If a person does not make eye contact during a conversation: a psychologist’s opinion


This is one of those factors that is based on scientific statements. Shy people most often hide their feelings, which is why they cannot look directly into the eyes, because a look can tell everything. The deepest feelings and sensations will be read in it, be it love or hatred. Shy people are mostly closed, and therefore they do not want to be revealed.

He doesn’t avoid your gaze, you thought!

Have you already considered this option?

Take a closer look at the person! No one denies that he could have cheated on you. Calm down! Almost all people cheat on each other at least once! Don't rush to conclusions.

The reason that he “hides” his little eyes from view could be anything. Even what you don’t expect to hear, know, see.

The man has a rich imagination

Many people find it easier to formulate a thought and imagine a certain situation only by immersing themselves a little. Such people simply need to create a picture in their heads for better perception, and doing this while maintaining contact with their opponent is simply impossible.

For more productive communication, you should learn to hold your gaze for as long as possible. The ability to maintain eye contact will help not only in informal, but also in business relationships.

A man looks away when meeting

It happens that a man looks away when meeting. When a representative of the fair sex whom he likes comes towards him, he will lower his eyes. After all, if he looks at her, he will blush from his feelings.

When an unpleasant person comes towards him, with whom he has no desire to even say hello, he will lower his eyes or look in the other direction. A guy who is guilty of a girl will not be able to establish visual contact with her when meeting her, because he feels shame.

If a person does not make eye contact during a conversation: a psychologist’s opinion

During the reflections, psychologists noted that the vast majority of people do not make eye contact during a conversation. Eye to eye looks are most common among couples in love. In ordinary communication, people very rarely look into each other's eyes.

Also, during the observation process, it was found that leaders who are distinguished by the effectiveness of leadership over people look into their eyes when talking with their employees.

Everyone knows the need to look into the eyes of the interlocutor, but not everyone is comfortable doing this. Even if a person tries to maintain eye contact, he becomes uncomfortable and begins to feel some embarrassment because he is not used to it.

In many countries, looking “eye to eye” is considered an expression of disrespect, which is why women in such countries, predominantly Muslim, do not look up at a man when talking to him.

It is a common belief that to create the effect of eye contact, you need to look at the bridge of your interlocutor’s nose. But it is wrong, since increased attention can cause neurosis in the opponent.

Body language will also help to understand the reason why a person does not make eye contact when speaking. To tell that a person has become bored and no longer wants to carry on a conversation, his gaze directed upward to the right will help. And his dilated pupils will indicate the opponent’s interest in the conversation.

The character of a person by sight

Through the organ of vision, a person experiences the world. This is a “window” into the surrounding space. Most of the information with the help of which a person builds his inner world comes through this “window”. But it is also an organ that reflects the inner world of a person. The eyes are the first to react to a person’s internal state. If we are sad, then sadness appears in our eyes, and, conversely, if we are having fun, then our eyes shine with joy and fun; if we are cunning, then our eyes are cunning. It is very difficult to change the expression of the eyes and the inner state of the soul. When creating portraits, artists pay special attention to the expression of the eyes, since through the eyes one can convey the inner world of a person.

In fiction you can find many descriptions of the look and expression of the eyes. This is a hard look, prickly, cold, irreconcilable, angry, shameless, inappropriate, affectionate, tender, brilliant, burning, sad, gloomy, lazy, sideways, cunning, stubborn, excited, ferocious...

It is very difficult to describe what a look expresses. Probably because it exhibits a complex of characteristics. Some can be explained, while others, such as luminous, shiny, kind eyes, cannot be explained only by the presence of abundant lubrication of the eyes, the special composition of this fluid, or its poor outflow. Some eye expressions are explained by the special squinting of the eyes, the structure of the eye muscles, the fit, shape and color of the eyes, the distance of the eyes from each other, etc. All this has been little studied to date; psychologists have yet to discover more than one secret related to the human gaze.

Any conversation, any communication and interaction between people is usually characterized by tension and eye movement. The direction of gaze and eye movements give us an initial impression of a person’s intentions, character and desires.

Normal, calm, natural communication is characterized by the same direct, calm, natural look, which indicates interest between people, attention to each other and the general topic of conversation.

If we suddenly see that the gaze goes into the distance, it means that the person is distracted and lost in thought. Just for what reason? Is he thinking about what was said, or was he distracted by his own thoughts suddenly flooding in?

Some tips to help you learn to make eye contact

  • Try to look at your opponent with a soft and relaxed gaze, covering a large area within your field of vision. The main thing is not to lose this contact and remain calm.
  • Staring can cause a harsh expression, so watch your facial expressions. It should not be focused; on the contrary, goodwill and gentleness will not only relax you, but will also endear your opponent to you. To achieve this effect, you can mentally imagine that you are holding this person by the shoulder. This will create more warmth and softness in your eyes.
  • The main problem standing in the way of the ability to look into the eyes is self-doubt. This uncertainty gives rise to nervousness. You need to overcome this line and understand that looking into the eyes only establishes contact with a person.
  • Try to study the facial expressions and position of your interlocutor. You can try to “mirror” it. This will help overcome the interpersonal barrier and win over your opponent.

If a person does not make eye contact during a conversation, do not rush to make erroneous conclusions. Perhaps you should take a closer look at the interlocutor and understand the reason for the lack of eye contact on his part.


Not good.

I can see in my eyes there will be war! Eye to eye, point blank. The mood is decisive, a challenge to an argument, a conflict is possible, a threat or an ultimatum is possible. The person is proud, dominant and treats you as a subordinate. Perhaps you are perceived as an outsider or you have broken some rules and they have the right to put you in your place. If, with such a look, a person restrained himself in public, then he will express his opinion or even resort to action afterwards. Therefore, if you do not want conflict, try to build bridges, establish good contact, noticing a belligerent attitude against yourself. It can also mean that you are being tested for strength. They are trying to subjugate you to your will, bend you to other stereotypes and show who is in charge here. This happens when talking with superiors, law enforcement agencies and a lawbreaker. If you show courage, determination and openness of intentions, then you will notice that people will look at you kinder. If you respond with the same stern and decisive look, then you have decided to accept the challenge.


I can see it in your eyes, friend!

A businesslike look, open to new information. The interlocutor has nothing to hide and is attentive to your sincerity. Intuitively seeks your open response gaze as a reason to continue to be open. Especially during an interview, honest workers look at the boss like this during a casting. With their open gaze they want to show their honesty and want to catch the kind glance of their boss, they want to see his approval.


I can see it in his eyes - he respects!!! A glance at the lips speaks of lively communication and a friendly attitude. Perhaps deep respect, that is, a person hangs on every word. This is often seen during a conversation between a boss and a subordinate, who, by the way, have good human relations. The subordinate tries to catch the word of the boss in order to complete the work more accurately, do something pleasant and maintain good relations. This can be seen when a real authority says something, tries to convey it to the audience, and the listeners gratefully and devotedly receive the instructions.


I can see it in your eyes - I like you! From eye level and below to the chest and below. This often indicates intimate interest and affection. Men are more open about such views. A person reveals his cards often intuitively and experiences embarrassment when his gaze is intercepted and exposed. They often say in the eyes I can see who likes whom and this is often to the point. In a family, such a look serves as a hint of a desire for intimacy, which is legal. However, between people who are not legally married, this is perceived as flirting and can lead to real problems and misunderstandings.


I can see it in his eyes - he’s afraid. A look that avoids meeting. An attitude of humility, submission, fear. Views of subordinates in relation to superiors. This fear is not panic, but constant, established and accepted. It can be feigned in order to mislead and to milk one’s goals through false humility. However, they are often afraid of those who really have leverage and with whom it is better not to argue.


I can see in his eyes that he is completely attentive. The upper eyelids are raised, the gaze is straight - “googling”. This means increased attention to your person. It remains to understand this attention negatively or positively. Look at facial expressions and gestures, listen to words and hints, look at the pupils. If the attention is positive, it means that the person is simply fascinated by you, fascinated, admired by you. Ready to imitate. If the attention is negative, then the person seems to be trying to open his eyes wider to accommodate more information about you, so that later he can use it against you. Again, through other manipulations, he can hide his motives. Be careful.


I can see in his eyes what he wants from me. The gaze is frequent, almost demanding, often intent. It becomes clear that the person wants to say, show or convey something and is trying to establish eye contact. A possible variant of imitation with this view is that a person tries to study behavior in advance or for other reasons. Such a person catches your gestures, facial expressions and tries to draw conclusions for himself. This is easy to notice when in a crowd one person tries to attract the attention of someone; when one, with a large number of eye contacts, constantly looks at someone, is distracted from the immediate interlocutors. It may be trying to read you and can't do it fast enough.


I see interest in his eyes. This is an obvious wink, raising an eyebrow, eyebrows. The person is trying to agree with you on something, to be on the same team with you, on the same wavelength, in the same connection, etc. He expresses sympathy and even some intimacy in your relationship. He wants to show that you and him are for one thing, unlike others, that you have your own secret. However, in some cultures, winking is not accepted and is perceived as disrespect, an insult to dignity and leads to resentment.


I can see it in his eyes - he is smiling. Look into the eyes, eyebrows raised slightly defiantly, the corners of the eyes slightly raised. It remains to understand what kind of smile this is - for good or not. Everyone knows the conclusions and evidence of scientists on how to distinguish a real smile from a fake one. With a fake, fake, fake smile, the corners of the mouth rise, and with a real smile, the outer corners of the eyes also rise. This was also noted by the French neuroanatomist Duchenne de Bologne in the mid-19th century. If a person is able to regulate the muscles of the mouth consciously, then the muscles of the eyes act instinctively, according to the orders of reactions in the brain and therefore cannot be done. Therefore, you see laughing eyes, and not just a smile on the mouth, then this is sincere and for good. But if only the mouth smiles and the eyes are “silent,” then the person is insincere and often professionals of deception mislead with such a smile with their friendliness, having purely mercantile goals. Or a person laughs through tears, he has no time to laugh at all, but on the contrary, he needs help.


I can see it in your eyes - surprise! The eyes are wide open, most of the white of the eye is visible; the eyebrows are drawn apart and moved apart; mouth slightly open. When a person is surprised in a positive sense and taken aback in a negative sense, facial expressions and gestures for at least a few seconds will show everything. At the emotional level, the one who was exposed will show indignation; his eyes will not show any positivity. And vice versa, if a person finds the surprise pleasant, his gaze reaction and facial expressions will be positive, perhaps feigned, but positive.


I can see it in his eyes - he’s shocked. Eyes are raised up to the ceiling or sky.

Shock and surprise are different emotional states. And it is also expressed in different ways. Remember your facial expressions when shocked and surprised!? When a person is shocked by unexpected news, positive or negative, he seems to be looking for an answer from above why this happened or thanking someone on high for a blessing. A person may raise his hands up, clench his fists out of frustration, resentment, or vice versa out of joy and delight. Gestures are broad and sweeping. Speech is loud. Negative shock is visible when hearing the news of someone’s death, about an accident with someone, about being fired from a job, about a sudden diagnosis. A positive shock at the news of a long-awaited fulfillment of a desire, when entering a job, to study, when unexpected help appears in a seeming dead end.


I can see it in my eyes - I’m scared! The gaze is open, as if in surprise, but the eyelids are tense in anticipation of danger; the eyebrows are raised, but knitted together, the lips are narrow, compressed like stripes. The gaze may be fixed and fixed because the person may be trying to catch changes in the offender's mood. By other objective signs, fear is easy to recognize if it is not hidden. A person trembles, shrinks, goes into the shadows, his hands become cold, etc. If a person tries to hide fear, then one can understand fear by the tense eyes that literally do not look away from the source of aggression. This often happens when, during a conversation with a couple, something unpleasant for them comes up and at this moment he or she intensely and incessantly looks and listens to what the other is saying. The one being looked at apparently has a strong opinion on this matter and the other has been subjected to verbal or physical violence more than once when disagreeing. Also, children in the campaign are guided by the aggressor when it comes to moments that were already acute, but which children are trying to hide from their parents.


I can see it in his eyes - he hates him. The eyes are squinted, narrowed and almost invisible; gaze point blank, without blinking, eyelids tense. They want to intimidate you and perhaps the threat is real. The eyes don’t lie and it’s better to resolve this situation quickly. This is what tyrant bosses and aggressors often do.


I see it in my eyes - I doubt it. The eyes are narrowed or, on the contrary, slightly open and directed at an indefinite point, the eyebrows are slightly frowned or, on the contrary, parted but slightly, as if from the surprise of a situation of choice for which he is not prepared. Facial expressions: a person can scratch the back of his head, close his hands, closing himself off to make a difficult decision for him, and there will be a slight sweating from excitement. This often happens when a person is pointed out to a contradiction in his words and he tries to create logic in his judgments; when there is no trust between the interlocutors and the conversation is serious and therefore has serious consequences. Also when a person is offered responsibility for which he is not ready. For example, if a girl or guy is not ready for marriage, but receives an offer, then this is the reaction. Or when a young man finds out that he will become a father, he is often confused and looks into nowhere, trying, of course, not to show this to others.


I can see it in his eyes that he is embarrassed. The upper eyelid is slightly lowered, covering the eyeball, a secret glance, short-lived and imperceptible; head down. This is a sign of emotional submission, although pleasant for the subordinate. This can be seen in a conversation between a teacher and a student on good terms. The student is even embarrassed to look at the teacher out of great respect. These eyes are sometimes used to perceive a woman's flirting. A woman does not openly view the subject of interest like a man, but rather hides it and behaves like a child. If at school a male teacher gives advice to a female student, it is precisely because of the gender difference, and not out of respect, that the female student does not look the teacher directly in the eye.


I can see it in your eyes - shame on you, traitor! The gaze avoids the oncoming person, often at the feet, at other objects, the eyebrows are slightly frowned in order to hide the gaze, redness of the face, constrained movements, the person ignores the topic and questions that are uncomfortable for him. A striking example is delinquent children. Without literal evidence, just one glance, the parent understands that the child has done something wrong. This can be seen when the spouse tries to hide the betrayal, and the other sees everything in his eyes. The spouse has no evidence, but sees that the look is treacherous, not open, fearful and, well, bashful. Shame and guilt at least somehow show regret about what they have done and provide a reason for the innocent party to soften up. This can be seen with the betrayal of a friend and the unpleasant realization of this, with forced communication, although intrigues are being built behind one’s back. In business matters, people are often asked to look people in the eye, and betrayal is clearly visible.

Not guilty.

I can see it in his eyes - he’s innocent! The gaze is direct, unwavering, the eyes are open wide, the eyelids are strained from trying to prove his innocence. The person is trying to discern whether they believe him or not and therefore looks steadily and appraisingly. Gestures are open, palms inside out, shoulders straightened. The tone of his voice is raised out of a desire to hear his evidence of innocence. All movements are aimed at the one to whom they want to prove innocence. Although scenes of jealousy are often hidden from the eyes of strangers, there are situations when the husband publicly tries to prove to his wife that he did not look at anyone but her. The husband spreads his hands, looks broadly at his wife and speaks loudly about his love for her. Perhaps he did something reprehensible in fact, but obviously not on purpose. Or when the husband asks about the money spent, the wife, looking wide, wants to show that she does not understand where the money goes. Most likely, she doesn’t know how to save, but she doesn’t do it on purpose. There are, again, skilled deceivers who will convince you of their innocence even when caught in the act of a crime. Be careful.


I can see it in his eyes - he’s worried! Here we note frequent blinking as the main sign. A darting look, asking for help. Movements are nervous, palms may become sweaty, and cannot sit still. It remains to find out the cause of the excitement. Again, positive or negative. If in front of you is a deceiver, an enemy, then he is trying to hide his eyes from you by blinking frequently, trying to avoid meeting gazes so that you do not read his eyes. This is especially pronounced when a loved one has plans against you and is worried because you know him too well. Before cheating, the spouse may worry and not find a place for himself. Of course, this can be well veiled. Positive excitement is often a anticipation of something very good, long-awaited, good news. For example, pre-wedding preparations are pure excitement! Finding out what gender the child will be is a real excitement for some. A man who is waiting for a girl’s response to his marriage proposal is worried and finds no place for himself. Men in love often blink when looking at their beloved.

How to recognize the look of a girl in love?

The duration of a woman's eye contact does not indicate the presence of love. When reading a girl’s behavior, you should pay attention to other non-verbal signs of communication, when posture, movements, actions and manner of speech indicate sympathy.

A girl is interested in you if she:

  • embarrassed, blushes;
  • her head and body are constantly directed in your direction;
  • while looking, he touches his neck, hair, fidgets with earrings, pendant;
  • in company he tries to stay close;
  • laughs at your jokes, etc.

Important! The main sign of flirting is a fleeting glance, when a woman looks, and as soon as she receives a visual response, she turns away, embarrassed, lowering her eyes down.

Don't trust your fleeting glance!

I would like to say more about the latter and warn inexperienced women to be wary of such frank, provocative looks. Typically, pick-up artists often use this technique to conquer the weaker sex for one or several nights. Be prepared to be taken advantage of and end up crying into your pillow at home at night. How can you determine that a look is insincere and has sexual overtones? Here are some signs for you:

the pupils are clouded, unclear, often run around (pay attention to whether the man is sober at all);

a sweet smile that does not disappear from his face should alert you, since men often rely on it to reinforce their flirting;

a too direct and daring look that undresses the victim carries nothing other than a thirst for sex.

Scientists' assessment, or how long a sincere look lasts

British scientists conducted a number of experiments and proved that the length of a man’s gaze can determine a man’s attitude towards a woman:

  • visual contact less than 4 seconds - sympathy is unlikely, the man is not interested enough;
  • close attention for more than 8 seconds - sympathy is likely, there is a chance of building a romantic relationship.

Interesting! Such an iconic role is assigned exclusively to the male gaze. A woman can look at a man for no reason, out of banal curiosity.

Psychologists advise focusing not only on the duration of visual contact, but also on other non-verbal signs of male sympathy. If a number of factors indicate that a guy is interested in you, then you can start flirting without fear of making a mistake.

Is it true that the look of a person in love changes?

When a person experiences love, regardless of gender and age, the body releases hormones that affect appearance and behavior:

  • heart rate increases;
  • he is in a state close to euphoria;
  • gait changes;
  • improves complexion, hair and nails;
  • pupil size increases.

Interesting! It is the eyes that are the true indicator of a man’s feelings. The “bottomless” pupil effect indicates serious intentions. The absence of eye changes at the moment of love confession indicates light flirting without long meetings.

Psychologist's advice

If a representative of the stronger sex looks at something different when communicating with a girl, it means that he has his own reasons for this. Before drawing conclusions, you should think and be sure of what you want. Decide why you need to establish contact, is it really necessary? What happens if you make a connection? What happens if you don't fix it?

Having figured out why a man looks away when talking to a girl, you can make attempts to improve the relationship. If you feel that a representative of the stronger sex is hostile to you, try to increase the distance, as well as meet less often. If, on the contrary, a person is in love with you, and you like him, you should show him this so that he decides to take the first step.

It is recommended to find out what the characteristics of the person with whom you want to start a conversation are. For example, what is he talking about, what is his behavior when communicating with other people. It is even permissible to ask him a direct question about the reasons for such behavior, without guesswork.

You need to take a closer look at the following nuances:

  • the guy hides his eyes only when talking with you or with other girls too;
  • he does this only when talking with women or also with representatives of his own sex;
  • On what topic of conversation does a guy stop looking at his opponent: girls, work, gossip, family relationships;
  • when a person looks at an opponent: when he is surprised by something, is scared, laughs, gets angry or doubts;
  • Is this man reserved or sociable?

Psychologists note: couples in love most often look at each other. Others are uncomfortable doing this, although it is advisable. To learn how to look at your opponent, you should practice this.

Calm down and look directly at your opponent, and also capture other objects in your field of vision. Hold this gaze for a few seconds, gradually increasing the duration of contact.

Concentration of attention can change facial expressions, making the facial expression stern and rigid. Relax, try to make your gaze friendly, warm. Remember pleasant moments in life that will help soften your facial expression.

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