Ways to resolve conflict: how to find the optimal one

How to get out of a conflict and what absolutely cannot be done in a conflict situation? People of all ages face this unpleasant phenomenon. Small children quarrel among themselves over toys and parents' attention. Adults do not agree on their views on life, work issues, or issues of recreation and entertainment.

Some conflicts are resolved through serious conversation. Others drag on for weeks, months, years. What to do in such cases?


Conflicts and controversial situations arise for many reasons:

  1. Lack of some type of resource. An example is a family that has been saving money for a long time. When the required amount was collected, the wife decided to buy a dishwasher. My husband dreams of purchasing a new computer. Such a discrepancy in views and desires provokes the development of conflict.
  2. Dependence on others. Often you have to solve work problems together with other people. In any team, someone will be dissatisfied with the way a colleague works.
  3. The difference is in the methods of achieving goals. A situation similar to the previous one. Sometimes several methods of work are discussed at once. However, in reality one or at most two is used. Another example is friends who decide to relax together. One wants to go to a nightclub, while the other prefers to spend time at home watching a new movie.
  4. Different goals. On this basis, conflicts develop both between individuals and between groups.
  5. Incomplete or inaccurate information provided. Here psychologists often give an example about two sisters who could not divide an orange. They turned to the sage for help. It turned out that there was no problem. One girl needs the juice, the other the zest.

No matter how trivial it may sound, often the cause of conflicts is character traits and emotional state. In most cases, such situations arise between people who live or work together.

Popular methods for resolving situations

The most effective strategies that are most often used in practice to manage conflict:

  1. Avoidance . One of the parties withdraws from the dispute, demonstrating reluctance to continue the discussion.
  2. Changing the subject. The dispute moves imperceptibly into another direction. For example, on a question indirectly related to the main subject of the dispute. As a result, the conflict gradually fades away due to the lack of the previous emotional intensity.
  3. Collision . Each party insists on its position, which leads to the need to resolve the situation by taking into account the opinions of both parties to the dispute.
  4. Device . One of the parties is trying to find ways to resolve the situation that will make it possible to eliminate the subject of the dispute.
  5. Postponement . One of the parties takes a break to think about the current situation.
  6. Reconciliation . Mutual recognition of the conflict as settled. As a rule, this is only possible through the mediation of a third party.
  7. Compromise . Achieving a compromise solution as a result of peaceful negotiations.

About ways to resolve conflicts in this video:


There are three types of conflicts. Each has its own characteristics and distinctive features.

Clear conflict

Has a clearly defined reason. All parties know what they want. Here you can recall an example of a quarrel between spouses over accumulated money.

Hidden conflict

The participants in the conflict do not understand the reasons for its occurrence. For example, the class teacher often scolds a student for what she thinks is an unkempt appearance. However, the cause of discontent is personal hostility.

False conflict

Develops against the background of misunderstandings or receipt of inaccurate information. For example, a mother scolds a child for wanting to pet a stray dog. However, the child did not even think about doing this. He simply approached her while walking.

Someone has to win

This option is suitable for players, for those who put their interests above the interests of other people.

In the event of a fight, unfair rules of the game, cheating, setup, etc. are often used.

It is about the struggle that we are talking about between beauty pageant participants, Olympic medalists, or simply colleagues fighting for the right to occupy the director’s chair.

In any case, until one person wins, the tense situation will not end.

A few facts about conflicts and their causes

and how to get out of them,

see also in the video:

Conflict resolution methods

There are many ways to resolve conflict situations. They help solve the problem immediately after it occurs or stop its development.


Implemented more often than other methods. Involves defending one's interests to the bitter end. The parties to the conflict are ready to do anything not to give in to each other. Various types of pressure can be used in the process.

The method is used when people’s lives and the success of an enterprise depend on the decision made. An example could be a situation where one of the family members wants to go on vacation to a country with a difficult political situation, the threat of a military coup. Here the opponent can and must be proven right.

Phases of development of disagreements

There are two phases of conflict development: constructive and destructive.

The constructive phase of the conflict is characterized by dissatisfaction with oneself, the opponent, the conversation, and joint activities. It manifests itself, on the one hand, in the style of conversation - an increased emotional tone of speech, reproaches, excuses, ignoring the partner’s reaction, and on the other hand, in non-speech characteristics of behavior: avoiding conversation, stopping or disrupting joint activities, confusion, sudden increase in distance with a communication partner, adopting a closed posture, looking away, unnatural facial expressions and gestures.

At the same time, the conversation remains within the framework of a business discussion, disagreements do not become irreversible, and opponents control themselves.

The destructive phase of the conflict begins when the mutual dissatisfaction of opponents with each other, with the methods of resolving the issue, with the results of joint activities exceeds a certain critical threshold and joint activities or communication become uncontrollable.

This phase can have two stages. The first is psychologically characterized by the desire to overestimate one’s own capabilities and underestimate the opponent’s capabilities, to assert oneself at his expense. It is also associated with the unfoundedness of critical remarks, with disparaging remarks, glances, and gestures towards the opponent. These reactions are perceived by the latter as personal insults and cause opposition, i.e., retaliatory conflict behavior.

If those in conflict do not change their relationship tactics, then such clashes become systematic, and the negativism of the subjects becomes more and more persistent. A chronic conflict arises, characterizing the second stage of the destructive phase.

Read about how to respond to insults.

Conflict and emotional control

Managing feelings in a conflict situation is difficult, but it is worth learning. Negative emotions will not solve the problem. They will worsen your relationship with your opponent, your mood, and your health.

You need to react as calmly as possible to the attacks and emotional impact of your interlocutor. This is the main advice. You cannot give in to the “enemy” and act in the same way. It’s better to stop and ask yourself three questions: “Why does a person behave this way?”, “What does he want to achieve?”, “What is the main reason for the manifestation of negative emotions?” This tactic has many advantages:

  1. The work of consciousness is activated. Thanks to this, protection against emotional overstrain is activated.
  2. The opponent can let off steam.
  3. It turns out to be distracted at least for a few moments from unnecessary, offensive information.
  4. Reflection and search for answers allows you to assess the situation from the outside and find out the cause of the conflict.

The second piece of advice concerns constructive dialogue, during which you can share your experiences and express your emotions. Often negativity is a kind of defensive reaction of a person to rude behavior or shouting. Therefore, you need to talk calmly, trying to avoid incorrect statements and derogatory phrases.

And finally, the third tip. It affects self-esteem. Under no circumstances should you underestimate either your self-esteem or your opponent. The conversation should take place as equals.

Rules of conduct in conflict situations

To resolve a conflict and maintain good relationships, you need to adhere to a certain algorithm of actions.

Find a common denominator

One of the effective ways out of conflict. You won’t be able to tolerate an unpleasant situation or avoid your opponent for a long time, so you still have to talk. Several effective recommendations will help you do without “victims”:

  1. Screaming and indignation will achieve nothing. There are, of course, exceptions. However, they usually have the opposite effect. Therefore, you need to remain calm. This behavior will somewhat calm down the “rival” and will arouse respect in him.
  2. It is important to understand the other person. You need to think about why your opponent behaves this way. Knowing the motive will help resolve the conflict so as not to return to it again.
  3. Get outside opinions. Often, others provide a more adequate assessment of what is happening. Therefore, you need to describe the situation to a close relative or friend. Perhaps he will show a direct way out of their conflict or at least give practical advice.
  4. Assess your attitude towards your opponent. We need to think about whether the cause of the conflict is a biased attitude towards a person? If this is the case, it’s worth reminding yourself that no two people on the planet are the same. Discrepancies in character and outlook on life do not make an opponent bad.
  5. Think about what the participants in the quarrel have in common. It could be anything: hobbies, music, movies, family. It happens that identical interests nullify differences and radically change the nature of relationships.

How to get away from conflict. 10 ways to emerge victorious from a conflict

  1. If you want to emerge victorious from the conflict, then do not begin your speech to your opponent with the words “I have long wanted to tell you...” Such a statement causes tension and anxiety, which is not entirely favorable for starting a dialogue.
  2. To get out of the conflict with dignity, eliminate words such as “Always” and “Never.” These words summarize the situation and relationships in general. Your conflict situation is a specific case that you should discuss with your opponent. Past mistakes are not remembered if you want to reach a compromise and thereby emerge victorious from the conflict.

3. Never compare your opponent's behavior with other people. Phrases such as: “Vasya wouldn’t have done that…” are humiliating. This rule was fair both in order to get out of the conflict with dignity, and also in relation to not getting into conflicts

4. To emerge victorious from a conflict, do not attribute to your interlocutor what he did not say. This is important when you want to emerge victorious from a conflict and look decent in the eyes of your opponent. Control yourself and your words, especially when you are angry. This is a very difficult task, but if you try, you will be able to take care of yourself. How to control your emotions?

5. Don't focus on your opponent's personality. In order to get out of the conflict with dignity, it is better to intensify your attention to the problems and options for solving them. If your goal really is to resolve a conflict situation, and not to take revenge on your opponent, or to vent grievances, etc., then put your emotions aside and start thinking rationally in order to emerge victorious from the conflict. Wise behavior in conflict

6. Don’t just talk about your problems and don’t make complaints. First of all, give your partner the opportunity to speak, and you listen carefully. Then you will have more information and you will be able to build your arguments. This is a smart strategy that will allow you to emerge victorious from the conflict.

7. Do not rush to draw conclusions, especially for your partner. Take a psychological break, this can relieve emotional stress. And thereby resolve the situation quickly and constructively.

What is strictly forbidden to do during a conflict?

There are several prohibitions:

  • criticize an opponent;
  • attribute bad intentions;
  • demonstrate your superiority;
  • Blame the incident solely on the interlocutor;
  • ignore the interests and position of your counterpart;
  • take into account only your own opinion;
  • deliberately belittle the merits of the opponent;
  • provoke;
  • raise the tone, shout;
  • put pressure on the sore spot.

Don't think in stereotypes. A person may have a different opinion. Don't try to squeeze a solution to a problem into a generally accepted framework.

Persistence or coercion

This strategy serves to force the person to accept your point of view so that you can satisfy your own interests.

This strategy is appropriate if you need to respond immediately. Also if you have the authority and right to make such a decision. And if the result of the conflict is of great importance to you.

In this case, a person seeks to satisfy his own interests to the detriment of the interests of other people. He does not accept defeat and does not take the other person’s opinion into account. This strategy is not acceptable in friendships, family or work.

This strategy is justified if a person has power or is trying to restore order and takes control of everything. But it never gives long-term results, because the one who loses may refuse to cooperate altogether. Tactically, such a person controls all the enemy’s actions and puts pressure on him. Uses deception, cunning, provocation. All means are used for the sake of victory.

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