And really, why is that? Remember how many times you asked yourself this question when you once again encountered, to put it mildly, an unworthy reaction of some people in one or another life situation, especially when such a reaction was completely unjustified and inappropriate for the situation?
We should all have long ago recognized that human society has never been a place where everyone around is kind, considers their words and treats each other with respect - and, unfortunately, there is no prerequisite for it to ever become one in future.
Unlucky day
Sometimes the reason some people get angry is simply a bad day. For example, a person overslept, so he is a little late for work, then spilled a cup of coffee on his new suit, got stuck in an elevator, etc. Can this day be called a good day? Perhaps the second half of the day will be the happiest in recent times, but the “victim” does not know this yet. So it turns out that he begins to “take his anger out” on everyone who comes to his hand. Of course, not all people do this, but only those who cannot control themselves. But we must admit that each of us has moments when our nerves simply give out (especially if the troubles drag on for a long time). Therefore, you should treat rude people condescendingly, since at this stage they have problems, not you.
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Stop the cycle of rudeness
Rude behavior spreads like a disease if you let it. One act of rudeness can easily start a vicious cycle of causing rude behavior in others, spreading contagious moods and bad behavior.
It's easy to see how this happens. A rude driver cuts you off on your way to work, leaving you feeling irritated and frustrated. You bring these negative feelings to work with your co-workers and notice it when you lash out at a co-worker for no apparent reason. Your colleagues feel hurt, become irritated, and are rude to others. And so on.
You have the power to stop the vicious circle of rudeness. With a little compassion, you can counteract rudeness with kindness.
The person has negative feelings towards you
It's almost impossible to please everyone. That's why each of us has friends who don't like us. But we try to control ourselves and not demonstrate our negative attitude (in the event that our hostility is mutual), and other people do not consider this a reasonable solution. Moreover, they do this on purpose to show you their disdain. They try to insult, humiliate, spoil the mood, etc. But we understand that they do all this out of their weakness and bad manners. An intelligent person will never stoop to show his negative attitude. The most he will do is simply ignore you. Therefore, you should not be offended by those who show their anger in this way.
Overwhelmed by the circumstances
People are better than you think they are. Yes, yes, the truth is that most of humanity consists of quite decent people who only sometimes find themselves so overwhelmed by circumstances that they verbally lash out at those around them, and take out their irritation on innocent people.
Fortunately, we very rarely meet people who are rude to others simply because they like it. No, they certainly exist, but they are definitely not the norm, and even the behavior of these people is most likely caused by some kind of suffering or trauma in the past, or even in the present.
Dealing with rude and negative people requires a tremendous amount of empathy and patience. Sometimes it may even seem that the responsibility for changing this situation for the better, and not letting it get worse, lies with you, and not at all with the rude person.
But imagine the alternative: if you respond to rudeness with rudeness, you are giving that person a real, real, tangible reason to do the same to the future and to you. And then the spiral of rudeness will truly become endless and it will be impossible to stop it...
Be kind...be human.
Low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem can demonstrate rudeness and anger. If a person does not know anything in life, cannot boast of his intellect (experience, achievements, etc.), he begins to “present” himself in exactly this way. He begins to attract attention to himself by attacking others, and thus self-actualizes (from his point of view). Such a person will be happy if he is perceived as a brawler with whom no one wants to deal, because otherwise he will simply not be noticed. Therefore, we, as people with objective self-esteem, have to look at all this with pity (not in the best sense of the word) and condescension. We cannot do anything about this, since only experienced specialists or the person himself can change him.
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Containing your negative emotions
Some people simply don't know how to control their negative emotions. They try to stop for a moment to think about the situation, but they can't even do that. These people tend to overreact to even the smallest problems, as they have an overly active temperament and excessive emotionality. It is worth understanding that a person who is constantly in an excited state and reacts to every little thing, while making a huge scandal out of nothing, is to some extent sick. He experiences a lot of negative emotions and worries, and this irritates his nervous system. Don't pay attention to him and take everything personally. We must hope that he will recover someday, but for now, let him be rude to himself, since it’s easier for him.
In general, nothing new...
There were, are and always will be rude, impolite and disrespectful people in this world.
We have written evidence that even Greek philosophers complained about this two thousand years ago - Plato himself repeatedly complained about the disrespectful behavior of youths of his time, completely devoid of any manners.
Typically, it falls on us, the more level-headed and reasonable people, to identify what we consider unacceptable behavior and respond to it accordingly. At the same time, trying to reduce the intensity of the negative flame, and not inflame it even stronger.
When I'm in a good mood, I look at the world more favorably and try to imagine the person who just yelled at me out of nowhere, or who infuriated me by cutting in front of me in line, as a baby or small child.
I'm trying to understand exactly what life situations have temporarily or permanently turned them into aggressive and unpleasant people, acting as if good manners died out with the dinosaurs.
When I'm not having the best day, my reaction is often much less supportive and tolerant... but I openly admit it, and at the end of the day, no one is perfect!
Miseducation
Often parents allow their children to do whatever they want. From these naughty kids, to whom everything is allowed, ill-mannered adults grow up. They are used to getting everything they want from life, so they choose this particular style of behavior. Ignorant people try to achieve everything through rudeness, scandals and hysterics. They constantly raise their voices and try to draw attention to their problem, involving everyone present. Unfortunately, we cannot re-educate them, so we are forced to simply ignore their demands, which are expressed in this way.
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How to respond to rudeness with dignity and grace - 10 methods
Calm Method
When confronted with potential offenders, you should never show them your confusion. Express your thoughts clearly and firmly, and do not utter any words in your own justification or defense. The intonation of the voice should be as calm and relaxed as possible, since this is what will most quickly unsettle the boor. With his attacks, he wants to piss off his victim in order to be recharged with a portion of negative energy. There is no need to give a rude person such joy.
For example, in response to the angry words of an irritated conductor about her lack of change for a large bill, you need to calmly ask her again so that she repeats her speech, and then politely but persistently ask her to solve this problem.
Method "Psychological Aikido"
The use of this protective technique is based on the use of the negative energy of a brute against himself. The opponent must agree with critical remarks addressed to him, confusing and bringing mutual communication to the point of absurdity. You can even praise your opponent for timely and useful criticism. Mastering the method requires some practice and breaking existing behavioral patterns.
As an illustrative example, the following dialogue can be given:
Rude: “Where are you going!” Don't you have eyes?! Don’t you see, there’s a queue here!” Opponent: “But I really don’t have eyes, but you are so attentive, you immediately noticed it and pointed out my mistake.” Rude: “We’re all standing, but why are you pushing forward?!” Opponent: “Well, yes, everyone is standing, and I’m climbing, the smartest one has been found here” ... and further in this style.
As a rule, two or three mutual skirmishes are enough to psychologically disorient the enemy. In addition, the people around you can seriously help you, appreciating the absurdity and comicality of the situation. Ham will have to retreat in his intentions, and he is unlikely to continue.
Method "Humor"
Intending to say something bad, a person tenses up and tries to draw air into his respiratory tract. If you try to make him laugh at this time, he will relax and the first outburst of anger will pass. You can also smile and compliment your opponent.
For example, a secretary, entering the director's office, accidentally trips and falls, knocking over cups from a tray. Looking at the chief's angry face, the woman tells him that he is simply stunning, hinting at the reason for the fall. Such a joke causes laughter among those present and a smile from the director, instead of the expected reprimand.
Method "Statement"
In some situations, you can pacify a boor by simply calling him in public for who he really is. In particular, you can say directly: “You are a rude person,” or you can navigate the situation and use your own imagination and fantasy.
For example, you can complain about rudeness addressed in response to your forgetfulness that, unfortunately, pills for rudeness have not yet been invented.
"Sneeze" method
It is an effective response when a boorish monologue threatens to drag on for a long time. If your opponent is getting more and more angry and cannot stop, you need to help him with this. For the time being, listen in silence until the boor imagines himself to be the complete master of the situation. Then sneeze deliberately loudly, and in a moment of calm, say that you have an allergic reaction to various nonsense. Next, politely ask your opponent to continue his speech.
In response to offensive remarks, you can use the following phrases:
"This is all?" "So what?" “Did you by any chance make a mistake?” “Believe me, rudeness does not suit you at all” “Why are you trying to look worse than you really are” “I don’t have time to understand your complexes”, etc.
Another reason for rudeness is people who simply cannot live without it. They consciously chose a similar style of communication with others and feel quite comfortable with it. In response to such behavior patterns, the following techniques will be effective.
Method "Persistent politeness and boundless patience"
The main rule when dealing with a chronic rude person is absolute politeness and tolerance. The main thing is not to lash out in response to boorish antics and not to succumb to provocations, becoming only a follower. We must remember that the main goal of a boor is to provoke a response in his opponent, whereas, without receiving it, he loses the fuel for further actions. A smile and outward goodwill are so unusual for him that they can completely unsettle him.
Such a scenario is completely atypical for a person accustomed to being treated rudely, so a polite opponent has the opportunity to take the situation into his own hands. If the enemy has a serious fixation on the negative, you can also try to communicate politely, but pronounce the words louder than usual. Such an unconventional trick can silence him.
The behavior of the parties can be illustrated using the following example:
Saleswoman: “Woman, how long will you be looking at everything here?! Are you buying or not? Buyer: “Please, show me that blouse over there.” Saleswoman: “As much as possible! Am I here, an errand girl?!” Buyer (politely, but much louder): “Please show me that blouse.”
The Boring Method
It will come in handy for people working as administrators in various Internet projects. It's no secret that some users chronically neglect the established rules, and then bring down all their inadequacy on the administrators. When a person has no reasonable arguments, outright rudeness begins.
Of course, you can simply ban an obstinate user, or you can make a “dry” remark in official language. Soon the belligerent enemy's interest will cool and he will stop letting off steam. In practice, such communication might look like this:
Forum participant: “For what reason did I get banned?! What kind of arbitrariness is this! Do whatever comes into your head!” Forum administrator: “You violated rule No. 2 of the internal regulations, from such and such a date. According to paragraph 3 of this rule, you are entitled to a ban for the next three weeks.” Forum participant: “I didn’t have any violations, these are all your inventions. My photos are the coolest, but you don’t understand anything about it!” Forum administrator: “For offensive statements addressed to the administration, the ban period will be extended for another 10 days.”
Shocking method
To break the stereotypical behavior of a boor, you can try to break his usual pattern by shocking him. To do this, in response to a rude remark, you need to answer something completely irrelevant, thereby confusing the enemy. For example, in response to the seller’s rudeness, you can ask what the score was at yesterday’s football match.
In addition to the methods described above, for a decent response to rude people, you can prepare the following phrases:
“It’s a pity, but you are far from original” “Well, it all started so well” “For some reason I didn’t want to continue our further communication” “It’s a pity that I didn’t hear anything original from you” “Not too witty, but there is something what to strive for” “Assessed the depth of your thinking abilities”, etc.
Another reason for rudeness is the offender’s fear of his opponent. In this situation, he strives to attack first, masking his insecurity, cowardice and envy in front of more successful people. Rudeness, in this case, serves only as a kind of disguise and cover.
Method “Taking care of the hedgehog”
Mentally imagine a hedgehog that has prickly spines, but at the same time is just a small, frightened animal. Make an association with your offender, taking a condescending and patronizing position towards him. In addition, the above-described “Calmness” and “Psychological Aikido” methods are well suited in this situation. Additional phrases you can use include:
“You will definitely succeed” “What else is on your mind?” “Do you want to offend me? What for?" “Rudeness suits no one, least of all you.” “Thank you for your close attention to my person,” etc.
Method "Ignore"
This method of psychological defense is universal for all causes of external aggression. Sometimes silence really is golden. This especially applies to those situations when you have no need to communicate with the offender, or you feel that you are not emotionally ready to fight with him, as well as in cases where there is a clearly mentally unhealthy person in front of you.
Ignoring is very effective against any type of rudeness, if done correctly. In particular, you don’t need to show any emotions so that the offender doesn’t suddenly think that you are silently swallowing the insult, and he will become more and more angry. Everything should look as if there was an empty space in front of you, and you, such a successful and lucky person, have absolutely no time to pay attention to all sorts of annoying obstacles and little things.
Read further: 65 phrases to respond to rudeness
Download and print the file below to help you remember these 10 ways to respond to rudeness.
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Heightened self-esteem
Some people consider themselves superior to others. They treat others as service personnel or simply individuals unworthy of their level. Such people constantly demonstrate their superiority and express this through raised voices or rudeness. Unfortunately, nothing can be done about this either. It is very difficult for a person who cannot objectively evaluate himself to prove the rules of good manners. Therefore, you should treat them with indifference or simply ignore them.
Don't escalate
When someone annoys you, your instinctive reaction is to respond in kind. But remember that you can only control yourself. Choose to give up the drama. Regardless of how another person behaves, you control your own behavior as much as that person does.
Keep calm. Take a deep breath and give yourself space to calm down if someone upsets you. Remember that you don't need to stoop to their level, because doing so will likely only make the situation worse. Maintain your dignity and rise above it all.
Longing for loneliness
Some people just need to be alone sometimes. And when they are forced to communicate with others (friends, relatives, colleagues), they do everything to provoke a conflict. Perhaps they do not want to start quarrels and scandals, they are simply trying to convey in this way so that they are left alone. Perhaps if you approach them after some time, they will behave differently, but at this point it is recommended to simply walk away.
Lack of communication skills
When people are unable to communicate well or understand body language, they become rude, even if they didn't intend to be so. The way we perceive things is not always as intended. A person simply does not know how to voice his desires, so he acts as he is accustomed to. He begins to get angry, rude and insult other people instead of calmly explaining what he needs. In fact, try not to take everything to heart, because not everything is as deep as it may seem.
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Poor self awareness
People with poor self-awareness may not always notice the changes sent by those around them. For example, if something they say upsets you, they may simply not notice. These people are not trying to look disrespectful, they simply do not know how to behave in such a situation. They need to explain everything in detail (say what exactly upsets and offends you in this conversation), since not everyone will be able to read your thoughts. If you do this once (and even more so several times), without getting offended or reacting with aggression, then the person will definitely behave differently (at least with you). Try it, you will definitely succeed.
Is this even legal?
Here you need to distinguish constructive criticism from insults. If they point out to you that you are wrong, they condemn your actions without using curse words, then they are simply expressing their point of view on some situation that has arisen. Here you are your own helper. And if this same person insults you, tears you into small obscene pieces, then this is already an offense - the rude person should be careful.
Until 2012, the Criminal Code had an article for insulting a person - Art. 130 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. But now it has moved to the Code of Administrative Offenses - Art. 5.61 Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation. Accordingly, insults moved from the category of crimes to the category of offenses. The maximum possible punishment against an individual under this article is 3,000 rubles (public insult - 5,000 rubles). In such a situation, we gentlemen say that the game is not worth the candle. Firstly, the punishment is not very severe, and secondly, you need to provide testimony of witnesses, an audio or video recording of the offense. Then there’s the trial. Everything is long and tedious, which will only cause more stress and irritation.
But sometimes a simple personal insult can develop into something more. A verbal altercation can reach the level of personal threat - when they tell you not only that you are a fool, but also that they will roll you into concrete for this. And this is already Art. 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, and here you can get a real sentence. Of course, the use of violence also aggravates the situation - new articles of the Criminal Code come into play, for example, Art. 115 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - “Intentional infliction of minor harm to health.”
And there is also Art. 128.1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - “Slander”, you can accidentally hurt the feelings of believers in a dispute (Article 148 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation) or incite ethnic hatred (Article 282 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation). In short, if you meet a person with the Criminal Code in his hands, then try not to enter into conflict with him, in case he knows how to use it.
Personality disorder
There are many different types of personality disorders, and some of them make people quite rude, or make them seem so. Please understand that not everyone is at the same level of mental development as you. It is necessary to understand that this is a serious problem, first of all, for the person himself. He undoubtedly needs treatment, where experienced specialists will help him cope with his uncontrollable emotions. Therefore, you should not take everything personally and be offended by sick (in the literal sense of the word) people. Not everyone has a personality disorder, but they are much more common than you might think.
Use humor to calm a difficult person
A rude and difficult person can create tension and anxiety for himself and everyone around him. Remember that they are most likely being rude because they are angry or upset about something they have previously experienced. Humor can create variety and break up this tension, giving everyone an opportunity to laugh.
You can do this by finding a way to laugh at a common situation or by making a joke about a common experience that you can relate to. Self-irony can be an equally effective weapon. Finding a way to bring some levity when someone is feeling out of sorts can help everyone in the conversation hit the reset button and start over on a better note.
