A practical guide to manipulating people

Manipulation of people is methods of influencing the consciousness of other individuals. The art of manipulating people requires that the manipulator, knowing the intricacies of the human soul, finds a special approach to each individual and each time, creating a new image for himself, carries out his plans. Many individuals do not realize that there are a lot of manipulative techniques and methods with which they are influenced almost every day. They often do not notice this, since hidden manipulation is used.

No experienced manipulator masters all these methods at once and cannot use all kinds of manipulation techniques. But several methods are enough for him to control people in the direction he needs.

A person who uses techniques for manipulating people must have a good understanding of different personality types, as well as be able to sense the mood and understand the emotional state of people. To some extent, all people can fall under the influence of a manipulator. Depending on the individual characteristics of people, suggestibility can be higher or weaker. There are people over whom any influence is practically useless, and they also cannot be hypnotized. Manipulators and attackers avoid such people, for fear of being exposed.

One might wonder how they know who to avoid? Manipulators are, to some extent, psychologists; they determine whether people have weak points, study personality, how strong their character is. Having found a weak point, they throw all their strength at it. This could be a belief, interest, affection, emotional state, etc. The main thing is to correctly find this point and influence it. Advertisers, politicians, public figures, as well as ordinary people are guided in the same way for their own selfish purposes.

What is manipulation

From a psychological perspective, manipulation is changing the perceptions and behavior of others through covert tactics for personal gain.

For example, a girl sells flowers on the street. She can praise them, smile sweetly and look good, but this will not be manipulation, since she is not targeting anyone in particular. For her, every passerby is a potential buyer, and she does not use clever ways to get her product bought.

But if she changes tactics and approaches a couple sitting in a cafe with a cute bouquet, unobtrusively inviting the man to give it to his beautiful companion, this will be psychological pressure. Refusal for him will mean demonstrating his greed and the fact that the girl means nothing to him and does not even deserve flowers. In 90% of cases, such a story ends with the manipulator (seller) leaving the victim (man) with what she wanted - money from the sale of the bouquet.

The psychology of manipulation has many risks, ranging from failure of the original goal to personality and behavioral disorders that manipulators so often suffer from. There will be no problems if you:

  • formulate a specific goal that you will strive for (I want to sell a bouquet to this man);
  • consciously choose your tactics (I will put pressure on his male ego);
  • do no harm (this is not fraud or theft, since you will give flowers in exchange for money).

A manipulator suffering from a mental disorder behaves differently: he acts unconsciously, most often choosing one victim, who suffers physically and mentally under his influence. This should not be allowed, otherwise you may end up being registered with a psychiatrist and doom yourself to long-term treatment.

We draw a conclusion. Distinguish between manipulating people as an art to achieve goals and as a mental personality disorder that harms both you and others.

Get into his interests

In many couples, the interests of the man and woman coincide - and this is wonderful. Shared hobbies are like super-strong glue for a relationship with your husband.

But what if this did not happen?

  • Take an interest in his affairs
    - even if through force. Watch football while stifling a yawn. Asking what exactly was fixed in the car at the service station, ceasing to understand anything after the third word. Listen to the advantages of one spinning rod compared to the other three.
  • Unobtrusively invite you into the world of your interests
    . Few men would agree to attend a macramé class, but if you think about it, there's probably something your manly partner can handle with dignity.
  • Look for compromises
    : go to the movies, either for an action movie or for a melodrama; to a pizzeria, and next time to a sushi bar; to a strip club - and then to a salsa master class.

Many have heard the phrase “People are divided into those who ride and those who ride.” What kind of personality is this that recognizes the weaknesses of another subject and can play on them to their advantage? What does it mean to manipulate a person?

Is manipulation good or bad?

If you've set your sights on mastering this art, you should know that manipulating people is ethically an exploitative, violent, and dishonest tactic.

Firstly, it is hidden, that is, it involves partial deception, silence, cunning, and lies. Secondly, its goal is to promote the interests of one person at the expense of another, and the first always wins, and the second, after such manipulations, is devastated and ruined. He is forced to do what he does not need, what he does not want, but at the same time does under pressure. On the one hand, he did it voluntarily. On the other hand, he understands (after a while) that he was psychologically forced to do this.

Despite this, manipulating a person is not always a negative phenomenon. For example, in one of the hospitals a pulmonologist was at the reception. Men with many years of smoking experience often came to him. After the X-ray, he sent them to lie down for a week in the oncology center, supposedly for prevention and additional research. In fact, the goal was different: seeing people in the hospital dying of lung cancer, many of these patients voluntarily quit smoking. If the doctor had used open persuasion tactics, it is unlikely that he would have been able to achieve such success.

In psychology, this phenomenon is treated neutrally, like, for example... a knife. It can become a murder weapon or a faithful assistant in the kitchen - it all depends on whose hands it ends up. Psychological manipulation is the same as a knife, and you need to handle it carefully so as not to hurt yourself or harm others.

We draw a conclusion. When manipulating people, you need to constantly ask yourself how much the victim will suffer from this. Don't become a monster in achieving your goals.

Psychological influence on a person

4. Offer something that a person cannot refuse

© golubovy / Getty Images
The trick: start the conversation with something that the other person can’t refuse, and you will achieve what you need.
This is the flip side of the door-in-the-face approach. Instead of starting the conversation with a request, you start with something small. As soon as a person agrees to help you in small ways, or simply agrees to something, you can use the “heavy artillery.”

Experts have tested this theory using marketing approaches. They started by asking people to show their support for protecting the rainforests and the environment, which is a very simple request.

Once support has been received, scientists have found that it is now much easier to persuade people to buy products that promote this support. However, you should not start with one request and immediately move on to another.

Psychologists have found that it is much more effective to take a break of 1-2 days.


To learn how to manipulate, you need to clearly imagine the end result that you want to achieve: for your boss to raise your salary, for your husband to buy something, for your colleague to take over part of your project. The formulation of the goal cannot be too vague and voluminous: I want the respect of my colleagues, the unquestioning submission of my wife, etc. This will be psychological violence, as a result of which both will suffer.

As a basis, you can take ready-made goals, which are most often set to manipulate others.

Goal 1. Educational

Most often used by parents - for children, husband - for wife (or vice versa), boss - for subordinates. This is manipulation for the greater good, since the ultimate goal is to make the other person better.

Mom: “Dress warmly. Otherwise, you’ll catch a cold and have to cancel your trip out of town this weekend.” The goal is to protect the child from colds and teach him to dress according to the weather.

Wife: “Darling, I don’t understand anything about mathematics, you are much stronger than me at it, help your child with his homework.” The goal is to involve the husband in raising children.

Boss: “We didn’t reach our sales target this month. If this happens again, I will have to disband the department.” The goal is to make subordinates work better.

Goal 2. Financial

This goal is set by businessmen and bosses, as they pursue financial gain for themselves. There are a huge number of tools here, ranging from blackmail (“I will deprive you of your salary if you do not increase production efficiency”) and ending with moral destruction (“Your company is unprofitable, cannot withstand competition, so an agreement with us is the only salvation for you”).

Although wives also often manipulate their husbands for this purpose, trying to trick him into expensive gifts or purchases for the home. They don't openly say, "Buy me a dress for $500." Every day they will take him past the display case with him, admire him, say that “Petka (what a great guy!) promised to give him this for his birthday,” cry that she has nothing to wear to the corporate party, etc.

Goal 3. Entertaining

Oddly enough, many people want to manipulate others just because they are bored with life. Eric Burns generally called this phenomenon psychological games. The same intrigues at work, especially in the women's team. Or the desire to diversify the relationship with your significant other (flirt with your husband’s friend in order to make him jealous).

Goal 4. Emotional

In principle, any goal of psychological manipulation can be called this, since it affects precisely the emotional sphere of the victim. But here we mean something else: to force a person to change his feelings or attitude towards something. This is considered aerobatics, but at the same time borders on personality disorders.

Examples can be found both at work and in the family. The new department head cannot openly tell his subordinates: “Fear me!” Through conversations, he learns something unpleasant about each of them and begins to blackmail them. The constant fear of being exposed makes people obey him unquestioningly.

We draw a conclusion. Formulate your goal correctly, try to see the end result. Remember, this is what separates you from a manipulative psychopath.

Impact of fear

Fear and lack of awareness of the addressee make it possible to cleverly manipulate his actions and actions. For example: “If you don’t go to college, you will become a beggar,” “You are an excellent specialist, but another applicant has appeared for this vacancy.” All invented fears come from a lack of information. By listening to the manipulator, the recipient makes a big mistake. Sometimes behind such influence lies the desire to force a person to do something better, without additional motivation or funding.

Who to choose as a victim

Before mastering methods of manipulation, take a close look at the victim to whom your influence will be directed. If this is a strong personality with clear values ​​and life beliefs, the goal may be initially doomed to failure. You need to spend a lot of time studying the characteristics and vulnerabilities of the victim (in psychology they are called “buttons”) that can be pressed to achieve the goal.

An example of such “buttons”:

  • passion for pleasure;
  • naivety;
  • the need for constant approval;
  • lack of independence;
  • impressionability;
  • immaturity in judgment;
  • inability to say “no”;
  • narcissism;
  • locus of control (attribute everything to external factors, and not to one’s own responsibility);
  • vague personal boundaries;
  • excessive altruism (willingness to help others to the detriment of oneself);
  • low self-esteem, uncertainty, lack of self-esteem;
  • emotional dependence on the manipulator (the wife loves her husband too much);
  • gullibility;
  • greed;
  • loneliness;
  • old or young age.

Take a closer look at the person you are going to manipulate. If it has at least one of the above qualities, with the right technique you can achieve anything from it.

We draw a conclusion. In order not to doom your idea to failure in advance, for 2-3 weeks you need to observe the person you are going to manipulate and find vulnerabilities.

Characteristics of the manipulator

Among public figures, manipulators to one degree or another include politicians, public figures, famous bloggers, and pop stars. Each of them pursues their own goals (to achieve victory in the elections, to gather a full house, etc.).

Many achieve success by influencing others. All manipulators have the following qualities.

  1. Knows how to convince . The manipulator is firmly confident in his position and can easily convince other people. Or, knowingly deceiving the “victim,” he will use all his acting skills and again convince her that he is right. If you want to become a leader, develop the gift of persuasion.
  2. Charismatic . This is the ability to create a positive atmosphere around yourself, win people over, conduct a conversation correctly and ultimately get what you want. It's great if you are a naturally charismatic person. If not, don't be upset. We have already prepared an article for you on how to develop charisma.
  3. Eloquent . Most famous speakers are manipulators. Watch their performances and pay attention to how they address the audience, how they behave on stage, and how the performance itself is structured. One way or another, every speaker strives to “sell himself,” his product or service, using various psychological techniques.
  4. Well versed in human psychology . The manipulator, first of all, evaluates the potential victim from the psychological side. He studies her strengths and weaknesses and assesses her emotional state. Having found a weak spot, he will hit it exactly there to achieve the desired result. At the same time, the manipulator will not risk getting involved with a strong, self-sufficient, harmonious and psychologically stable person.

As you can see, before you start studying methods of managing people, you must first study yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, work on charisma, eloquence and improve your knowledge in the field of human psychology.


To manipulate people's consciousness, there are various techniques that you need to be able to use correctly.

Basic techniques

Technique 1. Coercion

Used by an authority figure who controls and manipulates those under her control. Main methods: pressure, threats, violence, emotional attack.

Example. The boss orders the employee to do a project. The latter objects that this is not his responsibility. The boss retorts that he will deprive him of his bonus - the problem is solved.

Technique 2. Smoothing

It is used to eliminate an obvious conflict in which the manipulator will obviously lose and will be shown in an unfavorable light. Methods used: demonstrating kindness and gratitude, readiness to help at any moment, excuses, flattery.

Example. The wife nags her husband that his salary is small. In response, he begins to sing her praises about how patient she is, that they have endured so much together, etc.

Technique 3. Evasion

Used in various situations. This is how smart people manipulate, whose main method is logical traps, philosophizing and abstract jokes. The goal is to take the interlocutor away from the topic of conversation, to redirect him in a different direction.

Example. A girl accuses a guy of cheating because he was seen with someone else. The tactician answers with the question: “Do you believe the rumors or me?” Another option: he convinces that he simply had to see that girl off, because she is his sister, boss, brother’s wife.

Review of some techniques

Method 1. False questioning

Refers to an evasion technique. Used to show your partner your fake interest in the subject of conversation. To do this, first after each important statement you need to exclaim: “Amazing!”, “What a thought!”, “What are you saying?”, “How did I not think of this myself?”

The interlocutor melts at how significant his proposals are to you. He loses his vigilance, and then the method of false questioning comes into play. The partner describes how this contract is beneficial for yours - and everything like that. As a result, the victim’s head will contain the thoughts that the manipulator instilled in him.

Method 2. Ostensible indifference

An incredibly effective method. Each of us requires respect and attention. If we say something to our interlocutor, we always expect at least some kind of reaction - even if it’s just a simple nod. Pressure on this “button” is often used by spouses.

Example. The wife constantly accuses her husband of cheating. At some point he gets tired of this, since his excuses end in scandals, and he always turns out to be guilty. This is how the technique of ostentatious indifference works in this case. When the wife once again starts talking about this, the husband does not react to her accusations. He calmly drinks tea, scrolls through the news feed on his phone.

The wife becomes more and more angry because she does not see the reaction to her words. Indifference brings a person to a state bordering on passion. The manipulator listens carefully to everything and does not miss a word in order to catch the victim in time. Such a moment could be the wife’s recognition that she was accessing his phone without permission. An excellent reason to make her the accused, since the source of all problems is her mistrust.

Method 3. Imaginary handicap

It is often used to manipulate a loved one so that he does not become jealous, or a colleague so that he does not consider you a rival and loses his vigilance.

This technique can work to your advantage with a man who is pathologically jealous. A woman must constantly convince him that she is ugly, fat, means nothing without him and, apart from him, is of no use to anyone. This is so deposited in the subconscious that there have been cases when a wife cheated on her husband literally under his nose, and he believed in her innocence, despite all the evidence.

You can use this method to manipulate colleagues at work for career advancement. If you and someone else are applying for a high position, it is enough to gain his trust and convince him that he is excellent, you are not his competitor, who cares about him. He loses his vigilance, weakens the race for a position, and makes a competition project carelessly, because he is confident in his victory. At this time, you are carefully preparing for the upcoming tests, doing your job perfectly, and simultaneously treating your boss. Consider the position in your pocket.

Method 4. Fictional love

When deciding on this method, you need to bear full responsibility for the consequences. In this case, you will have to manipulate the feelings of another person. By posing as an ardent lover, you can achieve a lot from the victim. This is often used by subordinates in relation to superiors of the opposite sex in order to ensure career growth or a salary increase.

Expensive gifts, declarations of love, compliments, flattery and other actions disarm. How can you not give a bonus to your mistress or not promote your passionate admirer who is ready to go through thick and thin for you?

This method of manipulation often ends in a marriage of convenience.

Method 5. Surprise attack

An interesting method, the purpose of which is to take a person by surprise, put him in a short-term state of stress and in just a few minutes achieve what he wants, since he will stop reasoning.

Everything happens spontaneously, but the scenario is always the same: without warning, the manipulator rushes into the victim, begins to shout something, speak emotionally, feigning extreme excitement, helping himself with facial expressions and gestures, grabs hands, throws himself on his knees, etc. Understanding little , a person agrees to anything just to calm down and clarify the situation.

Case from practice. After the next medical examination, the wife rushed straight to her husband’s work all in tears, wailing that she would soon die, that she had been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and that the only salvation was the mountain, forest air and she urgently needed to undergo rehabilitation there. The husband, understanding only that the situation was extremely serious, was ready to get a ticket to the sanatorium for any money. The wife immediately handed him documents to sign, saying that she had found a way out of this situation.

As a result, the wife became the owner of a breathtakingly expensive house in a mountain resort, the purchase documents for which were signed by her husband without even looking. And fibrosis was a consequence of old bronchitis; she had been living with this diagnosis for a long time. The lump was small, and she knew very well that it would not threaten her with any complications.

NLP techniques

NLP techniques (neurolinguistic programming) are when you manipulate people not only with words, but also with gestures, touches, and facial expressions. According to followers of this trend, it is this that reveals the secrets of a successful life, as it allows you to achieve maximum benefit from others.

When deciding to use them in practice, keep in mind that neurolinguistics requires a long learning curve. And her methods do not work individually, like those discussed above, but in a complex manner.

NLP technique 1. Connection

The main NLP technique, without mastering it you will not be able to manipulate others. The goal is to establish contact with the victim. To do this, you need to use the mirroring technique - unobtrusively, so that she doesn’t notice, copy her gestures, facial expressions, walk step-by-step with her, breathe in the same rhythm, speak with the same intonation.

NLP technique 2. Rapport

After establishing contact, you need to establish a trusting relationship with the victim. Find something in common between you and tell her about it, interest her (the boss is looking for natural honey for his sick wife - you’re right there: “And my father-in-law has his own apiary!”).

Affiliation and rapport are two essential NLP manipulation techniques. The rest you select at your own discretion.

NLP technique 3. Three “yes”

And then the real magic begins. This is the culmination of manipulation, the preparation for which must be carefully thought out. The victim is asked three questions, to which she must answer in the affirmative. These can be the most common phrases: “You can’t buy natural honey in the store now - right?”, “You take it for yourself, right?” [you know in advance that he needs honey for his sick wife], “Honey from the apiary is an excellent cure for all ailments. Do you agree?

And then you ask the fourth question, which should solve your problem directly: “Ivan Ivanovich, will you give me three days off? My father-in-law’s apiary is far away, until I get there.” According to NLP psychology, he will not be able to refuse and will answer “yes”.

NLP technique 4. Breaking the pattern

After rapport, a person develops a certain pattern of relationships with you. For example, you met a girl, she is serious, and then you stun her that nothing can happen between you. That is, you are tearing apart a template in her mind, which she will, on a subconscious level, put back together with all her efforts, proving to you that everything is possible. Guys often confuse girls this way. For example, they admit that they are gay (although this is not so) and not a single beauty can seduce them. Or that in the first two months of dating they do not have sex, etc.

NLP technique 5. Switching attention

Consciousness at a particular moment in time can focus on one thing. By distracting the victim from the topic of conversation you want, you weaken his grip in this area. For example, the case of competition at work. Tell the colleague who is competing with you for a position that his wife is cheating on him. Or that they want to blame fire safety in the company on him. In a word, send him to another battlefield, and he will definitely lose to you on this one.

NLP technique 6. Lead

Not every manipulator will be able to master this technique. It consists of just one phrase. You need to say it in a calm, confident voice, looking straight into the victim’s eyes. It's a kind of hypnosis. The installation consists of two parts: you force the person to do what is needed, and at the same time explain to him that you will not be idle either. He only realizes the last part, that you also will not sit idly by, which means he is obliged to do what you asked him to do in the beginning. Examples of NLP manipulative phrases:

  • Wife to husband: “Place the purchase of a sofa, and I’ll go look for a tracksuit for you.”
  • Boss to subordinate: “Stay after work today to finish the project, and I’ll find out what can be done with your vacation.”
  • Mom to son: “Solve the math for now, and I’ll go to the store for something tasty.”

Please note that in the second part there are no specific promises: I will look at the suit, not buy it; I’ll find out about the vacation, but won’t give it to you; I'll go get something tasty, but without specifying.

NLP technique 7. Reframing

This NLP technique is most often used to manipulate oneself, but sometimes it can be included in relationships with others. It is used when the situation gets out of control. For yourself, this is ordinary auto-training, when you understand that you cannot change anything, and say that everything will be fine, that the Universe is on your side. These same phrases can be used to reassure the victim in order to convince him that nothing depends on him.

Case from practice. Two friends competed over a girl. The advantage was clearly on the side of one, but he was a doubtful and unconfident person. One day she didn’t answer his call, he began to beat himself up that she was ignoring him and didn’t want to communicate with him (although she was just busy at that moment). A friend began to reassure him in the spirit of reframing, that there was nothing to be done about it, you need to let everything take its course, let her decide everything herself, you already did everything you could. As a result, the first one gave up, stopped pursuing her, and she chose the second one.

We draw a conclusion. Master the techniques, practice, choose methods of manipulation depending on the “button” of influence on the victim.

Basic Reframing Techniques

“Redescription” methods explain how a person can be manipulated only by replacing words, part of the message. Let's take a closer look at them.

  1. A technique for replacing one piece of verbal information with a new sentence or word. For example, instead of saying “I'm afraid,” say “I'm afraid.” Fear will no longer be as pronounced, and the individual will accept it as an indication to be more attentive and careful.
  2. Rearranging intentions, or rather, truly revealing them. What does it mean to manipulate a person using this method? According to the basics of neurolinguistic programming, the purpose of all behavior is positive. And once you discover your true intention, you can choose more acceptable actions. For example, a wife is often dissatisfied with her husband and allows herself to raise her voice at him. When the husband tries to find out the reasons for this behavior, she cries or leaves. Working with his wife, a psychologist helps to discover the real purpose of hysterical actions - lack of attention, support, love. After pronouncing the intention, the spouse can dress up his behavior, for example, in a soft, gentle form and thereby try to achieve the desired again.
  3. How to manipulate a person using metaphor? It is a parable or a short story in which there is a comparison with the situation under consideration. You can use an example from a famous fairy tale or cartoon.
  4. Another effective technique in “redescription” is to use the criterion that the addressee formulated in the new statement. A case in point is the story of the sinfulness of women. When Jesus responded to the offer to throw stones at her, he replied: “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at me.”
  5. Encouragement to look at yourself from the outside. Otherwise, change the recipient’s perception position. How to manipulate a person in this way? When the addressee condemns a certain situation, you can ask the question: “What if you found yourself in such circumstances?”
  6. A technique of influence due to the inability of the brain to distinguish between fiction and reality. Asking questions like “How do you know...?” or “Why did you decide that...?”, the manipulator achieves the goal of the technique - the “correctness” of perceiving the situation is considered.

As can be seen from the description of the techniques, reframing relies on linguistic techniques that make it possible to consider circumstances in a new way. What does it mean to manipulate a person using this method? This is the disclosure of different ways to achieve your true intentions, as well as the ability to look at actions from the outside.

Secrets of manipulation

To successfully manipulate people and at the same time not cross the line of what is permitted:

  1. Contact by name.
  2. Give compliments.
  3. Listen carefully.
  4. Don't directly state what you need.
  5. Don't use negative phrases.
  6. Stay calm and don't lose your temper when talking.
  7. Look straight into the eyes, don't hide your gaze.
  8. Nod your head and non-verbally express agreement with your interlocutor.

We draw a conclusion. The victim needs to be confused, disarmed with a deliberately good attitude, before being manipulated.

Impact of love

In this technique, love is not an unconditional feeling. A person is perceived only if he fulfills certain requirements or conditions. For example: “If you do such and such, I will love you,” “Only worthy employees remain in our team, the rest leave of their own free will.” The manipulation offers conditions, upon fulfilling which, a person will receive at least a good attitude towards himself, and at a maximum – love. The cruelty of this psychological impact lies in the fact that the person is not perceived as a whole (with advantages and disadvantages), but only approves of her good behavior.


When deciding to manipulate and not being a psychopath, you must clearly understand not only the end result you are striving for. You must be aware of other consequences of your action. You will force a person to do something that he did not originally want. In most cases, he will understand this deep down, and this will cause a response from him. And you must be ready for it.

How the victim will feel after manipulation:

  • lack of trust in you: I was deceived;
  • removal, alienation from you: I was forced against my will;
  • disappointment both in yourself and in you;
  • unpleasant aftertaste: I was used.

In 90% of cases of conscious manipulation (not psychopathic), the victim eventually understands that he was used for selfish purposes. Therefore, the next time she communicates with the person who controlled her, she will again expect deception. A second attempt to do the same thing most often turns out to be a failure.

The most unpleasant consequence of manipulation is loss of trust, which entails problems in relationships. For example, you forced your boss to let you go on vacation outside of your schedule. You achieved your goal and enjoyed your vacation. At this time, he was forced to look for a replacement for you, redo the vacation schedule, re-issue documents and deal with other similar red tape. He will be angry that he followed your lead, will draw conclusions and is unlikely to do the same in the future, no matter what “buttons” you press.

We draw a conclusion. If you are an intelligent person, you will never manipulate your loved ones with whom you value relationships. And if you are forced to do this, you will be able to explain that this will benefit not only you, but also your partner.

The influence of words on a person

7. Flatter

© AlexBrylov / Getty Images
The trick: flattery can get you where you need to go.
This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. To begin with, it is worth noting that if flattery is not sincere, then it will most likely do more harm than good.

However, scientists who have studied flattery and people's reactions to it have discovered several very important things.

Simply put, people always try to maintain cognitive balance by trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in a similar way.

Therefore, if you flatter a person whose self-esteem is high, and the flattery is sincere,

He will like you more because the flattery will match what he thinks about himself.

However, if you flatter someone whose self-esteem is suffering, there may be negative consequences. It is likely that he will treat you worse because it does not intersect with how he perceives himself.

Of course, this does not mean that a person with low self-esteem should be humiliated.

Best books

  1. Adamchik V. 200 ways to successfully manipulate a person.
  2. Gagin T.V., Borodina S.S. Exposing magic, or a reference book for a charlatan.
  3. Gegen N. Psychology of manipulation and submission.
  4. Carnegie D. How to win friends and influence people.
  5. Keith B., Romilla R. NLP Workshop for Dummies.
  6. Levin R. Mechanisms of manipulation - protection from foreign influence.
  7. Freud Z. Psychology of masses and analysis of the human self.
  8. Henrik F. The Art of Manipulation. How to read other people's thoughts and control them quietly.
  9. Sheynov V.P. The art of managing people.
  10. Shlakhter V., Kholnov S. The art of dominating.

Not everyone can master the art of manipulating people. However, in the modern world it is impossible to do without it. By taking on the role of a constant victim, you may never achieve what you want and never realize your cherished dreams. However, there is no need to make the methods described above a lifestyle, as this is fraught with psychopathic personality and behavior disorders, as a result of which you will lose everything you value.

Article on the topic: Manipulator - who is he and how to resist him?

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Impact of guilt

Guilt is most often used by manipulators in family life. By experiencing it, a person seeks to compensate for the damage caused. For example: “You were walking and having fun with your friends, and I am alone and babysitting the child, and creating comfort for you,” “It’s better for you to rest today, and I can do your work for you.” The manipulator will constantly press on the feeling of guilt or find new episodes. The recipient in such a situation will try to level out the discomfort and will fall into the same trap over and over again. The feeling of guilt subsequently gives rise to aggression, so the manipulator should use such psychological influence with caution.

Impact of self-doubt

In this case, the manipulator presses with his authority. It directly indicates the incompetence of the addressee in certain matters. For example: “You must listen to me - I have lived my life! You can’t do anything without me,” “Actually, I’m the boss here, so it’s up to me to decide how this should be done.” Such self-affirmation at the expense of another can take place at different levels and on different issues. The impact will continue until the recipient gets rid of his uncertainty, weakness and acquires the necessary skills.

Impact of pride

Vanity and pride are a wonderful lever for psychological influence. For example: “I see that my wife is tired at work. But you’re smart and an excellent housewife - surprise my friends with a delicious dinner,” “I’m preparing a promotion for you, but, unfortunately, your salary will have to remain the same for now.” The more a person strives to prove his skills to someone, the more often he tries to catch up and overtake his friends in success, the faster he will become a victim of psychological influence.

Image creation

When forming the personality of a leader, many aspects need to be taken into account. One of them is the image of a business person. Its main components include:

  1. Health, the preservation of which many businessmen forget, but a sick person evokes only compassion or pity from those around him.
  2. Appearance, as well as the ability to select high-quality and stylish clothes.
  3. When considering what every leader should be like, one cannot fail to mention good manners. Neither teamwork nor negotiations can be done without them.
  4. Ability to present information clearly and professionally.
  5. The internal world also influences the effectiveness of management decisions. To achieve success, clear civic and moral positions are important, as well as the right attitude towards one’s place in the world.

Image is a combination of appearance, actions and manners. By emphasizing a respectful, correct attitude towards your interlocutor, you form a stable positive attitude towards yourself.

The personality of a leader is expressed in the ability to treat subordinates, neighbors, or even saleswomen as if they were his best business partners. At the same time, it is very important to permanently remove slang words and common expressions from your speech. If accidentally thrown out during a business conversation, such phrases can seriously damage a manager’s reputation and devalue other personal qualities.

What should a leader be like?

A good specialist can only be a person who has a higher education and an expert level of knowledge. Thus, the key skills of a sales manager are, first of all, knowledge of advanced strategies for attracting the target audience and competence in their field of activity. Other qualities will be no less important:

  • erudition, desire for professional growth;
  • ability to evaluate a situation critically;
  • search for new methods and forms of work that can increase the efficiency of management decisions;
  • planning, which involves not only managing one’s own time, but also setting priorities, coordinating work, and drawing up schedules for oneself and subordinates.

In family relationships

The most common family manipulations are hysterics, silence, demonstrative departure “to mom’s,” partying with friends, and drinking bouts. Psychological influence is used by both parents and children. This is a way to achieve your own benefit by playing on the feelings of others.

To avoid such influences in the family, you should learn to trust each other and openly discuss your desires and actions. Perhaps, at first, conflict situations will be a frequent occurrence. Over time, relatives will learn to calmly talk about their goals and motivations. But there are also constructive manipulations that can inspire a spouse or child to new achievements.

In business relationships

Manipulations in business communication, their presence or absence, depend more on the professionalism of the employee and his confidence in his abilities. It is difficult to influence a person who knows his own worth. If the employee is incompetent or too shy to emphasize his merits, the employer or colleagues will not fail to take advantage of this.

Common methods of influence in a work environment are:

  • ridicule, reproaches; the recipient is nervous, irritated and performs the actions necessary for the manipulator;
  • demonstrative resentment is a reluctance to admit one’s point of view is wrong, and the addressee will try to fulfill all the whims of the offended person;
  • flattery and support are intended to reduce a person’s vigilance and make him a victim of influence.

Manipulation in business communication can be avoided if you clearly express your opinion (which is obviously correct) and be confident in your professional qualities. During the impact, you can try to interrupt the conversation with a phone call or urgent matter. Even a simple change of topic of discussion will help avoid manipulation.

How to learn to manage people?

To learn how to manage people, you first need to be imbued with this desire. A strong desire can in itself direct or lead a person to relevant knowledge. You need to start by studying yourself, your inner “I”, your nature. Learn to manage yourself, as this activity requires a lot of emotional stress and mental investment.

The further goal is to establish contact with people around you, “hook” them using the emotional and psychological component, and earn trust. Study the literature on the topic of human psychology and people management, which outlines management methods and various manipulation techniques. Develop skills and apply all kinds of techniques in practice.

Why is people management needed?

Trying to achieve specific goals, people have always looked for different ways to achieve them. In pursuit of knowledge, he noticed that it was possible to influence the psyche of other people, thereby manipulating them. As a result of this, interest in practical psychology arose. When the psychology of people is known, how to manage them also becomes clear.

By applying the learned techniques in practice, we managed to understand how to manipulate people. Psychology, books by famous writers and love for them began to grow. With the help of such knowledge, a person learned to competently manage not only one person, but also entire countries. The application of these skills has been found in all spheres of life and has already changed the fate of all mankind more than once.

Rosalynn Carter, a powerful woman, First Lady and wife of former President Jimmy Carter, once said, “A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader leads people not where they want to go, but where they need to be.”

At this point in life, one can no longer do without practical skills in business and its organization. The success of modern management largely depends on the psychosocial competence of employees and especially in managing an organization. Knowledge and skills are the undoubted psychological basis for effective management. Building and motivating a team, resolving tensions and conflicts, accurately recognizing customer needs—all these activities require knowledge and psychological techniques. The answer to these needs is a management psychology program. The purpose of the study is to understand psychological knowledge and develop the ability to use this knowledge in practice.

Human psychology, how to manage people, also allows a person to develop and plan his career and life path, and to in-depth diagnose his personal predisposition. Through effective exercises and meditations, help those in need who need help. You can view it here.

Manipulative methods can be of a different nature and used for the good or against people. But, one way or another, they are extremely important.

Impact of pity

This technique is often used by children and young girls. Its task is to evoke self-pity and a desire to help. For example: “I’m so tired, I don’t have any strength, and I also have to cook dinner for you,” “I’m the boss and every time I receive comments for your bad work and pay fines for you.” The victim receives help in this psychological impact. But she herself does not strive to improve her life, but prefers to complain. The slight energetic “vampirism” of this action subsequently evokes a contemptuous attitude towards the manipulator.

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