interested in any activities or hobbies, your work does not arouse your enthusiasm, you try to avoid meeting friends. If someone asks you to go to the cinema or something like that, your first thought is to refuse. Of course, you can “tune yourself”, but over time it becomes more and more difficult to do so.
4. Lack of self-confidence.
You feel that you are unattractive or boring. You do not strive to make new acquaintances, being sure that the other person will not like you. You constantly feel like there's something wrong with you and that others notice.
5. Poor sleep.
From time to time you suffer from insomnia. You think about something disturbing until late at night or wander aimlessly through the Internet. Sudden night awakenings are also possible. In the morning you get up in a “broken” state and in a bad mood.
6. Appearance.
You pay less and less attention to your appearance. It all started with the fact that you started skipping visits to your hairdresser or cosmetologist, and now you don’t always adhere to basic hygiene rules - sometimes you’re too lazy to wash your hair (despite the fact that it clearly already needs it), renew your manicure and things like that. You take care of yourself and dress automatically, losing interest in applying makeup, choosing a wardrobe and various cosmetic procedures.
7. Lack of sexual desire.
If you are in a close relationship with a man, then sex with him has ceased to please you. You do not show initiative and are reluctant to become intimate with him. You are not even in the mood to feign passion, and it seems to you that if your lover leaves you, then perhaps it will be even easier for you.
8. Apathy.
You don't care about anything. You are not interested in what's new in the lives of your friends, you don't care what you'll have for dinner today, you don't care whether you look good, and many other things have also stopped bothering you.
The essence of melancholy
Mostly melancholy manifests itself due to a feeling of loneliness. It happens that a person is abandoned or experiences loss and misunderstanding when he does not have the opportunity to talk and share his opinion. What's in his soul. At times it seems that melancholy appears for no apparent reason. Ostensibly ordinary sadness, but, in reality, at this very moment, we feel lonely, abandoned, deprived of love and understanding. We are unhappy and unsatisfied. We feel like we are missing something.
“I really miss the past”, “I miss you”, “I feel sad without you.” We often use such phrases. In reality, we lack our former comfort, peace of mind and well-being. Most likely, at that time, we were truly happy.
How to overcome all troubles - advice from a psychologist
1. Understand the situation
It is important to understand why depression entered your life. Most likely, the impetus for it was some unpleasant event. Be honest with yourself about what exactly you are talking about. Perhaps some time ago you lost a loved one, got divorced, lost your job, found yourself in an unpleasant situation, became disappointed in someone. Having identified the root of the problem, realize that, be that as it may, it is in the past, it no longer exists. Your life moves on, and you need to make sure that a difficult event no longer leaves its unkind imprint on it.
2. Let go of the past, forgive or ask for forgiveness
Perhaps the event that led to your depression was your own fault, and now it is eating at you. If you feel guilty towards someone, then apologize to that person. It is possible that he will not forgive you, which means it is his choice to live with a stone on his heart. Your task is to sincerely convey to him everything you feel, and also show your repentance. After this, the decision will rest with that person whether to continue communicating with you or not. If he doesn't want to reconnect, leave it in the past and allow yourself to live a new life.
If someone has wronged you, and you still cannot cope with your disappointment and pain from this situation, then you need to try to fix it - even if the offender does not ask for your forgiveness and does not feel guilty. Understand that the person who treated you badly is actually weak, and because of this weakness, life will bring him problems more than once. The best and most correct thing you can do is to bring so many bright events and interesting acquaintances into your life so that the resentment of the past is completely lost in the whirlwind of these emotions.
3. Change the scenery
Often, just one short trip can radically change a person’s mood. Perhaps this is exactly what you need? Find time to escape from your usual surroundings and the city - at least for a few days! Go abroad or just to another city. Important condition: choose a place you have never been to. You can invite a loved one or a good friend with you, or you can go on an independent journey, where you can rethink everything that happened to you.
Oh, these hormones!
Changes in the hormonal background more often occur in women when taking or stopping hormonal medications, during adolescence, during pregnancy, and after it. Abortions, miscarriages and missed pregnancies also affect the functionality of hormones.
Girls at these moments have little control over themselves; they are either sad or happy. Their memory is impaired; they cannot remember how they spent part of the day. The mood changes with the snap of a finger. If a woman was smiling a minute ago, this does not mean that in a couple of minutes she will not cry.
Light sedatives, healthy sleep and water treatments will help calm hormones. In order not to lash out at your loved ones, try to engage in conversation with them less often.
Treat your soul with new sensations and acquaintances
Even if you don’t want any new experiences or acquaintances right now, depression is a case when you need to force yourself to experience new positive emotions. It is clear that now you don’t want anything at all, you are ready to wrap yourself in a blanket and never leave your room.
But you deserve a bright, interesting life, and you will have to go towards it in small steps:
1)
Choose a profitable and interesting tour, and go on it in the company of a friend or alone. Choose what you liked best before, do not focus on your current state. Did you previously like to go on excursions to museums and attractions of foreign countries and cities? Take a tour that includes this item. Did you prefer beach holidays? Go to a hot country and a warm sea! Undoubtedly, the trip will bring back your old emotions!
2)
Don't refuse dates if men take the initiative. Perhaps one of these meetings will turn into happiness for you in your personal life!
3)
Don’t avoid meeting people, but on the contrary – strive for them! Go to crowded places that involve communication - parties, exhibitions, trainings. It might make sense to take some fun courses where you can meet other people. Often, public organizations organize interesting meetings, including skydiving, ATV riding, launching night lanterns, and kayaking. If you don't have a lover, then don't neglect any opportunity to meet him - including dating sites. Register on the resource that will arouse your greatest interest, even if you were previously skeptical about such methods of communication. Bring more spontaneity into your life and depression will go away!
Love yourself
When you don’t want to see anyone, it’s time to take care of yourself.
Pamper your body. Light candles in the bathroom, turn on relaxing music, add aromatic oil to warm water, relax and enjoy.
Change your image. Change your hair color, get a new hairstyle, choose new makeup for yourself, get a manicure.
Check out your wardrobe. Give preference to clothes in bright colors. Know that orange and red colors inspire optimism, yellow gives confidence, purple and blue colors calm. Hide clothes in gray, black and brown tones away. You are unlikely to need it in the near future.
Enjoy your solitude. In a busy life, we don’t often get the chance to be alone with ourselves. If this happens, a useful tip would be to disconnect from everything that annoyed you so much: it’s time to restore order in your soul and hear the voice of your heart.
Photo: pixabay.com
You've done a good job in the self-help field. The clouds of sadness have already left your horizon, and your soul has freed itself from the melancholy that torments it.
Music
Download an application like Yandex.Music and Spotify, they allow you to set the mood in the settings, and the playlist will be generated automatically. If you feel sad for no reason, ask the program to select some exciting music for you, put on your headphones and enjoy. If you still have to search for music manually, I can recommend the following:
- Flo Rida. It looks like an ordinary “black” RnB, but is very different in color from all the representatives of the genre that have stuck in their teeth. This rapper's music is incredibly life-affirming; it can be used for running or in the gym, like a first-class energy drink;
- Scooter. Doesn't need any introduction, super energetic music familiar from the 90s;
- Kylie Minogue. One of the few, in my opinion, modern pop icons who really understand what mood and atmosphere are. You can find a lot of different music from Kylie, and it is almost always a sea of positivity and a major, life-affirming position. Just don’t download the top Google search results, look for little-known things, for example, the “Golden” album.
Rearrange the furniture in your home
This is the easiest way to create a feeling of newness in a familiar place. Even if you simply turn the bed 180 degrees (so that you sleep with your feet in the opposite direction), you will lie down and get up from it with a completely new feeling. And if you rearrange all the furniture, your own apartment will become a subject for study and a source of new experience. In addition, this is an occasion to show your hidden design talents to the maximum, to experiment with the usual. If you haven’t done renovations for a long time, fresh ideas will certainly arise in the process and incentives will appear.
Make up stories
Creative activities are a great way to kill time, and they also stimulate the activity of the central nervous system, develop intelligence and memory. This is a game of imagination, you don’t just come up with everything that comes to mind, but you do it within the limits of the possible, like a screenwriter. This practice is used by theater actors to train their imagination, and they do it everywhere, especially in crowded places, when they can calmly observe those around them. You see an interesting type on public transport, try to notice the details of his mood, come up with a biography for him. What is he doing, where is he coming from, what happened to him an hour ago, what will happen in an hour, etc. Try it, it’s very entertaining.
Dream on
The most positive activity, which has only one drawback - you will be distracted by what is happening around you. Therefore, in order to dream anywhere and at any time, it is good to have some kind of anchor - a point of contact with the dream, by thinking about which you can simply “jump” into the state and develop it in any direction. This is what people who practice the visualization method do to fulfill desires.
Get yourself some special object to “dream”; it could be a picture, a photograph, a video on your phone, or a short poem. Anything to take you to the land of good fantasies quickly and efficiently.
