Difficult people: character traits, influence on the fate of others, advice from psychologists

“We choose, we are chosen” was sung in a beautiful song about love and the complexity of relationships. Finding a partner who will meet all the requirements is extremely difficult and not many people are lucky in this matter. The ideal partner, who will be the living embodiment of a person’s best qualities, does not exist, neither among boys nor among girls.

Finding the right person is not easy, but not losing him and continuing to build harmonious relationships is even more difficult. It is fashionable to talk about the fact that a girl is closed, complex, contradictory, and some try to deliberately emphasize their characteristics. A girl’s complex character often becomes the reason for an unbearable life together. Is it worth continuing a relationship with her and does this complex character really exist?

Problems from childhood

Why do some children grow up to be good kids, while others grow up to be headstrong tomboys? It's all about education and permissiveness. Parents who forbid their child a lot, but do it in moderation, will raise a normal person. But is it so good to be normal? The fact is that people who did not have their own opinion in childhood and followed the eternal instructions of their parents will continue to adhere to this style of behavior in adulthood. Such persons are good subordinates. They meet deadlines and always act according to instructions.

Those individuals who are called complex are very self-willed. Their creativity and initiative were not limited in childhood, therefore, with age, they only strengthened the opinion that this world should be examined and any opinion can and should be doubted. Such people cause a lot of problems to others. They always have their own opinion, do not want to agree with anyone and are not afraid to openly quarrel. It is impossible to listen to their conscience, and sometimes it seems that it simply does not exist. But it should be understood that such people rarely go beyond the bounds of decency and rarely intentionally cause harm to others.

and what makes it so?

First, a very important digression 〈 !!! 〉

Pay attention to the well-known joke and saying of psychologists: “If you want to see a neurotic, look in the mirror.”

She says that certain neurotic traits, inclinations and needs can be found in any person without exception.

This also applies to the dark signs of bad character listed below. Almost all of us have them.

But! The point is not in their very presence, but in their strength and level of development.

A need, trait, tendency becomes neurotic, i.e. painful and begins to interfere with the life of a person and those around him if it is overdeveloped, if its strength exceeds the average level of normality, if it begins to control a person’s behavior and thinking.

In all other cases, if it is not noticeable or manifests itself very rarely, then it is not possible to say about a person that he has an intolerable character.

So, …

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1. The need for a strong and responsible friend or partner

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Such a person wants someone to take responsibility for his life and for most of his key life decisions.

This could be a friend, husband, wife or parents.

He wants such a person to act as an Assistant for him. And he will play the role of the Victim, receiving certain dividends from this.

For example: managing life, solving everyday and any other problems, finding a job, making money, etc.

At the same time, the master-victim skillfully manipulates his assistant, gradually turning him into a victim and becoming a pursuer.

Example: sofa husband.

As soon as the wife gathers the courage to throw off the burden of the Savior-Helper and stop supporting him and pleasing him, he either begins to get sick and suffer, causing self-pity.

Or she turns into a tyrant husband, tormenting her with physical and emotional violence.

But he can’t live without her, and neither can she without him. As a rule, there is someone third (child, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, etc.).

Together they create the Karpman triangle, and grow into its neurotic structure.

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2. The need for power over others

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This is mainly expressed in the need to constantly control everyone.

In an effort to subordinate people and life events to your will and reason. Such a person is afraid of everything that he cannot check and control, even if such control is imaginary and far-fetched.

He does not tolerate a state of uncertainty well. He is devoid of spontaneity and plasticity of behavior.

Such people often bow to authority, power and strong people. At the same time, they despise the weak and dependent.

They strive to achieve superiority over others in order to effectively manipulate them.

If such a person's need for power is not satisfied, he feels very bad.

He is oppressed by anxiety and a feeling of uncertainty. He becomes nervous and irritable.

Dealing with him is always difficult, and sometimes downright dangerous - you can lose your psychological health.

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3. The need to exploit others, using them for one's own purposes

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Such a person treats others as a means of satisfying his personal interests and achieving his goals.

At the same time, he does not think about the problems of others, and is even offended if another person does not want to help him and indulge his whims.

This is the one about whom they often say: “He was just using me.”

He is an excellent manipulator, easily makes others dependent on himself, but he himself often depends on someone.

Collective portrait

person with severe

character

As you understand, this is difficult to create, since there are so many different signs and manifestations of a bad character, often mutually exclusive.

Nevertheless, the following general proposition can be formulated.

It's uncomfortable and awkward to be with him. There is always tension and anxiety in a relationship with him.

He doesn't like others. Treats others either condescendingly or with servility.

It is very difficult to come to an agreement with him; he either often and unreasonably changes his opinion and plans, or adheres to them with reinforced concrete stubbornness.

Most often, after close and more or less prolonged communication with such a person, you feel tired and overwhelmed, or nervous and filled with negative emotions.

Based on this generalized portrait, three types of people can be distinguished.

Types of people

Assertiveness

How do difficult people behave with others? Such people always have something to say, and they are not afraid to flaunt their candidacy. It should not be surprising that complex personalities often become the life of the party. Those people who have little interaction with an assertive person do not understand his shortcomings, since they are not noticeable. They can only be noticed in case of close contact with a person. A person will defend his opinion too stubbornly and will not consider it necessary to take into account the point of view of others. Even if a person understands that she is wrong, she is unlikely to immediately admit defeat. A person will defend his point of view to the last and only then, alone with himself, will he realize that he has committed a stupidity. People often commit such unreasonable actions. A person may think that she understands a question well, even if she spent 10 minutes studying it, and not half her life. It is impossible to argue with a person. But we must admit that over time he understands his mistakes and draws conclusions from them.

Manage emotions

But admitting your shortcomings is only the beginning of the fight against a difficult character. Often people get stuck halfway and invent all sorts of excuses for themselves. “Nothing can be done, because this is my character,” they say. Such an excuse becomes universal for them. They use it in any conflict situation or to justify their own weaknesses.

In reality, a difficult character is not a death sentence. It is formed throughout a person’s life. It depends only on the individual himself where he will direct his natural inclinations. For example, everyone knows that people with choleric temperament are often unrestrained and irritable. But even they are quite capable of controlling their own outbursts of aggression.

If anger makes you unable to think clearly, you should not try to express it as quickly as possible. On the contrary, you first need to reduce the intensity of emotions a little. To do this, it is useful to use relaxation techniques and deep breathing. Sports and fitness activities help get rid of excess adrenaline. Oriental martial arts are especially effective in this regard.

Heightened self-esteem

Complex personalities often suffer from narcissism. Narcissism and high self-esteem make them irresistible in their eyes. Such individuals think that those around them will also pray for them if they themselves extol their virtues. People get offended if they notice that others do not admire them. They demand attention and admiration. Sometimes people are even ready to mistake flattery for truth. The complex feelings of a person are difficult to describe. He suffers from internal inferiority if he wants to constantly receive positive feedback about his activities.

But a person does not always need the opinions of others. Truly strong people are often complex. They do not take into account other people's opinions and consider themselves unrecognized geniuses. Sometimes their intelligence and creativity are truly appreciated. But even if this does not happen, a person’s self-esteem does not fall and he continues to be confident in his uniqueness.

If your lover is a complex person

A man’s difficult character is a difficult test for every lady. At the beginning of a relationship, usually the shortcomings of the stronger sex do not appear as clearly as after the end of the candy-bouquet period. When a gentleman realizes that he no longer needs to court a girl in order to gain her favor, he gradually begins to show his true colors.

In any couple, people eventually begin to learn about each other's shortcomings. But ordinary relationships are characterized by the fact that these shortcomings, with due effort on the part of the man and woman, can be overcome and leveled out. For example, if a husband constantly throws socks around, this is not critical for family life. The wife can put the box in another corner of the room and invite her husband to play volleyball with the help of socks, trying to throw them exactly at the target.

But if the spouse is stubborn and has a difficult character, constantly provokes conflicts, God forbid, raises a hand against his wife - here you should seriously think about the advisability of continuing the relationship and the possible risks to health and life.

Constant criticism

A person who considers himself unique gives himself the right to criticize others. He thinks that those around him are stupid people who, without smart advice, cannot do anything on their own. Criticism of people is most often adequate, but sometimes people play around and express their opinions just to say something. This quality is inherent in many individuals. But it cannot be said with certainty that any person is complex. There are ordinary people who do not criticize anyone and do not want anything. Such persons are very limited in their development, and therefore cannot be called complex.

But complex people criticize not only those around them, but also themselves. They approach their work responsibly, so they are often dissatisfied with the result. Persons work on their mistakes and try not to step on the same rake twice.

Tendency to dramatize events, anxiety, depression

These qualities of people with difficult characters spoil the lives of both themselves and those around them. After all, they also have to constantly listen to complaints and whining about how bad everything is. Your neighbors have an expensive car, your friend has a more beautiful wife, and your friend’s child managed to get into a prestigious university. The quality of life in the country is deteriorating, and wages are not growing; and the weather is kind of bad every day. These people think approximately this way, infecting those around them with their pessimism.

To get rid of the habit of seeing everything in a dark light, it is useful to work on yourself. You need to develop the habit of seeing things in more positive terms. Also, such a person needs to do everything in his power to make his life pleasant and comfortable, and bring joy.

Poor attitude towards others

Do you often think that you are a very difficult person? Then think about your relationships with others. Difficult people are often lonely. Despite their large circle of acquaintances, they have few close friends. They communicate well only with people they themselves have chosen. Strong personalities despise other people, considering them stupid or unworthy of their society. Moreover, people often do not even hide their contempt for others. They openly admit that they do not like society and find it easier to work alone.

What other ways does a bad attitude manifest itself? Difficult people, as a rule, do not need love. They are self-sufficient. If a person starts a family for some reason, he does not pay as much attention to it as his spouse and children require.

There are 7 reasons why it is easy to understand that a girl has a complex character_7

She always demands respect for her as an individual.
The girl does not like unnecessary tenderness and values real actions from a man, not a teddy bear.
She has her own point of view on all issues and prefers to defend it regardless of the status and position of her interlocutor.
She has a flexible mind, she never stops learning, learning new languages, listens to the news, is constantly aware of new trends and knows how to adapt them for the comfort of her life.
She is talented and loves unusual people. This kind of person will always help not to bury talent and will look for in every way how to promote it into the creative environment.
The girl is not modest and prefers to once again emphasize her superiority over the man. These are not the type of girls who are taught to be modest and flexible.
In life she prefers to deal only with enterprising men. He does not like mama's boys, is not afraid of competition and can harshly ridicule obvious shortcomings.

Despite the complexity of relationships with such girls, a brave man is looking for her. These make the heroines of programs about successful and strong people, competent leaders, wives of heads of state. She doesn’t need a stronger man, she loves competition, she is comfortable alone, but like every woman, the girl will not give up love and care. And she herself will tell you how a man will show her.

We'll tell you how to change a girl's character in the next article.

Suspiciousness

The internal complex system of a person does not allow a difficult nature to trust others. Such people are very suspicious. They see a catch everywhere and in everything. They do not trust others, and therefore do not demand it from themselves. You can’t keep secrets with such people. They will not consider it necessary to withhold any information and will believe that if it was shared with them, it means that something was wanted from them. It is difficult to be friends with such people. A person perceives any good deed with hostility. She thinks that she will have to pay for any service, even a very small one.

Difficult people do not consider it necessary to help others and do not demand that they be helped. They achieve everything on their own and demand the same from others. They are not afraid that they will be judged or misunderstood. They are mentally prepared for this and will not even be offended by the person who insults them.

Other cases of severe people

The same applies to those cases when a male boss has a complex character. After all, constant interaction with such a person at work is no better than having to endure your husband’s antics at home. Therefore, those who want to maintain psychological balance are also recommended to minimize communication with those people who have a difficult character, no matter in what field of activity they have to deal with.

If the difficult person is a relative, the problem here requires a more detailed consideration. It may be necessary to undergo joint psychotherapy to find common ground and make communication softer. But one thing needs to be remembered: if a person himself does not want to take into account the interests of loved ones, then it is unlikely that he can be influenced by persuasion.

If the soul refuses to accept this person with his terrifying shortcomings, this is a signal that it is time to change his environment. Unfortunately, such people often have to be erased from life, since they themselves change extremely rarely.

Sense of humor

A complex person is an individual who is not without self-irony. The person understands that her character is not sugar, but she comes to terms with it. Since complex individuals are mostly selfish, they do not understand why they need to change anything about themselves. But they are well aware of their imperfections and therefore try to joke about them. The truth doesn't hurt your eyes so much when you spice it up with humor. Any situation becomes easier if you laugh at it. Difficult people know this very well. They have a good sense of humor, and this is what helps them attract people. Charisma disarms others and forces them to obey the person who cleverly lured the victim into his network. Complex personalities do not need constant communication, but they do need people who will help carry out Napoleonic plans. Therefore, people often make new acquaintances, smile warmly at everyone they meet, and for the time being try to hide their character behind smiles and good jokes.

Interaction of a complex personality with the world

It is not easy to deal with a person who has a difficult character. Such people often offend others and spoil their mood. They often begin to be avoided, since communication with them rarely brings joy. If you had to deal with such a person, the simplest solution is to enter into communication with him as little as possible. The main signs of a severe nature, signaling the need to reduce the number of contacts, are:

Reluctance to listen to the interlocutor.
A sense of rightness even in situations where there is no reason for it.
Aggressiveness, conflict, quarrelsomeness.
Tendency to criticize and find fault.
Depressiveness, tendency to dramatize.

If it seems that only such people are around, this is a reason to think: perhaps personal problems are not characteristic of them, but of the person himself.

Responsibility

How do you relate to people who are sharply different from those around you? Negatively? What kind of person is a complex person? This is a person who goes against the grain and is not afraid to stand out. A person knows how to take responsibility for his words and actions and is not afraid of condemnation. Responsibility is a character trait that is inherent in strong individuals. Weak people do not know how to be responsible even for decisions they personally make. But strong individuals can always account for their behavior, as well as answer for the actions of their subordinates. Because of this character trait, many people do not like them, because they believe that they take on too much. For this reason, subordinates frankly do not like bosses and cannot understand their actions. And decisions made with full responsibility seem strange to people.

Pros of relationships with difficult girls2

The time has come to move to a closer level of relationship and the question arises for any guy: is it worth marrying her? When choosing a girlfriend in life, men are divided into two groups: they look for a simple one, and they deliberately look for a complex one. The first prefer to meet a girl with whom it is easy to come to an agreement; you can sail through life calmly and not worry about anything. The latter are looking for extreme sports, they don’t need a girl without pretensions, drive, someone who doesn’t know how to cut and just loves.

The girl’s complex character helps her not to sit exactly in one place, and she begins to move the man. This is an excellent partner for a creative union, a businessman, a guy with millionaire ambitions who is looking for a magic kick. Such a girl will be an excellent mover in the family. Only the man will have to accept that she is in charge, and she will set the tone in the relationship.

Competition

A person who is strong in spirit is never afraid of competition. On the contrary, he even craves her, because he thinks that she will make him stronger and better. A challenging person is not afraid to grow and compete with his peers. He believes that the intensity of passions will help to overcome the path faster. When a person leaves his comfort zone, he can make a revolution in his destiny much faster than if the person sat in his cozy cocoon and did not try to somehow change his life. The more competition, the better, as any complex person thinks. Many people do not understand this position in life, because they are afraid to lose, but the person is not afraid to act and take risks. Because of this desire for eternal disputes and bets, as well as for an eternal race, others do not always understand difficult people. They have to put up with a difficult character, and sometimes even indulge people who cannot be convinced of anything.

How to meet a girl with a complex character. Tips on how to meet a girl

The process of meeting a girl can sometimes be very difficult. This depends on many factors, which can either positively or negatively influence this.

What can affect your success when meeting a girl?

The first thing that can affect meeting a girl is the personal qualities of both yours and hers. The dissimilarity of such qualities can generally negate the process of first acquaintance;
The girl’s reluctance to meet men at all;
Social status. You yourself know that it very rarely happens when a person with a higher status in society gets acquainted with a person who has a lower status;
All kinds of complexes that interfere with normal acquaintance.

However, the realization that you simply need a soul mate forces us to make any sacrifice. The main thing is to know how to get along with a girl and spend quality time with her.

Do not be afraid. It is the fear that a girl will refuse you that can affect you. To meet a girl, the main thing is to be confident. This is the only way you can win the heart of your chosen one. Even if she refuses you, there are many others with whom it will be much easier and easier for you to get to know each other better;

The first impression when meeting someone is always made by appearance. So your clothes, hairstyle, perfumes, shoes - everything should be perfectly clean and tastefully chosen;

The main thing is to interest the girl from the first minutes of meeting her. It depends on how well you know your strengths and how you can attract her. Find a common topic of conversation that would be interesting to both you and her. This way you can establish contact faster. The main thing is that these are not male-oriented topics;

Don't turn communication into an interrogation. You shouldn’t ask her too many questions, especially personal ones, but don’t tell her too much about yourself. It is better to give this kind of information in parts. If you do not want to answer any question, then it is better to say that you will talk about it next time. The main thing is not to lie and tell the truth;

There is no need to talk about your ex-girlfriends, no matter how many of them you had, or complain that the previous girl was a bitch and how much she hurt you;

When communicating, you should not constantly look away. This way your chosen one will know that you are frank and interested in her;

To get to know a girl, give her compliments, but in moderation and according to her appearance. Exaggeration is also not the best way to interest her;

If your communication has already been long enough and the relationship has reached a higher peak, do not stop there, but persistently and confidently achieve your goal.

Perfectionists

Difficult people try to do everything well. Sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity, but people do not notice it. They want everything to go according to their plan, and they do not intend to deviate from the intended path. Any deviation from the plan is considered a tragedy. Perfectionism does not allow a person to develop and makes him stagnate for a long time. Difficult people are willing to put up with it if it results in them doing a flawless job. They demand similar results from others. And at the same time, people get very upset when they find out that one of their acquaintances or subordinates is working carelessly.

Is life difficult for perfectionists? Very. They constantly criticize others, give advice to everyone and hear a lot of unflattering reviews about themselves. Is it possible to get used to such a reaction? Difficult. People cannot change themselves. It is difficult for them to understand why work can be done poorly. Normal people understand that the best is the enemy of the good. But difficult people do not realize this simple truth, and they have to put up with the incompetence, laziness and recklessness of those around them.

How to behave with people?

Don't know how to deal with difficult people? Psychologists' advice would be:

Don't indulge the person. Remember, you are also an individual and deserve respect.
Don't try to change a person; a person will change only when he wants to.
Treat difficult people kindly. Remember that every complex person is a child disliked by his parents.
You should not show the person that you are offended by him. Even if a person deeply offends you, try to restrain yourself. Otherwise, you will constantly endure attacks from the person.

Irritability

Excessive irritability is one of the main signs of a difficult character. One person will behave calmly while in a traffic jam. Another will honk his horn furiously and curse everyone around him - both drivers and pedestrians. If something doesn’t happen according to plan - someone steps on someone’s foot, or a child gets a bad grade from school, it can turn into a real Apocalypse for such a person. Psychologists believe that irritability as an innate character trait is inherent in only 0.1% of the entire population. In other cases, this quality is a consequence of psychological problems acquired during life.