For what reasons do people become indifferent: what about the indifference of loved ones?


In relationships, marriage

It occurs more often than other types and is very difficult for a partner to live with, since a once close and beloved person suddenly stops paying attention and becomes completely alien and distant - this hits the most vulnerable places.

The qualities that previously attracted him seem to disappear and he turns into a completely different person. Unfamiliar and indifferent. It is very lonely next to him, unbearably lonely, and not everyone is able to cope with this feeling.


From childhood, boys are taught not to cry and to endure suffering, instilling the idea that they should be strong and able to withstand anything. This is, of course, an interesting and attractive idea about the existence of ideal men, but in this case, they need to turn into emotionless robots, which is what some try to do in order to live up to the mythical image.

At work

I am not attracted to the activities that I come to do, so much so that I have to force myself, forcing me to get ready in the morning. Unfortunately, the consequences of working without enthusiasm are either dismissal or lack of prospects for career advancement, and this all only exacerbates the negative attitude towards the chosen profession.

Towards the environment

Killings of animals, destruction of nature, political issues: they may not bother a person at all. Either because he does not want to “get involved” in a process that requires large amounts of energy and time, or because they bother him so much that he chooses to isolate himself and not notice them.

In any case, whatever the reason, such a person relieves himself of responsibility for involvement in anything in this world. For example, when buying a mink coat, he does not think about the fact that this living creature was once brutally killed, and by paying for it, he makes his contribution to this business.

Or he doesn’t go to the polls, giving other people the right to make decisions regarding the future of the country in which he lives.

To the children

Sometimes it happens that for some reason a parent becomes unable to feel love for his children, performing only functional duties. Such children are usually seriously traumatized and believe that they are not worthy of love, do not deserve it, and so on. And when they grow up, they risk becoming the same, because they don’t know how to behave differently.

Contempt: what are we dealing with?

Contempt is a negative and derogatory emotion directed at oneself and other people. It is caused by the recognition of oneself, another person, who is not worthy, does not deserve respect and attention. This attitude borders on judgment, superiority, and arrogance. A person who despises himself treats himself with great disdain and disrespect. Contempt performs the function of dominance, superiority over others. It transmits information about status, significance, and strength. However, this model of behavior is more typical for individuals who are unsure of their status. They need this to assert their superiority. The strength and intensity of this emotion can vary, and its companions include anger and aggression. And a grin on the face at the moment of expression of contempt indicates a feeling of pleasure, joy from superiority. But people often disguise their contempt and disdain with a fake smile. Therefore, not everyone can recognize this emotional manifestation immediately.

Depression often hides behind the adrenaline of contempt, causing a temporary increase in energy. In this way, a person manages to be in a non-depressed mood, remaining contemptuous most of the time. However, the rest of the time he almost always lives in depression and anxiety.

Contempt has not been given a place in the basic emotions, but it can be recognized by its characteristic facial expressions, raised eyebrows in surprise, a disgusted one-sided grin, and a mocking tone of voice. Also, such individuals keep their back straight and tilt their head back a little. They want to appear superior to the object of contempt and look down on him. These actions can cause a conflict situation.

The feeling of contempt and disgust can be considered related. However, disgust is felt towards unpleasant things, and contempt presupposes the presence of hierarchy and comparison. Both things and people can be disgusting. They despise only people. In addition, the one who shows contempt for another person feels a sense of superiority over the object of contempt. And this attitude extends to all spheres of life with the presence of comparison. But each of us has our own pros and cons, abilities and capabilities. There is only one life. Therefore, you should not waste your strength and energy on comparisons and negativity.



As you know, this is a disease, and it may well deprive a person of not only interest in everything that is happening, but also the desire to live. Therefore, it is important to be careful, if a loved one suddenly “fades away”, you should not throw hysterics, scandals, or give arguments and facts of his indifference and callousness.

This will only aggravate the situation and can lead to the worst consequences - provoking suicide, as an attempt to finally get rid of suffering. You can learn more about this from the article “How to find a way out of depression yourself: the most effective methods.”

Punishment or manipulation

Yes, in relationships they sometimes resort to similar measures, ceasing to pay attention and give love even for the slightest offenses, wanting to “motivate” to obey and do only as the manipulator wants.

Something like carrots and sticks, they either shower you with gifts and compliments, or suddenly become indifferent, ignoring your presence until you realize your mistake and correct yourself.

Such traps are usually set by perverse narcissists or psychopathic personalities. By the way, this is also the behavior of a banal egoist, an egocentric person who believes that the whole world revolves only around him, and for him.


When a person is hurt, he sometimes has a great desire to be insensitive, so as not to experience disappointment, bitterness, total sadness, and so on. That’s why they become indifferent, people have the illusion that it’s easier to live this way.

For example, it seems that without thinking about where and with whom a loved one spends time, he will be calm and happy. But, in fact, by blocking negative emotions, a person deprives himself of pleasant, positive ones. Indifference can easily kill love; gradual distance and lack of emotions can defeat even the strongest feelings; they will simply fade away until they disappear completely.


This is a disorder in which a person is not able to feel and track his emotions, he simply does not understand what is happening to him, since he can only think logically, without resorting to sensations and intuition.

Professional burnout

When a person overextends himself at work, he does not have the opportunity to replenish his energy reserves and rest, which over time leads to exhaustion. He simply does not have the resources to feel interest, joy and other feelings.

Psychological trauma

Something may happen that will cause unbearable feelings that a person is simply not able to cope with at a given period, and in order to preserve the psyche, the body, as it were, “turns off” the emotional sphere, freezes it.

7. Alcohol or drug abuse

Over time, due to any of these types of addictions, the structure of the brain is destroyed, which affects the psyche and emotional sphere. By the way, an excessive amount of medications also leaves its mark on the ability to feel.

Mental disorders

Because of them, a person becomes detached and unable to experience any emotions or sensations, plunging deeply into his own inner world and fantasies.

Personality structure

He was born like this, callous, unable to empathize and generally worry, plus his parents were the same, which is why they didn’t teach him to care, be interested in something, be attentive, etc.

In the Dictionary of Synonyms

indifferent, insensitive; carefree, passionless, cold-blooded; indifferent, indifferent; he doesn’t lead with his ears, he doesn’t blow water off a duck’s back, even though the grass doesn’t grow, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t move, it’s neither cold nor hot, he doesn’t give a damn, zero attention, he doesn’t lead with his whiskers, he’s so sad , up to the ninth floor, doesn’t lead with his nose, doesn’t care, what does hecuba do to him?, cold, doesn’t lead an eyebrow, devil-may-care, cold, wooden, dophenist, dophenist, indifferent, apathetic, what does he care, phlegmatic, aloof, cold, don’t care, don't give a damn, don't give a damn, lethargic, lifeless, don't care, icy, cold">cool, detached, cold, phlegmatic, insensitive, apathetic, depressed, insensitive, sour, all rubbish, he doesn't care from a tall tree, don't care, no warmth not cold, zero attention, a pound of contempt, sluggish, deaf, not his sadness, wants to sneeze, and there is little grief, at least something to sneeze, to a light bulb, even henna, does not lead the eye, cold-hearted, soured

What to do?

First . If your loved one has changed, try talking to him about the reasons for the change. Maybe he has a serious problem that he is trying to hide in this way, pretending to be indifferent? It is only important to refrain from making claims, scandals, hysterics and other things, so start a conversation only when you realize that you are ready to hear the truth or have the strength to cope with it.

Second . If you are trying to influence your partner using perceived indifference, then think about how it hurts. Are you sure that you are deliberately ready to cause pain and sometimes unbearable suffering to your loved one? There are examples when they punished for treason in this way, but ignoring it does not relieve the suffering of the one who was offended. Even if it seems to him that he is not experiencing anything. Only forgiveness will allow you to free yourself. It is not necessary to continue to be together, but it is necessary to forgive in order to release the burden, take care of yourself, and move on.

Third . If this happened to you, try to understand what is behind your insensitivity? What are you hiding from, or, on the contrary, hiding? Only by realizing the cause can you find a way to heal.

Fourth . Work on your self-esteem, especially after encountering total loneliness as a couple, and in general. You will learn recommendations on how to increase it in the article “The best methods for achieving success that will help you finally believe in yourself.”

Fifth . Be honest and sincere with yourself, you shouldn’t put on a mask and play the role of a happy person if your soul is sad, you won’t hide from melancholy, but you won’t feel joy either. It’s better to have courage and look into the eyes of those emotions that you are avoiding; only by living through them can you free yourself and “break the spell.” If you are afraid that you cannot cope alone, enlist the support of your loved ones or a qualified specialist. The main thing is to act before the swamp of apathy sinks deep.

Sixth . In the case of psychological trauma, it will take time. Learn to simply be close to the one who has suffered, and wait without reproaching or putting pressure on him.

In the dictionary Complete accentuated paradigm according to A. A. Zaliznya

indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent no, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent

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Scientific research into feelings of indifference

Scientific research on indifference has been carried out by both psychologists and philosophers. Fabry, Rubinstein, Spinoza studied indifference. Many agreed that indifference can be equated to apathy, emotional passivity, lack of interests and hobbies, and a decrease in overall activity.

In 1993, N. Fetiskin noted that students and schoolchildren experience boredom during many lectures and lessons.

In 1984, researcher I. Shurygina found bored students among music school students. And in 1989, A. Chebykin revealed the fact that students’ expectations from classes are not met, and instead of positive emotions, they are forced to be bored or afraid of the teacher.

“Emotional-motivational paralysis” - this is the definition of indifference given by the dictionary of Meshcheryakov and Zinchenko.

Indifference is primarily characterized by the absence of any feelings and emotions, both positive and negative. A person does not experience aggression or irritation; he is neither happy nor bored. Indifference often develops after experiencing stress. But many researchers have identified indifference as a symptom of mental or physical illness. Indifference can be provoked by hereditary factors, a nervous breakdown or overstrain, endocrine system problems, certain medications, bad habits and their consequences, and old age.

There are two types of indifference. In the first case, the person looks depressed and sad, he is not interested in the events taking place and the people around him.

In the second case, the individual carefully hides his indifference to life behind the mask of a successful and active person.

Indifference: an emotion or a way of life?

Indifference as an emotion can be equated to indifference. Indifference is a consequence of fear. Fear of problems that may arise if a person shows involvement in someone else's fate.

These problems, in fact, have no place in the life of an individual. They do not fit into his regime and do not correspond to his schedule... Indifference has become a common factor in modern society. That’s why there are so many cases when an ambulance is not allowed to go ahead on the highway and in courtyards, when people pass by those lying on the ground, pretending not to notice assaults and beatings on the streets and in neighboring apartments... Indifference and fear of consequences are the two main ones criteria in this sad statistic.


There are books in psychology that examine this condition in detail: what to do if a person has apathy, and how to prevent it. In addition to psychological books, you can read the described experiences of people who emerged from apathy and began a new life after experiencing a gap.

  1. Tove Jansson “The Comet is Arriving.”
  2. Eduard Limonov “Diary of a Loser, or Secret Notebook.”
  3. Alessandro Baricco “1900th. The Legend of the Pianist.
  4. Faina Ranevskaya “Cases. Jokes. Aphorisms.”
  5. Osho “Life. Love. Laughter".
  6. Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.
  7. Kate Atkinson, Life After Life.
  8. Janet Oak “Love grows like a tree.”
  9. Mike Viking “Lykke. In search of the secrets of the happiest people."
  10. Anar Mamedov “Depression. How to escape from a black hole."

How to get out of a vicious circle

If you have forgotten how to trust the world around you, and it seems to you that there are only scammers around, try to relearn effective communication. Try to make pleasant acquaintances, help people just like that, especially if you see that they need your participation. Over time, it will become less scary to give, you will feel additional energy, strength that you were previously afraid to show. Gradually, you will notice that there are many people around who are sincerely interested in your affairs, mood and health, and you will find faithful like-minded people.

Thus, the problem of human indifference is hidden in the inability to communicate. In our age of information technology, so many people just sit at home in front of the monitor, and they have nowhere to go, no one to exchange a word with!

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