Read the article and draw your own conclusions regarding all the words written.
Until we understand and feel what attachment is, we cannot understand how to get rid of attachment to a person or object.
Attachment can be so strong and subtle at the same time that it actually affects our entire lives.
Attachment is emotional support from a person or object in order to improve one’s own well-being.
We can only be attached to good emotions and good feelings. Many people become attached to their “soul mate ,” alcohol, tobacco, tasty and unhealthy food, and laziness. Some people become attached to the Internet and TV because they are sources of good emotions and security.
There is nothing wrong with affection or love. Therefore, there is no need to beat yourself up or scold yourself because of this . This is how it happened. You become attached, and there is nothing wrong with your attention being focused on enjoying something or someone. We enjoy life and that's completely normal.
How to understand that it is emotional dependence
People notice pathological traits in their behavior:
• The whole world narrows down to the object of affection. His personality comes to the fore, overshadowing work, friends, hobbies and relatives. Attachment binds a person.
• Emotional blackmail. A person will do anything to get the attention of an attachment figure. Hysteria or demonstrative coldness? Both are welcome, no problem.
• Withdrawal syndrome. When the object of affection is far away, a person feels sad. I really want to be next to him again. This point is the reason why you want to get rid of neurotic attachment.
When attachment looks like a painful addiction, you definitely need to get rid of it.
Even when the connection with your attachment figure is healthy, there may be barriers between you:
• you are separated by distance;
• affection is not mutual;
• one of you is married;
• you simply don’t understand each other;
• something else came between you.
In any case, the relationship did not work out. Now you are wondering how to get rid of attachment to a man or woman. Let’s figure out how to do this using the knowledge from Yuri Burlan’s “System-vector psychology” training.
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Why do we get attached and can’t get rid of it?
A person feels comfortable only when he has good relationships with other people. His mood depends on emotional connections with others. It `s naturally. But the lack of attachments and the inability to empathize is a mental disorder. Attachments are the basis of our lives, but we want to control them: choose the right people, calmly leave those with whom things don’t work out.
Sometimes you can't get rid of it. There are no irreplaceable people, but sometimes we become so attached to a person that it seems that without him life has no meaning. It's better to die than to be alone. And we forget about hundreds of other interesting people with whom we can also communicate with pleasure. And fear also arises: what if nothing works out again? After all, he was so ideal and beautiful, soul and body, there is no other like him. No one else is needed now.
Many people, when they become attached to a person, have the feeling that he is special. Then they get untied and don’t understand what they found in him. It is our imagination, as in fairy tales, that makes a knight out of a shepherd, and a princess out of a washerwoman. There is nothing wrong with painting a beautiful image of the object of affection in your head. But when a person cannot direct his imagination to anything or anyone other than the object of his affection, he becomes emotionally fixated.
You need to realize that it is your emotions that make attachment special. And then what really happened between you may not seem so significant if you look from the outside.
Protecting feelings
You can be friends with such a person. You can help him, but the main thing is not to overdo it with your appearance in his life. This can harm, first of all, yourself. You must feel the line beyond which you will not harm your life. It is especially important to have it when it is difficult for you to be around such a person; it is better to keep your distance. Don't live in illusions. If something bad happens in his life, he will not switch to you. Keep a safe distance, protect your emotions.
What are the problems with attachment?
If you are asking how to get rid of attachment, it means that the object of the attachment either did not reciprocate or does not know how to build healthy relationships. It happens that people simply do not agree in character, do not understand each other’s mental characteristics. In any case, there is nothing to regret, because there is no hope for a happy future here.
When a person wants to get rid of a healthy attachment, he refuses a dose of warm emotions and, naturally, becomes sad. At first you walk down the street and you don’t even notice that you’re thinking about her again. You're bored again. But if a person’s emotional sphere is healthy, new impressions from a new life accumulate, and old memories fade away. This is the norm. But sometimes a person tastes the fruit of self-pity and receives hidden emotional pleasure. And then he cannot escape the web of emotional dependence.
“It hurts to breathe without him. I cry almost every day... I have had such a sick attachment for 5.5 years. Yesterday in the metro it got to the point where I started looking for him in the crowd. I looked at everyone, but, naturally, he wasn’t there... I often imagine him. I know for sure that he doesn’t like me. I can’t forget” (text taken from the forum here).
There are neurotic attachments, when partners enjoy quarrels and scandals, each feeling sorry for themselves. There is no spiritual intimacy in such relationships; people cannot share their secrets with each other. Omissions and misunderstandings become unbearable. You are already thinking about how to get rid of your attachment to a person. The psychology of emotional dependence does not allow it - the relationship continues, in reality or in a dream. The object of unsuccessful affection evokes negative, but bright and strong emotions. It seems better than emptiness. Some people with a visual vector are hooked on this like a drug.
“I didn’t love my man, but it seemed like he loved me, I couldn’t lose this feeling, like constant care... As a result, we lived together for 5 years... And for 2 years, without him, I can’t even sleep, I always have insomnia, fear of loneliness, from others I hate men, but I also understand that I never loved him and don’t love him, moreover, it was he who persuaded me to become so dependent. I always ran away, but it was like he caught me and didn’t let go. All thoughts about him are associated with negativity and fear!” (text taken from the forum here).
Causes
It is a mistake to assume that painful attachment is a demonstration of love and sincerity. A person is physically dependent, experiencing “withdrawal” without a partner.
Reasons for this behavior:
- A woman has a desire to be under the protection of a stronger person, a habit of shifting responsibility onto the shoulders of her partner. When a guy leaves a girl, she is left alone with the realities of life, which causes panic.
- A man is more often physically and financially dependent. For him, a girl is a source of delicious food and cleanliness in the house. When she leaves, the usual comfort disappears.
Even immaterial or platonic dependence carries danger. A person stops caring about self-development and degrades as a person. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to get over a possible breakup.
Who attaches special importance to attachments?
The owner of the visual vector needs emotional connections with other people most of all. Frankness and trust in relationships, common interests with friends and walks under the moon at night are the values of the visual vector. A visual person lives for feelings and emotions.
The lives of visual people develop differently: due to trauma and bad experiences, they can forbid themselves to feel, and concentrate all experiences on themselves. And demand attention and love from those around you.
In a healthy attachment, the visual person, on the contrary, shows sympathy and interest in the partner, opens up emotionally and receives a response. If you had to get rid of a healthy attachment, the viewer feels bad, but not fatally. He will come to his senses and create more.
In a dependent attachment, a visual person cannot express his feelings, but instead feeds on those of others. Of course, when the object disappears from sight, you want more emotions. And there is nowhere to take them. It remains to feed on poisoned but sweet experiences from an unfulfilled attachment. It seems that this is suffering from which you want to get rid of, and at the same time sweet torment.
Finding a hobby for distraction
When we are deeply in love with someone, it becomes very difficult for us to focus our attention on everyday matters. Then try to switch your attention to new interests and hobbies. Try to find a hobby that you like and enjoy doing. Thus, your life will become easier. Your mind will not be focused on unbridled love all the time, but will rest from time to time. Any activity will be very good if it distracts you from obsessive, not the most favorable thoughts.
How to get rid of attachment
It’s easy to leave a person in the past, but sometimes it’s too difficult to throw his image out of your head and stop going over in your thoughts what should have happened, but didn’t happen.
• The first tip on how to get rid of attachment is to switch. True, if you take up a hobby, throw yourself into work, go on a date, or just go out for a walk with the only thought of not thinking about Him or Her, nothing will work out. You need to get distracted first of all emotionally. Try to imagine that you will experience all the precious experiences associated with That person with someone else. And they will be brighter, stronger. And with this attitude, go out for a walk and meet with friends.
• Give yourself faith in the future. When we become too attached to a person, we don't see anyone around us. Letting go of attachments hurts when you are afraid of being alone. Communicate more and feel needed by many, rather than just one object of your affection. Learn to control and create attachments yourself. This is only possible with an understanding of human psychology. Then breaking up a relationship with a person will not be such a problem.
• Help someone who is in a similar situation. Your boyfriend or girlfriend probably also had problematic attachments that they had to get rid of. Maybe you can talk to them and share your experiences. Then you will see your own situation in another person - from the outside, not from the inside. And it will no longer seem so terrible to you.
• Expressing feelings on paper is often recommended. And burn the paper or put it away out of sight. This method will give relief if you publish the text on the Internet or at least let someone read it. Maybe even to the addressee himself. Not in order to get a response, but in order to put an end to it.
General Tips
Relationships between people lead to an emotional connection called attachment . Sometimes these feelings go beyond boundaries and become unhealthy. A psychological problem arises. It can lead to depression and a nervous breakdown. If it becomes clear that the relationship brings only painful sensations and there is no prospect of further communication, it is necessary to take action to eliminate such attachment.
You won't be able to get rid of negative thoughts unless you want to end this problem.
One of the most effective ways to get rid of thoughts about the person you are attached to is to stop communicating with him. At the same time, not only stop dating, but also correspond or call back.
It is not easy. You may feel spiritual devastation, but this is just a temporary phenomenon. It is worth removing from sight all the gifts given by this person. Photos taken together on vacation. It won't be easy at first. But over time, spiritual satisfaction will come.
Being in such a state, people tend to remain alone, closed off from the outside world, with their thoughts and memories alone. It does not help. At such times, it is necessary to communicate more with family and friends. Their support and understanding will help you cope with your worries. Interaction with others will help you stop focusing on your problems. Leisure and spending time together will allow you to get positive emotions.
You need to find not only negative sides in everything. If your husband left you, then it’s time to start looking for new love. There will be more free time. Household duties will be simplified. The scandals will stop.
After getting rid of addiction, a new time in life begins. Free time can be spent on your favorite activity or hobby. It is necessary to improve yourself, work on yourself, and engage in self-education. If you have an interest in art, it's time to start reading relevant literature. Start attending art exhibitions and other events related to this area. If you couldn’t quit smoking before, you can try to quit this bad habit now.
A good way to get rid of addiction is to do something that will occupy not only your mind, but also your hands. This could be handicrafts, creativity, dancing, cooking, sports. You need to do this with passion, and not just out of boredom. You can pursue a career and build your own business. If earlier attachment prevented the implementation of bold projects and thoughts, now is the time for this. This will help you become financially independent.
It happens that a person cannot cope with the problem of attachment alone. Then you need to contact a specialist. A psychologist will help you switch to something else, get rid of negative thoughts, and suggest a way out of this situation.
You need to learn to enjoy life, every moment of it. Life is fleeting. Don't waste your time on empty worries. Moving on, having made the right conclusions, is the key to peace of mind.
How to forgive and let go
Sometimes we feel like we should have said or done something in a relationship but it didn't work out and we can't let the person go. How to get rid of attachment? Understand why the relationship developed the way it did and not otherwise.
What to do if a person, on the contrary, feels that the object of affection owes him something: did not pay attention, insulted or humiliated him? A person cannot forgive him; with masochistic pleasure he thinks about his affection again and again. Even the decision to express grievances in person will not help here. You need to understand the very nature of the behavior of the object of attachment, to figure out what his fault really is. We can never say with certainty what motivates another person in a relationship. And when we try to explain his actions to ourselves, we only become even more confused.
“At the very peak of events, I was told: just don’t fall in love with me, we started seeing each other too often. Now I’m writing and I’m ready to cry... it’s very hard, just a day ago I was flying and fluttering because I have someone to love... And since yesterday evening I’ve been crawling barely, overwhelmed by simple words” (text taken from the forum here).
At Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology” we understand that a person always talks about himself, even when it seems that he is talking about others. Systematically, the meaning of the phrase “Just don’t fall in love with me” is translated almost as a confession. “I’m so afraid of falling in love with you...” the object of her affection says to the girl. Don't take everything personally.
To let go of the past and avoid painful attachments in the future, you need to take a deeper look at attachment. Then you will be able to say thank you to the object of your affection simply for being in your life, and your soul will become calm. If you feel gratitude towards him, then you are on the right path and can create new attachments with new people instead of the outdated old one.
If you quickly get used to a person
Some people tend to quickly develop emotional sympathies for unfamiliar people. As a rule, this happens if the attachment between the baby and mother was disrupted in early childhood (stay in an orphanage, illness or parental indifference). A person who has experienced such mental trauma perceives any manifestation of interest on the part of new acquaintances as the emergence of a psychological connection, thereby inflicting another wound on himself when the invented feelings are not brought to life.
Yellow color in psychology - what it means for a woman, man, child
How to stop getting attached to people you barely know:
- Try to become a self-sufficient person with strong interests and life principles.
- Teach yourself not only to give your love and trust, but also to accept the feelings of other people.
- Develop the ability to abstract yourself and let go of the situation, stop trying to control everyone and everything.
- Start enjoying the current moment, rather than endlessly analyzing the past and inventing the future.
Important! It is necessary to distinguish plans from fantasies: a plan provides for specific steps towards a goal, fantasies are something unrealistic and unattainable.
- Learn to love yourself and gradually adapt to the world around you, without infringing on your interests to please other people.
Breaking energy ties (suggested by Larisa Renard)
One of the ways to break energy ties was given by the wonderful Larisa Renard in her books and seminars. Larisa advises standing up straight, connecting the index finger and thumb of your right hand, looking to the left (this is symbolically our past), imagining the image of your ex, then in a spiral opposite the uterus, “collecting” with the help of the joined fingers the energy of long-standing intimacy and breaking the thread, “throwing” it to the right leftovers. According to Renard, this ritual is done once - that’s enough, but you need to do such manipulations for all the men with whom you have had intimacy.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=nprKv1PcpiQ
How to cleanse yourself of past connections using the White Thread ritual
- Step 1. You will need a skein or spool of white thread. Take the thread and wrap it around the ring finger of your left hand exactly as many times as the number of years you have been in a relationship with a man. If the count is not kept in years, then by the number of months, weeks, days or even hours (!!!).
- Step 2. While winding the thread, repeat the spell: “We loved each other, were with each other, you don’t have to worry about living, and I need to be happy again.”
- Step 3. Next - we cut the resulting “ring” with scissors with the words: “I break the connection, I open the door of love, I should be happy, I should live sweetly and joyfully!” May it be SO for the common good!”
- Step 4. We give the strings to any of the elements - we flush them down the toilet, bury them in the ground, let them go in the wind or burn them. It is believed that after three days the connection will noticeably weaken, and after seven it will disappear forever.
Breaking energy connections with a salt bath
(Ariel Ford gives this method in the book "The Law of Attraction" with reference to teacher Stefan Ko and Dr. Eric B. Roberts)
In order to cleanse yourself of past connections in this way, you need to prepare yourself a fragrant bath, pour in a decent amount of salt - sea salt or regular table salt - about 740 grams.
Light the candles, immerse yourself in the bath, making sure in advance that you are not disturbed by your family.
Having plunged into a meditative or at least semi-meditative state, remember all your lovers. Take turns silently or out loud saying words of forgiveness and gratitude to each person for the gifted experience.
Then close your eyes, imagine this thread that connects you with the person (it can take on some color and come from any of your organs - not necessarily the uterus or heart).
Stay in the state of feeling this connection, and when you want to break it, chop it off, cut it off or cut it off - do it mentally. Then clap your hands three times and enjoy the relief.
Flush the water and be sure to take a shower.
It should be said that this ritual must also be carried out, cutting off ties with all exes in turn. If you feel that you cannot cope at once, it is better to repeat the ritual after some time.
With love
