Good day to all! Lyudmila Redkina is in touch. As always, today we are talking about life. As a child, when I was limited in some way as punishment for specific punctures, I was often offended. During such grievances, I often thought what would happen if I died (for example, I got sick with something, or was hit by a car). I imagined how everyone missed me, how my parents were suffering - I felt so sorry for myself. At the end of these thoughts, I still understood that if my parents were crying because of me, then they still needed me. Where did all the resentment go... These were small short-term “personal crises”. But sometimes in adult life a person encounters a real crisis, which blocks all energy, deprives him of satisfaction and leads to thoughts about ending his existence. In this article we will talk about a serious topic, what to do if you don’t want to live, what factors will help you perk up and revive again.
Why people don’t want to live - common reasons
To want to live again, you need to find out the reasons for the desire to die as soon as possible.
There can be many of them; psychologists classify the nature of the origin of such thoughts based on certain aspects of an individual’s life:
- A life stage at which a person would like to have a certain status or baggage of benefits. Usually, by the age of 30, women who have not yet had time to start a family begin to think about the “biological clock”; if their experiences are supported by the condemnation of others, it can lead to prolonged depression. Men at this age are expected to have a successful career and constant wealth. If this is absent in his life, the condemnation of society and internal experiences can contribute to the emergence of negative thoughts.
- There is nothing more to wish for. The opposite situation is in which people achieve their goals in all areas of life, but their nature as conquerors and leaders requires constant work and self-improvement. There is nowhere to move further, thoughts arise about the futility of life. Such internal problems most often worry wealthy people and pensioners who have retired and are no longer burdened with work, children and grandchildren.
- Vicious circle. The phrase “I don’t want to live” can be heard from a person whose everyday life has turned into a gray, monotonous series of the same things. In such a cycle of monotony, the question may arise: why am I living? It can all start with the usual routine at work and at home, which later develops into a life that a person does not want to live.
- Another reason why some people want to die is events that left an indelible mark. The death of a loved one, your own illness, a serious incident in the family or at work - all of this can contribute to the emergence of suicidal thoughts in some people. Such thoughts can also occur to people who have the ability to overreact to various events and dramatize.
Finding out the reasons is the first step towards a healthy life without negative destructive thoughts.
Looking for meaning in our lives
Before this, it is worth reading at least one book by Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist who spent several years in a Nazi concentration camp where his entire family died. At the camp, he organized a psychological support group for prisoners, helping them survive imprisonment and preventing suicide. Miraculously, he survived himself - hunger, cold, and illness more than once gave him the idea of ending such a life. What saved him was that in hopeless moments he imagined himself standing at the pulpit in a spacious, bright and warm audience in front of interested listeners, to whom he told everything he had gone through. He could not have known then that this day would actually come.
Viktor Frankl came to the conclusion that those who have lost faith in the meaning of life voluntarily die. His motto was the words of Nietzsche: “He who knows why to live will overcome almost any how.”
Subsequently, after the war, talking with patients suffering from nervous disorders to varying degrees, he asked them why they did not commit suicide. And it turned out that some were held back by their love for children, others by talent that had not yet been realized, and still others by warm memories.
Viktor Frankl is the author of the books “Man’s Search for Meaning,” “The Will to Meaning,” “Saying Yes to Life,” etc.
What to do if you don't want to live
After determining the reasons, you need to begin to help yourself or a loved one who is visited by depressive thoughts. Analysis of the condition, a series of sequential actions, and work on oneself can alleviate the condition and return life to normal.
Find out the real reasons
The success of a calm life without suicidal thoughts lies in correctly identifying their occurrence. It is necessary to analyze many aspects of your life: age, social status, professional development, relationships with others. Once the weak point is found, you can decide how to deal with the reluctance to live.
Look at everything from the other side
Trivial advice that really works is looking at the situation from a different angle. No matter what happens, there is always a way out. Often events that make you want to die don't seem so terrible on the other hand. The main thing is to force yourself to think more broadly and look for the positives everywhere.
Try to change the situation through I don’t want to
Many problems that are not related to the loss of loved ones, illnesses and situations that no one can change can be solved on your own. A crisis in a relationship, misunderstandings in the family, problems at work can be solved, the main thing is to force yourself to accept the problem and start working on it. You won’t be able to let everything take its course; only global work on your life will help you get rid of the desire to leave the world.
Ask for help
If you don’t want to live, working on yourself and analyzing the problem on your own don’t help, it’s time to think about outside help. Sometimes a confidential conversation with a loved one helps, but there are situations when it is difficult to cope without a specialist. A psychologist can primarily help with problems of suicidal thoughts. He will try to figure out what causes this attitude towards life, and if depressive tendencies are detected, he will be able to recommend a psychotherapist.
How to help a person who has lost interest in life
If suicidal thoughts are visiting a person close to you, it is your duty to help him overcome the psychological crisis. I have prepared recommendations on how to act in this situation.
- First you need to find out the reason and make a plan for what to do next. Gently ask the person why he is so depressed and upset, maybe you can help him solve the problem. Even if the situation seems hopeless, when a person has cancer, for example, you can significantly improve his condition - find good doctors, collect information, organize treatment.
- Being in despair, a person may lose motivation to take care of himself. You must temporarily become a motivator for him, who will show him the right path like a beacon. Encourage him, engage him in some interesting activities, inspire him. Good mood and love for life are contagious.
- In difficult moments, it is very important for a person to speak out; be prepared to listen to him at any time of the day or night.
- Sometimes mental suffering can seriously affect your health - loss of sleep, loss of appetite, and failure to cope with excitement and anxiety. If you see that a person is not struggling with the situation and his condition is worsening every day, you need to insist on a visit to a psychotherapist.
Watch a video on this topic.
What to do if you want to die
If you don’t want to live, this thought haunts you, obsessive suicidal states appear, you need to take decisive measures. Serious thoughts about death are a good reason to think about contacting a specialist. The main thing is not to bring yourself to an extreme state, to take the necessary measures in time.
Seek help from a psychotherapist
Attempts to get rid of obsessive thoughts on your own may not bring the desired result; in this case, a psychotherapist will help. You can find a good psychotherapist in both private and public clinics. The doctor’s task is to collect anamnesis and analyze it further. At the appointment, the psychotherapist will try to find out what causes the anxiety state. He can do this with the help of surveys, tests, and tests. After finding out the reasons, the doctor prescribes treatment. It may consist of individual or group psychotherapy sessions, homework related to overcoming oneself, and in some cases, medication is necessary.
Talk to people who are on the verge of life and death
A good way to give yourself a shake-up if you don’t want to live is to communicate with people who have an extremely difficult life situation. In times when it seems that life is going downhill, it is useful to remember those whose awakening in the morning is a real holiday. These are children with cancer who have not left the hospital for months, hopelessly ill adults whose lives could end at any moment. Just looking at these people, realizing how fragile their lives are, can bring you to your senses. Such people really know how to value the time allotted to them, and there are few among them who complain or wish to die. After a conversation with them, there is a realization that all the little things that cause negative thoughts to appear are easily solved and are not worth such worries.
Stop communicating with eternal whiners.
Vampires, even energy ones, are too serious. They know what they're doing. But eternal whiners act unconsciously. They collect grievances, falls, minor failures. Complaints are poured out on everyone they meet, acquiring more and more new details. Someone else's whining does not deprive us of strength, but it brings chaos to life. The most annoying thing is that the whiner’s mood does not improve one degree, but your unwillingness noticeably gains strength.
What to do? Should I change the topic or try to explain myself? In no case. It does not help. There is only one way out - to run, throw off the challenge, come up with an unconvincing excuse and run away. There is another way for those who are not afraid of their own inadequacy: to grunt. “As always, I found myself in an unpleasant situation...” - quack. “The boss again yelled for no reason...” - quack. At the same time, your mood will rise.
It happens that the environment is not the only reason for the total no-want. Then you will have to apply the third serious technique to yourself.
How to want to live - advice from psychologists
If internal resources, self-persuasion, and looking at the problem from a different angle are not enough, you can use the advice of psychologists. They cannot make a person want to live, but they have the power to direct his thoughts in the right direction.
Psychologist and personal development coach Natalie Martin gave some advice to those in difficult situations on her YouTube blog:
- Accept your condition. It is pointless to be annoyed with yourself and scold for your condition; it is important to accept your apathy and depressive thoughts, this is where the fight against them begins.
- Take some time for yourself. We need to remember what brought joy before, before this period began: reading books, drawing, walking. It is necessary to allocate at least 15 minutes a day to your favorite activity.
- “Feeling good is a strategy.” You need to constantly remind yourself of what happened when you were happy. How the day went, what the food was like, the people nearby. In moments when you don’t want to live, a person unconsciously removes from his life everything that makes him happy. It works the other way around: during periods when everything is good, you must always adhere to a certain strategy in order to constantly maintain this state.
- Take care of your surroundings. It is unlikely that in moments of particularly low spirits you will want to see someone, much less listen to someone’s advice. It’s better to stay away from energetic people and intrusive advisers for now, and you need to take the first steps yourself towards the people you really need.
- Look for positive examples everywhere. Many people know the example of Nick Vujicic, who was born without limbs. His fate is full of grief; as a child, he even tried to commit suicide, but felt sorry for his parents. Now he tells his story while traveling around the world, received a higher education, mastered a computer, and is raising two children in marriage. People who have been deprived of everything, but through their own efforts have gotten the most out of life, inspire and make you look at the world differently.
Psychologists do not advise keeping problems to yourself; they need to be shared. Even if there is no soul mate nearby, you can say your grievances out loud to yourself - this guarantees relief and helps you find a way to solve the problem.
Let's remember simple truths
Perhaps some of them will come in handy in moments when it is difficult to make a choice - which way to go. People who made the right choice came to these conclusions - they figured out their problems and began to move on with their lives:
- “When one door closes in front of us, another one is sure to open. But we look with regret at the closed door for so long that we do not notice the open one.”
- “It won’t be long before you see that everything happened for the better.”
- “Life does not consist of problems, but of searching for options for solving them.”
- “Often we are thrown back just so we can run up and dash forward.”
- “If you think it’s time to change something, then you don’t think so.”
- “Stop imagining life as black and white—like a zebra. Think about the rainbow!
© Elena Timoshenko, BBF.RU
Effective ways to bring yourself back to life
There are ways that can really help if you don’t want to live. Even if they don’t solve the problem, they can definitely forget about it for a while; they literally cut off any depressive mood at the root.
Adrenalin
The problem of depressive thoughts can be solved from the inside, thanks to chemical processes in the body. The release of adrenaline improves your mood and heightens your love for life, the main thing is to find a suitable source. Kayaking, bungee jumping, hiking in the mountains - all this contributes to the release of this hormone and an unforgettable experience. In addition to the “natural antidepressant”, you can get a new hobby, and there will simply be no time left for negative thoughts.
A change of scenery
A change of environment for the blues is the best cure. It is not necessary to uproot or move to another country. Sometimes it is useful to simply go to nature or on an interesting excursion; for some, it will be enough to change the wallpaper or rearrange the furniture in the apartment. The main thing is that it works and distracts you from burdensome thoughts.
Journey
When thoughts about the futility of life creep closer, it's time to start planning a trip. Alone, with a loved one or the whole family at once, it will give you a feeling of fullness of life and show that there is something to live for in the world. A week on a trip can completely renew a person and his thoughts, showing that life is not hopeless, and its possibilities are endless.
New job or hobby
Very often people say the phrase “I don’t want to live” after an unbearable day at work. A job you don’t like can be the reason why you don’t want to get up in the morning; life turns into a series of monotonous days from which you want to get out. The situation is aggravated by the lack of a hobby, a favorite activity that distracts from negativity and gives purpose in life. The solution to this problem is to change jobs and find a new hobby. A favorite job in which you can develop yourself gives new goals, an interesting hobby after a hard day leaves no time for extraneous thoughts.
Communication with people
The easiest way to gain peace of mind and get rid of depression is to communicate more. Interest groups, meeting with old friends, and heart-to-heart conversations with loved ones can help with this. When the loss of spirit has reached a critical point and you don’t want to see anyone, you need to force yourself to communicate. During a good conversation, minutes fly by, and a pleasant interlocutor can dispel any blues.
If you don’t want to live and thoughts about leaving this life come to you more and more often, you should think about drastic changes in your lifestyle. In some cases, a change of environment, expanding your social circle, or traveling helps. Sometimes this is not enough and it’s time to think about contacting a specialist. The main thing is not to miss alarming symptoms in yourself or a loved one and provide timely help.
Let's change the situation
“You can’t see face to face. Big things are seen from a distance,” wrote Sergei Yesenin. Is our problem so big and so insoluble? If circumstances allow, it is necessary to abstract yourself from it, distract yourself, change the situation. And it is likely that soon it will seem petty and frivolous to us, or life will suddenly suggest ways to solve it.
Smart people say that there are at least three ways out of every situation. These are Domodedovo, Vnukovo and Sheremetyevo.
Give Hope
Hope cannot be built on empty consolations - it must come from reality, from the existing possibility of wanting and achieving. Hopes must be justified: when a ship crashes on the rocks, there is a difference between hoping to “sail to the nearest shore” and “to reach the opposite shore of the ocean.” The content of life does not disappear, even if it brings mental pain, but there is no point in being stuck on one pole of emotions. Darkness and light, joy and sadness, happiness and suffering are inseparably intertwined threads in the fabric of human existence. It is important to help strengthen a person’s strengths and capabilities, to convince him that crisis problems are variable.
Children are the flowers of life: postpartum depression
The birth of a child is a happy event. Everyone expects a young mother to flutter on the wings of love. But this doesn't always happen.
Pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding are accompanied by changes in hormonal levels. This works differently in different organisms. Some moms truly are in oxytocin heaven. Others experience all the delights of baby blues and postpartum depression.
Baby blues are a short-term state of mild melancholy. The woman is vulnerable, sad, often cries, and is very worried about the child. This is where increased care from loved ones helps. A strong family can handle this on its own.
It is enough to protect the young mother from everyday worries, organize time for her only for herself (a bath, a walk alone, meeting with friends without a child) and in a couple of weeks everything will fall into place.
Postpartum depression is a more severe condition. Have you seen these headlines: “Young mother jumped out of window, leaving three children” or “Girl jumped out of window with three-month-old baby”? All these are consequences of postpartum depression.
The tricky thing is that in addition to the typical symptoms of depression, other problems are added:
• 24-hour child care;
Changing diapers and feeding is not difficult. Sleeping 2-5 hours a day is already more difficult. Jumping on every squeak for months is even a little more difficult. Let's add to this the constant fear for life, fussing with vaccinations and searching for pediatricians. It's really hard. Try it if in doubt.
• social isolation;
Previously, a woman went to work, went shopping, went to conferences, and met with friends. And now she cannot leave the house without help. In the morning the child is calm, but everyone is at work - there is no one to talk to. In the evening everyone returned, but the child requires constant supervision - there is no time to talk.
• constant reproaches from others;
The young mother is to blame for everything: you don’t look after her right, you feed her wrong, you raise her wrong. If you complain about fatigue, you will immediately hear that “they used to give birth in the field” and “there were no diapers.” The moral pressure is very strong. If there is no support from your spouse, girlfriends or relatives, this is the path either to the window or to divorce.
• lack of assistance;
To advise is, as you know, not to move bags. Everyone loves to give TS. But few actually agree to help around the house or babysit. So it turns out that a woman cannot wash her hair for a week, because there is no one to leave the child with, and he himself yells obscenities.
• guilt.
The woman herself understands that she should be happy about the child. Everyone repeats: “Enjoy it, children grow up quickly.” But there is no strength for joy. You want to sleep, wash, eat warm food and remember that you are also a person, and not a stand for a toddler. “You can’t feel like that! What kind of mother am I!” - the young mother nags herself and it turns out to be a vicious circle.
Helping is very simple: come to visit, sit with the child, let the mother take a shower and sleep for two hours. The husband who paid for the cleaning or did the cleaning himself receives the title of national hero.
Just a bad day or depression?
Everyone has hard days. We “treat” them with cakes, chips, alcohol, hot baths, TV series, hard training, computer games. Supporting loved ones during difficult times is worth its weight in gold. Warm hugs, kind words and care help you get out of trouble without damaging something important inside yourself.
A difficult day, a bad mood and depression are not the same thing. Depression is a disease. It is characterized by a triad of main symptoms: persistent depression of mood, motor and mental retardation.
Depression can last from several weeks to several years. All this time, the person’s overall mood and self-esteem are reduced, negative thoughts predominate, and the future seems unpromising. Possible thoughts of suicide.
