Any addiction has a detrimental effect on a person’s life and personality. And the most dangerous thing is often not tobacco, alcohol or food (we won’t touch on drugs, because this topic is very specific), but dependence on other people. It generates not only a constant need for society, but also a fear of loneliness, the inability to independently solve problems and cope with problems, self-doubt, uncertainty, inability to make decisions, etc.
But it is possible to overcome these and many other problems by developing a special quality in yourself. It's called self-sufficiency, and we want to tell you about how to become a self-sufficient person.
The concept of personal integrity
Integrity is when a person is in contact with all parts of his personality. He hears himself. He understands his feelings, gives them space, does not repress or reject any of his qualities.
What does integrity look like?
Such a person is characterized by:
- don't be conflicted
- have inner peace and confidence
- see the whole picture, look at things realistically, draw your own conclusions and boldly declare them despite external pressure
- defend your boundaries
Why do we lose integrity?
Ridicule, criticism and scolding of parents, rejection of achievements in childhood force the child to hide his feelings, personality traits, and hide. As a child, there was no opportunity or support to defend myself in front of screaming parents and mocking classmates. But now you can change everything, you are an adult, you can regain yourself.
The child follows the scripts that the parents live by. He is subject to stereotypes established by society. If it was not accepted in the family and was not allowed to express one’s opinion, then he did not learn to do so. He will take “live like everyone else” into his adult life. And then he does not understand “Who am I? What am I?”
To regain integrity, it is important to see the limitations, the reason for blocking sensitivity. Learn to understand your feelings, distinguish yours from others. Accept all your qualities within yourself.
We all have feelings and emotions. And we cannot deny anger, irritation, envy, sadness, sadness. How we cope and show it in society is our responsibility.
There is a lot of energy in anger, a lot of depth in sadness, greed protects us from empty, thoughtless purchases. We need everything that is in us for something. And when we establish contact with each part of ourselves, with each of our feelings, we understand why we need them at the moment, we stop repressing and pretending that this is not in us - then we will gather ourselves into one whole. Then we will understand ourselves.
Negative aspects of self-sufficiency
Typically, self-sufficiency is considered a positive human trait. However, in some cases it can do a bad job.
Often self-sufficient people lead rather isolated lives. They do not accept empty chatter and idle pastime. This may turn other people away from them.
In addition, a completely independent person is accustomed to relying only on himself, so the need for close communication with someone disappears.
As a result, a self-sufficient person may find himself completely alone. To avoid such an outcome, you need to try to surround yourself with people with whom communication will initially be interesting.
Read further: 22 tips on how to make friends and become a magnet for others
Signs of a self-sufficient personality
- Such a person is always responsible for his actions, words and choices. Does not shift responsibility for his failure onto other people.
- Independence from the opinions of others. Unlike self-esteem, a self-sufficient person is not at all affected by what is thought or said about him.
- The authority for a complete person is himself. This should not be confused with delusions of grandeur or self-confidence. That is, a person does not mindlessly commit some actions because an authoritative guy said so, but makes informed decisions.
- A self-sufficient person does not wear masks and does not try to pretend to be someone he is not. He does not humiliate himself in front of the successful and does not pretend to be the navel of the world in front of the less successful. He doesn’t show off or try to somehow artificially increase his importance.
- Complete independence. Such a person does not need to ask for help to do something. He does everything himself.
- Self confidence.
- Inner rod. Strict adherence to your inner life principles, as well as bold movement along the intended path.
Types of self-sufficiency
Modern psychologists divide self-sufficiency into several types, namely:
- social;
- economic;
- psychological.
Social self-sufficiency
Social self-sufficiency is a person’s ability to adapt to existing rules of life.
A socially self-sufficient person does his favorite job, has a hobby, and develops his talents. He also knows how to provide his life at the level that he considers optimal for himself personally.
Economic self-sufficiency
Economic self-sufficiency is characteristic of most adults. It implies having skills in cooking, cleaning, and housekeeping. These properties help us organize our lives independently.
Psychological self-sufficiency
When they talk about self-sufficiency, they most often mean psychological self-sufficiency.
A person who is psychologically self-sufficient will never be bored without the company of others. The rich inner world of such a person allows her, even alone, to grow and develop.
How to become self-sufficient?
| Step number | Name | Content |
| Step 1. | Perceive yourself adequately. | The key word is adequate. Try to look at yourself from a common sense point of view. Not from a critical point of view and not from the point of view of “I am a queen, I am perfect in everything.” You need to take into account your strengths and, of course, not forget about your shortcomings and work on them. It is better to replace the phrase “I am so fat” with “I am overweight, I see it, I admit it and I will work on it.” |
| Step 2. | Stop thinking about what others will think of you. | “If I wear this, everyone will think that I’m a beggar” or “If I take this position, then everyone will probably talk about me.” You shouldn't care about any of this. Do as you see fit and don’t look at others. |
| Step 3. | Invest your time in upgrading yourself. | You have some free time, read a book, go to training, do your favorite hobby, watch some educational lectures, wander in your thoughts, write down what you think. Let's say you decided to meet with friends, the meeting fell through, you shouldn't feel like you don't understand what to do and what to do with yourself. You should be interested in yourself. |
| Step 4. | Make your own decisions. | Learn to seek advice and tips less often. If you have a choice between two things, then think carefully, make a list of arguments, etc. Read more about decision making in the article “How to learn to make decisions. Advice from psychologist Evgenia Streletskaya.” Of course, you can and should listen to advice. But there is a small clarification here: dependence on the opinions of others is not self-sufficiency, but adequately accepting advice and making your own informed decision is self-sufficiency. |
| Step 5. | Stop demanding anything. | From other people, from circumstances, from the state, luck. You have to live with the knowledge that everything depends only on you. |
| Step 6. | Be independent. | If you need to go somewhere, then you don’t have to wait for someone to take you somewhere. If you want to eat, you don’t need to wait for someone to cook. Sometimes, of course, you can be lazy, but such constant manifestation of lack of independence will not lead to anything good. Because this lifestyle is a tough comfort zone. And in the comfort zone we all degrade and become dependent. |
| Step 7 | Refuse the victim position. | Yes, something bad happened, it happens to everyone, it happens to everyone. Draw conclusions, wipe your snot and move on. |
| Step 8 | Set goals, prioritize and cultivate your willpower. | You can read about all this on our website. Separate article “How to develop willpower. 7 tips from psychologist Anastasia Kay.” |
Self-sufficient person by zodiac sign: rating of self-sufficiency of zodiac signs
Depending on their zodiac sign, people may have different levels of self-sufficiency. Yes, a self-sufficient person is a strong person. So, we have arranged the zodiac signs depending on their level of self-sufficiency.
- Virgo
Virgo approaches relationships as an analyst. It is difficult for her to trust a person and she will be very careful with him. Until Virgo understands whether a person can be trusted, she will keep her distance from him. This is not the easiest person in a relationship. Virgo will love only when she lowers her defenses, and for this she needs a person whom she trusts.
- Scorpion
Scorpio is one of the most emotional signs and sometimes it is difficult for him to decide what he wants. He can be cold and distant, and 5 minutes later passionately hot. In this regard, he is unpredictable. Emotionally, Scorpio in relationships often becomes draining and quickly leaves. Only when the sign’s representative is emotionally ready for a relationship will everything work out for him.
- Sagittarius
An energetic sign. Characterized by a love of freedom. He is very interesting, but at the same time fickle. He always strives for adventure and getting his dose of adrenaline. He is always on the move. In a relationship, he needs a person to match him, otherwise nothing will work out, because either the partner will not like living like this, or Sagittarius will leave him, considering it too boring.
- Aquarius
These are secretive people. They are not inclined to let anyone into their world. What becomes more difficult is that Aquarius tries to keep his distance. He needs someone he can trust and feel comfortable being vulnerable in order to fall in love and love.
- Twins
Very indecisive and too emotional. Communicating with them can be tiring, but this also means that they love with their hearts and trust their feelings. A Gemini in love gives himself completely to the relationship. This kind of love can be scary, but it’s not for everyone.
- a lion
When is a person self-sufficient?
Leo does not need his partner too much and he must understand this so that there is no feeling that he is not loved. Despite the fact that the representative of the sign himself is rarely drawn to people, everyone is attracted to him. It is impossible not to love him, because he is so interesting and bright. But the price may be too high.
- Aries
Differs in activity and passion. He gives himself entirely to love, if he really loves. He will help you in everything and will never leave you alone. By the way, he will persistently pursue a relationship. If he sets a goal for himself, then rest assured that he will achieve it.
- Taurus
An honest and loyal sign. If he loves, then these are not just words, but a real feeling. In relationships, he is very devoted to his loved one. This is very hard to come across. So, if a Taurus has fallen in love with you, then don’t let him go. Hold it as tightly as possible.
- Scales
Libras always want to make their loved one happy and for this they are ready to do anything. Libra will try to make sure that their partner is happy. It is always easy to love them, because they are sincere and you always want to respond to their feelings.
- Fish
This is most likely the most loving sign. He feels all emotions deeply and it is easy for him to express his feelings. Pisces are always open and do not hide anything. They go through any difficulties and still return to their loved one. This kind of love only happens once in a lifetime.
- Cancer
Over-concern is what you can expect from them. They are sensitive and love unconditionally. They know how to forgive others and tolerate a lot. You can always rely on them, no matter what time of day it is. They will always help. Cancer is the true embodiment of love.
History is the path to integrity
Art coach Eva
Everyone has their own path in life, as well as the path to internal integrity. But I know for sure that it is very difficult to cope without help. The realization that you need to work with your “inner self” came intuitively. Practices, people, events - everything came together and active work began.
Events began to happen in life that threw me off balance. At first I couldn’t understand where this was leading. I even saw prophetic dreams. A few posts ago I told you about a dream. It came true!
Suddenly I found myself in that very place: I screamed, cried, felt that someone was infiltrating my space. Then I got emotional and I attacked my husband with aggression. I decided to sort out this situation with a psychologist.
And do you know what it turned out to be? This was the release of my inner child, who was traumatized at age 5. And only after carrying out the correct techniques, awareness of the problem came and peace of mind was restored. I learned to give myself what my parents didn’t give me, and reconnected with that little girl. It’s as if she took on the roles of mom and dad. And finally, harmony reigned in me.
As a result, a holistic personality was formed: strong, self-sufficient, loving, open, conscious, abundant, energetic, happy.
Recommendations from psychologists for developing self-sufficiency
In the search for self-sufficiency, psychologists recommend practicing the following techniques to help eliminate low self-esteem and “cultivate” fortitude:
Pay attention when you are admired and praised, storing such emotions in your mind as a bright memory. Accept the feeling of loneliness, where at certain moments you have to be alone with your own thoughts. People must have personal space, which they have the right to dispose of in accordance with individual preferences. Project in your mind a situation in which you have lost the support of your spouse, romantic partner, friend or close relative. The experience of independence will help develop the strong-willed qualities necessary in the nature of a self-sufficient person. Recreate in your memory bright memories that evoke warm feelings. Think about how you can get a similar range of emotions without the participation of another person.
Consistency manifests itself in everyday life, at work, in communication with friends and relatives - this is not just another mask that we put on to achieve the desired result, but a newly acquired quality that “settles” in our consciousness forever.
Constantly develop
Both externally and internally. Take an interest in literature on self-development (including on creating self-sufficiency). Maybe it’s worth attending some seminars or trainings that take place in your city. Usually, studying in a group brings more noticeable results than studying thematic literature on your own.
Be sure to add acquiring new knowledge or skills to your list of victories. It will lengthen, and your self-confidence and awareness of yourself as an interesting, purposeful person will grow. And constantly move forward. After all, life is movement.
Yulia Molchanova
Think about what you want to achieve in this life
Make a list of goals and describe in detail the ways to achieve them. And take action! Having your own goals in life and consistently achieving them, you will not be distracted by someone else's desires and judgments. Or at someone. Women tend to put a man or children at the center of the Universe. Make them the meaning of your life. This often brings disappointment, suffering, a feeling of internal insecurity and dependence. Children sooner or later grow up and begin to live their own lives. A man can cheat, leave, die... All that remains is pain and emptiness.
Two sides of the coin
No matter how you look at it, being self-sufficient means developing and improving. But is everything so great? In fact, the privacy and independence of such people often pushes those around them away.
Although the environment does not play a big role for them, it is still important to maintain some kind of circle of communication, and complete independence and independence can greatly interfere with this. Such people simply do not need help, approval of others, support. Ultimately, he simply withdraws from others and avoids any contact. This, of course, can be attributed to the negative consequences of self-sufficiency.
On the other hand, individuals with this characteristic are able to take responsibility. Having such a skill is the main stage in becoming self-sufficient. The opinions of others simply lose their value. Making decisions and making the “right” choice, in his opinion, becomes easier. Of course, no one refuses pleasant words of approval, but this is more of a nice bonus than a necessity.
