Every day, continuous negativity of various sizes penetrates into our lives. The media helpfully report who killed, robbed, and ran over whom. Constantly various sources of information bring to our attention information about new disasters and political unrest. And the positive news, compared to the amount of negative news, is negligible. It seems that there is absolutely no kindness and goodness left in the world. Unfortunately, this stream has so “clogged” people’s heads that today no one even thinks about why people are so cruel? How can I change this? And is modern humanity really so soulless?
He's two-faced
Yes, such people often surprise with their masks. And that is why it is so difficult to immediately calculate their hardness of heart. They love to please everyone (we will talk about this in more detail in the next paragraph) and therefore at the beginning of acquaintance you will never see his dark side, he will diligently cover it with his “white mask”. If, nevertheless, the true face accidentally appears out in some outburst of rage that he cannot control, he will apologize for a long time and shout that he was not himself, this usually does not happen to him and he himself did not know that created. They are distinguished theatergoers and at such moments they are ready to lose their pride and portray a person unhappy and so depressed by what happened that he will ask for forgiveness and perhaps even shed a tear, which usually bribes the one who witnessed his cruelty, the victim believes that he is so sincerely repentant a person really could not express himself in such a way.
Only those closest to him can see his real face . And not only do they suffer from the fact that there is a cruel person next to them who brings a lot of pain, but usually no one believes them when they try to complain to others about this person, because with strangers he is such a sweetheart, no one ever will think that he can behave the way you say. And most likely you will be labeled a liar and a slanderer who is trying to discredit such a good person.
Root of Evil
The feeling of anger is given by nature. It is necessary in order to mobilize all forces for the fight in dangerous moments. But how it will be used by a person depends on the moral standards instilled in childhood. If parents show aggression towards their child, it will definitely come back to haunt them. Relationships between children and fathers based on fear are likely to be adopted by the adolescent in his interactions with peers. It is in the family that one should look for the root of evil. This kind of upbringing clearly explains why people become cruel.
Although in this situation the child may develop another model of behavior: he decides that he is bad and is to blame for everything. Such a teenager becomes a victim of cruel treatment by peers. Often he does not even look for methods of protection, believing that he deserves this.
Sometimes the cause of aggression may not be violence at all, but overprotection. This method of education puts a feeling of permissiveness into the child’s subconscious. The teenager considers himself the most important and demands unquestioning obedience. Unfortunately, a person who was not taught by his parents to respect others will not gain this wisdom anywhere else. He won't even notice how he humiliates you.
Wants to please everyone around him
Such people are so afraid to show their true colors that they are ready to do anything in order to be good in the eyes of others - lies, endless proof, etc. Very often they take pity , telling tearful stories from their past and justifying their unsightly actions with psychological trauma from them, or simply sharing their sob stories to evoke compassion and sympathy. Moreover, half of these stories can be made up or turned in a different direction, naturally, beneficial for him; they are excellent at distorting facts . For example, he can tell with tears in his eyes how a woman cheated on him and now because of this he is so jealous and distrustful, although in fact it was he who cheated on her, and he has always been a pathological jealous person.
The funny thing is that such people try to look white and fluffy in front of absolutely everyone , even if it is a complete stranger whom he will never see again. Sometimes you get the feeling that by making excuses to them, they are, as it were, making excuses to themselves.
Historical cruelty
The older generation likes to wonder why so many cruel people appeared? Everyone was kinder before. Listening to their complaints, you involuntarily agree. You just have to open a newspaper or watch the news.
People used to be kinder. It's worth thinking about. And before – when? Millennia ago, when cannibalism flourished? Well, these people can, by and large, even be justified somehow. They were primitive. And they didn’t know at all about humane treatment of one’s neighbor. Or maybe those who lived during the era of the Inquisition were kinder? Or during the reign of Stalin? Many people were in prison thanks to denunciations. How many of these “good-natured people” sincerely tried to present their neighbor with a “gift”!
Why does it feel like there are so many cruel people today? Of course, the media made their contribution. In the era of democracy, they pay more attention to manifestations of cruelty. It should be noted that the level of humanity among humanity has increased, which is why aggression is so striking.
Never admits his mistakes
Abusive people almost never admit to their own mistakes. They will foam at the mouth to prove that they are right, blame anyone around them, but will not admit to their own mistakes. In general, their main strategy in disputes is attack, rather than constructive dialogue and listening to the other side. It is not so important for him to achieve the truth as to blame his opponent for everything by any means and make him the culprit of the entire situation.
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Feelings of rejection
It is especially developed in adolescence. However, many adults carry these feelings into adulthood. Quite often you can observe a picture when a child exclaims loudly on the street and points his finger at a person with a different skin color or who has a physical disability.
Adults react completely differently. On a subconscious level, they experience a sense of danger. Immediately there is a desire to withdraw. But for some it manifests itself in cruelty and violence. It is this feeling that sometimes makes teenagers bully peers who are different from them. Why are people so cruel? Again, the instilled skills of tolerance and respect in the family will not allow a teenager or adult to behave this way.
He doesn't feel guilty
Cruel people not only do not admit their guilt out loud, but they also do not sincerely feel it themselves. They always believe that even in their obviously unsightly actions, someone else is to blame (“I was provoked,” “he started it first,” etc.). Moreover, they will manipulate the facts in any way they like and turn them in the right direction in order to prove not only to everyone, but also to themselves, their infallibility. And they lie so much that they themselves believe it.
Moreover, this applies to all areas of life. Someone is also usually to blame for his problems and failures - a neighbor, the government, a boss, a wife, but not him, no. He is perfect.
He enjoys seeing others' misfortune and pain.
Even if they try to express some kind of regret, in fact they are triumphant because the person is feeling bad. This is very clearly demonstrated by the fact that all their advice is, in fact, if you think about it, useless, condolences are on duty, and offers of help will probably never be implemented . Because such a person does not want to sincerely help you, but is simply once again trying to look good in your eyes.
In addition, they are cruel in their treatment of those who are weaker than them . For example, with animals. And this gives them away very much. Yes, he can punish him for an offense or prank, but look with what pleasure and frenzy he does this, and, moreover, he usually goes too far and punishes much more seriously than the offense is worth.
Relationships with family
All people tend to be cruel. For some this happens very rarely. Others show aggression quite often. At the same time, anyone can commit a cruel act, and quite often such outbursts occur in truly kind people. Unfortunately, all the negativity spills out on those closest to us. For those who are truly loved and very dear. Why are people so cruel? What makes them “take out” their anger on their relatives, and restrain their outbursts of anger with those around them? Why can’t you control your behavior when communicating with loved ones?
Yes, because relatives are not going anywhere. When communicating with strangers, a person restrains himself. There are many reasons: the desire to win over the interlocutor, and the fear of losing an interesting friend. In the case of a boss, intemperance can lead to dismissal. But when you find yourself in a circle of relatives, especially in a bad mood, even one word can make a person angry. That’s when a scandal breaks out out of nowhere. Of course, this is fundamentally wrong, but the accumulated negativity requires discharge. That’s why it spills out on those closest to us. They, even if you greatly offend them and quarrel with them, love them so much that they will still forgive.
He is only interested in his own needs, he is deaf to the needs of others
Actually, this follows from the previous sign. Why would he listen to your needs and your opinions if he doesn't want to bring anything good into your life? Therefore, he will either remain deaf to them, or do the opposite and say that this happened and he could not have done otherwise.
But cruel people are also able to masterfully hide this trait when they need it. For example, when a situation is beneficial for them, it is necessary to attract a person, they are ready to support his opinion, listen and assent to every word . But don’t flatter yourself - this will only happen as long as this person needs you and your favor for some purpose.
Instability in society
An indirect cause of cruelty is growing anxiety. Social inequality and instability give rise to a feeling of discomfort. From TV screens, people again see cruelty. A person whose psyche is formed is able to distinguish the grain from the husk; he will not accept aggression as a call to action. A child will absorb on-screen scenes of violence like a sponge. And he can perceive all this as a kind of school of life. It is important to realize how much such television hurts the child’s psyche, and the answer to the question: “Why did people become cruel?” will be received instantly.
Wants to control everything and becomes aggressive and vindictive if things don’t go according to his plan
Moreover, both your own life and the lives of people nearby. They usually like everyone to play by their rules, and these rules are often quite strict, because cruel people are very pedantic and want every thing to be in its place, every person to strictly fulfill the role assigned to him, which the pedant himself for him invented. Therefore, everyone is subject to total control, from a life partner, who becomes a victim of eternal checks and outbursts of jealousy, to relatives, subordinates, etc.
They are able to lose their temper when something does not happen according to plan and bring down all their anger on the poor guy who was not lucky enough to be the cause of it (and since, as we remember, they certainly blame someone for all problems another, and not yourself, such a culprit is almost always found). Moreover, the more trauma the “culprit” inflicted, the more anger will be poured out on him. Sometimes cruel people, driven by a sense of revenge, are ready to devote almost their entire lives to ruining the life of another who hurt him, even if he did it unintentionally or he himself provoked him to such an act. Moreover, they do not disdain any methods to achieve their goal of revenge .
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Tends to talk about others and gossip
They tend to discuss everyone around them (naturally, in a negative light), spread gossip and pour bile and poison on everyone they meet.
By this sign, you can quite identify a cruel person, just listen carefully to how he speaks about those around him. It’s one thing when he doesn’t like the elected representatives from his circle, and another thing when everything happens, even without any particular reason, or for far-fetched and concocted reasons. He may not even really know the person, but he automatically doesn’t like him anymore and he will find a reason to say nasty things about him .
In addition, if an ordinary person expresses his opinion relatively indifferently or even with regret that he was disappointed in a person, then someone prone to harshness will speak with frenzy, using all sorts of gross insults and as if experiencing physical pleasure from what he is saying .
How to deal with your own aggression?
The reasons described above give an idea of why kind people become cruel. But how to deal with such manifestations? What to do if you start to boil internally?
Physical activity perfectly clears away negativity. After all, sport teaches conscious control over your emotions and body. Psychologists often recommend mastering breathing exercises. It will allow you to control both body and spirit.
Find a safe outlet for accumulated negativity. Release your emotions with a scream. Just not on your family or your colleague. Shout where it's needed. For example, become an ardent football fan or attend rock concerts.
By the way, psychologists recommend this technique: stand near the railway in the evening. When the train passes, scream as loud as you can, as loud as you can. The noise of the wheels will drown out any sound. No one will hear you, but your body will receive the necessary release.
He enjoys humiliating others
Actually, this is directly related to pleasure from someone else's pain. But it is a sign that is worth highlighting, since it is by it that a cruel person can be identified especially easily.
They usually have a specific sense of humor . At least, this is how others and themselves explain it. But in fact, constant attempts to make unpleasant jokes at a person, especially in public, to put him in an unsightly light, are completely conscious actions. Moreover, they do not shun the most acute and painful topics for humans. Do not hope that, having revealed your secret to such a person and made it clear to him that this is very important to you and brings you the greatest pain, he will not use it in the future and will avoid this topic in his jokes. No, on the contrary, he will use it, knowing that it will give you the most unpleasant sensations. If you try to appeal to his conscience, he will pretend to be a fool, saying, he didn’t think that it would be unpleasant for you, or he will even make you feel guilty that you don’t understand jokes or are offended by little things. It is very comfortable.
Main reasons
Why are there so many cruel people? The answer to this question should be sought in the causes of aggression. It should be noted that the manifestation of cruelty has many faces. However, it is not difficult to identify her. A person who causes pain to another, causing them to suffer, whether morally or physically, is fully aware of this and seeks to cause harm - cruel.
Psychologists identify three reasons why people are cruel:
- Dissatisfaction with life. People who are dissatisfied with their fate are quite often exposed to stress and depression. These emotions overwhelm their souls so much that they are ready to break free at any moment. That is why all the negativity is often spilled out by mothers on their children. Some people, out of anger, break tree branches and beat animals. This mental state is quite dangerous, since it threatens the owner with the occurrence of neuroses and mental disorders. In addition to all this, constant negativity seriously shortens life expectancy and leads to the development of heart disease or skin problems.
- Indifference. Very often it is this that gives rise to unjustified cruelty. Some people don't even try to understand how much pain their actions, and sometimes words, can cause. They don't think about how much they can hurt someone else. At the same time, the object of their cruelty becomes a weak creature who cannot show emotions and explain what pain they caused him.
- Suppressed emotions. Sometimes a person shows aggression “on the side.” This behavior is typical of those who in everyday life are forced to constantly hide and suppress desires, emotions, and impulses. Most often, such cruelty is characteristic of grown-up children (especially boys) who grew up in a family of authoritarian parents. Employees who are forced to unquestioningly carry out the orders of their boss, without being able to express their will, in some conditions can show extremely cruel ruthlessness.
He has double standards
They usually very harshly and adamantly declare some of their life views, but in fact, they usually make these demands only on others, and not on themselves , and, moreover, they can change in accordance with his benefit and depending on situations.
For example, at the very beginning, he can tell his woman that he believes that the main thing in a relationship is fidelity and honesty, and he himself will recklessly cheat and lie, but ask his wife to fulfill the initially stated demands.
In addition, in any situation, he can twist his own words and statements in a way that is convenient for him, and naturally interpret the same act committed by him and another person differently , in his direction.
How to defend a victim
Psychologists say that in a group it is quite easy to determine which people are cruel and who is a “lamb.” Therefore, it is recommended to identify a victim of aggression by the following signs:
- low self-esteem;
- diffidence;
- full acceptance of the view that trouble is deserved.
You should start with awareness of your “I”. Every person has a number of advantages and disadvantages. He is what he is. And no one has the right to offend him. Only by fully accepting this truth can you move further along the path of raising self-esteem and developing a sense of success. Parents can help the child in this awareness. For an adult, since the pattern of behavior is ingrained, it is better to use the help of a professional psychologist.
As a rule, being interested in some new activity helps a lot. You can even enroll in a martial arts section.
It is very important to think through your reaction to the offender. He will perceive you completely differently if the answer is different from his expectations. In some cases, a sense of humor helps. Try not to give in to irritation and direct a complex conflict into a joke. At the same time, learn to perceive unpleasant situations less acutely.
