Is it possible to learn to protect yourself if you are easily vulnerable and remind yourself of a reed in the wind? How to stop being weak and become more confident in yourself?
This article is not a collection of useful tips from the “How to become stronger in ten days” series. There are no ready-made recipes in it that will turn you from a sheep into a lioness.
There is no such recipe. Universal recommendations that fill the Internet are suitable for everyone - and no one. They don't take into account the main thing - your personal history of struggling with your own weakness.
Stop making being right a priority.
While it's certainly nice to feel like you're always right, there's a good chance you're not. If you want to be a kinder person, try to prioritize being kind rather than being right. This can be difficult, but you will quickly learn that not every conversation requires you to be the leader. This will help you behave completely differently in the future.
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Don't discuss the appearance of others
Want to become a less repulsive person without any effort? Stop commenting on other people's appearance. You may think you're giving a compliment, but some people feel uncomfortable when their appearance is judged. Perhaps the friend you praise for her slimmer figure is very ill, but the person you ask about her tired appearance feels quite energetic. In such cases, your comments will be inappropriate and you will definitely not be able to seem like a kind, respectful person.
Where the brave finds, the timid loses
This is what the Russian proverb says. And indeed, a timid person does not seem to notice the clues of fate, does not know how to use a happy chance, and steps aside when luck comes into his own. It’s not for nothing that many people associate timidity with failure. It was as if the timid person had been zombified into behaving to his own detriment.
Making a “diagnosis”
Usually we don’t need to ask the question: am I a timid person? Everything is clear to myself. But still, let's highlight the main features that characterize timidity as a character trait.
Someone's mind
You constantly worry about the impression you make on other people. What they think about you, how they treat you. These thoughts are painful, they fetter your initiative, and prevent you from behaving naturally and at ease. It constantly seems to you that your appearance is unsightly, your actions are ridiculous, your words are stupid.
Diffidence
You are afraid not only to talk to a stranger about some issue, but also, for example, to speak at a work meeting in front of employees, to approach your superiors with a proposal, to casually communicate at a party... You think that you will make yourself look stupid, that They will look at you differently, they will laugh at you.
Comparison is not in your favor
This process is never-ending: you constantly compare yourself with others, and each time you are convinced that everyone else is better, smarter, more capable. This, of course, only makes the bad morale worse.
Idealization
Other people seem almost perfect to you. You admire their ability to behave freely, not to be afraid of public speaking, not to mumble in response to a question asked by a person they don’t know well, but to answer confidently and eloquently, to be witty at a friendly feast. You think of yourself as a container of all possible negative qualities.
Initiate the conversation yourself
It can be difficult to take the first step if you want to make friends, but it can help you appear more approachable. Don't wait for people to approach you, initiate the conversation yourself. You will immediately seem nicer, and others will be more favorable to you.
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Think positive first
Instead of criticizing someone during a tense moment, try to find something positive. By the time you say something nice, your desire to say rude things will decrease. You'll seem like a much nicer person, and you'll also benefit from a positive outlook on life.
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At what age is character formed?
Any mother who has raised several children will say that all her babies were completely different from infancy. Even infants react differently to food, bathing, and play. There are temperamental, noisy babies, and there are quiet and inactive ones. Heredity plays a role here, as well as natural temperament, which depends on physique, health and upbringing conditions.
A child's character traits develop under the influence, first of all, of the family.
Responsible, loving parents already at the age of three or four years see what type of temperament the child has by nature: choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, or melancholic. Depending on innate qualities, a positive, socially acceptable character can be formed. If there is no love and attention for children in a family, they are less likely to grow up friendly and hardworking. On the other hand, the examples of many outstanding politicians, writers, and artists who grew up in disadvantaged conditions confirm the importance of innate character traits and self-education. Human character traits was last modified: April 20, 2021 by Elena Pogodaeva
Listen to other people's feelings
It is likely that in most cases you are simply waiting for your turn in a conversation rather than listening to the other person. This means that you are not very kind. Instead of just waiting for your moment, try to really listen to what your friends are telling you. Give advice only when asked, and be careful. This will transform the way you communicate with others.
How to become a tough person: 7 ways to change your character
To understand how to become a tough and strong-willed person, you need to remember several important points.
Recognize the need for such changes
Before you start becoming tougher, you need to accept the fact that softness (even with all its advantages) can significantly interfere with life. In some situations, only firmness is acceptable and nothing more. You also need to really want to change, and not just try to do it thoughtlessly (for example, on someone else's advice).
Find an example to follow
Perhaps among your friends there is a person who you like for his confidence and strength of character. Observe how he behaves in different situations, how he reacts to others and their actions, and how he copes with problems that arise.
Don't try to completely copy this person - look only at the best. It is not necessary that this person is your acquaintance. The main thing is that this person inspires you.
Take it gradually
Realize that big changes like this don't happen quickly. Often people give up at the first failure, reassuring themselves with phrases: “It’s not mine,” “It’s much better to be gentle,” and “I don’t want to mess with it.”
Move gradually and one day you will realize that you are no longer at the beginning of the path. In addition, hasty decisions and actions can only cause harm.
Learn to refuse
Being able to say “no” calmly and firmly is very important. It is this skill that is considered one of the main signs of a strong and decisive character.
Allow yourself to displease others, to surprise and disappoint them. Don't let reproachful looks, manipulations and insults break you and bend to other people. Always say “no” in a confident tone and don’t feel guilty about it.
Drop your emotions
People often make concessions because they feel sorry for others or do not want to get involved in disputes and scandals. It is important to remember that you need to give in only when the situation really requires it, and only to those who are dear and loved.
Don’t show too much emotion towards strangers - everyone thinks first of all about themselves. Don't worry about how someone to whom you mean nothing will feel.
And if a quarrel happens, stay calm and remember that a showdown is not a disaster from which you need to flee. Remember that in real quarrels a person shows his true character.
Do some sports
Sport is a great way to become more decisive, strong-willed and firm. Physical exercise not only trains the will, but also increases self-confidence. Improvements in appearance play a big role: a physically attractive person almost always behaves relaxed and decisive.
This makes others consider him brave, firm and knowing his worth. Even regular jogging can be an effective way to become more determined and confident.
Develop self-respect
Read a lot, expand your vocabulary, learn new things. Be the one who always knows how to act, what to say and what decision to make. Defend your interests, stop being inactive and don’t look at other people’s opinions. Act tough if the situation demands it. Earn the attitude you need.
All of these tips are universal: they are suitable for anyone who is wondering how to learn to be firm in a team, how to become tougher in relationships, and how to learn to be more decisive in general.
- Test: are you really strong, or are you just pretending to be?
Also, for anyone thinking about how to become a tough person, it will be useful to remember a few tips:
- remember that there is a difference between the concepts of “hard” and “rude”: unlike rudeness, harshness does not always carry negativity;
- Strength of character is closely related to the ability to bear responsibility and self-discipline;
- rigidity deserves respect when it is fair and objective;
- personal hostility and prejudice towards a person should not be a reason to treat him more firmly than others;
- before you start changing, you need to deal with your complexes and other psychological problems that prevent you from becoming what you would like;
- it is useless to just pretend that your character is tough and pretend to be a confident person, because sooner or later your real essence will betray you - you need to learn to be tougher in reality;
- when thinking about how to become tough and confident, do not leave your desire at the level of thoughts - act and move forward, even if it seems to you that nothing will work out for you;
- communicate more with those people who evoke positive emotions in you - it will be much easier to relax and gain self-confidence with them;
- track your achievements and praise yourself for even the slightest progress - one day you will look back and realize that a lot of work has been done.
And of course, when thinking about how to become tougher in character, don’t overdo it: this can scare people away and even make them turn away from you. Remember that moderation is needed in everything, and be able to show both toughness and softness - where necessary.
Don't confuse honesty and rudeness
Many people who tend to be rude like to say that they simply prefer honesty. Honesty is really important, but that doesn't mean you should directly comment on someone's outfit if you think it's bad, comment on the pounds you've gained, or share your opinion about someone's partner. With such directness, you are guaranteed to hurt other people's feelings.
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Additional factors provoking aggression
Anything can happen in life, and if the situation has reached a dead end and you just can’t stop yourself, it’s still better to turn to a qualified psychologist. It will help you overcome the black streak and get out of the zone of ignorance.
Another reason for irritation can be expectations, or rather, inflated expectations. You imagined the situation in your own way, in your head there is already a scenario of how everything should happen, but these events do not depend on you and do not develop at all the way you want them. In principle, they should not follow exactly your script. Don't demand too much from the world and it will keep you calm.
Fatigue is the most inveterate provocateur of irritability. The ability to control your emotions directly depends on the state of your nervous system. If for a long time there was no opportunity to relax, get distracted, or simply be alone with yourself, the consequences can be sad. Even the calmest people, whom no one has ever noticed, sometimes break down under the pressure of fatigue.
To prevent such situations from happening, always distinguish between work and rest. Find time for your family, walks with friends in nature, going to the cinema, doing what you love and doing sports. All this is the key to your good mood.
