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How to find your place in life when it seems that you are not fit for anything or cannot feel “in your place” anywhere?
Anonymously
Anastasia Maskaeva
Psychologist.
What is the meaning of life and how to find your place in it?
From time to time, each of us experiences difficult moments.
It seems that at these moments we are overcome by real despair (see Depression - what to do). Physical and moral fatigue sets in (see Emotional fatigue), I want to understand what the true meaning of life is. It is necessary to understand that there are many facets of concepts related to one’s purpose and the search for a place in life. It is important to understand that if you listen to other people's advice, you may encounter new problems. It is unlikely that what is good for one person will be as effective for another. Everyone must understand what will be good specifically for themselves, what will bring truly moral satisfaction. Without this, we cannot achieve a state of happiness (see Happiness is just hormones).
The found place in life is, first of all, the presence of mastery in a certain matter. We feel as if “wings appeared behind our back.” People consider us true professionals and seek advice. They like the result of our work, as a result of which they want to improve themselves every time in order to achieve more and more success. Anyone who has found his place in life will be truly happy and will be able to build his own unique path in life. He won't be like other people.
You can easily find your place in life, which will concern one or another activity. Don't forget to try a variety of options. Only through practical enumeration will it be possible to find out your feelings and inclinations, which are associated with all possible options for action. This approach will be truly effective. Only by immersing yourself headlong in something can you find out what talents you have. It is necessary to realize that you should not disperse your attention to activities. It is better to choose for yourself the two most acceptable directions in which you want to develop.
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Narrowing the search circle is possible thanks to the use of the most advanced psychological techniques. The most important thing is to realize exactly how to develop your innate talents (see Personal Growth Trainings) and the aspirations of your soul. This theory has the basis that a person from birth has certain abilities (see How Intuition Works) that need to be developed throughout life. If someone knows how to cook delicious food, is capable of creating true culinary masterpieces himself, it makes sense to go to study at a special technical school. Of course, you can always leave your skills as a hobby, but just imagine how good it is to make money doing what you love.
It is important to focus on your own desires and positive emotions. Here we can mention the presence of two mechanisms at once. In the first case, desires can lead to places where inner meaning can be found. The more actions are carried out that are contrary to desires, the less vital energy a person will have. His emotional vessel will gradually decrease, which will lead to fatigue, dissatisfaction with life, and reluctance to try something new.
It is at such moments that a person realizes that he is not living his life. He constantly feels tired, apathetic, and lack of meaning in everything that is happening. It is best to focus on positive emotions (see Emotions). They represent a sign that the person is still on the right path, which fully meets all internal, spiritual needs. If you like the place you live, then it was chosen correctly; if friends and loved ones bring only pleasant emotions, then the right circle of friends has been found. If you want to go to work not for the money, but for the sake of the activity itself, the team, then you have managed to find your professional cause.
Difficulties along the way
Moving towards a goal, everyone encounters problems and is not immune from mistakes. There is nothing wrong with this and there is no reason to consider yourself a failure either.
To be honest, the one who avoids meeting them is more likely to be called a loser. If a person is thinking, and the thought “I have lost myself” haunts him and requires a solution, then he is on the path to success.
For a true sage, it is not the goal itself that is of particular value, but the road that leads to it, no matter how difficult it may be.
When deciding how to find yourself in life, you need to understand all this and not be afraid, because fear blocks movement and desires. Fear is a response to danger, but it can be deceptive. Remove this factor, and then everything will work out.
How does one find purpose in life?
Many people are simply intimidated by the concept of life purpose. Most people are simply afraid of the lack of purpose in life, some people really don’t think about it. Most often, infantile people, not accustomed to taking responsibility into their own hands, never bother searching for their life purpose and purpose. They just want to go with the flow, without thinking about what will happen next. It is worth mentioning that the situation will not last forever. The picture can suddenly change to the opposite if a serious tragedy or loss occurs (see The pain of losing a loved one), due to which a person loses the meaning of life.
During this state, a person becomes disappointed in himself and in everything that happens. It seems to him that there is no point in moving forward. At the same time, the goal itself is a kind of beacon where a person has to move, regardless of the disasters and joys that happen in life. In favorable moments of life, having a goal will add strength, while in moments of grief it will help you not to go down like a person without any principles.
It is worth understanding that finding a life goal is a rather difficult task. It’s much easier to just write a list of tasks that you have to complete in a day. It must meet such conditions as: satisfaction of semantic and internal parameters, achievability, importance, usefulness, harmonious integration into the entire space of human life.
You can help yourself in life if you set yourself a fairly global goal. In this case, you should focus specifically on the feeling of happiness and joy. All the living emotions that you can experience will indicate that you have achieved your goal in life. It is necessary to understand that socially approved goals will not always relate to life goals. You may well go to work in a hospice to help the sick. You can devote a lot of time to charity, receive a lot of approval from other people, but the feeling of happiness will not appear. You shouldn’t force yourself to bend to other people’s interests. It is best to focus specifically on joyful jubilation, a feeling of inner warmth, but not social approval, which can be achieved with the help of certain efforts (see Does money bring happiness).
It is important to note that life purpose is closely related to awareness and life purpose. A person who is not aware of his internal processes, does not understand what he wants from life, simply lives every day of his life, submits to someone else’s will. It’s as if he doesn’t understand that he can act completely differently. You must first get to know yourself, your desires, in order to still find your purpose in life.
It is curious that lately psychological trainings, groups and meetings conducted by various experts have become extremely popular. You can call such events whatever you like, but in fact, people go there to find their life purpose. It is important for people to understand where to strive and how to find true happiness. They do not know themselves at all, their true needs.
You need to understand that it is quite possible to try to find your place in life on your own. It is best to turn to your dreams and interests that you have long forgotten about. It is possible that, at the call of your soul, you decided to take part in some project, this or that activity without monetary reward (see Psychology of Wealth and Poverty). This kind of dream is not bound by social restrictions or various conventions. In this case, only true desires float to the surface, without pressure from the outside world.
It is best to let them go, take a piece of paper and a pen to write them down and think about their implementation in real life. You can write down your wildest fantasies on paper, even about space flight. Who knows, maybe you will be able to create a grandiose, cosmic collection of clothes. Remember that you are able to enroll in courses and learn a new hobby at absolutely any age.
You should understand what to do, what contacts to look for with what and what surrounds you today. You should respond to needs and human pain, works of art, public events in order to easily find your own purpose in life. The highest aerobatics is considered to be connecting your real life with your dreams. There is no need to resort to destruction or adjustments. The best thing is to connect and enjoy both the activity you love and the subsequent payment. Otherwise, you can only get procrastination (see Procrastination)
Analysis of the situation
The first step in order to make a meaningful choice and find yourself is to know yourself. It is difficult to describe and ignore the state when a person does not know who he really is. But no matter how difficult this search may be, it is worth it. Knowing your own essence is an edifying experience that can help you become a self-sufficient person. A few questions to start the process of getting to know yourself:
- What surrounds a person now?
- Does he have self-pity and demands for pity from others?
- Does he have dreams?
- And are there fears that prevent you from moving forward? We are talking specifically about those fears that a person sincerely wants to get rid of, and not those that provide a comfortable life.
- Is he an optimist or a pessimist?
- Personal qualities that contribute to moving forward?
- Properties that interfere with achieving goals and success?
- What kind of people are in a person’s close circle and are there those among them who hinder personal growth?
- Reasons for not realizing your dreams? Were they real?
- How did a person come to the current state?
It is very important to talk to yourself openly and honestly. It is recommended to write down the answers in a gadget or on a piece of paper.
Finding your purpose in life
It is necessary to understand that purpose can only be created, remembered, invented or found. These categories can change due to what a person experiences in the process of his own life, how far he was able to move away from his original positions. Situations often occur when in childhood and adolescence a person understands his aspirations, where he wants to go, where to strive. He is well aware of how clear and precise his goals are. All this can be lost under the opinion of parents, surrounding people who ridicule the child’s hobbies (see Adolescent Psychology), claiming that they know perfectly well how to live correctly.
A sense of the meaning of life can give an awareness of one’s purpose, which in turn will be reflected in satisfaction with one’s achievements, activities, and the path along which one’s movement occurs. If you have lost your own purpose, you need to help other people find it; you can conduct consultations for young men and teenagers. The variety of ideas, lively excitement, and genuine interest in life will serve as a source of inspiration. You can achieve the removal of many prohibitions and restrictions that originate from youth.
To find your purpose, psychologists recommend completely devaluing the ideas that were put into your head by caring parents and teachers. Of course, you will have to endure a lot of pressure, since no one wants to radically change their life, especially if they lived it in accordance with someone else's instructions. You can use the inclusion of moderate egoism to fully and completely enjoy your desires. Remember that you have to figure out exactly how to follow them.
Careful work should be done on your level of acceptance and your self-esteem (see How to Raise Self-Esteem). It is best to resort to creating conditions in which you can get as much joy as possible from every moment. From all possible sources, thoughts about self-love are heard, which is actually of great importance when searching for your purpose. The more effort a person puts into his own changes, the more artificial, not his own life he is able to live. It is important to ensure the highest possible level of acceptance of the place where you live, to take care of your body, thanks to which you will be able to get closer to finding your true path.
It is important to recognize your desires and characteristics, but reflection and soul-searching will be absolutely unnecessary. It is necessary to leave only the facts in order to subsequently take them into account in the process of choosing situations and goals in order to find your purpose. In addition to exploring all the assets that are already available, you can always take advantage of enriching your own experience with constant new experiences and skills.
You should live a more eventful life in order to find out about your calling as soon as possible. Read more different books, visit a variety of exhibitions, watch scientific programs and news. It is best to discover the progressive side of human development. Your brain (see Subconscious and Consciousness of the brain) must need new knowledge and interests. It is necessary to synthesize existing knowledge in order to find unique directions for yourself.
It is important to analyze which specific areas of life can inspire you. It may well be that this is communication with family members, study or work. Hobbies and various hobbies can give positive emotions. They should be continuously developed with further monitoring of the reverse moments that lead to a feeling of devastation and apathy. It’s worth banning yourself from such activities once and for all. Another question is that they may be related to making money, some important issues. You will have to think about how to transform discomfort into positivity. If tension arises from the fact that you are at home, it is better to make repairs and find new tasks for yourself. You can buy more beautiful things to get maximum positive emotions. Working moments can be more enjoyable if you reconsider your relationships with colleagues, switch to a different schedule, and think about what you can brighten up your time in the office.
About the influence of determinants
A person can intuitively understand his recognition - this information about this is embedded in our subconscious, but generally accepted stereotypes and the opinions of others often prevent an individual from realizing himself.
It turns out that a person, talking about how to find himself in life, does not feel responsible for it. That is why he allows the determination of his path to be influenced by the opinions of others and generally accepted conventions.
If a person is looking for himself and at the same time strives to be better than others, then competition is the determining factor for him. Even if he gets a good result, he will be dissatisfied, because there will always be that person who has achieved more in life.
The result is a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness of existence.
How to exclude the influence of extraneous settings:
- Those who seek themselves must give up the pursuit of leadership. Stop striving to surpass others and the beauty of your essence will emerge. She will find a way out through love, the desire for development and creativity. Then your opinion will not depend on other people's assessments. Such a person is busy doing what he loves and receives satisfaction from it. His goal is to create, and not to strive for results.
What exactly should you do with your life?
To successfully find something to do in life, experts recommend getting rid of criticism (see How to respond to criticism) and all extraneous thoughts. You need to listen to your intuition, use creative thinking, and a flow of imagination. It is important to start making a list of what exactly you like to do. There is no need to judge how useful or realistic the activities are. The best thing to do is to try an activity that you have never done before. It is quite possible that she was attractive in some way, but there was no opportunity to immerse herself in it completely. This can range from immersion in scientific activities to blowing soap bubbles, walking dogs, putting on makeup, or growing plants. All this can bring joy and satisfaction of psychological needs.
You should not list on paper only socially acceptable, useful things. They should please you first of all. It is worth noting that happy and successful people are distinguished by the presence of from 7 to 15 stable interests that exist in a variety of areas of life. They can be combined and subsequently separated by time. You should not remove them completely, since each activity can help bring you closer to your true purpose. It is as if you will discover a source of joy and inspiration from which you can draw strength in difficult situations.
It’s worth starting to do what you wanted before, but were afraid of. Anxiety (see. Unreasonable anxiety) and excessive perfectionism did not help anyone. It is best to undertake a new activity in a playful mood, never putting the need before the process. You can always turn to like-minded people for help. You will be able to significantly expand your circle of contacts.
It is important to imagine an image of your ideal life every morning. You need to not just draw a picture in your imagination, but also feel how happy you are at these moments. You need to understand how you want to look. From hair color to overall appearance. It doesn’t cost you anything to think about your ideal place of work.
Use thematic tests.
The Internet is full of all kinds of sites on psychology that strive to help all those who suffer and seek. There is nothing wrong with taking a couple of tests that offer to make it easier to find yourself. You shouldn’t blindly believe their results, but it’s also not right to refuse to pass. Simply, the more such tests a person undergoes, the higher the likelihood of a positive result. They may not give an answer, but they can suggest the appropriate direction. And the right beginning of the journey is already a good half of it.
Work-life balance
A harmonious combination of work and family is a goal that seems unattainable to many. You can face numerous problems if you manage your time incorrectly, devoting more time either to your career or to raising children. The most important thing in this situation is to achieve balance. Experts believe that this is quite possible.
Remember that one day you can easily lose the meaning of your existence. It is best to understand in advance when you will spend more time at work and when at home. Close people should be understanding of the fact that you took work home and stayed late at the office. The main thing is to think about traditions, thanks to which you will be able to diversify your family life and enjoy a sense of stability.
Let's say you can go to the cinema or local park every Saturday. To refresh your relationship, it is enough to arrange romantic evenings and various surprises for each other. No special investments are required. Only your desire, rich imagination and desire to be close to loved ones. Believe me, they will be happy to support you in this endeavor and will begin to come up with new traditions to implement them in the very near future.
Under no circumstances should personal life and work be contrasted. Remember that one will in any case affect the other. If you have quarreled with your spouse (see Toxic relationships), then your productivity will be several times lower. Failures in your profession will lead to you coming home in a bad mood. It is necessary to understand that these areas are similar to each other. It is important to simply find the optimal mode. Responsibility for changes in the current situation will lie solely with you.
Dream from time to time.
As you know, dreaming is not harmful - it is harmful not to dream. The wisdom and simplicity of this phrase is amazing. In his head, a person is absolutely free from other people's interests and desires. In a fantasy world, there are no inconvenient circumstances or excuses. In it, everyone is the master of their own destiny. And if finding yourself in reality causes a number of difficulties, you can find your place, for starters, in your own dreams.
Nobody bothers you to simply come up with your own ideal world and take the role in it that your heart desires. And when you have a clear understanding of who you really want to be, you should try to make this dream come true in the real world. After all, man is the creator of his own destiny. You just need to clearly understand in which direction to create.
