Relationships are... The problem of relationship development

Relationships - what is it?

On the one hand, the term “relationship” is understandable to every child, because from the moment the baby is born, he learns to build them. But on the other hand, they are a very subtle substance that cannot be touched or seen.

If we combine all the descriptions in books on psychology, we can say that relationships are a set of connections between all the people around us. Every person we come into contact with becomes embroiled in a complex system. It can be short-term, as with casual acquaintances. But, for example, we have long-term relationships with our parents. They are constantly evolving and last a lifetime, until the death of one of the participants.

Second floor. Desires

This is a feminine level at which a woman must develop well. Because women's desires are inspiration for men. They are the engine of progress in the world and family relationships. Let me explain why. The man himself doesn't need much. He can live quietly all his life in the same one-room apartment with old furniture, eat the same foods and drive an old car. And if his girlfriend is happy with everything, then they can live for a long time.

But when she wants something - and asks correctly, then her husband has a desire to “get it”. For him, the desire of his wife is an incentive for development. He himself will be happy to reach the top - as if for himself, but at the suggestion of his wife. Moreover, he will be grateful to her, because this is how he feels like a real man - achieving goals, winning, developing. He needs such inspiration. And the more he pleases his woman, the more he can achieve. Roughly speaking, having given her a gift worth ten thousand, he will then receive a hundred. But only if a woman knows how to be grateful, if she accepts joyfully and is ready to ask again and again. And if she asks, understanding what she is doing. You shouldn’t ask for a necklace for three hundred thousand if that’s your family’s budget for six months. Such a desire will hit a man’s vanity instead of inspiring him. Ask for a little more than seems reasonable in your situation. This will give room for growth. As for the rest, don’t be afraid to look greedy. Because if you ask correctly - without fear and expectation, taking into account real possibilities - it is not annoying, but inspiring.


A person cannot exist without relationships. From early childhood they become an important stage in his development and formation as a person. The human subconscious has a craving for relationships. We have an urgent need for friends and lovers, we need their approval and recognition. By getting to know another person, we get to know ourselves and our inner world better. This gives us the strength to achieve our goals and creative development.

Psychologists have proven that relationship problems are solved primarily through changes in oneself. If you change your inner attitude towards the world, then your connection with it will become completely different. This allows connections to be in constant motion and stop when they reach certain stages.

Fourth floor. Love

Oddly enough, love is only the fourth stage. We are often told: “The main thing is that there is love, and then everything will work out.” But it's not that simple. Love is very important, you can’t live without it, but if you try to build a house from the fourth floor, it hangs in the air. The fact is that love is not the euphoria that we experience in the first days and months of a relationship, but a built-up and developed feeling that arises much later. We build love together with a family home, and this requires patience and time.

Here in the foreground, of course, is a woman. It is very important for her to give her husband admiration, nourishment, and faith in him.

A woman creates and cultivates love and admiration and feeds a man with them. She gives him energy, thanks to which he can act as efficiently as possible without straining himself. A man is capable of acting alone, but this way he risks quickly spending his vitality.

Admiration is not just praise or compliments. This is a state when a wife lives in constant delight at what her husband does. Remember how you admired him when the relationship was just beginning? This is a similar feeling, but then it arose by itself, but now it needs to be consciously supported.

Relationships: general principle of formation

Interpersonal relationships are formed at the level of emotional empathy and community of interests. Initially, they are built from any contact and interaction of people, and subsequently influence any joint activity.

Moreover, relationships have the principle of selectivity. They are always brightly colored and depend on the scope of needs of the participants in these relationships. That is, each participant in the relationship pursues his own goals and needs. If they coincide, then until these goals are realized or until they change, the relationship will exist and develop.

Sixth floor. Intuition

The last floor is called “intuition”, and it is female. It is important for a woman to learn to trust her intuition and listen to it. And the man must believe her.

The woman sees very far. If a man, thanks to logical conclusions, sees himself as the head of a department in a year, then a woman with her intuition will see who he will be in twenty years.

Women's intuition is an amazing thing. Even the sages listened to the opinions of women, because their feelings are very strong, and they do not fail. It often happens that a woman says: “I feel that you don’t need to go where you are going.” And the man replies: “Don’t teach me, I myself know what’s best” and gets into trouble.

To make your intuition better listened to, don’t just say “you don’t need to go there,” but use the words of your intuition: “I feel, I sense, it seems to me.” And men should be careful, because such tips are not without reason. And the one who is next to you ended up here for a reason. Nothing happens by chance.

Types of relationships: characteristics and descriptions

Wherever a person appears, relationships between people are formed. Even a fleeting meeting and brief communication are interpreted in this way. Based on this, they can be divided into two large groups:

  • business;
  • personal.

Business relationships arise from and are often sustained by specific activities. They are controlled by legal norms; less often, such relations are regulated by norms of morality and ethics. Personal relationships are based on character traits and sympathy. They are regulated only by moral norms and have a complex structure.

Each type of relationship has its own characteristics. But every person is equally involved in business and personal connections. Moreover, psychologists note the relationship between the ability to build personal relationships and career success, which directly depends on the atmosphere in a particular group based on specific activities.

Forms of social relations

In human societies there are various forms of social relations:

  1. Individual and Individual: This is an interaction that involves at least two people. For example, doctor and patient, mother and child, customer and store owner.
  2. Individual and Group: This form of interaction occurs between one individual and an entire group. A teacher teaching his class, a speaker addressing an audience are common examples of this form.
  3. Group and Group: In this case, contact occurs between two groups of people. For example, two teams are playing football, two forces are fighting against each other, two delegates are discussing an issue.
  4. Between people and culture: This form occurs when people listen to the radio, watch television, read newspapers, enjoy photographs and watch exhibitions. Radio, television, cinema, newspapers, books, exhibitions, theatre, drama, circus, fairs and other socio-cultural events are included in the culture of society. People carry out social interaction and social relationships with these media of mass communication. Thus, a reciprocal process occurs between individuals and culture.

The form of social relations is formed under the influence of individuals for objects of property, joint residence in a common territory, as well as cooperation of people under certain conditions.

System of relationships

Relationships have their own clear structure, which in some sources is called a system. It can be represented as follows:

1. First contact. During acquaintance between people, active interaction occurs on a subconscious level. Most of the information that determines how pleasant or unpleasant the interlocutor is to us gets into our brain in the first minutes of communication. This time period includes assessing the interlocutor in many respects and determining the similarities or differences in life attitudes and goals.

2. Friendly relationships. If the first contact was successful and repeated, then friendly relations are formed between the partners. They are a transitional stage that can last for years and not develop into anything else. In friendly relationships, their participants are closely connected on an emotional and rational level. They have common interests, similar life positions and actively exchange emotions, receiving and giving the necessary energy. But in such a system of connections, both partners feel absolutely free and not bound by anything.

3. Friendly relationships. This system of relationships implies a deeper penetration into each other’s world. Both participants trust each other, participate in all matters and always provide all possible support.

Absolutely all people participating in the process go through these three stages of the system. In the future, the development of relationships follows a multivariate branch of possibilities. They can become purely business or develop into intimate ones. In any case, it all starts with the first stages described above.

Relationships with People: A Guide

We humans crave friendship and positive relationships just as much as we crave food and water. The higher our social skills, the happier and more productive we become. This is important in any area: personal, professional and social. For example, if we have excellent relationships with colleagues at work, then we go to the office with great desire, and take on the project with renewed energy.

In addition, good relationships give us freedom: instead of spending time and energy on overcoming the problems associated with negative relationships and conflicts, we can focus on opportunities.

How to develop relationships with others? Where to start and what rules to follow? The answers are below.

5 principles of good relationships

Combined with the ability to understand people, these principles will be enough to learn how to build strong friendships and relationships.

  • Confidence . This is the basis of all good relationships. When you trust a colleague, acquaintance, or client, you create a powerful connection that will help you work and communicate more effectively. If you trust the people you interact with, you can be open and honest in your thoughts and actions.
  • Mutual respect . When you respect people, you value their contributions and ideas, and they value yours. By working together or simply communicating, you can find solutions based on collective understanding, wisdom and creativity.
  • Attentiveness . This means taking responsibility for your words and actions. Those who are attentive, careful and watch what they say do not allow their negative emotions to affect the people around them.
  • Ability to accept another point of view . Those who follow this principle not only accept different people and their opinions as equals, but also welcome them. This means that when your loved ones, friends or colleagues suggest something, you do not blindly reject, but always take the time to analyze their point of view and understand it at a deep level.
  • Openness . We communicate with people all day long: whether we send emails, chat, or meet face to face. The better and more effectively we communicate with others, the richer the relationships will be. All good relationships depend on open, honest communication.

You may ask: “What if a person does not want to communicate with me on these principles? Do I really have to behave respectfully and openly with him, and at the same time he will snap and conflict with me? Yes, this is exactly what you will have to do, although not in all cases. There is no point in building a relationship with an outright boor. But good relationships with others always require patience and energy.

If a person doesn't trust you, it's okay. Trust him, be open and show respect. After some time, the ice will melt and you will find a friend. The guarantees are not 100%, but very high.

It is very easy to build a healthy relationship with someone who is committed to it. This will not require any effort - everything will be harmonious. Your skills will only grow if you have to establish good relationships with difficult people - this is true skill.

How to learn to build relationships

Here are some tips to help you develop more positive and healthy relationships in all areas of your life.


Respect a person's time

It's amazing how many people these days don't even think about this rule. Remember that every time you text, call or start a conversation with a person, they may be busy. Even if he seems to be idle, he can think about important issues.

You yourself don’t always want to devote your time to others. You ignore SMS and messages on social networks, because you know that this will be followed by a full-fledged conversation, and maybe some kind of proposal.

Therefore, first of all, ask whether the interlocutor has time for a conversation. And even if he answers in the affirmative, watch his signals during the dialogue: you may notice that he nervously glances towards the exit or is tense. So ask this question again.


Remember the golden rule

It is unlikely that humanity will come up with anything more valuable regarding building positive relationships than the old golden rule: “Treat people the way you want to be treated.”

Would you be surprised that a selfish, greedy and irritable person, if he has friends, they are of about the same moral level? Like attracts like.


Listen carefully

Listening deeply is the ability to boost another person's self-esteem, a quiet form of flattery that makes people feel supported and valued. Successful relationships are born precisely at the moment when you understand the other person on a deep level. The volume behind the words.

You must be genuinely interested in what the person has to say, feels or wants. Make it a rule to paraphrase the other person's messages and return them to him for verification. This is the best form of feedback.


Take your time

In a world where time is of the essence, it is a precious gift to those you deal with.


Develop your communication skills

Communication happens when someone understands you, not just when you speak. One of the biggest dangers here is that you assume that the person has understood the message.

Anyone who feels misunderstood is easily stressed and nervous. To do this, you need to develop communication skills with which a person learns to correctly convey his thoughts using words, body language and emotions.


Develop empathy

Empathy and understanding create connections between people. This is a state of perceiving and relating to the feelings and needs of another person, without blaming or giving orders. Empathy also means "reading" another person's internal state and interpreting it in a way that offers support and develops mutual trust.


Develop assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to set boundaries. You won't be able to give everyone the same amount of time, so learn how to refuse correctly without hurting the other person's feelings.


Ask questions

This is the best way to show concern and respect. Even if a person talks incessantly, with the right questions you can force him to change the topic or start talking about something that is interesting to both.

To avoid changing the topic from seeming rude, ask about something sweet and personal at the same time: about the dog or the children.


Accept people as they are

We all want to change someone, make them smarter, more rational, more fun. This is a completely understandable desire, but if you want to help a person, show it by your example. Until then, accept him as he is.

Do you want your boyfriend or girlfriend to become smarter? Then don’t talk about it out loud, do something: take you to intellectual films, give books, put puzzles together. If you are not that close, then just work on yourself. Be a role model.


Constantly involve people

People want to be part of something bigger than themselves. Many people look for opportunities to meet others who share their interests, but shyness causes them to stand apart and become bored. They will be honored if you invite them to join.


Enjoy communication

All relationship advice is meaningless if you hate people or find them boring. It may take some effort at first, but after a while you will become genuinely interested in others.

This also works in the opposite direction: when you are interested in people, they become interested in you in return. This is the law. Who wouldn't want to spend time with someone who is interested in them?


Develop as a person

Do you want to build good and strong relationships? Become a better person, be interesting, support any topic.

This means reading a lot, watching educational videos, working on yourself, increasing the level of creative and logical thinking. Do something interesting:

  • Write a novel.
  • Write poetry.
  • Draw.
  • Learn foreign languages.


Don't change your principles

This means being completely honest. The truth is not always pleasant. Yes, there is no need to enter into conflicts, but in many cases it is better to say that you don’t like something. Are you trying to improve your relationship with a person, but you see that he treats others unfairly? Calmly tell him about it, and do not remain silent, so as not to anger him.

Surprisingly, such directness can make relationships stronger. People don't like sycophants, but they value honesty and decency, even if they themselves are not like that. They know one thing: if you are fair and reprimand them, it means you will treat them fairly in the future. Show courage and you will be rewarded.

We discussed how to build relationships with those who also want this. But what about difficult people? This can be so painful that it is easier to push such a person away than to try to establish contact. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. Let's see what ways there are to build relationships with not very pleasant people.

How to learn to communicate with difficult people

Not all people operate on the principle advocated by Stephen Covey: “Think win-win.” This means not only getting what you want, but also helping your interlocutor achieve his goals.

Difficult people may well decide to step on the throat of their own desires in order to harm you. They act irrationally and lose their temper easily. How to communicate with them and build good relationships? There are several recommendations on this topic.

Stay calm

Self-control destroys conflict at its very beginning and helps relieve tension. Therefore, the first rule in dealing with a difficult person is to maintain calm; The less you react to attacks and criticism, the more you think with a cool head, and not with the help of unpredictable emotions.

Best advice: never be offended. If we are determined to do this, we will not react impulsively. The interlocutor may try to swing the pendulum, and if you do not indulge him, then his energy will not find an outlet.

Change your thinking from reactive to proactive

A person who does not participate in conflicts and squabbles becomes successful. He concentrates his energy on solving the problem.

When you are offended by someone's words or actions, come up with several ways to look at the situation. For example, before you get annoyed by someone else's negative reaction, think about what made him say it. In most cases, unpleasant words are a projection of internal pain. The person may have nothing against you, but he needs somewhere to put the tension.

Understanding means responding proactively. After all, the essence of communication is not to find enemies, but to achieve some goal.

Separate the person from the problem

In every communication situation there are two elements: the relationship you have with that person and the issue you are discussing. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the problem, be gentle about the situation, and be honest about the issue. For example:

  • “I want to talk about what's on your mind, but I can't do that when you're screaming. Let's either sit down and talk more calmly, or spend some time apart and come back to this issue later."
  • “You are often late. Unfortunately, if this happens again, we will start the event without you.”

It is very important to be extremely gentle in your criticism, but at the same time honest. Once you lose your temper and start blaming, you can forget about resolving the conflict.

Let the person talk

Difficult people want attention. Sometimes you can turn around and walk away, but if you're dealing with a client, you can't do that.

You may have to listen for a very long time. But if it's worth it, do it. No objections or criticism in response. Be humble and don't escalate the situation. This is difficult because the interlocutor focuses not on solving the problem, but on what happened. Then resort to the first tip: stay calm. And remember that if you succeed, it will increase your skills in building relationships with people several times.

Use appropriate humor

In conflict, everything is always serious. When used correctly, humor is disarming. It demonstrates that you have an iron calm and are in complete control of the situation. But, of course, it should not be mocking.

Become the leader in the dialogue

Whenever two people communicate, one usually leads the topic and the other follows. In healthy communication, two people will alternate between these roles.

People who are difficult to communicate like to completely seize the initiative, set a negative tone, and find out again and again who is to blame. You can interrupt this behavior simply by changing the subject. Use questions to redirect the conversation. Plus, you can always say “By the way...” and introduce a new topic.


To learn how to build good relationships with people, you only need two things: patience and desire. They will appear if you become interested enough in the topic and start delving into it. The following books are excellent for this purpose.

  • “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.
  • "Games People Play" Eric Berne.
  • "Forms of Human Relations" Eric Berne.
  • "Sign Language" by Alan Pease and Barbara Pease.
  • "The Language of Conversation" by Alan Pease and Barbara Pease.
  • "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" John Gray.
  • “There is a leader in everyone. Tribes in the Age of Social Media by Seth Godin.
  • “The Psychology of Influence” Robert Cialdini.
  • “Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself” by Liz Burbo.

No one achieves success alone. We all depend on others to one degree or another. Therefore, the kind of relationship you build with them affects your quality of life.

Relationships with people is an area that is worth improving your abilities and skills in. With practice, you will learn to read people, intuitively understand what and how to tell them, they will begin to listen to you and ask for advice. And this is enormous power and influence.

We wish you good luck!

We also recommend reading:

  • Storytelling
  • Healthy relationships: what they are and how to build them
  • Cohen-Bradford model of influence
  • ABCD trust model
  • Establishing Trust
  • Negotiation Matrix
  • Social skills: what they are, what they are and how to develop them
  • Training by Tony Robbins. Day 3. Relationships: the ability to take and give
  • Reflections on Friendship
  • Ten ways to become a team player
  • Model of happiness

Key words:1Relationships

How do they develop?

Keep in mind that relationships can't help but evolve. They are a dynamic substance that is constantly in motion. This is the main characteristic of absolutely any relationship. If at some point they stop in their development, then both participants cease to feel satisfied with them. Namely, satisfaction is the main component of relationships. When they stop developing, both partners begin to look for new sources of satisfaction and comfort, that is, they enter into a new system of relationships. Moreover, this applies equally to personal and business relationships.

Fifth floor. Creation

The next level is called “creativity,” and is largely male territory. This is not needlework, knitting or embroidery, but discoveries and inventions. Perhaps not only scientific or business-related, but also philosophical: the fundamental laws of the world and life, the achievement of spiritual heights. Women don’t really need this; what’s more important to them is what’s happening nearby: in the family, at home, with their relatives.

And a man is a creator by nature. Although family is the main value for him, the meaning of life, he does not live only by it, he lives by creativity. He must have constant ideas, and male ideology must be supported in every possible way.

The norm on the fourth floor is when a woman naturally supports a man with love. Thanks to this support, he recovers again and again from difficult work, after creative efforts and exploits. And, as you can see, this level stands firmly only on the previous one and cannot fully function without it.

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