Gigi Vorgan, I want and I can. How to change your personality in 30 days - read online in full

Without a doubt, there is a special taste in anticipation, but real changes are much more desirable, since they deprive our lives of the dull monotony in the style of “Groundhog Day”. The easiest way is to change your surroundings: city, work, home, car, wardrobe. Changing a partner, which has become a simple undertaking in our cosmopolitan age, can also add color to everyday life. Updating one's appearance is the most exciting method, the interest in which is being successfully stimulated by the huge industry of beauty transformations. However, according to popular opinion, when you get carried away by the whirlpool of changes, you risk losing your taste for them. Therefore, before you move to another country, leaving your job and a nice home, you should think about this: maybe you need to change yourself first?

This, by the way, is a fundamental question that has been discussed by psychologists for centuries: “Can you become happier by changing your own personality?” Scientists suggest a hidden resource for actionable change between accepting who you are and striving for who you want to be. After talking with specialists, I concluded that many of them tend to consider rigid stability rather than a desire for change to be a pathology. In other words, in order to develop, you need to permanently change something in yourself: you can first outside, and then inside - and vice versa. The main thing that hinders us on this blessed path is the fear of surprise and loss of ourselves. Because the new “me” may not be the one you want. A new identity is a pig in a poke, and we love guarantees. It turns out that objective awareness of personal shortcomings and internal consent to change oneself is half the battle. The second point is to clearly imagine what we want to achieve. And when the answer is received, it’s time to look for a method.

What is personality?

Personality is a set of psychological traits that include all or most of our emotions and perceptions. It is a structure that shapes your behavior and how you interact with others and yourself.

Personality is also your self-esteem and the image you present to the world. In this sense, personality is like a mask that you show to everyone else. It is a kind of strategy that you use to hide certain things about yourself in order to gain social acceptance.

In fact, the word "man" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means an actor's mask. Actors in ancient times used masks to be able to portray multiple characters in one play.

Is change possible?

A person with developed willpower is able to change his character, often having motivation in the form of a loved one.

Can a person change? Maybe, especially if this was preceded by some serious, often traumatic event. A person is also capable of causing changes, including in character, on his own initiative.

At the same time, modern society adheres to two opinions:

it is impossible to change a person (if changes occur, they will be temporary);
changes are possible (good motivation and constant practice in consolidating new skills are enough for changes).

Psychology considers two main reasons that influence the desire to become better:

the influence of a loved one, and this can be either a request to change, or direct demands and even blackmail;
personal desire to change, to become better. Such a need can arise both in a situation when an individual realizes that through his behavior he is poisoning the life of his loved ones, and in the case when someone is nearby who becomes a role model. The individual begins to be drawn to it, and the desire to engage in self-improvement appears. Moreover, such changes can occur both consciously and at an unconscious level.

It is important to understand that as you age, it is very difficult to make changes in a person’s life. His character, behavior, and everyday habits have long been formed; it is almost impossible to change anything. And even if an individual in old age decides to change, his path will be long and laborious.

When you need to change your personality

As we mentioned above, age can make change more difficult because your personality is more deeply ingrained. But that doesn't mean you can't make some changes as an adult.

We've all heard people say things like "I am who I am" or "I'm too old to change." In some cases this is partially true, but each of us can change our personality if we put in the effort.

Making changes like this is actually a therapeutic necessity for people with personality disorders. These are people who have a number of behavioral patterns and psychological mechanisms that create serious problems for themselves or for others.

How marriage changes your personality

These problems typically lead to distress, anxiety, aggression, loss of self-control, and frustration, among other things. Personality disorders also affect their relationships with other people and can make it difficult for them to integrate into society, ultimately leading them to become isolated and lonely.

Change your character correctly: 11 correct steps

Our simple and clear action plan will help you change your character:

Realize the need for change and be prepared for everyday actions.
Determine how much time you spend on the path to your “best self.”
Fear of mistakes and fears is a natural part of development, cancel self-criticism. Only analysis and control.
Indicate the characteristics that need to be eradicated and those that need to be replaced.
Eliminate or minimize contact with toxic people who doubt and fail.
Develop your mind and body - inseparable systems: when the muscles are trained, the will is strengthened.
Learning new skills - cooking, foreign languages, touch typing, playing the violin - broadens your horizons and worldview, and also increases your self-esteem.
Celebrate small victories that lead to great triumphs.
Look for sources of “food” that add enthusiasm, strength, and optimism.
Write down your achievements. Create a paper or electronic diary. Analyze each day in detail.
Take time to worry. A living person cannot control himself day and night. This experience is a part of life that helps you understand yourself, the world around you. Twice a week you can set aside half an hour for yourself to take care of everything.

Compliance with the rules of the plan is a matter of time before a new character is created. Self-confidence, sincere desire, hard work lead to the desired result.

You can change your personality, but it's not that easy

Correcting and replacing your behavioral patterns with others requires a lot of resources, including motivation and time.

You also have to remember that these patterns are formed by repeating the same behavior in similar situations. For example, some people have behavioral patterns that involve running away from situations.

These people either try to prevent a situation from happening in the first place, or run away if they failed to predict it. They find it difficult to stop, even if they know it will hurt them.

In the short term, they avoid pain and suffering by running away from their problems. But this behavior can lead to more serious problems in the future, and they may even feel unable to lead a normal life.

You can change your personality by throwing out old psychological mechanisms

Changing your personality usually involves uprooting certain mechanisms and replacing them with healthier patterns over time.

You will have to face your problems head-on. This will make you feel like you are truly capable of overcoming difficult situations. It also boosts your confidence. This process helps you learn to face challenges and realize that they have the power to guide your personal growth.

It's also worth remembering that it's easier to change your personality by focusing on specific goals. So this can be a huge help to figure out exactly what you want to change or what will change (specific details).

Also read these articles about personality:

7 Personality Traits That Will Make You Invulnerable
8 Physical Qualities That Reveal Your Personality
5 Truths You Must Learn to Start Your Personal Growth

Where to begin

Changes must always begin with the correct setting of goals. What do you want to get as a result of your transformation, what result do you plan to achieve.

Goals may be different:

become healthy and athletic;
create a strong family;
change the field of activity;
make a career;
make friends, etc.

Each goal requires its own changes and is impossible without certain qualities. Take a sheet of paper and on one half of it write down the qualities that are needed to achieve the desired effect. In the second half, describe your current habits, qualities, appearance. This way you will clearly see what needs to be worked on carefully. And you can confidently start making changes.

Make a clear plan for planned changes in appearance, habits and character. Next, break this plan down into specific tasks with a realistic deadline. Complex changes will require more than one year of work on yourself.

Appearance

The very first and easiest step on the path to change is external transformation. As you change externally, your internal perception of yourself also changes. You become more confident, you feel more attractive, and others see it too. To transform yourself, just do the following.

Change your hairstyle . You can cut your hair short or, on the contrary, add hair extensions or dye your hair a completely different color. You can grow a beard or, on the contrary, shave it completely to change yourself beyond recognition. The right hairstyle will help you highlight your strengths and hide your flaws. And even make you several years younger.
Clear out the closet with clothes . It's time to audit your closet. Put in your bag things that you haven’t worn for more than a year, that you simply don’t like, as well as things that you wore back when you were in college or school. Feel free to take this bag to the center for social assistance to low-income citizens. This will make room for change.
Buy new clothes . Before you run to the store for new clothes, think carefully about the image you see yourself in, and how this image will reflect your inner state. Look through fashion magazines. Perhaps there you will find the desired image, according to which you will already choose your clothes. By the way, for a basic wardrobe it is enough to purchase only 10 items of clothing that will match each other in style and color. Experiment with color. If you've always worn dark clothes, try on something bright. Do you want to add bright colors to your life? Start with clothes!
Get a tattoo . Tattoos have ceased to be symbols of rebellion and protest. In Russia, every third resident has at least one small tattoo. Many people put drawings on their bodies, putting a special meaning into them and wanting to reflect changes in character and behavior. For example, a butterfly is a symbol of transformation as it transforms from a caterpillar into a beautiful creature. The owner of such a tattoo is ready to seriously work on himself in order to change and achieve what he wants. The phoenix also symbolizes internal changes. Some aspects of the personality burn out so that it is reborn in a new, more perfect form. Since a tattoo is for life, think carefully about whether you are ready for this step. And if you have already decided, then go to the professionals.

Habits

Our behavior and lifestyle are a collection of habits. Every day we repeat the same actions without thinking about how harmful or beneficial it is for us. The most common addictions include:

smoking;
alcohol;
laziness;
addiction to social networks or TV;
use of obscenities or parasitic words in speech;
late going to bed, etc.

But it’s enough to get rid of bad habits and start useful ones, and life will change radically and sparkle with new colors. You will have much more free time and energy to accomplish great things. To change your habits, you need to do the following.

Identify specific changes . Think about your daily habits and choose the ones you want to break as well as the ones you want to implement. For example, to become healthier and physically stronger, you need to give up smoking, alcohol, junk food, start playing sports and ensure that you get good sleep and get up early.
Set the order of changes . You shouldn’t immediately take on the task of eradicating absolutely all bad habits. It's better to focus on one first. So choose your worst habit or the one that is easiest to eliminate and start there.
Eliminate or introduce a new habit gradually . Radical changes in lifestyle will become stressful for the body and psyche. The brain will begin to resist, and the desire to give up at the very beginning can get the better of you. Therefore, we change our habits gradually. For example, to quit smoking, increase the interval between smoking breaks. If you are used to smoking every half hour, then first try to increase this interval by 5 minutes. Stay like this for a few days. When you feel that you can easily cope with this interval, increase it by another 5 minutes. Thus, you will slowly come to the point that you will be able to do without cigarettes altogether.
Set reminders and use a habit tracker . It usually takes at least 21 days to develop a habit. To remember to perform an action that should become a habit, set a reminder in your phone. Be sure to print out a habit tracker on a piece of paper in which you will mark the action performed. Let's say you decide to train yourself to do exercises. To remember this, set a reminder on your phone to go off at 7 a.m. every day. We heard the signal, did some vigorous exercises and ran to put a plus sign in the tracker.

Remember that change doesn't happen overnight. It will take quite a long time to achieve results. Every productive day will bring you closer to your cherished goal. And on the habit tracker you will clearly see how far you have already come.

I highly recommend watching the following video. It will clearly show you how you can change your habits in a couple of minutes a day.

Character

If transforming your appearance is the easiest way to change, then transforming your inner world requires colossal efforts and a lot of work on yourself. Each of us has our own type of character and temperament.

Temperament is usually determined from birth. Therefore, all babies are different from each other and behave differently. This cannot be changed. But character is developed as one grows up and depends on the upbringing of parents, the influence of the environment and emerging life situations. Character is completely adjustable, and individual traits can be corrected.

The most important thing, without which you will not be able to change internally, is the awareness of the need for change and the belief that it is possible. If you don't believe in success, then don't even try. It's a waste of time and energy. For those who are determined to change themselves and their lives, I advise you to start by identifying those properties that you would like to change.

In psychology, there is an approach according to which all individual human properties are divided into 5 large groups.

Extraversion . These include qualities such as friendliness, sociability, and energy. If you are introverted, are used to spending time alone, but this does not suit you, and you suffer from a lack of friends, then it makes sense to develop the corresponding qualities in yourself.
Integrity . This group includes qualities that are responsible for a person’s attitude towards the obligations they have given: responsibility, self-organization, competence, reliability. You should work on these qualities if you suffer from procrastination, that is, you constantly put off fulfilling your direct responsibilities and promises or even avoid them altogether.
Openness to everything new . This group concentrates qualities such as curiosity, the desire to experiment and learn. Anyone who does not strive to acquire new knowledge and skills will not be able to find their calling and achieve success in it.
Goodwill . These include sincerity, altruism, the ability to sympathize and trust other people. Without these qualities, it is difficult for a person to build long-term relationships with others.
Emotional stability . Remember how you usually react to minor incidents? If you are constantly accompanied by a feeling of increased anxiety, you are too hostile, or, conversely, cannot stand up for yourself due to low self-esteem, then you have a special trait - neuroticism. It does not allow you to effectively cope with negative emotions. I hasten to reassure you, you can get rid of this trait.

So, you have studied your character and reactions to external events. It's time to start working on yourself.

Identify the character traits you want to change . If you haven’t decided yet, but feel that changes can no longer be put off, then ask for help. Close relatives, friends or a psychologist can help you in this matter. The most important thing is that new qualities do not contradict your values.
Choose a role model for yourself . Find a person who has very well developed the quality that you are trying to cultivate in yourself. For example, you want to become a more sociable and friendly person in order to make many new acquaintances. Watch such an open and talkative person. How he behaves with others, how and what he says, how he stands during a conversation, etc. Imitate him. At first you will feel awkward, seem funny and clumsy. But developing a new trait is very similar to developing a habit. The more often you repeat the same actions, the more natural it will become for you.
Find a mentor . The role of a mentor can be played by a person who has already gone through similar changes. He will help you achieve your final goal faster, guide you and help you in difficult situations. Or you can get the necessary instructions from books. A lot of motivating and inspiring books have been written that tell you how to transform yourself and start a new life. Read books like these every day to fuel your resolve to change.
Track your progress . Personal changes are much more difficult to track than external ones. Because of this, your motivation will periodically fade. To rekindle the flame of determination, you need to start a journal from the very first day you decide to change. In it you will record your current state, the results of working on yourself, and other achievements. By re-reading old posts, you will see your progress. You can compare what you were and what you have become.