Where to start self-development: step-by-step plan and my example

I made my first attempts to outline my desires by area of ​​life in 2011 (I have kept all my diaries and notes since 1998 - so I have physical evidence and can clearly trace these things ;-)) In 2014, I already set specific goals for self-development - specifically and systematically, in every area. And it’s been since 2014 that I’ve set goals every year in all areas – and here’s why.

2014 the year became a turning point for me. In 12 months: I started traveling and visited three countries (Israel, Crete, Germany), studied at two international schools, learned another language, got a driver’s license, a management position at work, met the man of my dreams, got married and on New Year’s Eve. a year ago I found out we were having a baby! It's been just a crazy year! And what’s interesting is that all these changes occurred in accordance with the goals that I set in December 2013.

So, as you understand, in this article I will share my experience - where to start self-development. Here are the issues this article covers:

  • Instead of a conclusion or how self-development still happens
      8 stages or Self-development program for women
  • Here's how my life has changed since 2011, by area:

    Decisive step

    So you decided that

    you don't want to live like this anymore.

    Great, this is exactly where a woman needs to start self-development, but this is only the first step. Let's agree right away: we will be aware of the fact that:

    • self-development is not for weak women. Self-development is not a fashion trend and it does not consist of regularly posting “smart thoughts” on the wall. If you are not ready to put off watching the series and put things off until tomorrow, then you are actually quite happy with your life and role as a victim;
    • you will have to force yourself to follow the plan for a maximum of 3-4 weeks, then it will become part of your life and you will enjoy these actions;
    • time is precious. When laziness overcomes you, remember death. Famous motivational life hack:

      If you find out that you have a couple of weeks left to live, will you exchange precious hours for sorting things out, lying on the couch and watching “House-2”?

    Rule #2

    A woman herself takes responsibility for her life,
    the right path and the right decision. She needs to find unity within herself in managing the vector of her own growth. It is possible to comprehend female grace only by overcoming the negative aspects of female existence. Every woman clearly feels her own internal split. A woman does not want to know herself to the very depths, fearing what is hidden in her. A woman is able to perceive only that small facet of herself that poets and philosophers exalt as something amazing, divine. However, this glorified reality is not able to avert the terrible fate of a woman, to be cut off from her inner core, which gives rise to fear. A woman's life is full of cruel contradictions. It’s simply incredible how the Angel in her can calmly get along with the devil. A woman lives in a world where the rules have not yet been established. And she herself must find the right path, the right solution.

    Self-development plan for a woman

    1. Identifying your true desires and real goals;
    2. accepting yourself for who you are and working on self-esteem;
    3. improving old skills, learning new skills;
    4. development of intelligence;
    5. finding strengths and improving them;
    6. improving quality of life;
    7. Professional Development;
    8. improvement of material condition and increase in social status;
    9. increased social connections;
    10. health promotion, physical development.

    Let's try to formulate what needs to be worked on. For this we need

    a beautiful notepad in which we will make a list of goals.

    Let's take, for example, a job that has long been not a joy for you, but a burden, and yet, for the sake of the notorious stability, you stubbornly go there. You listen to the boss’s comments, go to a tasteless lunch with eternally dissatisfied colleagues, and believe in an ephemeral bright future that never comes. But in fact, you secretly dream of swapping your office chair for that of a sought-after stylist. Or you don’t want to fall behind in discussing current issues, but when given the opportunity to express your opinion, you are simply lost.

    Or do you get tired quickly and dream of becoming more energetic?

    Learn to drive a car, develop creative abilities, tighten your figure - you never know!

    Feel free to write down everything that comes to mind.

    Rule #5

    Quit the competition!
    A woman has a constant desire to defeat another. It doesn't matter whether it's a man or a woman. And by doing this, a woman constantly cultivates misfortune, proving her innocence in it. She doesn't live for herself. But rather, for the sake of the game itself. She is attracted to struggle, play, theatricality, through which she can manifest herself. The all-conquering grace of exceptional power, bestowed on a woman by nature, is aimlessly spent on a primitive, mediocre game, on constant confrontation with society. A woman is not at all a toy in the hands of a man, as is commonly believed. She is a puppet of her own psychology. The theatricality of female behavior is rooted in the dominant stereotype of the style of femininity in the biological sense. This style does not lead a woman to success. If a woman does not give up her theater, continuing to diligently play with emotions, feelings, revenge, rivalry, getting bogged down in the ups and downs of family life, she will inevitably suffer defeat in the 3rd millennium. Nobody can help the woman. The only thing she needs to do is understand herself. A woman's strength lies in her sincerity. We need to kill cognitive dissonance. And start feeling, thinking and acting the same way. Cognitive dissonance leads to self-destruction and the destruction of everything around.

    More specifics

    Give each desire a separate page and fill it with realistic small steps that will bring you closer to the fulfillment of your desire. Write clear formulations, for example, if this is participation in discussions, then not “read a lot of books”, but

    1. Until tomorrow (next Tuesday, etc.) find (buy, borrow...) such and such a book.
    2. Read it before such and such a date.
    3. Take part in its discussion on such and such a forum/write a review on such and such a site,” etc.

    If this is a desire to devote yourself to the beauty industry, then:

    1. Find stylist courses on such and such a date.
    2. Compare and sign up for a studio with the best conditions for me. You need N money for training.
    3. Purchase the necessary tools.
    4. Every day watch video lessons/programs with the participation of a reputable stylist N.
    5. Try to improve Aunt Katya’s appearance with a new hairstyle”...

    At the end of each plan, be sure to indicate the final goal, that is, answer the question:

    “What do I want to get in the end?”

    Try to constantly visualize in detail the future you really want for yourself. Imagine specific situations, where you are, what you are wearing, what your interlocutor is wearing, what topic you are discussing, what smells surround you, etc.

    The plan has been drawn up, you have even started to follow it, but then the thought appears that this is all a stupid idea.

    Don't think about quitting!

    It is this feeling that is the first challenge on the path to self-improvement.


    The speed of its achievement depends on the correct choice and formulation of the goal. Not only global, but also small everyday tasks deserve attention.


    A realistic goal is one that matches your current capabilities. If you have never exercised, but intend to run a few kilometers tomorrow, then such a goal should be considered fantastic. However, opportunities may change. After just six months of regular training, you can easily achieve what you want.

    Short term

    Goals that are easy to implement and designed to be implemented in the near future are used to maintain a positive attitude. Write yourself a plan for the week. The list might include tasks such as going to the hairdresser, cleaning out your closet, or reading a few chapters of a book. Since achieving these goals requires minimal investment of time and money, you will notice positive results at the end of the week.

    Setting short-term goals and tracking their completion programs the brain to achieve challenging goals. You need to see the implementation of your plans. In addition, with the help of short-term goals, more global ones are achieved. You are sure that losing weight is impossible because you have already tried and failed. First, set a goal for yourself to join a gym. The next task is to reduce your consumption of sweets.


    The chosen goal must be motivating. Before you start work, think about why you need to achieve what you want. For example, you want to learn a foreign language to advance your career or just because your mother dreamed of it. You should not fulfill other people's wishes, even if it upsets your relatives. Achieving someone else's goal will not bring joy and will lead to loss of time.

    Additional recommendations

    And a couple more tips on how to engage in self-development for those women who need motivation.

    Your notebook should be constantly filled.

    And this doesn’t just mean adding goals. Regularly write down your victories, even the most insignificant ones at first glance. In the column “Learn Chinese”, “Learned 3 hieroglyphs”, “Answered the greeting correctly”, “Learned something new about the traditions of China”, “Met a native speaker”, etc. Do it “beautifully”: design the page, use colored markers, in a word, do everything so that you want to open the notebook more often.

    Create a calendar and keep it in a notebook or in a visible place:

    here you will mark your personal dates: “10 days without cigarettes”, “A month of sports”, “I follow a self-development plan for 3 weeks”, etc.

    Areas of self-improvement or what to choose

    Popular areas include health, material well-being, profession and relationships with the opposite sex. Less popular ones include creativity and spiritual development. Each person also identifies his own specific areas, the lack of development of which worries him personally.

    In most cases, improvements are required in several areas at once. The area that needs adjustment more than others also affects other areas of life. For example, if you are often sick, you will not be able to earn more, develop professionally, or get an education.

    It is necessary to start working on yourself from the most problematic area with the support of the most developed area. If you don’t have a job, but you are a creative person (artist, poet), try turning your hobby into a profession. A woman who has made a career, but has not found a loved one, can look for him at the workplace.

    Wheel of Life

    When we want to improve something in ourselves, but cannot find what exactly, the “wheel of life” comes to the rescue - a system consisting of four directions. It is believed that to achieve harmony and happiness you need to develop at these levels.

    • Intellectual is setting and achieving goals, working with emotions, calming the mind and controlling feelings, getting out of the influence of the false ego, getting an education and learning in general, learning languages, obtaining scientific degrees, etc.
    • Social - here it is important to work on such areas as: purpose in activity and earning money, relationships with all family members, development of your feminine qualities, building harmonious relationships with others, the ability to live with benefit for others and the world.
    • Spiritual - at this level we study the nature of the soul, gain knowledge about life, the world around us and the Universe, develop sublime qualities, for example, unselfishness and cheerfulness, learn to live “here and now” and accept life as it is, we strive to get rid of qualities , ruining the self-development of the individual (vanity, pride, selfishness...).
    • Physical is probably the place to start.

    This means that a woman’s self-development plan includes adjusting her diet, lifestyle, daily routine, sex life, doing physical exercise, getting rid of bad habits, setting personal boundaries, and frequent outdoor recreation.

    Master meditation

    This advice has not been mentioned anywhere before and, probably, many people are tired of it. However, it really works.

    Meditation is, in a narrow sense, the same thing as concentration. This practice improves your ability to be in the present, increases mindfulness, and relieves stress. The person becomes calmer and more positive. And therefore it becomes easier to develop yourself.

    A simple example of meditation:

    1. Lie on your back and relax all your muscles.
    2. Close eyes.
    3. Focus completely on your breathing for 10 minutes.

    Even washing dishes can be turned into meditation.

    Intellectual development

    Our brain is designed in such a way that it needs new food all the time - otherwise, at best, we freeze in place for many years, and at worst, we degrade. We constantly need to develop our intellectual abilities. And it is not at all necessary to force yourself to re-read a mountain of abstruse literature if our entire being resists it. Choose the most comfortable way for you to gain general knowledge - maybe it’s watching

    10-minute videos before bed or a science show while cooking dinner.

    In addition to well-known channels like Discovery, National Geographic or Animal Planet, there are a lot of fascinating sources. For example, the educational program “Galileo”, the resources “PostNauka”, “Nauchpok”, or the YouTube channels “A Little Bit About Science”, “TASS Science” or “SciOne”.

    Find a role model

    A well-known wisdom says: do not make yourself an idol. And that's good advice.

    However, it is useful to have guidelines. Read biographies of famous personalities or their advice. Try to learn something from your favorite artist/scientist/politician/blogger.

    Or you can simply spy on the style and makeup of some celebrity similar to you.

    It is important here not to indulge in empty imitation. Remember that you are also an individual.

    On the subject: Monica Bellucci Quotes: 57 Lessons of Women's Wisdom →

    Improving social skills

    Adaptation in society helps you gain life experience, hone your skills and teaches you to set boundaries for your comfort. Try to “play others”—imagine yourself in another person’s place and look at different situations through their eyes. Try not to evaluate his actions, but simply analyze and call everything by its proper name.

    Now complicate the task: sit on a bench in the park and watch passers-by.

    What can they do with their lives? What problems might surround them? What are they thinking about now? What are they doing and where are they going? What would you do in their place?

    Exercises like these help you “see beyond your nose.” Believe me, this exciting activity will lead you to the best version of yourself. I suggest moving on to the next step:

    improving oneself in the eyes of the interlocutor.

    This will increase your self-esteem.

    • Learn the basic elements of body language. I bring to your attention the following channel, which briefly and to the point talks about body language:
    • Get rid of speech weeds - they really tire the interlocutor. Try discussing any issue with yourself in front of the mirror. Hunt for every "uh...", "umm", "uh", "look" and "kinda". Work on being able to pause a little before the weed leaves your mouth.
    • Monitor yourself during a conversation: do you have a habit of looking at notifications on your phone? Eat? Get rid of it!

    A short video about improving communication skills.

    And one last thing. Find clubs that share your interests and visit them at least once a week.

    Option 2: Make a wish list

    Everyone has done this at least once in their life. But how effective this practice was is a big question. So, how can you compile such a list according to all the rules?

    • First of all, there should be a lot of desires, at least 100. To make it easier for you to decide on your own wants, try to categorize your desires. For example, by season: what do you dream of doing in summer, autumn, spring and winter. Another classification option is by area of ​​life: health, appearance, family, work, self-development, leisure. An important point: do not be afraid of strange, insignificant or everyday desires. No matter how unusual they may seem, these are your dreams, what you really want.
    • Try to avoid global desires from the series “I want to spend my vacation to the fullest” or “earn a certain amount of money.” Write down exactly what you want to do on vacation: go to the forest to pick mushrooms, ride a boat, swim with dolphins, or visit a specific place.
    • Check your desires for truth. Read them out loud and notice your body's physical reactions. If your dream is yours, you will feel a surge of positive emotions, inspiration, and a desire to act. If there is a feeling of resistance, tightness in the body, an attempt to defend the desire rationally - the brain quickly finds an explanation for why you need it, then this item on the list does not come from you personally. It is imposed from the outside, comes from “need”, while desires are always about “I want”.

    Another option for the exercise is to read the list to a loved one you trust. You yourself will be able to track the reactions of your body and how you read - inspired and with a twinkle, or monotonously, trying to finish the process quickly. At the same time, your loved one will pay attention to the tone of your voice, emotional manifestations, concentration on reading or, conversely, some absent-mindedness. This way your wish list will be double checked. Together, it is much easier to track the emotional reactions of the body.

    • Select the top desires that are most important to you from this list and highlight them in a separate list of goals . Set the time frame within which you want to achieve them, write down what is important to do so that your goal is realized to the maximum and gives you a lot of positive emotions. For example, if you dream of visiting a country, you will need time to choose a route, make a list of places you want to see, brush up on your language, sew or buy a couple of new dresses. We are sure that all these pleasant chores will make your life more fulfilling.


    If you can’t afford new countries, start with cities in your own for now. Meet fellow travelers and residents of the cities you visit.

    Ask yourself (you can also include others) honestly: what negative qualities do you have?

    Try to react to the situation in a non-standard way next time. If you like to teach, one day you will agree with your interlocutor, even if you don’t think he’s right. Don't force it - just experiment. Look at yourself from the outside and experience a new role.

    It will be fun, and you will learn a lot about yourself!

    Rule #7

    Don't eroticize relationships.
    Understand and accept your feminine nature. Find ways of female creativity, that special way of thinking that is characteristic only of a woman.

    There is no need to match the surrounding scenario. In this world where male superiority prevails, women believe that success can be achieved by manipulating a man, men, even by being dependent on them. This is another woman’s mistake that destroys herself. It is necessary to understand what the true, hidden nature of a woman is. Culture, morality, society are one thing, but the natural feminine essence is completely different. A woman longs to rule, but having received the reins of government in her own hands, she copies a man. She strives for primacy, but having acquired power, she does not know how to use it. A woman wants to be courted, even if she does not intend to enter into a serious relationship. The game itself is important to her, not the result. She is waiting for confirmation of absolute superiority over other women. A woman does not forgive insufficient male attention to her sexual exclusivity. In most cases, a woman seeks possession through sexual relations. It's as if she's trying to take over the whole world through the art of sex.

    Board books for the first time

    What to read for self-development is a natural question that arises for a woman who finds herself at the foot of the bookish Himalayas. A huge number of books have been written, but not all will be of value to you. I'll start with a few that have received the highest ratings from the vast majority of readers.

    • "Woman Code" How hormones affect your life. Author Alice Vitti knows firsthand how to awaken your femininity and get rid of many women's problems, including health. She wrote the book after recovering on her own and overcoming a bunch of obstacles.
    • “What to Dream About” - Barbara Share has inspired many and helped them change their thinking. After reading the book, you will learn how to create luck, rather than wait for it.
    • Brian Tracy is generally a great motivator. If you are still looking for something interesting to read for self-development, focus on “Achieving a Goal,” which explains in simple language what is preventing you from achieving personal growth and how to remove these obstacles.
    • Vadim Zeland, “Reality Transurfing”. The techniques described in Zeeland's books have changed the lives of many who want to control their reality. These are simple, effective methods that are explained not so much on the esoteric as on the physical level.

    Inspirational Literature

    Books on self-development are very different: from direct instructions on what to do and in what order, with a description of what your happiness lies in, to methods for spiritually searching for your own path.

    Categories are divided into areas of life:

    • Professional development is presented in the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey.
    • Spiritual and personal growth is discussed in Robin Sharma's The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist.
    • The field of love relationships includes “How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You” by Leil Lowdens, “You Know Nothing About Men” by Steve Harvey, “The School of Geisha in Ten Simple Lessons” by Eliza Tanaka, and “The 5 Love Languages” by G. Chapman.

    This is just a small list of literature related to the most common topics of self-development. Start there if you haven't read any of it yet. Many other related books can be found here on the blog.

    Also, be sure to watch a short course: “Spiritual Hacking. The path to youth, prosperity and omnipotence."

    Final result

    You should not only study how to learn how to work on yourself correctly, but also constantly keep the end result inside. Goals must be formulated clearly, specifically, the result - a bright and defiant desire to achieve it.

    What results does a person strive for?

    • Achieve harmony with your own “I”,
    • Maintain and increase your health. This is a very valuable resource, unfortunately, it is exhaustible.
    • Conquer your own fears, complexes and weaknesses.
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