What do we need them for?
There is such a thing as emotional intelligence. And in life it is much more important than IQ, because a high level of emotional culture contributes to the development and advancement of a person. And then, a person, even with a low level of intelligence, will be able to achieve incredible success in his activities and will be able to build close and healthy relationships with others.
A person’s life is varied, and during the day he experiences a whole range of feelings. Unfortunately, not always aware or tracking. Feelings are usually divided into positive and negative. But in fact, they are absolutely all necessary and useful for us, even anger. The question is different, namely their saturation.
For example, let’s take joy, a seemingly pleasant feeling, but if it turns out to be excessive for our psyche, it will lead to the same consequences as during normal stress. Or a feeling of shame, which seems to be unpleasant and undesirable for living, but if we did not experience it, we would not control our behavior, and then we would walk down the street naked, allow obscenity, and so on.
What you need to get rid of in life so as not to be nervous
There is a burden in our lives that we pull from day to day, from year to year. And we don’t understand what prevents us from living happily? This burden can also lead to excessive irritability. We lose peace and are constantly nervous for no reason. What kind of cargo is this?
- Guilt. Worries about any reason drain our nervous system. Try to forgive yourself minor mistakes, learn to accept yourself with your strengths and weaknesses.
- Fears. Constant anxiety about dismissal, betrayal, illnesses of children, the apocalypse, or a global crisis leads, at best, to nervousness, and at worst, to illness. Try to enjoy life here and now and not think in a negative way.
- Ought. Remember: NO ONE OWES ANYTHING TO ANYONE. You cannot adjust all people to yourself and your rules. Allow your loved ones to make mistakes, then they won’t annoy you so much.
Consequences of unawareness
1. Explosion
If a person does not know how to recognize his feelings and cope with them, this can provoke an emotional explosion. To begin with, I’ll give an example: imagine that borscht is being cooked on the stove, and women housewives know that periodically it is necessary to open the lid slightly and let out steam. What happens if we cover the pan and don’t give it a chance to boil? That's right, at one moment the lid will fly off and there will be an explosion. The entire contents will spill onto the stove, floor, and may well burn. It's the same with a person.
Some, due to various circumstances, hide and suppress their feelings without giving them a way out. But at one moment the slightest stress can provoke a huge wave, and then everything accumulated will break out. This is actually very destructive and dangerous, both for such a person and for those around him.
2.Psychosomatics
In the article “Does a person need to develop spiritually and how to do it?” I told you about psychosomatics, this is one of the areas in psychotherapy. Psychology has long been studying the connection between sensations and health, their influence on the human condition. The inability to express them has a very negative effect on the body. Although, it often happens when a person’s body subconsciously takes care of it through diseases. This can be found out in the process of researching your illness or pain, answering questions about how it is useful for you, why it arose and at what moments it manifests itself.
For example, a person who does not allow himself to relax, spending all his time at work, may experience pain in the back or neck. Then the body artificially arranges for him to rest with the help of illness, so that he can rest at least a little. If you listen to your body, you will become a healthier person.
3.Burnout
There is such a thing as emotional burnout, this is when a person is exhausted morally and physically, he has no strength for any activity, desires or energy in general. It occurs when a person’s resources have been wasted on a large scale without having time to be replenished. Like a match that burned brightly but quickly ran out. It has many warning signs before it starts, which is why it is important to be aware of yourself and your feelings, because if you listen to yourself, it is quite possible to avoid burnout and even depression.
4.Relationships
Relationships are destroyed, as a result of which satisfaction from life and, ultimately, the meaning of existence disappear. We noticed when we got angry or offended somewhere, for some reason we didn’t answer, or we answered, but not what we wanted. For example, due to the fact that it is unsafe when the boss swears, and if you do not restrain yourself, you may well lose your job.
But the feeling of anger arose, no matter how we tried to ignore it, it is there, and will manifest itself when you find yourself in a safer environment. And as often happens, a breakdown occurs with loved ones. Which actually has nothing to do with it at all. And with whom relationships will begin to crumble over time if this continues.
Breathe deeper
If you feel stress coming over you, stop, take a comfortable position, relax, breathe deeply and slowly, try to get rid of the rush. There is no need to be afraid of being late - remember that your calmness is the key to efficiency in any work. Analyze your own emotions: try to understand what exactly unsettles you, what is the trigger for emotions. You should not skimp on time if you want to devote it to “putting things in order” inside. Clear thoughts are a guarantee that emotions will not overwhelm you unexpectedly. Favorite music will help bring emotions and thoughts into a state of harmony. You should not listen to something new in critical situations. Familiar, calm music will work well; it will relieve stress and return emotions to normal.
What to do with emotions?
1. Let it be
The most important thing you must do is to allow yourself to feel absolutely all emotions, to understand that this is you, real and alive. This is the whole paradox: to control them, you must first allow them to be.
2.Examine your reactions to different situations and circumstances
For example, people react to aggression towards them in a completely different way, some curse in response, others may cry, some freeze and get scared, some run away, and for others this situation will then be remembered for a very long time, destroying self-esteem and peace. Therefore, study yourself, and then, knowing your reactions, you will be able to simulate situations in order to avoid embarrassment. You will know and feel at what point you can lose control of yourself, and you will simply take care in advance to prevent this.
3.Control of feelings
Some people believe that in order to control their emotions, you just need to stop feeling. Now let's think about the fact that it is impossible to stop feeling only negative emotions; if a barrier arises, it will not allow absolutely any through. Are you ready to stop rejoicing, experiencing happiness, tenderness, interest and love? When this happens, others say that the person is like a wall or a robot. The only problem is that it seems to us that we don’t feel anything, in fact, processes are happening inside that over time can lead to prolonged depression.
4. Recognize the usefulness of each emotion
Yes, yes, yes, even anger. Because it arises at the moment when your boundaries are violated, something happens that you don’t like or don’t want. Or disgust - if we didn’t experience it, we could have poisoned ourselves long ago, and I’m not just talking about food, but even about information and events. Sadness signals that something in your life was valuable to you, and you currently lack it.
And so with absolutely every emotion, they all carry value and perform certain functions. And if you allow them to be, live through even sadness, sadness and pain, without devaluing their role, then there will be free space for other feelings that will definitely arise in the future. And then you will develop, gaining experience and awareness. If you block, you will stop, thereby preventing yourself from moving forward.
Maybe you've heard that there is such a thing as prolonged grief? This is when the process of recovery from an experienced trauma or loss is delayed because a person does not allow himself to feel any unpleasant sensations due to different beliefs, or reluctance to experience them. And then a person loses the desire to live, the ability to rejoice, and this can continue for many years, right up to death.
5.Management
Managing them is about finding a form for expression. If you feel irritable, beat the pillow; if you are very angry, when you still want to scream, run a bath and yell into the water; nothing will be heard, but the energy will be released. To avoid destroying yourself, try to free yourself safely. If you feel very anxious, do some exercise to relieve excess stress; running or swimming are ideal.
6. Rest
Allow yourself to rest, because instability of behavior and loss of control over oneself occurs in moments of fatigue, when there are absolutely no resources and nothing to rely on. If you notice that your condition has been changing lately, change your surroundings, organize a vacation or a quality and pleasant vacation. Some people love parties, others enjoy being alone or spending time in nature. Just do something that makes you relax, that brings you a feeling of peace, calm, joy and saturation. Then, having gained strength, you will not react so painfully to stress.
7.Meditation
Correct breathing techniques will help you control yourself in any situation, because the impact of external stimuli will not be perceived so closely. I recommend practicing meditation because, in addition to health, you will become a balanced and happy person. You can read about the benefits in my article “What is meditation and what will it give to the common person”, and also try to practice it yourself using a technique that is quite accessible to everyone, also outlined on the blog: “The easiest to learn and effective way of meditation.”
8.Creativity
It is imperative to give an outlet to any energy so that it does not turn out to be destructive and toxic. There is even a direction in psychotherapy called art therapy. It involves drawing, sculpting, carving and many other ways that help you become aware of yourself and free yourself from tension, fear, and other things. Because, for example, in the process of drawing, you give your subconscious the opportunity to reach you so that you hear and understand it.
Therefore, we can also receive some vital answers by allowing our hand to move with a brush or pencil on the paper. It is easy to free yourself, for example, from anger and fear by giving them the opportunity to give them shape, and then destroying the drawing, tearing it up or throwing it away.
Is it possible to learn to suppress it?
Is it possible to become an emotionless person?
Suppression of emotions is an active influence on strong feelings, the purpose of which is to destroy these experiences.
It is important not to confuse suppressing emotions with controlling them, with managing them.
Control refers to the influence on emotions of medium strength, and control refers to the coordination of calm emotions. In the case of suppression, we are talking only about strong, pronounced experiences.
It is possible to learn to suppress external manifestations of feelings, but it is recommended to do this only in isolated cases. For example, when the demonstration of experiences is unacceptable in a particular place.
To suppress an emotion, it is necessary, at the moment of its occurrence, to put up an internal barrier for yourself that categorically prohibits any external action. This can only be done if you have a strong will and the ability to control yourself.
Constant, systematic suppression of emotions will lead to serious health and mental problems, so this is not recommended.
The best way out of a crisis situation is not to fight your feelings, but to change the situation itself (as far as possible).
For example, if you show negative emotions while communicating with a specific person, you can simply stop this communication. In this case, there will be no need to suppress internal experiences, since the source of their occurrence will be eliminated.
Awareness Technique
If you don't understand what's happening to you or what exactly you're feeling, try doing an exercise called the Sedona method. To do this, you need to choose a time and space where and when you cannot be distracted or disturbed. Gather your thoughts, realize that you need these answers, so you should be sincere with yourself. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down the answers to the following questions that come to mind:
- What's happening to me now? What I feel? Use the table that I gave at the beginning of the article, because very often we make the mistake of calling desires for any actions emotions, for example: “I feel like I want to hit him” - then this is anger, aggression...
- Do I agree, am I ready to accept this?
- Can I let go?
- And the last question: “Do I want to let this go?”
Take care of yourself
It is important to understand for yourself how an emotional breakdown manifests itself in you. One person breaks down into aggression, the second suddenly begins to cry, the third is speechless. You should carefully study your own reactions and build the situation in such a way as to protect yourself in the eyes of others. Therefore, if you feel that your emotions are starting to get out of control, take care that the consequences of an emotional outburst do not affect your career, do not spoil your public speaking, or make you feel ashamed or embarrassed in front of witnesses of your weakness.
Try visualization
When a strong emotion comes, try to be alone. Breathe deeply, do not push away your sensations, but let them pass through you. Visualize them into whatever you want, for example into a dark fog that gradually leaves your body.
You can practice visualization in a more literal way - write your feelings on a piece of paper, read it out loud and burn it.
