How to avoid conflict - 10 points: rules. How to avoid conflict: tips

When people connected by some kind of interpersonal relationship, be it love, work or friendship, come together, then at the beginning of a common path they try to behave correctly and competently under any circumstances, agreeing with the opinion of the other person and trying to seem closer to him than they are. In fact.

But later, all participants in the tandem relax, gaining confidence, and with it the opportunity to demonstrate their superiority. Thus, all the differences hidden until this moment gradually come to the surface, leading to “friction”, troubles and problems in communication. To prevent such a situation, it is important to know how to resolve the conflict and even be able to turn it into a source of favorable changes and spiritual growth.

The concept and essence of conflict

Psychology defines conflict as the most acute stage in a joint solution to a problem. In other words, this is the emergence of a clear contradiction when the opinions and interests of different people collide.

The main reason lies precisely in different views on this situation - on the goal and the method of resolving it. The entire interaction process is accompanied by negative emotions.

Any conflict implies certain characteristics inherent in a situation of contradiction. Knowing them, it is easier to understand how to avoid conflicts or quickly find a way to resolve them.

The essence of the conflict implies:

• structure of the conflict situation. It includes the object (what caused the dispute), subjects (those persons whose opinions do not coincide), the scale of the contradiction, conditions, behavior of the participants and, finally, the outcome of the conflict.

• the dynamics of the struggle of interests in the form of certain stages. First, an objectively problematic situation arises. Further, its participants cannot resolve it peacefully, and a conflict arises. The last step is full or incomplete resolution (outcome).

• The functions of conflict can contribute to both positive and negative outcomes. If we talk about a dialectical (the ability to negotiate) or a constructive (to achieve a goal through the tension of a situation) task, then they are viewed in a positive way. The destructive function contributes to the destruction of good relationships and prevents the problem from being solved.

• managing a conflict situation is possible through external or internal effort. From the outside, a boss or an authoritative person can settle a quarrel. Sometimes the participants themselves can resolve the situation. If they make some effort to change their behavior.

Study of the provocateur

If a provocateur is identified during communication, the next step is to determine its type. In general, provocateurs can be divided into several categories. These are amateur provocateurs, power-hungry provocateurs and strategic provocateurs.

For amateur provocateurs, the main “activity” is observing the process. Moreover, observation from a distance. These people are often influenced by their own emotions, because... They don’t know how to control them. If suddenly an amateur provocateur felt that, for example, the point of view of another person differs sharply from his position, then he will certainly express this by projecting his aggression onto the interlocutor. Although, the expression of his position can be expressed not only in aggressive attacks, but also in tears, ignoring, etc.

When confronted with such a person, the surest way is to remove yourself from the situation. It's like a pendulum: it swings to touch you, and you come into resonance with it, but if you fail this pendulum, i.e. If you don’t react to it in any way, its vibrations will begin to fade and after a while it will stop.

Power-hungry provocateurs have a slightly different “approach.” Their goal is to gain a sense of power, importance, and control over situations and people. If the person they are communicating with begins to react violently to their behavior, then for them he will be a “better” interlocutor. With the help of provocations, power-hungry provocateurs identify psychologically strong and weak people. When interacting with such people, it is very important to maintain a neutral position: maintain an even tone of conversation, refrain from rash reactions, etc.

And strategist provocateurs are people who achieve their goals through manipulation of others. They can talk behind people's backs, intrigue, gossip, and do other similar things. If you encounter such a person, then you need to try to determine what exactly his goal is, and whether his goals are consistent with yours. If you can be mutually useful to each other, then such a person can play along in his game, naturally, without taking his side and without becoming a provocateur-strategist himself. If your goals are not consistent, then it is best to keep your distance from this person and carefully monitor what is happening.

Causes and types of conflict situations

There are several classifications of conflicts based on which structural element dominates in a given situation. Thus, a contradiction may arise due to disputes regarding an object - a thing, the values ​​or feelings of the participants.

Most often, people become involved in such a conflict unconsciously, regardless of their desire.

In other cases, the cause may be provocation or conscious pressure from one of the parties. Most often, such people try to assert themselves at the expense of others.

Causing tension and negative emotions in the opponent. They feel satisfaction as if they were controlling a person and influencing his behavior. In addition, in relation to the subject, internal and external conflicts are distinguished.

Their features are:

  • internal characterize the state of the person himself, they arise when contradictions arise between his desires and capabilities;
  • external ones are the opposition of a person and the surrounding reality in the form of other people. Depending on the characteristics of the participants, they can be interpersonal (two individuals come into conflict), intergroup (between groups) and between an individual and a group.

Family, work, personal, teenage and generational conflicts are also shared. They have their own characteristics of emergence, development and resolution.

Detection of provocation

First of all, you need to pay attention to your own feelings. The usual reaction to provocation is bewilderment, misunderstanding, and indignation. In order to prevent these sensations from taking over your state, you need to turn on your attention and turn it to what is happening at the moment. This helps you understand your feelings, calm your thoughts, free yourself from the influence of your interlocutor and realize that perhaps his behavior is provocative.

In addition, you need to pay attention to the intensity of your emotions. If, when communicating with a person, emotional states such as confusion, resentment, indignation, etc. regularly arise, then most likely you are faced with a provocation. When interacting with another person, it is important to understand the direction of communication: if it is constructive and aimed at finding compromise and understanding, then there is no place for provocations, but if over and over again you are forced to react sharply emotionally, then you are faced with a provocateur.

Stages of the conflict

Despite the differences in causes, participants and outcomes, all conflicts have common stages of development. Understanding them will help you stop at the right moment and not take the situation to the extreme when it will be difficult to go back.

Psychologists distinguish the following stages:

The origin of the conflict.

Awareness of it (the mood of the participants and their statements changes). Response actions of the opponent.

Open confrontation.

Development of the conflict.

Resolving the situation.

At any stage, participants can recognize the approach of a storm and make efforts to prevent its development.

Understanding yourself

Almost every person has his own weaknesses. It is precisely to influence them that provocative behavior is designed, because it “catches” a person. Despite the fact that any interaction with provocateurs is destructive, it can be used to your advantage. Thanks to provocations, a person can get to know himself better, because... there is reason to think about why this or that behavior, words and actions of other people cause such a violent reaction. Often, psychological and emotional anchors can be identified in this way. It is precisely the precise identification of your most vulnerable spots that allows you to strengthen your protection against provocations. It is also worth adding that strengthening stability is positively affected by the development of such qualities as the ability to observe what is happening from the outside, which in NLP is called the third position of perception, the ability to slow down one’s psyche in order to get out of a state of emotional involvement, as well as the ability to trust one’s feelings .

What are the outcomes?

There may be several possible outcomes, depending on how interested the participants in the disputable situation are in a favorable end to the quarrel.

Conflict resolution options:

  • avoiding conflict (does not notice the problem or pretends);
  • smoothing out contradictions (one of the participants agrees with the claims, usually making excuses);
  • compromise (mutual concessions);
  • development of tension of varying severity for an indefinite period of time;
  • suppressing an opponent by force, forcing him to accept his point of view.

As you can see, the endings of conflicts can be productive and promising, or neutral or negative (destructive).

How to prevent conflict

The most correct behavior when building relationships with other people is to prevent conflict from arising and developing. Psychology has developed a number of specific rules of communication and interaction that help achieve this.

Rule #1

You need to learn to restrain yourself in moments of irritation and anger. It's not easy, but you have to learn. The ability to restrain yourself is very important to prevent conflicts.

Two angry businesspeople arguing furious showing a negative growth graph at office.

Rule #2

You shouldn’t decide for others and tell them how to act one way and not another. It’s better to direct your efforts inside yourself, to understand your experiences.

Rule #3

This is often forgotten, but the best time to talk is when a person is rested, well-fed and calm. A lot of conflicts flare up precisely because of physiology, when it is difficult to control oneself.

Rule #4

To successfully resolve a controversial situation, you need to direct your attention to the cause of the disagreement. In fact, the opposite often happens - opponents endlessly discuss the process of the quarrel, its details, when it would be worthwhile to understand why it happened in the first place.

Rule #5

There is no need to delve into past grievances. This is a direct road to increasing mutual claims. It is necessary to focus on the current moment and direct energy to resolve it.

Rule #6

It is important not to accumulate a large number of unresolved problems, but to solve them as soon as they appear. The more problems, the higher the likelihood of conflict. You should never return to closed topics.

Rule #7

Often conflicts arise because people do not voice their grievances. They carry them inside themselves for a long time, and then an explosion occurs in the form of a scandal. Of course, you need to learn to express complaints correctly and without provocation, in other words, do not forget about good manners.

Rule #8

A continuation of the previous method is to maintain a culture of communication. No matter how annoying a person is, you should not stoop to insults and swearing. This will not help resolve the disagreement; on the contrary, it will provoke a more violent showdown.

Rule #9

In addition, you should monitor the tone in which the words of the conversation are spoken. Sometimes the speech is correct and cultured. But her manner is such that it entails an outburst of anger and aggression on the part of the interlocutor.

Rule #10

An important manifestation of endurance is the ability not to become hysterical for any reason. Of course, this behavior can achieve results. Only it will be temporary, and no one likes constant manipulation.

Option 3

(390 words) Conflicts eat away relationships like rust and only bring suffering to all participants. You should try to avoid them as much as possible. But there are times when it is simply impossible to stay away, when you need to protect your rights and freedoms. We can analyze both examples by turning to domestic literature.

For example, in M. Gorky’s play “At the Lower Depths,” an endless string of conflicts destroyed Vasilisa’s relationships with all the people around her. A quarrelsome character and rude disposition prevent a woman from establishing contact with her husband and sister. Every day Vasilisa provokes quarrels and beats Natasha. She does not value her husband and even wishes for his death in order to seize all his property. The heroine's lack of spirituality and aggressiveness shocks even her lover, a thief and a tramp. Vaska Pepel leaves her because he does not need a woman “without a soul.” He prefers the quiet and gentle Natasha, who always plays the role of the victim in the dramas of the Kostylev family. All the guests of the shelter also do not like Vasilisa for her anger and tendency to quarrel. Despite her material well-being, the heroine behaves worse than the poor and drunken inhabitants of the social bottom. Constant showdowns destroyed Vasilisa’s family and negatively affected her character. The heroine never found love and happiness, because she is at war with the whole world and loses in these skirmishes all the best that is in a woman.

However, conflicts are not always the whims of an absurd nature. Sometimes we simply need to be at odds with those who trample on our rights. M. Gorky described such an example in the story “Old Woman Izergil.” Larra, the son of an eagle and the earthly woman he abducted, came to the tribe of people, but with his own charter. He, like his father, believed that he could forcefully take whatever he liked without asking permission or opinion. Therefore, Larra, without hesitation, killed the girl who did not want to go with him. What could his fellow tribesmen do? They had to come into conflict with the criminal and punish him. People tied up the killer and interrogated him, and then decided to expel Larra. No matter how peaceful these heroes were, they could not avoid this showdown, because the criminal was violating their rights and had to be stopped. society is forced to conflict with those who go against its laws, otherwise it will become a victim of the aggressor.

Thus, people should avoid quarrels and disputes in order to preserve family, friendship, and relationships within the work team. Enmity destroys everything that is most precious to us. But when our freedoms are destroyed by someone else's permissiveness, we need to enter into conflict in order to protect our rights from the attacks of the criminal.

Should conflicts always be avoided?

Of course, conflict is always a painful situation that you don’t want to end up in. But it's not that simple.

Any conflict has its own backstory, it has been formed for some time, and accordingly, it has certain reasons. Thanks to some collision, it becomes possible to voice these reasons.

Both in family, personal and social life, one should not accumulate claims and grievances. Of course, you need to talk about them calmly and resolve the situation as peacefully as possible.

But sometimes it is conflict that helps to see existing problems in relationships. And with the right approach, find a way out of the situation. Often it is the absence of conflicts that indicates that there is no spiritual closeness between people.

Thus, conflict is an important component of human relationships. Of course, it is worth learning to do without them and prevent their occurrence.

You need to be able to get out of them correctly and draw the necessary conclusions. Despite all the disadvantages, sometimes a small conflict helps to avoid much more serious consequences. I hope the article on how to avoid conflicts was useful to you.

Option 2

(380 words) Hostility destroys not only relationships between people, but also the people themselves. In the heat of quarrels, we lose time, energy and nerves, pushing all really important matters into the background. Therefore, every person should avoid conflicts and make peace at the first opportunity. This is proven by numerous examples from the literature.

So, A.S. Pushkin in his novel in verse “Eugene Onegin” described the conflict between two friends. Eugene wanted to have fun with his friend and take revenge on him for bringing him to an evening that did not meet Onegin’s expectations. As a weapon of revenge, he chose flirting with Olga, Vladimir’s fiancée. The provincial coquette was flattered by the attention of the capital's dandy and devoted the whole evening to him. Lensky was furious, he was jealous of Olga and longed for a duel. Evgeniy accepted the challenge. Although he admitted his guilt, things never came to an apology, because Onegin was afraid of damaging his reputation in the eyes of the world. Asking for forgiveness could be interpreted as cowardice. As a result, a quarrel led the friends to the barrier, and Lensky was killed on the eve of the wedding. The devastating consequences of their enmity are proof that it is best to avoid conflicts, because they are dangerous and unpredictable, and their impact on life is destructive.

An equally instructive example is A.S. Pushkin was portrayed in the novel “Dubrovsky”. Two old friends lived side by side and often communicated, even thought about marrying their children, but one accidental disagreement destroyed their relationship and led to dire consequences. Andrei Gavrilovich, while visiting a friend, noticed that his hunting dogs lived better than serfs. Troekurov's dogger responded by saying that “it would be nice for another master to exchange his estate for a dog kennel.” Dubrovsky was offended and left the estate. He sent Troekurov a letter demanding that Paramoshka be punished for his insolence. Kirila Petrovich was infuriated by the tone of the message and refused. The neighbor caught his men on his territory and ordered them to be flogged for stealing timber. Troekurov decided to punish his comrade and bribed officials in order to illegally appropriate Dubrovsky’s possessions. Andrei Gavrilovich, having lost his home, became very ill from frustration and died prematurely, and his friend never had time to make peace with him and ask for forgiveness. The conflict between two friends, which began with a trifle, led to tragic consequences, which confirms the need to avoid quarrels and disputes.

Thus, conflicts must be eliminated from your life, otherwise they will destroy it. Disputes and squabbles prevent a person from building harmonious and long-term relationships and give rise to clashes that are dangerous to health. It is better to preserve a bad peace than to waste oneself on good quarrels.

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