Concept of conflict
Conflict is a clash of different interests; a natural process that should not be feared. With the right attitude, conflicts can teach us how to interact optimally with the world, get to know ourselves and people better, and reveal a diversity of points of view. Resolving interpersonal conflict brings relationships to a higher quality level, expands the capabilities of the group as a whole, and unites it.
Interpersonal conflict is a clash of personalities with different goals, characters, views, etc.
A prerequisite for the emergence of a conflict is a conflict situation . It appears when the interests of the parties do not coincide, the pursuit of opposing goals, the use of different means to achieve them, etc. A conflict situation is a condition of conflict. For a situation to turn into a conflict, a push is needed.
The mechanism of development of interpersonal conflict
Each person in society defends his point of view and his interests, defending the rights to his own desires and positions. In addition, there are also goals that a given person strives to achieve. In the course of this, people need to contact each other, develop patterns of interaction and connections at different levels (professional, friendly, close). If an obstacle in the form of another person stands in the way of your own views, a conflict will arise.
The discrepancy between the established pattern of relationship with the individual and the fact that he becomes an obstacle to personal goals causes an analytical chain reaction in the subconscious. The degree of importance of the primary task and the strength of personal connections between these people are determined.
If personal ambitions take second place, it means that the chances of reconciling the differences that have arisen are quite high, since everyone will value the relationship. If heightened pride turns out to be stronger than the need for connection with a person, interpersonal conflict develops. It can be resolved in one of the possible ways listed below while preserving the initial relationship, or it can break all ties.
There are several specific features in the mechanism of development of conflicts in interpersonal relationships:
- An irresistible desire to prove that you are right
. A person tries to justify his opinion both by presenting real reasons and factors, and by devaluing the arguments of his interlocutor. - Emotional attachment
. Conflict is accompanied by strong affective reactions that are difficult to control. - Alternative solution negativity bias
. The opinion that one’s own judgment is the only correct one makes one doubt the correctness of the opponent’s decision.
These standards do not allow the contradiction to be resolved in the usual way and make the situation even worse.
The main causes of interpersonal conflicts
Confrontation between people reaches its climax due to completely different reasons. Moreover, in each individual situation we can name several significant factors that could provoke an interpersonal conflict:
- Dissatisfaction with material and spiritual benefits
. If a person lacks the necessary resources in quantitative or qualitative terms, he tries to make up for them in another way, where there is a high risk of developing interpersonal conflict. - Mutual interests
. In a group where the goals of the participants converge, but the methods of achieving the task have some differences, a number of confrontations may arise. The person is unable to fulfill some of his needs in work or personal relationships. This should include conflict situations at work, problems with subordination of subordinates and mentors, family disagreements, and family quarrels. - Individual interests
. Opponents have personal goals, the fulfillment of one of them excludes the other. The developing conflict raises the question of the differences that exist at the moment and requires a compromise solution. - Value features of the issue
. This type of confrontation is based on dissimilar motivational approaches to the same issue due to different psychological attitudes and priorities. - Course of action
. Develops due to the absence of stereotypes and manners of certain behavior in one of the opponents. This may be due to lack of experience or inability to perform the necessary actions. Often causes conflicts at work or school. - Communication
. Inconsistency between the communication abilities of one person and another, non-compliance with the rules of dialogue, subordination and tact. - Character
. The cause of the conflict is specific personal characteristics that the other individual dislikes.
The reasons may vary depending on the person's age.
Thus, in children and adolescents, controversial situations can be caused by factors that have no place in adult life. The puberty period is characterized by biased maximalism, a tendency to issue ultimatums and unequivocally evaluate people. Family conflicts in interpersonal relationships can be based both on ordinary everyday disagreements and on the inability to realize one’s own needs, inconsistency of values and goals in life between spouses.
Working relationships often crack when carrying out orders and assigned tasks. There is also a risk of developing personal hostility among employees of the same level and management. Often disputes are based on behavioral issues, for example, a discrepancy between an employee’s actions and the reputation of a company or organization.
Types of interpersonal conflicts
The concept of interpersonal conflict represents a unique example of a combination of the characterological characteristics of each individual and the nuances of controversy. Therefore, it is difficult to identify any common points in each of the disputes. The classification allows us to divide such confrontations into three large options, which differ in motivational features:
- Values disagreements
. What is important for one person turns out to be completely unimportant for another and causes a wave of indignation and discontent. This group contains all the religious, political and philosophical differences that exist between people. Such situations do not necessarily cause conflict, but when combined with the right conditions, they can spark real confrontation. It is similar in family relationships: different personal meanings of the goals of each spouse can coexist until one of them begins to influence or undermine the spiritual values of the other. This balance can be controlled by common highest ideals, which nevertheless converge. For example, one of the parents entices the child to a certain type of activity, and the second - to a completely different one. But each of them is sure of one thing: their son or daughter should do something. Common views on the problem determine priority solutions that suit both. - Conflict of interest
. Completely different goals and ideas about achieving them can coexist as long as they do not intersect. If the desire of one person excludes the intention of another, a conflict situation develops on this basis. This scenario often occurs in life when some resources are distributed that both parties want to receive. This group of conflicts includes any kind of emotional competition, including both benefit and personal hostility towards the opponent. For example, a struggle in the office for a promotion, a tender for a large project in a company, a competition for an increased scholarship in an educational institution. - Violation of the rules of interaction
. This type of interpersonal conflict is based on an unwillingness to adhere to the general rules and norms that have been established to regulate communications between the two parties. If one of them violates some of these rules, insensitive or unacceptable behavior may be interpreted as a reason for confrontation. Such disagreements can be observed at work as situations of abuse of authority or insubordination. In families, such conflicts occur due to inappropriate attitudes towards each other, which are expected under given conditions.
Ways to get out of a conflict situation
The most successful way out of a conflict situation is to find a compromise between the warring parties. In this case, the parties make a decision that suits all parties to the dispute. There are no remaining agreements or misunderstandings between the conflicting parties.
However, not in all cases it is possible to reach a compromise. Very often the outcome of a conflict is coercion. This option for resolving the conflict is most typical if one of the participants occupies a dominant position. For example, a leader forces a subordinate to do as he pleases, or a parent tells his child to do as he sees fit.
To prevent the conflict from gaining momentum, you can try to smooth it out. In this case, the person who is accused of something agrees with the reproaches and claims, and tries to explain the reason for his actions and actions. Using this method of getting out of a dispute does not mean that the essence of the conflict is understood and the mistakes are realized. It’s just that at the moment the accused does not want to enter into conflict.
Admitting your mistakes and repenting for what you have done is another way to resolve interpersonal conflict. An example of such a situation: a child regrets that he did not prepare his homework and received a bad grade, and promises his parents to continue to do his homework.
How to behave during interpersonal conflict
To resolve an interpersonal conflict, it is necessary to remember that in a dispute the truth is not born, but the true face of the participant in the disagreement is revealed.
How your opponent and others see you during a given disagreement can have significant consequences in the future. A distinctive feature of a well-mannered and intelligent person is the ability to keep himself and his emotions in check while clarifying discrepancies. Behavior during interpersonal conflict should not descend to such a level that it does not correspond to self-image. It is necessary to act so that the spoken words and promises do not cause further shame, regret or any other unpleasant sensations. Every word in a dispute should be thought through to the smallest detail.
If you adhere to the basic rules of such behavior, the conflict has every chance of a quick and effective resolution:
- Respect for your opponent
. Be that as it may, in most cases a person leads a confrontation with someone whom he knows well or often interacts with. Interpersonal conflicts with strangers also happen, but not as often as with loved ones, acquaintances, and colleagues. The likelihood of further connections or contacts with your opponent is huge. Therefore, in order to avoid further awkwardness, apologies and discomfort in communicating with this person, you should not treat him in an insulting or humiliating manner. - Emotional restraint
. There is a tendency that conflict situations without affective load are resolved faster and do not leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Moreover, there is a possibility of maintaining a minimally positive relationship with the other side of the confrontation. In important disputes, switching to the emotional side with the identification of personal hostility towards a person is considered a sign of tactlessness, bad manners and bad taste. Moreover, such an attitude will not at all raise a person’s reputation among friends and relatives. - Direction to solve the problem
. Often in conflict situations, people forget why they started an argument. By turning to personal insults and humiliations, the essence of the feud remains unresolved or untouched. All attention, rage or enthusiasm should be used in developing optimal schemes for resolving this disagreement, methods for establishing a mutually satisfactory compromise.
In any conflict, you should behave the way you would like your opponent to behave. In this way, you can achieve culture and mutual understanding with loved ones, friends and acquaintances.
Rules of behavior in a conflict situation
When a conflict arises, both participants want to resolve it as quickly as possible, while achieving their goals and getting what they want. How should you behave in this situation in order to come out of it with dignity?
First, you need to learn to separate your attitude towards the person with whom you have a disagreement from the problem itself that needs to be solved. Don’t start insulting your opponent or getting personal, try to behave with restraint and calm. Give reasons for all your arguments, try to put yourself in your opponent’s place and invite him to take your place.
If you notice that you are starting to lose your temper, invite your interlocutor to take a break to calm down and cool down a little, and then continue to sort things out. To solve a problem as quickly as possible, you need to see a specific goal and focus on ways to achieve it. It is important to remember that in any conflict situation it is necessary, first of all, to maintain relations with the opponent.
Ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts
Subconsciously, a person himself tries to resolve any disagreements using methods that he considers the most convenient and simple. Sometimes, even without active intervention in the confrontation, it can resolve on its own. This does not always happen, but it is usually resolved in one of 4 ways:
- Smoothing sharp corners
. This is a kind of imaginary way out of the current situation, which in fact does not get rid of the cause of the conflict, but only erases its main manifestations. In fact, dissatisfaction with these circumstances transforms into internal anger and resentment, and external active manifestations subside for a while. There remains a huge possibility that the subsided dispute may resume with much greater force after a while. Smoothing is achieved through ordinary reconciliation due to various factors or temporary benefits. - Compromise solution
. Partial acceptance of the opponent’s terms by all parties to the conflict can weaken his strength for some time. Although minor differences will still remain, they will not be at a sufficient level to resume confrontation. There is a great possibility of its development over a certain period of time. - Adoption
. Attention is focused on both points of view, and all comments, additions and claims to each other are accepted. This type of interaction after an interpersonal conflict is observed infrequently, but still has the right to exist as the most optimal scenario for the development of events. It is extremely rare that people can fully accept each other’s point of view, integrate it with their own and come to a mutually beneficial solution. - Dominance
. One side fully and completely admits that it is wrong and that the opponent’s point of view, idea or proposal is superior. This often happens in work environments where subordination forces staff to fully agree with what management puts forward. A peculiar scheme of subordination does not always work for choleric or hysterical individuals. Such people will never allow their opinions and results to be ignored.
In addition to these methods, there are many special recommendations that will help resolve interpersonal conflict as soon as possible. If you adhere to these rules, after a disagreement you usually do not experience any unpleasant feelings or discomfort from communicating with your former opponent:
- The presence of a conflict situation must always be recognized
. This is an integral part of the process itself that must be resolved. If you resist and do not accept dissonance in a relationship for what it is, hidden negative feelings can persist for a very long time and gradually poison your life. - Creating an opportunity to clarify the current situation
. Discussion and debate are essential for proper resolution of interpersonal conflict. It is necessary on both sides to provide conditions under which it will be possible to understand the causes and essence of the problem. - Determining specific reasons for disagreement
. To avoid moving to the emotional level and personal claims, you need to clearly define the range of interests in this conflict. Often this way you can understand that the problem is not that big. - Options for the outcome of the situation
. There must be several of these to give you the opportunity to choose the optimal one. They need to be developed taking into account the interests of each party. - Selecting an agreed solution and turning it into reality
. The joint practical application of the measures that have been agreed upon leads to reconciliation and attempts to establish personal contact.
Any of the proposed methods for resolving interpersonal conflict may be ineffective if, during an emotional upsurge, a person does not understand the importance of reconciliation. Usually this passes over time, and people themselves look for ways to return to their previous relationships.
Conflict Prevention Methods
To prevent the development of conflicts, you need to be able to regulate the situation that precedes their occurrence. To do this, you need to change your attitude towards the problem, yours or your opponent’s. Also change the circumstances, deprive the conflict of the soil on which it can develop. All this is achieved through cooperation with a possible enemy. In neutral relationships, contradictions arise more often.
How to overcome fear and phobias yourself - ways to fight
Rivalry often arises in enterprises when responsibilities are incorrectly distributed by the manager. A common goal brings people together and eliminates differences.
Important! You need to understand your opponent’s position, not show negativity or aggression towards him, evaluate the difficulties he faces, and support him. It is important to use “psychological stroking”, in which the opponent is imbued with a feeling of sympathy and tension is relieved.
There is no need to harbor a grudge and wrap negative emotions around it. It is better to discuss the situation that has arisen; perhaps there is a misunderstanding, and the problem exists only in the head. Open discussion, without showing dissatisfaction, leads to the elimination of tension and serves as a way to prevent conflict.
You cannot enter into dialogue based on emotions. In this case, they will speak, you need to give yourself time to cool down, then explain your point of view with a clear head. There is no need to insult people or humiliate them. An unmotivated insult incites hatred and leads to quarrels and conflicts in the team.
The school should begin to familiarize students with the concept of conflict, methods of prevention and prevention. This usually happens at the end of high school during homeroom. There is a program designed for teenage students that is easy to understand.
Prevention of interpersonal conflicts
The best medicine is prevention.
It is much easier to prevent the development of unwanted discord than to search for ways to resolve it later. This way you can maintain trusting relationships with friends, relatives, acquaintances and even at work. Your reputation will remain impeccable if you know how to prevent interpersonal conflicts. The main points in preventing the formation of disagreements lie in the behavior, gestures and tact of both parties. If you follow a few rules, you can significantly reduce the risk of violent conflicts with other people:
- You should pay attention to your opponent, you must behave politely and tactfully with him.
- Tolerance will help you avoid violent reactions from the other person.
- Trust and openness should be shown by maintaining eye contact; there is no need to avoid looking in any case.
- Provide an opportunity for the interlocutor to explain his point of view and justify his opinion.
- Try to understand your opponent or mentally put yourself in his place.
- Tactfully admit your mistake, if any.
- Express vague feelings that indicate your doubts about your correctness regarding the present conversation.
- Carefully explain those points where your opponent’s opinion can be criticized.
- A positive attitude towards resolving the situation, rather than arguing that you are right.
Important! Any conflict should be resolved without a raised voice, and personal insults should not be allowed.
How to resolve interpersonal conflict - watch the video:
[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkpxwTAs4qg]
For mutually beneficial and productive relationships with colleagues at work, at home with family or loved ones, you should know how to resolve the interpersonal conflict that will inevitably arise in everyone’s life. To do this, you need to be able to behave correctly in order to avoid unwanted actions and extremely unpleasant consequences.
Ways to resolve intrapersonal conflicts
An adequate assessment of the situation and the complexity of the problem, and self-assessment of the individual are the most effective ways to resolve intrapersonal conflicts. Since such conflicts are always determined by the individual’s individuality and character traits, their resolution depends on the gender, age of the subject, his character and temperament, social status, moral guidelines and values.
D. Carnegie suggests that in situations of intrapersonal confrontation, in order to prevent the occurrence of stress, do not panic, but try to accept what happened as an accomplished event and act, putting aside emotions. However, despite the need for an individual attitude to overcoming conflicts within the individual, it is necessary to highlight the most typical methods and methods of conflict resolution, which can be used by everyone, taking into account individual characteristics. Below are the most significant ways to resolve intrapersonal conflicts.
First of all, in addition to adequately assessing the situation, you should take control of it and try to identify the contradictions that provoked the conflict. Then you should comprehend the existential essence of the conflict and analyze the degree of its significance.
The reason that provoked the situation of confrontation should be localized by discovering its very essence, discarding all unimportant and related factors. For the constructive resolution of conflicts within the individual, courage plays an essential role in analyzing the provocateurs of confrontation. One should be able to accept the truth as it is by nature, without embellishment, even if it is not entirely pleasant. It is also not recommended to forget that accumulated emotions (for example, anger or anxiety) only lead to a breakdown, so you need to learn to give them a way out.
The listed methods are not all the main ways to resolve intrapersonal conflicts.
Modern psychological science and conflictology have developed a whole complex of mechanisms consisting of psychological protection of the individual, which is a specific system for regulating personality stabilization, aimed at eliminating or reducing anxiety or feelings of fear accompanying intrapersonal conflict.
