If you believe that the character you have is a flaw, then you can certainly try to change it. You will be able to do this only if you really put in a lot of effort, because character is formed over the years, from early childhood. It is possible that, at best, you will only learn to hide some unsightly aspects of your character, but there are situations when this is enough. Take action and then you will definitely achieve positive results.
What is temperament
It is a collection of opinions and attitudes towards various issues, as well as traits that affect all aspects of life. Through it, values, worldview, as well as approach and implementation of intentions are formed.
Etymologically, the ancient Greek word “χαρακτήρ” had a different interpretation; it was used to determine the unique signs of coins in minting and meant “sword, brand,” but over time it passed into the everyday lexicon with the meaning “trait, sign.”
In psychology, there are several interpretations of what character is. This:
- certain, typical behavior;
- a set of motives and methods of action;
- reflection of the inner world in the outer.
The last definition seems interesting, it implies that a person is trying to find a balance, to adapt to the way society works, but he does it individually, not like others, because he is guided by his own worldview.
This leads to the main feature: temperament is always unique, no two people are completely identical, although there are similar ones. Therefore, it is customary in society to talk about “good” and “bad” character, although this only means that someone behaves inappropriately to generally accepted norms, which are based on the habitual behavior of the majority. Another social cliché is “characterless,” although a healthy person cannot have no temperament at all, he is simply soft and compliant. The desire to adapt to society and meet its expectations leads to individuals wondering how to change their character for the better.
The traits that are included in this set reflect a person’s attitude towards the following:
- To people. They distinguish between introverts and extroverts, sociable and secretive, responsive, respectful, as well as suspicious, silent and even rude.
- To work. They talk about hard workers (workaholics) and lazy people, proactive, ambitious and down-to-earth, passive people.
- To yourself. These are selfish, egocentric, proud, proud and modest people. Self-esteem and self-respect are considered a positive quality - this is a healthy manifestation of self-esteem without vanity and without self-flagellation, victim syndrome.
- To things. Such characteristic features can be called sloppiness and neatness, frugality.
In addition to these four groups, the attitude towards money and consumption (greed, stinginess, squandering) remains interesting; to the beloved (romanticism), to the Motherland (patriotism).
Rule 6. Manage our emotions
Having decided to improve your psychological portrait, creating an image of a positive, harmonious and loved person on all sides, you need to completely control and manage your emotions. To do this, it is necessary to modify the usual way of responding to irritating factors to functional emotions.
For example: if you are used to flashing like a match at the sight of a mess on your desktop, when you find yourself in this position, do not focus on the fact. Think about beautiful things, start humming a happy tune, do some breathing exercises, or smile at your reflection in the mirror. After a few minutes, you will be able to show a completely different emotion to this state of affairs.
How is it formed and when is it not too late to improve your character?
There are features that can be called innate. Of course, people are not born with characteristic features, but there are physiological prerequisites for their development. For example, if a child’s brain is very active, they say that he grasps things quickly (on the fly), they note flexibility of thinking, and a desire for knowledge. There are, on the contrary, children who are thoughtful from birth - they usually do not fall or get into trouble from the very first steps, even if they started relatively late.
But the development of temperament is largely influenced by society. In childhood, these are first parents and relatives, then kindergarten teachers and peers, and in school years - teenagers and teachers. In most cases, behavior is copied, the baby learns the rules - what is possible and what is not. That is why it is so important what kind of example relatives set for the younger generation.
The most productive time for character development is the age from 2 to 10 years. During this period, the child’s mind is the most inquisitive, he is inclined to learn new things, but is still little adapted to thoughtful analysis, so to a greater extent the child simply repeats.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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But it's never too late to change. The best conditions for change are a transition to a different environment. For example, moving, entering a university, changing jobs. This is not only communication with people, but also the complexities of the new environment. Here there are different “laws” and norms, here you need to adapt to the majority. Usually, when a person finds himself in such a place, he is partially cross-pollinated over time. If he does not have flexibility, then they say about him that he is principled, uncompromising, although this just means that he does not adapt to his environment.
Some traits also appear at a later age - after marriage and the birth of children. These are two important stages when you have to get rid of selfishness and pride. Usually there is patience, a certain tolerance for the feelings of loved ones.
Another mechanism for the emergence of characteristic features is the development of habits. This is how parents act when they first force them to brush their teeth, ears, and clear the table in the morning and evening, and then they note the cleanliness of a family member, since he has been performing his usual actions for a long time and now cannot live without them.
Meditation
Why is inner comfort so important for maintaining emotional balance? All these components directly affect a person’s character. Experts in the field of psychological science have proven that manifestations of intolerance, slander, and aggressiveness are always associated with some serious internal problem. Most often, childhood grievances and karmic shortcomings make themselves felt. It is advisable to begin cultivating a love of life with liberation from oppressive experiences and harmful habits. To change your character, it is not enough to simply quit smoking or endlessly express dissatisfaction.
Meditation gives a person a feeling of inner security. Anyone who constantly practices various spiritual practices eventually begins to feel confident and self-sufficient. The character changes on its own. A person consciously cultivates such traits as tolerance, responsibility, and an optimistic view of the world as a whole. If you start practicing meditation, you will very soon notice that you have begun to lead a healthy lifestyle. Bad habits will gradually go away without leaving any trace.
What is character made of?
If a son in childhood is similar in behavior to his father, then this is only 7% of genetic predisposition, and the rest is a repetition of habits. Children strive to be “like adults”; they choose the person who evokes the greatest respect in them. So they dream of the profession that their idol has, and learn the words they pronounce. But in the course of life, many factors affect each of us.
Upbringing
This is one of the most difficult processes and the more natural it is, the better the result. From childhood, the basics of social norms are instilled - etiquette, patriotism, love of animals and nature, respect for older people and everyone around in general. At the moment, an awareness of other people's boundaries is developing - you should not take toys from the sandbox, you should not hit, pinch or scratch.
But there are also insidious mistakes in the educational process. An excessive desire to protect against mistakes and guardianship can lead to learned helplessness syndrome. This is the name for the behavior of an adult who is afraid to change something, to start a new business, because in childhood he was told “You won’t succeed”, “You’ll quit anyway.” An overprotected boy, especially if he was raised in a female family without a father, can become very soft and easily offended. And a girl who was told that she should be an adult and independent can grow into a woman who does not possess feminine traits - gentleness, caring.
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Environment
Culture, religion, as well as living in a city or small town matter here. Usually values, views, and norms of behavior depend on this. Comparing an Eastern woman raised in Muslim traditions and a Western one, we observe a big difference in temperament. The way your character changes when you move does not mean that your fundamental views will be shaken.
Area of interest and work
When choosing a job, some people want a mobile place - communication, travel, while others like numbers and solitude. The same goes for hobbies: a pedantic and meticulous person is more likely to engage in embroidery or collecting car models, while a quick-tempered, energetic person loves sports and extreme sports.
Finding new interests is one way to influence character. If you lack perseverance, you should start weaving with beads, putting together puzzles, and try your hand at knitting.
Also, when changing jobs or finding a hobby, your social circle changes, new people appear who you involuntarily want to imitate. But, unlike childhood, an adult is able to analyze what exactly attracts me to this person, what characteristics I do not yet possess.
Rule 2. Find a role model
The easiest way to begin our transformation is to choose a real-life personality or make a “collective” idol whom we would like to become like.
For example, if we decide to become tougher and look like a brutal guy, we can borrow masculine charisma from Vladimir Vdovichenko. If you decide to develop soft femininity and improve your appearance with a bright smile, it is worth studying the biography of Cameron Diaz.
In those moments when negativism that has not yet been eliminated begins to zealously overcome, try to mentally become your idol, borrow the style of clothing, demeanor, gestures, facial expressions, intonation. Of course, you shouldn’t try to completely fit into someone else’s shoes, but a little imitation of your chosen idol will help you change for the better.
Is it possible to change your character on your own?
Different people deal with change in different ways. Some are more susceptible to change, others less so. But in any case, you will need to do some serious work on yourself, which includes introspection and subsequent adjustment of behavior. Remember also that habits shape our qualities; often giving up smoking and alcohol or daily exercise can significantly change your life.
An effective way to solve the problem is to contact a specialist. Sign up for my consultation and I will help you understand yourself and give advice on adjusting your personality.
Unlocking talents
Each person has unique tendencies towards something. Only often we forget about them and do not strive to develop our existing abilities. This is a big omission, a colossal mistake that must be corrected as soon as possible. Discovering talents contributes to character correction. How? The fact is that a person who has found his place in life certainly becomes happy. He stops complaining about dull everyday life, does not strive to conflict with others, and does not spread gossip behind his back. The negative manifestations of life simply do not interest him. A happy person is busy with inspiring thoughts, he has a need to share his joy with others.
Think about what type of activity is especially close to you? If you still haven’t found yourself, maybe it’s time to devote precious days, hours and minutes to this issue?
Recommendations from psychologist Daria Milai: how you can change your character
Depending on the psychological type, individual programs are selected. But if you want to start making adjustments yourself, you need to follow these tips.
For the better
- Weigh your pros and cons, do it as frankly as possible, left alone with yourself.
- Find a reason to change. Is laziness stopping you from finding a job? Is it rude to start a love relationship? You need to motivate yourself, find a goal.
- Read good books thoughtfully. The classics raised their generation on novels; they contain a large share of moralizing - evil and vices are usually ridiculed or punished, virtue triumphs.
- Develop self-control. Restrain angry impulses and negative emotions. This will be very useful in life.
- Seek help from friends and family, ask what traits they consider unnecessary or overdeveloped in you.
To a harder one
- Discipline yourself. Set a goal and achieve it, get into the habit of running in the morning or drinking only one mug of coffee, start taking a contrast shower, if necessary, go on a diet or play sports.
- Write down the qualities you want to see in yourself.
- Be resistant to manipulation and provocation.
- Try to smile - a positive outlook on the world helps you achieve your goals.
- Fight your complexes and fears, most of them are a figment of your imagination.
- Learn the word “No” and use it when it is beneficial. Enough with charity at work, delays, blockages and weekends spent there, defend your point of view and rights.
- Love yourself. This is also the ability to express yourself. Only a woman who cares about her body, health, and moral satisfaction is able to feel genuine interest from the outside.
Can a person change his character beyond recognition?
If you need to not only correct the image, but also change it altogether, literally “start from scratch,” then you should act according to the recommendations:
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- Perform a personality analysis. We're confident you'll find traits worth keeping.
- Accept all your pros and cons. Only after awareness will come the opportunity to change something. It's never too late to become new.
- Look around. Is there someone in your circle you should look up to?
- Visualize. Imagine yourself renewed - what are you like?
- Change your environment: wardrobe, apartment, city, friends, work.
Rule 3. Develop motivation
The main condition for becoming a positive person is a sincere and voluntary desire. We must clearly understand why exactly we need changes. Some will have arguments to please their loved one even more, others will want to make a dizzying career, and others will want to improve relationships with their children.
Understanding why we sacrifice some familiar properties, make efforts and spend time is the success of any event and a guarantee of transformation for the better.
However, it is we, in our own person, who must desire these changes. It’s not worth making the effort if becoming something different and developing some trait is a categorical requirement of another, even the closest and most beloved person.
Changing character: 5 steps to success
Follow the instructions step by step, each step should be completed with the utmost honesty and thoughtfulness.
Analysis
You can keep a diary for several weeks, but write down not events, but the qualities that you showed in situations. For example: “Today I was too lazy to go to the gym” or “Because of my principles, I disagreed with a colleague, and we ruined the project due to my fault.” There should be a place for positive traits here, this is very important, for example: “I prepared cupcakes for work, a programmer from the neighboring department said that I was very economical and feminine, and invited me on a date.” After a month, you can write down all the qualities in two columns - pros and cons.
View from the outside
Look at a person who behaves in a similar way. It is usually easier to evaluate others than ourselves. Remember that the same can be said about you.
Role Model
Create a collective image - self-confidence, like your sister, cheerfulness, like your college friend. These can be acquaintances or famous personalities, idols.
Control
Set yourself goals and achieve them. The habit is reinforced within three weeks - this is your minimum when self-control is tested. To make the task easier, you can encourage yourself or make a schedule, use a calendar.
Good deeds
There is no need to look for grandmothers with packages to carry them across the road. Every person needs a good attitude. Give compliments, offer all possible help. Set a goal for yourself to collect at least 10 thanks per day.
Become a different person in 1 day - is it real?
Unfortunately, becoming a completely different person in one day is unrealistic. The maximum that you can do during this period is to radically change your image and look different, and not the way others are used to seeing you. Well, in this case, it is important to understand that, most likely, the changes will be very superficial, because in order, for example, to change the features of the figure, it will take some time. However, you can also do a lot in a day - at least one very important thing that will set the vector for big changes. In a day you can outline an action plan, realize how you want to see yourself, for example, in a month or two. Describe this person on a piece of paper. After that, write down what you need to do every day to achieve this result.
To summarize: only superficial internal and external changes are possible in a day. Serious changes require a certain amount of time, the duration of which depends specifically on your ultimate goal. Also, in a day you can completely think through an action plan that will help you achieve what you want.
Bonus: exercise “Choleric”
As we have already written, temperament cannot be changed; it is your “factory setting.” Regardless, if you want to be more alert and complete tasks faster, try practicing this set of exercises. It involves changing habits that will affect the way you behave.
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- Speak more energetically
. Pay attention to your manner of speaking. Make your speech louder and more emotionally rich (no need to chatter). Analyze words less and put more emotion into them. - Gesture
. Make your movements look more expressive. Practice in front of a mirror if necessary. - Use facial expressions
. Smile, raise your eyebrows, frown. Let your body language do the talking. - Change your gait
. Move more energetically and faster. Don't rush at full speed, just walk more cheerfully and confidently. - Think fast
. This is not easy, especially for phlegmatic and melancholic people who need time to think and are not sure of the final decision. Just try not to ruminate for too long on unimportant matters, and you will feel how many things become easier. - Do it right away
. Down with procrastination: don’t put off small tasks, but complete them as soon as possible, ideally this very minute. Send your colleague the letter he has been waiting for in the morning, water the flowers, call the client - and your thoughts will be free from annoying matters.
Make it a habit to follow these tips every day and you will see yourself become more confident.
Action control
Of course, character cannot be changed instantly. It will take a long time before you can tell yourself that you have gotten rid of bad habits and all kinds of irritation. Try to control your actions in the future to prevent anger, envy, disappointment and unfair treatment of others. Remember, the more warmth and joy you give to others, the better it is for everyone. However, you should not expect any gratitude in return, do not demand immediate return, just be generous, magnanimous. Allow yourself to rejoice in the achievements of others, eradicate all selfishness!
