How to please people: simple ways and psychological techniques

We all want to be liked by others. Even if we say the opposite, deep down in our souls there is always a secret desire to make an impression, to catch admiring glances and bask in the attention of friends and acquaintances. It is quite rightly believed that it is charming and sociable people who achieve more in life, who know how to please others, which opens up new opportunities and prospects for them. In this article I want to talk about how to become charming, sociable and interesting to other people.

Have your own distinctive features

Each person is individual and you are no exception. In order to be immediately remembered in an unfamiliar society, you need to have striking features that will become your calling card. People close to you appreciate your inner world, but those who see you for the first time will pay attention to external characteristics. There are many people in the world with very different tastes and preferences, so it will not be possible to please everyone without exception. But an interesting look, an unusual accessory or a fashionable hairstyle can help you become more attractive.

No matter how beautiful a person is, people will not like him if he has nothing more than his appearance. Think about what qualities you value in yourself and what character traits can attract others. Perhaps it is a big, unusual goal that you work hard to achieve, or an exciting hobby. Tell people about this, and then they will become interested in your rich inner world and will probably feel sympathy for you.

What do people look for in the people they like?

You can't make everyone love you, that's the simple truth.

We all have our own preferences—in people, in friendships, in love—and you won't fit everyone's preferences, even if you're the nicest, kindest, most attractive person in the world.

But that doesn't mean you can't do everything you can to give yourself the best chance possible.

No matter what kind of person you may be, there are always certain qualities and character traits that you just can't resist, which makes you love a person just because of their default characteristics.

Getting someone to love you doesn't always have to feel like mission impossible.

Of course, we are all different, we have our own unique likes and dislikes for other people, but if you start practicing certain behaviors and start adopting certain traits, you may end up liking someone one way or another.

For convenience, in the article I will write “they”, meaning people you are interested in, for example a group of friends. But it can also apply to one person, for example one woman/girl or one man/guy.

Here are a few key characteristics that can make anyone like you:

You should see each other often

Intimacy literally means how close someone is to you. How often can you spend time together in the same room?

This element suggests that people who see each other frequently may develop feelings for each other.

The more they see you, the easier it is for them to like you back - it's as simple as that.

What can you do:

  • Find out what they like and invite them to an event related to their interests.
  • Find something that brings you together physically, such as joining a class they're in or visiting a coffee shop they frequent.
  • Position yourself close to where they are so they can always see you
  • Schedule regular meetings. If you work together, you can invite them to brainstorm. If you have the same class, you can ask them to partner with you and do school projects together.

Find common interests

The similarities speak for themselves: are you more or less the same person?

It has been proven that people with the same interests, passions and inner worlds bond faster and develop a deeper connection.

If you want to get someone to like you quickly, find common interests and focus on them.

What can you do:

  • Find common interests and find opportunities to discuss and talk about them
  • Explore new skills that you both can learn. A new skill/hobby serves as a neutral ground that you both can eventually land on.
  • Spend time with friends more often

Look your best

Of course, we all have things we prefer to see in people, but there are also common physical characteristics that we can't help but feel attracted to.

For example, people with symmetrical facial features simply appear more attractive, regardless of what they look like.

Luckily, you don't have to rely on symmetry to stand out from the rest. Simple grooming and dressing according to your body type can make a big difference.

What can you do:

  • Stay active and eat a healthy diet to improve your body composition.
  • Explore different clothing styles to see what clothes best frame your body.
  • Get a haircut that complements your face and highlights your features. If you are a girl, consider using accessories such as glasses or wearing makeup.

If you like them, they will like you.

The element of reciprocity suggests that people are attracted to people who feel the same way as they do.

Have you ever been in a situation where you liked someone simply because they liked you?

Being admired is very flattering and can be the spark that helps ignite the flame.

What can you do:

  • Tell your fan how you feel so he can understand where your relationship is at.
  • Consider getting more physically intimate with them to take your relationship to the next level.
  • Make sure they understand that you are being especially sweet and affectionate only to them and no one else.

Don't try to attract too much attention

Sometimes it happens that a person has firmly decided: “I want to please people.” His desire to charm others is very strong, but out of ignorance he makes mistakes. One of these oversights is excessively drawing attention to one’s person. If you force your communication too much and show how interesting you are, you will most likely become annoying rather than liked by people. As in any other matter, in establishing contact with an interlocutor, the ability to find a middle ground is important. Don’t belittle your merits, but don’t try to immediately talk about all your merits and achievements.

If you were awarded a prize in the office or received the title of best employee, accept congratulations, but do not forget to tell your colleagues that it was their support that helped you achieve these heights. If such actions come from the heart, you will always be sincere and friendly. And everyone likes such a person.

Open gestures build trust

At Legoland, employees are taught to show directions with an open palm rather than pointing a finger whenever someone asks where an item is. This is because the open palm gesture creates trust and sympathy and makes people more likely to agree with what you say, while pointing, on the contrary, appears aggressive and rude.

Photo: Unsplash

Listen more than talk

It is not difficult to understand that a person likes you and how well he treats you. Just look at how carefully he listens to what you tell him. And this, in turn, arouses mutual sympathy among the interlocutor. Therefore, if you want to please a person, do not say too much, otherwise he will decide that his thoughts are not interesting to you.

To avoid this, just ask more questions. Show your passion, clarify the details of his story, and then he will understand that the conversation has really captured your full attention.

Express your thoughts correctly

A monotonous story with many unnecessary details will bore anyone, even if the story is about the most interesting events of your life. Therefore, it is necessary to develop the ability to clearly and clearly express your thoughts.

Beware of constant repetition of the same phrases and do not return to the beginning of the monologue, even to clarify some important detail. It’s better to immediately formulate the main idea and present it to your interlocutor, adding some colorful descriptions and details.

An excellent answer to the question of how to make people like you would be to joke more and make others laugh. But be careful, as sometimes this can be completely inappropriate. Show your sense of humor if you are sure the joke will not offend the other person, and avoid controversial topics such as religion or politics.

Show a sense of humor

Regardless of what people think of an ideal friend or romantic partner, a sense of humor is very important.

Using humor when you first meet someone can make them like you more.

Let's say that participating in a humorous task together (for example, being blindfolded while your partner teaches you to dance) can increase romantic attraction!

Use body language

When communicating with a person, people pay attention not only to his appearance and ability to speak fluently, but also to his image as a whole. And body language helps create it.

To win over your interlocutor, you need to watch how you move and gesture during the dialogue. It is believed that tilting your head to the side will make your posture more open. Since there is a carotid artery on a person’s neck, which he instinctively closes in case of danger. Tilting your head will open up this area of ​​your body and show that you trust the other person. And such an attitude towards his person should arouse sympathy in him.

When a person comes to an interview or an important meeting, he is worried and therefore his body takes a constrained, closed posture. To avoid being considered tense and frightened, do not cross your arms over your chest, but keep them along your body. These recommendations also apply to the position of the legs.

Do not forget about facial expressions, even during a conversation that is not the easiest for you. Smile and do not frown, try to relax the muscles of your face so that its expression is not tense and the emotion is feigned. If you learn these simple methods from psychology, it will become much easier to please people.


It sounds simple, but it really works.
The brain reacts to a smile (even a not entirely sincere one) with the release of endorphins, which lifts the mood. Plus, a smile is contagious. To people, your body language and facial expressions are much more important than your words or tone of voice. Your smile is an invitation to immediately relax, it disarms and establishes a pleasant a.

When you smile back, you are being both friendly and sincere. Often people do not respond with a smile if, for example, they do not know the person who smiled at them well.

When you return the smile, you are saying, “I like you too.” This makes you more attractive to the other person.

Don't skimp on compliments

There is a phenomenon, the principle of which is that others associate with you the adjectives that you use when addressing other people. This happens unconsciously and will work even if they know that the description you are giving to the person is not truthful. Thus, everything said to another person will come back to you in the form of the opinions of others about your person.

When you compliment someone you know and present them to others as kind and hardworking, people will begin to notice these qualities in your character as well. Therefore, do not judge anyone, but rather, often say what you like about a person. As a person who does not have the habit of insulting and humiliating, you will definitely gain popularity in any company.

Emphasize shared values

According to classic research, people are more attracted to those who are similar to them. This is known as the "similarity attraction effect."

One experiment tested first-year students' attitudes toward controversial topics such as sex and politics and then assigned them to campus in pairs. By the end of their stay, it turned out that students liked their neighbors better if they shared their views on given topics.

Another study found that Air Force recruits liked each other more when they shared similar negative personality traits than when they shared similar positive personality traits.

Be friendly and positive

Everyone dreams of having many loyal friends and receiving all the attention and care from them. But don’t forget that in this situation, you also have to put every effort into maintaining a good relationship. What does it mean to like a person mutually? This means that you need to know and understand each other well. It is important to remember all birthdays and holidays and congratulate them.

If you see that someone is upset, try to support them with advice or just listen. At a joyful moment, be close and experience all the bright emotions together. Usually, the sensations of an event are strongly associated with those who experienced them with you at that moment.

By being involved in people's lives, you will definitely be remembered by them and gain favor. But do not forget about the existence of personal boundaries and do not impose your support and attention if it is not required. Otherwise, you risk being seen as a sycophant.

Accept other people's views on life

No matter how much one would like it, people cannot be alike in everything. You will often disagree about many different things, from musical taste to political views. If you want to please people, you must definitely learn to accept them for who they are and not try to change them to suit you.

If in a conversation a person mentions something with which you categorically disagree, do not start arguing with him. Most likely, such a conversation will develop into a conversation in a raised voice or even lead to a quarrel. But in the end, everyone will remain the same. Learn to accept the fact that every person has an opinion that you cannot and should not change.

But this does not mean that you can like people, as well as communicate with them, only if you are completely in agreement in everything. Don't try to adapt to a person or change your mind just to please. It’s enough just not to judge him, no matter how much you want to defend your point of view. Keep silent at the right time and do not incite conflict.

Use psychological techniques

If you have already tried all the above recommendations, but still continue to wonder how to please people, the following methods will help you.

There is a psychological technique that will improve your relationships with others. Its principle is to copy the movements and facial expressions of the interlocutor. Look carefully at the position of his body and notice everything, right down to the barely noticeable movement of his eyebrows. Your task is to repeat his gestures and facial expressions. This should happen unnoticed, as if by itself. Do not overdo it, otherwise the person will think that you are mocking or imitating him.

Also, the desired effect can be obtained from a method that involves physical contact. You need to lightly touch the person during the conversation. These movements should be unobtrusive, light and show the connection that exists between the two of you.

The next method is called the “oversight effect.” The principle of its work is that others like imperfect people more than those who are perfect in everything. It is easier to build relationships and communicate with such a person, since he does not elevate himself above others. To achieve this effect you can resort to a little trick. While talking about your merits and achievements, take time to talk about a small mistake you made. Let people see that you are not afraid of judgment and do not consider yourself better than everyone else.

Idea 6. Learn to take care of yourself

We are taught from childhood that we should take care of everyone, but not ourselves. For example, at school teachers encourage people not to go to the toilet before recess so as not to distract other students. And at home, mom refuses to feed her dinner until the whole family is gathered at the table.

This often leads to a person ignoring his needs throughout his life. But if he is not used to taking care of himself, he will not be able to adequately ask for help from others. And then he will certainly make a claim against them for leaving him alone with the problem.

Therefore, it is important to learn to take care of yourself. Get into the habit of constantly assessing your condition and determining what you need. This should manifest itself even in small things. For example, if you know you have dry hands, don't forget to carry a moisturizer with you. A well-kept garden is much more attractive than one overgrown with weeds. Likewise, a person who knows how to take care of himself is much more attractive to others than one who does not.

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