How to start enjoying life without anxiety and fuss, simple ways to work on yourself

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An interesting fact is the ever-present paradox. We are annoyed by positive, constantly happy and smiling people. And at the same time, we endlessly want to be like them. How to learn to live and enjoy life? I recommend trying two exercises.

In fact, there are three exercises, but two are very similar, have an almost identical effect and differ only in the time of day for implementation.

What do most people lack for a positive perception of life situations? Optimism? Faith? Some kind of sectarian conviction in the greatness and goodness of existence?

Hard to tell…

But one fact is obvious. For the most part, we are pessimistic, always irritated and see the glass as “half empty” rather than “full”. All this is ingrained at the level of habits and simply a physical smile cannot solve the issue.

“Physical smile” is an exercise in which it is recommended to smile forcefully in order to convey a good mood to the brain at the muscle level. It really helps, but not in advanced situations and with some optimism and humor in the mind.

It turns out that our tasks are to live and enjoy life:

  • recharge yourself with positivity;
  • love yourself and others;
  • see more good than bad.

All you have to do is figure out how to do it!

Why don't people enjoy life? First reason

Joy in life is a set of states that bring satisfaction in the present life. That is, if a person is not happy with his life, it means he is not happy with himself or with another state of affairs. But the trouble is that the person most likely does not solve the problem, but thinks that everything will resolve itself.

But, unfortunately, this behavior is typical of people who have not matured psychologically, in other words, children. Even if a person is 40 years old, he may be a child at heart and not take responsibility for his life and what happens in it.

Read more: Midlife crisis in men

Hence we get this thing: there is no joy in life because of problems, the solution of which a person shifts to others or to the circumstances of life. But each person must solve his problems himself and only himself, otherwise there is a high chance of slipping into complete negativity and to alcohol.


Thus, happiness is a certain emotional response to success in any business, first of all, socially useful and creative, which contributes to the course of history and leisure, the development of society. That is, to be happy, you need to do what you like, but also make other people happy.

The second option to find happiness is to find your calling and become an excellent specialist in some field. Satisfaction from work and its results is a powerful semantic factor and a lever for feeling happiness.

In a broad sense, happiness can be characterized as general satisfaction with life, the predominance of positive events over negative ones. The events themselves are different for each person.

In our world, everything is neutral until we pass it through the prism of our own inner world. Only after this does something plunge us into a state of happiness, and something into unhappiness. Happiness is satisfaction with life (as an element of thinking and consciousness, that is, the cognitive part), the absence (minimum) of negative affects and the predominance of positive affects (emotionally personally significant events).

You will find even more information on how to live happily in the article “10 Steps to a Happy Life.”

Why don't people enjoy life? The second reason

The second reason why people do not enjoy life is that spiritually they carry a burden of negative emotions that they cannot let go of and love to suffer. Here it is either self-pity or transferring the burden of suffering from one’s parents. That is, the child saw how mom or dad suffered, but he really wanted to help, so he took on part of the burden. In this situation, Hellinger arrangements help well.

And if we take self-pity, then such a person evokes negative emotions in himself in order to show those around him what a sufferer he is and how bad everything is for him, so that they would feel sorry for him. In this case, psychotherapy is needed to quickly find the root of the problem and eliminate it. There is a free consultation for this.

Raise the bar

We create problems for ourselves. Ask any psychotherapist, he will confirm. Why take on increased obligations? Why is it that every time at the end of December we are exhausted, as if this is the last New Year in our lives? Is anyone going to die from having a couple less salads on the table? Or children: is it really necessary to create a schedule of dance, music, swimming, English and theater classes in such a way that neither the child nor the mother has a single free minute? “When I invited guests to Lily’s birthday (she turned 4), the mother of her “colleague” in the art studio said that they would not be able to come: her Masha had her whole week booked.”

Why don't people enjoy life? Third reason

Reluctance to live is the third reason. Even if a person lives an ordinary life, he can still have a program for destroying himself and not wanting to live. And if a person doesn’t want to live, then why be happy? After all, it is logical that if a person enjoys life, it means that he wants to live and live his life happily, despite any problems that fate brings us. Well, what can you do, such is life.

Therefore, we need to watch more subconscious programs and change them, change them to positive ones, so that the colors of life sparkle in a new way.

✅Guide to changing yourself .pdf

Replace obsessive thoughts with positive ones

Whatever one may say, any situation, even the most unpleasant one, has its positive sides. Let's look at how you can turn obsessive thoughts into positive ones.

Intrusive thought-worry A placeholder thought with a hint of positivity
I made a mistake in my work.This mistake allowed me to learn how to fix it. This situation helped me avoid similar things in the future.
I'm concerned about my boss's opinion of the quality of my work.I am a diligent, hardworking, executive employee. I try to do my work as carefully as possible. My management sees this. I have nothing to worry about.
Suddenly people will not approve of my activities.I love my job. It brings me pleasure. I feel comfortable doing this, and that's more important than their opinion.
What will people think of me?I want to focus on my inner comfort and happiness, on the opinions of the people I love.
I blame myself for missed opportunities.There are many new, wonderful opportunities around me, which I use wisely and wisely.

How to learn to enjoy life?

To start enjoying life, you need to go into life looking forward, and not carry all the negativity that happened to you in the past. It sounds simple, of course, but it’s not simple at all. I myself was looking for answers in life to become happy and enjoy life. And personally, I had to work hard in this regard. But here I will share the usual methods that will help you.


To clear your mind of the past and get rid of the oppression that drags you back to negativity, you need to teach your body to react neutrally to various situations of the past. Simply put, all our emotions are in the body, accordingly, our body once learned to experience a given emotion, so we need to return to the past experience and neutralize the situation, or rather relive it. That's all. But this is not done in 1-5 times. And for 50 and above. But no one said it was easy to do.

Read more: What is meditation and how to meditate correctly

Take up dancing

I have never seen dancers not enjoying life. If a person dances, it means that he a priori likes to live. This is how it is built into our psyche. Remember yourself, when everything is fine with you and life has presented you with a good surprise, you really want to dance, or, well, make a little face. It's the same here. You dance and everything gets better.

It will also be a plus to dance and remember negative situations from the past, so you will neutralize them and everything will get better gradually. But dancing is the coolest thing in life.

Have some good coffee

This method is suitable for those who want to start enjoying life here and now, and is not suitable for those who constantly drink coffee. The fact is that coffee produces a hormone of happiness and therefore, if necessary, induce a good mood now. But this method will stop working and even cause depression if you constantly abuse coffee. But here everything is individual. Article about coffee.

Putting on a smile

Yes, no matter how banal it may sound, but a smile on your face helps a lot in setting yourself up for a good life. What's the secret? The fact is that everyone associates a smile on their face with joy. Our body will remember that if we smile, then everything must be fine. Worth a try.

But this method does not always work right away; you need to put on a smile in the morning and walk around with it all day, even if you feel bad and sad. You will forget about it, but be sure to return to the tight smile. At first it will seem tense, and then it will become more natural.

Memories before bed

Before you go to bed, remember 10 joyful events that happened to you during the day? You may think that nothing good has happened to you, but try to screw it up and pull out something good to the point of absurdity. For example, the cashier at the store smiled at you, the weather was good, and so on.

This way our brain will be reformatted from a negative perception to a positive one. This does not happen very quickly, but gradually your brain will restructure itself in a positive way.

When "everything is bad"

People have a negative bias, a tendency in the mind to focus on the bad - because it is easier to understand the problem and solve it.

To maintain that same emotional balance, you can learn to shift your focus. And it's not that simple. A person’s emotions are influenced by his perception of the situation, which can be distorted: some tend to exaggerate or downplay the significance of an event, some rush to conclusions, and some take any statements personally. Because of such distortions, emotions may not correspond to the situation.

  • There are three colleagues - Katya, Masha and Dima. They were called to the next office to celebrate Vova’s birthday. Katya thinks: “Cool! I’ll go congratulate the person and chat with everyone” - she rejoices at the opportunity to communicate with other people and share Vova’s holiday.
  • Masha thinks: “Well, that means I’ll have to eat cake. Okay, then we'll eat vegetables for dinner. I just wanted stewed cabbage,” she’s glad that she figured out how to enjoy it now and what to do with herself at home.
  • Dima thinks: “But we were just celebrating someone’s birthday! I have a lot of work to do, I just concentrated, and now I need to go waste time. Because of them, I always don’t get anything done,” he became upset and angry because he couldn’t refuse.
  • And Vova sees a dissatisfied Dima and thinks: “He’s the one who’s angry with me, I need to try to cheer him up,” he feels guilty before Dima.

The situation itself was neutral, but everyone reacted differently.

Irina, 32:

“I had everything that friends and parents considered a sign of success: a husband, two children, work as a publisher in Moscow, frequent travel, many acquaintances.

One day I was invited to be a speaker at an international conference of book publishers. But instead of joy, I felt fear and shame for deceiving everyone. My achievements did not seem significant enough to share with others.

Then I noticed that I was not happy with my small achievements, that I only noticed large and complex goals. I constantly challenged myself, and when I achieved them, I didn’t feel the happiness I expected, I got upset and set myself a new challenge.

I went to a psychologist and asked for help to learn to enjoy any achievements and not feel tired and disappointed. Now I understand that I was simply running away from sadness and asking to be taught not to feel emotions.

I go to psychotherapy, work with beliefs, learn to notice emotions and feel sorry for myself. And it's still difficult for me. I’m used to the fact that you can just take it and do it - well, big deal, I don’t want to, but it has to be done!

Six months later, I began to value myself more. I still sometimes feel like I’m a bad specialist, but I already know how to notice this and support myself.

There are many ways to learn to please yourself. For convenience, we have divided them by difficulty.

Have you also stopped enjoying life and everything around you has become boring and gray?

I am looking for 5 people with problems of lack of joy in life, apathy, depression, who want to change their lives, but do not yet know how.

You have already accepted that you will live your life without joy and boredom.

You don’t know what or how to change in your life

You live in hopelessness and doom, a state that devours you

If you recognize yourself, sign up for a diagnostic consultation with a psychologist

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