How a husband behaves after cheating: everything secret sooner or later becomes clear

It is worth recognizing that in our time, cheating on a husband is not such a rare occurrence. Moreover, one can even say that many men are accustomed to cheating on their wives and consider this an ordinary matter and not shameful. Meanwhile, family relationships become very precarious due to the spouse’s infidelity, regardless of how the husband behaves after the betrayal. How to understand that your lover is dating someone else? Do you need to do anything after you find out about it? Let's try to answer these questions in our article.
From this article you will learn:
  • What are the psychological characteristics of a husband’s behavior after cheating on his wife?
  • How to understand that your husband is cheating based on objective signs
  • How to behave as a wife after her husband cheats

How do you know if your husband is cheating?

Many women like to look for reasons for jealousy even where they cannot exist. This type of behavior has a detrimental effect on relationships, and tired of constant suspicion, the husband can easily leave his grumpy wife. However, there are also obvious signs that the faithful is walking to the left, which if ignored would be to one’s own detriment. Among such signs it is worth highlighting the following:

  1. The husband tries to constantly control his wife and suspects her of adultery. As practice shows, pathological jealous people themselves have an increased tendency to commit adultery.
  2. During a conversation on sensitive topics, the husband hides his gaze and responds with the same type of phrases or goes into a defensive position as an accuser.
  3. Change in sexual activity. If there is complete calm or low activity of the spouse in the intimate sphere, this may be due to various factors. However, if he constantly refuses intimacy under fictitious pretexts, you should seriously think about his behavior.
  4. My husband hides his phone and deletes SMS messages and browsing history in all browsers with enviable regularity.

If your spouse begins to often stay late at work, you should not sound the alarm prematurely. It is quite possible that he is moving up the career ladder or devotes a lot of time to his own business. However, if, while disappearing in the evenings at work, the spouse does not answer phone calls and SMS messages, after which he comes up with “excuses” and avoids a direct answer, it is worth taking a closer look at the reasons that caused such metamorphoses. How can you find out that your husband is cheating? The psychologist recommends not to leave the following factors unnoticed:

  • the husband initiates scandals and quarrels, accusing his wife of fictitious offenses. He uses the scandal as an argument allowing him to leave the house, turn off his mobile phone and not answer further questions about his whereabouts;
  • the spouse’s salary has sharply decreased or his expenses have increased.

It is not recommended to use all kinds of bugs, listening devices and other spy equipment in order to bring out a spouse who has been on a spree on the side. Such methods are resorted to in extreme cases, when the husband does not give a divorce or makes threats against his wife.

Sharp maneuvers

A man's behavior changes noticeably after cheating. And this happens as if at the snap of a finger. Imagine that you have been arguing with your husband for years because he left his socks lying on the floor near the bed instead of taking them to the wash. And one day he not only carried them on his own without any reminders, but even started the washing machine and then hung up the socks. Strange, isn't it?

Maybe he talked to someone who was able to reach him and clearly explained that it’s hard for you to keep up with everything.

Or the most unromantic husband in the world came home with a bouquet of flowers and your favorite candies, which he had never even brought to you for your birthday before. Moreover, this happened on an ordinary weekday, for no reason. What's happened? Cheating husband, unfortunately.

Or he tries to spend as much time as possible in your company. Helps you wash the dishes, is willing to put up with your TV series, or even offers to watch a romantic comedy.

His behavior is similar to a schoolboy who received a bad grade, and now diligently tidies up the apartment and washes the dishes until his mother returns from work. And when she comes, she will talk a lot about any topics that do not relate to his school grades.

The feeling of guilt in this case is a powerful force that forces a man to remember what is dear to his wife, what she loves and what she has repeatedly asked for. It is especially often experienced by those who have cheated on their significant other unintentionally. Just because the circumstances turned out that way. It is unlikely that he fell in love with someone else.

How to behave if your husband cheats but doesn’t leave: advice from a psychologist

For some people, the desire to deceive is so strong that it becomes a habit and turns into a pattern that is very difficult to eradicate. Outright lies are typical of men who feel discomfort under the yoke of marriage. Distortion of the truth in itself has destructive potential, however, if the lie is accompanied by adultery, the marriage will have no chance of successfully continuing.

Adultery is a serious challenge for any woman. If the husband, faced with the fact of direct proof of infidelity, continues to lie, you must adhere to the following algorithm of actions:

  1. Explain to the unfaithful spouse that a lie is a very shaky foundation that will not withstand any test of strength.
  2. Convey to your husband the information that a crisis associated with infidelity can strengthen the relationship. Many couples who managed to survive adultery claimed that after this their marriage became much stronger.
  3. For most women, the best solution to such problems is a scandal with obscene language and breaking dishes. Such methods can lead to a temporary lull, which will most likely lead to the spouse’s “bed exploits” resuming with renewed vigor.

There is no point in keeping accumulated negativity inside you, so it is permissible to give your husband a good verbal thrashing, choosing your expressions and not losing the essence behind the stream of abuse. A more balanced and effective decision in this case would be to formulate a list of claims as clearly and succinctly as possible and put forward your demands as the injured party. It is definitely impossible to take it out on children, relatives and people from your immediate circle, since they are definitely not the culprits of adultery.

What to do if your husband cheats and lies, but doesn’t want to leave? The advice of a psychologist in such a situation will seem strange to many: the best effect on a seasoned reveler is a counter-lie, allowing him to look at his own behavior in the mirror. It is not at all necessary to take revenge on your spouse by retaliating, but you can arrange a meeting with old friends or stay overnight with your best friend. When answering your husband’s questions about where you are staying, you need to tell him any, even the most implausible fables.

Important! The role of a martyr, when a woman knows about her husband’s infidelity, but chooses to turn a blind eye to it due to lack of willpower or cowardice, leads to disastrous consequences and does not help in any way the task of strengthening the marriage bond.

He suggests you go to the doctor

Caring about health is not common for many men. Most likely, you almost forcibly dragged him to the doctor. Why does he need it? Either it will go away on its own, or it will dry out and fall off, and then it’s too late to treat.

And then suddenly he suggests that you take tests for sexually transmitted infections together. Motivates with concern for you, tells tales about how you can easily pick up such an infection in a public toilet or with a friendly kiss from a friend.

But it’s no coincidence that sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are called that. This means he has something to fear. This means he had sexual contact with another woman.

How to react to your husband’s betrayal - advice from a psychologist

What to do if you find out about your husband's infidelity? Advice from a psychologist: first of all, you should not give in to rage and make attempts to meet with the homewrecker and express your accumulated complaints to her face. It is worth adopting the following practical recommendations that will allow you to maintain honor, dignity, and relieve yourself of mental stress:

  1. Ask your best friends for advice. Communication with loved ones will cool the ardor and provide a wonderful opportunity to look at the picture of what happened as objectively as possible.
  2. Take a break from the relationship and move to a place that will not remind you of your unfaithful spouse. Thanks to temporary separate living, you will be able to weigh all the arguments both in favor and against breaking up with your cheater with a “cool head.”

A meeting with good friends should not turn into a permanent discussion of the faults and negative qualities of the spouse. Instead of pointlessly digging into the past, which only brings suffering, it makes sense to direct the dialogues in a constructive direction. Having asked the opinions of your friends, you need to draw up at least a rough plan for further actions and jointly consider the first steps to get out of the psychological crisis.

The next step in stabilizing mental comfort is the fight against a negative emotional background, which requires some effort to change. Restoring lost trust between spouses is not an easy task, and its solution can take a very long period from several months to many years.

What to do if your husband cheated? Advice from a psychologist: there is no need to rashly take revenge on your husband through retaliatory betrayal. However, to raise self-esteem, it would be useful to switch attention to an old boyfriend or a new friend by visiting a cafe, restaurant or exhibition with him. Compliments and praise from the mouth of a stranger will definitely not harm a woman’s wounded pride. Of course, you need to immediately warn your partner in the cultural program that the meeting will not have any further development.

If the husband’s infidelity was revealed during his wife’s pregnancy, it will be very difficult for her to survive the fact of betrayal. However, the reason for going to the left may be caused by the spouse’s fear of intimacy with a pregnant woman. It is important to remain calm and think first about the health of the unborn child, since severe stress has a very negative effect on the development of the fetus.

Important! Hot-tempered and impulsive natures can be advised to take a break instead of hysteria and scandal and take a quick walk through the forest, park or alley. Walking allows you to smooth out the severity of negative experiences and return to a state of emotional stability in the shortest possible time.

Avoids communication

There is another extreme. The husband came home from work and instead of the usual kiss his wife on the cheek, wash his hands and sit down at the table, he quickly goes into the apartment and locks himself in the room. It will not be possible to lure him out of there; he will refuse food, water and communication.

Why is that? Again, he is driven by guilt. He is probably disgusted by the knowledge of what he has done.

But, unfortunately, such self-flagellation does not mean that this betrayal is the first and last. If a man is inclined to go to the left, then every time he will be tormented by remorse. And when these emotions dull, he will change again.

The husband walks, but does not leave: advice from a psychologist

If the husband cheats, but does not leave, the psychologist’s advice will be as follows: it is initially necessary to establish the reason for the spouse’s infidelity. Otherwise, you can easily reach a nervous breakdown, going through hundreds of options in your head. The most common motives for male infidelity are:

  • lack of mutual understanding within the family, constant scandals, noisy proceedings and excessive jealousy on the part of the wife;
  • lack of diversity in the sexual sphere. A man's move to the left is often provoked by boredom and indifference that reigns within the marital bedroom;
  • selfishness. The subject commits adultery, justifying his own behavior by the inherent polygamy of all men, or is guided by an inflated sense of importance;
  • Many husbands are prevented from divorcing by the need to divide jointly acquired property. In this way, they create a completely comfortable existence for themselves with their wife and mistress.

Often men choose a “double life” due to the presence of minor children who must be raised in a full-fledged family. The opinion of relatives, acquaintances and work colleagues can be a deterrent to severing official relations. Fear of public censure often pushes people to invent sophisticated schemes designed to hide the true state of affairs from the eyes of others. Preserving your social status and dignity is definitely not more important than your own health, so you shouldn’t repeat the mistakes of Anna Karenina.

For most women, it is in the order of things to punish their spouse with intimate abstinence, which in the most obvious way can result in a search for a less prone to whims and a more accommodating passion on the side. The reasons that a husband cheats, but does not leave for another woman for good, may be hidden in the banal force of habit and reluctance to disrupt the usual way of things. Some men are unwitting hostages of the image of a womanizer, formed in their youth. According to the ingrained pattern, the alpha male must constantly prove his superiority through victories on the personal front.

If the husband has been repeatedly seen flirting with other women, or there have been proven facts of infidelity, most likely the vector of his behavior will remain the same in the future. Therefore, you should seriously think about breaking up with your unfaithful spouse, otherwise marriage risks turning into constant stress and permanent wear and tear on each other’s nerves. Forgiving previous infidelities will not lead to anything good, and maintaining such relationships is highly discouraged. This is exactly the situation when, in order to improve your life, you need to leave your comfort zone for a while.

A woman who tolerates her husband’s going to the left loses both self-respect and authority in the eyes of her unfaithful husband. With a high degree of probability, it can be assumed that the husband will take advantage of this situation for mercantile purposes and begin to manipulate his wife. Almost any adequately thinking psychologist will advise a woman to break off all diplomatic relations with a cheater and find the courage to file for divorce.

Relationship problems that lead to cheating

To achieve a strong relationship between a man and a woman, it is necessary to take into account possible problems that affect family fidelity:

  1. Lack of attention.
  2. Lack of common interests and hobbies.
  3. Misunderstandings, controversial situations.
  4. Inability to make concessions.
  5. Excessive jealousy, mistrust due to lies in everyday situations.

There is no such thing as an ideal relationship. It is important to pay attention to changes in the surrounding situation and adapt to them in time

How to behave with your husband after his betrayal - advice from a psychologist

All women who have experienced betrayal by their spouse wonder: what to do if your husband cheated?

Advice from a psychologist: you need to subject yourself to a detailed analysis of the reasons and motives that pushed your spouse to the left. According to statistics, a huge proportion of divorce cases occur due to misunderstanding and lack of respect on the part of both partners. Women who have authoritarian character traits and are accustomed to control need to “loose their grip” and pay attention to the needs of their spouse.

Instead of lamentations, close attention should be paid to external and internal transformation. To begin with, you can organize shopping accompanied by friends. The process of buying new things will allow you to temporarily distract yourself from negative thoughts, improve your mood and choose clothes that will not go unnoticed by people of the opposite sex. Those who have long wanted to purchase a gym membership should immediately put their plans into action. Ladies who are close friends with sports can be recommended to take up one of its extreme varieties. A surge of adrenaline helps relieve stress at the hormonal level.

It is advisable to pay due attention to cultural development. A visit to the theater, the premiere of an expected film or a new museum exhibition will not only broaden your horizons, but also take your mind off the worries associated with your husband’s betrayal. It would be a good idea to pick up an exciting hobby, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s culinary courses or personal growth training. At first, it is preferable to surround yourself with the company of friends and acquaintances, since for most people during such a period loneliness is unbearable.

What to do if your husband cheats, how to behave? Advice from a psychologist: it is very important for a woman who has experienced betrayal by her husband to love herself and accept her own originality and uniqueness as an indisputable fact. Self-love does not imply a selfish and exalted attitude towards other people, but an objective assessment of shortcomings and advantages in order to improve appearance, physical fitness, and also learn to enjoy life. Most often, husbands disdain those wives who give reason for this and allow themselves to be treated in this way.

Hidden grievances are considered the lot of weak people who are accustomed to shifting all responsibility for any events to others. In addition, hidden anger is considered the cause of various chronic diseases. Husband won't admit to cheating? Advice from a psychologist: if the evidence of adultery is obvious, and the spouse convicted of treason continues to put on a good face while playing poorly, there is no point in maintaining a relationship with him.

The nature and psychology of female infidelity

Stubborn statistics firmly convince us that men are more unfaithful than women. But how true is this? Currently, the number of female infidelities is growing rapidly (or the number of cases of their detection is increasing). According to G. A. Idrisov (family psychologist-consultant), 70% of men and 50% of women cheat on their partners. Official statistics reduce the number of female infidelities by half (25%), but psychologists consider the data not entirely honest. However, it would be wrong to put female infidelity on a par with male infidelity. The point is in the nature of female infidelity, which in its essence is significantly different from male infidelity, since it does not obey the instincts of reproduction.

A woman does not care about the number of partners, she is interested in quality. Therefore, female infidelities are more refined, subtler, more thoughtful and, perhaps, more insidious.

If we take the teachings of S. Freud as an axiom, then the fact of male infidelity is perceived as something inevitable, dictated by nature. A man obeys the call of nature and strives to spread his seed as widely as possible. Nature has endowed women with the ability to give birth, which means it has set them an important task: to give birth and raise high-quality offspring. And for this, one quality man is enough.

The problematic situation arises precisely in the search for quality. A woman looks for strength, endurance, activity, caring, reliability, determination, passion in a man. Society adds to the list of male virtues the absence of bad habits, high social status, and a strong financial situation. Of course, I would also like excellent external data, which qualitatively characterizes a partner. The result is an ideal man, which, as we know, does not exist in nature. You can, of course, come up with an ideal for yourself and fall in love with it, but over time the veil of love will melt and disappointment will appear.

“The ideal man doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t swear and... doesn’t exist.”

K. Melikhan very accurately explained the nature of betrayal: “By cheating, a woman seeks the best, and a man seeks something new.”

A woman will always be missing something in her partner:

  • the rich wife of a businessman basks in luxury and is bored from loneliness, dreaming of an attentive, caring partner;
  • a woman tired of a lack of money considers the ability to earn money to be the most important masculine trait;
  • a refined nature wants to see a sensual man next to her or seeks masculinity.
  • Every woman knows what is missing in her life, which means she always evaluates the men around her according to her own criteria.

    What to do if your husband cheats, how to behave: advice from a psychologist

    Many women who have suffered morally from marital betrayal ask a reasonable question: “my husband is cheating, what should I do?” Advice from a psychologist: you need to finally understand your attitude towards your husband and objectively look at the risk of continuing to seek adventures on the side. The verdict should not be made rashly, and it is best to carefully consider all the details, even if this takes a long period of time. You should seriously think about breaking up a relationship and divorce after such “alarm bells”:

    1. In cases where the fact of infidelity is no longer a secret, the spouse continues to lie, denying obvious evidence.
    2. The husband was seduced by another woman, whom he was unable to refuse due to cowardice.
    3. After the betrayal is made public, the spouse reacts aggressively, does not want to enter into a constructive dialogue, blaming everything on external circumstances, his wife and other unimportant factors.

    Those who are unable to decide on a final break in relations should adopt the good old method, which is highly effective. To complete this you will need a sheet of blank paper, a pencil or a pen. Having secluded yourself in the most cozy and comfortable environment, you will need to write down all the pros and cons of further cohabitation with a traitor. More often than not, the list of arguments in favor of preserving the marriage turns out to be unexpectedly short, and in such a case there is no point in postponing the divorce.

    As practice clearly demonstrates, taking revenge on your husband or mistress means harming yourself. Forgiveness is a much more effective method of preventing such situations. If you have children, you should start paying more attention to their upbringing, which will distract you from the surging problems and gradually bring the flow of life back to normal. If there is no child with the unfaithful spouse, one can only rejoice at this fact, and without any twinges of conscience, arrange an extraordinary vacation on tropical islands or in a village with which warm childhood memories are associated.

    Important! You cannot turn children, relatives and friends against your unfaithful spouse, as well as threaten him with physical harm or suicide.

    Your intimate life has changed

    People's preferences can change over time. Or the desire to experiment may arise after watching adult films or reading relevant materials. And if suddenly your spouse craves experimentation completely unexpectedly and you cannot understand where he suddenly got it from, then this may be a consequence of his sex with another woman. He liked what she practiced and wants to implement the acquired skill in your family intimate life.

    But it is possible that he will avoid sex altogether. He will try to avoid it under any pretext. The main point is that changes happen quickly, you cannot come up with a logical explanation for them.

    Cheating on your husband, how to behave: advice from a psychologist

    My husband cheats but doesn’t leave, how should I behave? The psychologist will answer this question in this way: maintaining calm is considered perhaps the most important thing in a situation where the fact of the husband’s infidelity is proven. If the spouse does not make attempts to make amends or restore lost trust, taking steps to get closer to him is definitely not recommended. It is not uncommon for a husband to cheat on his wife with her best friend. What to do in such situations, everyone decides for himself. However, one of the most preferable options would be to sever ties with both the girlfriend and the beloved.

    After leaving the family, many men, to their own surprise, realize that the relationship with their mistress does not develop as they imagined in their fantasies, and the remnants of romance are broken into everyday life and evaporate without a trace in an unknown direction. Statistics say that about half of unfaithful husbands, having had enough, try to return to the family. Should I forgive my prodigal partner or not? It all depends on the specific situation and a number of different details, which are very difficult to list within the scope of this article.

    Some women, in the hope of saving a marriage that is bursting at the seams, resort to the services of all kinds of fortune tellers and psychics. Attempts to bewitch your husband will not lead to anything good, and will definitely not save a social unit doomed to divorce. You can help your marriage by undergoing a joint session of psychological therapy with qualified specialists. Surviving betrayal is very difficult, so the support of a hypnotist is often necessary to save a family.

    Hypnotic sessions allow you to change your attitude towards a problem on a subconscious level and get rid of emotional turmoil and anxiety. Nikita Valerievich Baturin has enormous experience in the field of practical psychology and hypnotic influence. You can make an appointment with him in person (the office is located in the city of Tyumen) or “in absentia” (using Skype). You can watch useful videos from Nikita Valerievich on his YouTube channel.

    Physical betrayal2

    Physical cheating means nothing more than intimacy with another person. Most often, physical betrayal is a continuation of moral betrayal, and in the future these two types exist together.

    Much less common is physical betrayal, that is, sex without the feeling of being in love. These may be casual connections that do not imply any continuation.

    Psychologists' point of view4

    From a psychological point of view, relationships after betrayal are possible, but it is very difficult to cope with such a situation. At such moments there is no peace of mind, a person is filled with pain and emptiness. As a result, he begins to make drastic and rash actions in order to quickly determine his future path in life. This is explained by the fact that you want to get rid of the pain that eats you from the inside as quickly as possible.

    On the contrary, family psychologists advise against making hasty conclusions and sudden movements in this matter. Before making serious decisions that will radically change the life of the family, you need to achieve peace of mind. It won't be easy or quick. In such cases, psychologists themselves come to the rescue, conversations with whom will help not to go crazy. You also need to fill your soul with impressions and new emotions. You can play sports, travel, take care of yourself and your desires.

    There may be several ways out of this situation; not all relationships necessarily end in separation. After a person has gained peace of mind, he can sensibly evaluate what happened from the outside. After all, there can be several reasons for betrayal.

    Psychological signs

    Women's intuition helps you find out if a guy is cheating. Take a closer look at the behavior of a potential liar, talk to him. Signs of infidelity will be the following:

    1. Indifference to sex. His heart and head are occupied with something else - new relationships, experiences. There is not enough mental strength for a friend.
    2. Increased attention to the legitimate girl. This is the other side of lying. Sometimes cheaters feel guilty for what they have done and become more attentive, caring and affectionate. If a guy begins to often give unexpected gifts, is too active in bed, and tries to improve your relationship for no reason, there is a reason to think about cheating.
    3. Often talks about the need for rest. It’s hard for a man to be torn on two fronts, he gets tired, so he complains to the woman about fatigue. If a man doesn’t have rush jobs or health problems, check his phone book for new female names.
    4. I fell in love with work and going for walks with the dog. If this has not been observed before, you should be wary. Probably, his new passion is where he wants to get to faster.
    5. Unclear expenses. The man stops bringing home his entire salary and spends the money on unknown needs. Your loved one will try to hide this fact, so keeping his wallet under surveillance will be very useful.
    6. Phone related anxiety. He does not leave the room if his smartphone is charging, he always carries it with him, he has set a password for his personal pages on the computer, and hides messages and calls.
    7. Frequent business trips, trips outside the city. It takes time to meet your lover. If a man is sent on work trips more often, there is a reason to call his boss and clarify the purpose of the business trips.

    One sign from the entire list of signs cannot be fundamental and confirm betrayal 100%. There should be several of them. Therefore, do not start a major quarrel with a breakup right away, take a closer look at the behavior of the man over a longer period of time.

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