Hello, my darlings! Lyudmila Redkina is in touch. In this article I want to raise a rather banal, but very useful and relevant topic. In whose life there were no disappointments? This feeling is probably familiar to many. I was once so disappointed in a person that I couldn’t “pull myself together” for a long time. Sometimes we are simply upset about something, and sometimes we worry so much that we need to fill the spiritual emptiness with new emotions, habits, and people. And it is then that we decide to start a new life without the old one that drowns us. Together with you, we will look at how to start a new life and change yourself to become better.
How to start making changes
The very first stage is awareness of the problem. You need to admit to yourself that this order of things does not suit you, and also decide which elements of everyday life bring the greatest discomfort, and what you want to leave. It is very important here not to confuse what to remove and what to take into a changed life, because people often tend to dramatize or make mistakes, idealizing what needs to be gotten rid of. This can be the case with a man - you can love him, think that happiness is hidden in him, but in fact it turns out that he is the root of the problems.
What if it doesn't work out?
It is because of fears that the desire to start life in a new way can fade. If after a few attempts you feel like you are losing, you may automatically think that you will not succeed. However, there will still be hope inside, which lights up after a while. What to do in this case? Experts say: if you think that every attempt you make will end in failure, take drastic steps. The more you delay the leap into a new life, the more difficult it will be to implement it. It is necessary to act at the very first stage, when the desire is strongest.
Reasons to start living from scratch
The reason for change can be one of two sequences of events - an abrupt situation that turns life upside down, or a gradual, monotonous deterioration of the condition. We have compiled a list of common problematic issues that, taken together or individually, can lead to a desire to change:
- Employment in an unloved place: a distant field of activity, an unpleasant team or frequent mistakes, reprimands.
- Exhausted relationships: last, but do not bring joy, inspiration, have no future.
- Long absence of a significant other - boyfriend, fiancé, spouse.
- The presence of bad habits leads to apathy, depression, self-doubt, loss of purposefulness or a substitution of goals (instead of sports achievements, drink beer near the TV).
- Medical complications - injuries, physical or mental illnesses.
- Having excess weight or an unfit figure - problems with appearance often trigger a general wave of dissatisfaction with oneself.
If you feel one of the reasons presented, you need to try to cope with it or think about how to start life from scratch.
Motivation
Of course, in order to start a new life, you need to awaken within yourself the desire to change. It is important to realize one simple fact: all past negative experiences are a kind of suitcase without a handle - it is extremely difficult to carry and very difficult to throw away. If you have managed to learn all the necessary life lessons, say goodbye to everything that oppresses you without regret. Stop reflecting and analyzing what happened. Instead, appreciate what you have and develop ways to start a new life.
Reasons to say goodbye to the past
An urgent break with events, places, people and memories is necessary if:
- Depression, apathy have appeared, you don’t want to get up in the morning.
- Things fall out of hand, you can’t do your usual things.
- Close people are “pulled to the bottom” - emotionally and physically, for example, by attracting them to bad habits and idleness.
- You feel tired, weak, you start getting sick more often, your immunity has become worse.
- Nothing makes you happy - neither the taste of ice cream, nor a conversation with your significant other.
These symptoms may tell you that something needs to be done.
Books
There are no specific instructions on how to become a different person in order to live differently. Everything described above is just recommendations and advice that you may not even use. But to reinforce your desire to move to a new city or change something else, read motivating books:
- Eric Bertrand Larssen “Without self-pity. Push the boundaries of your capabilities” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
- Brett Blumenthal “One habit a week. Change yourself in a year” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
- El Luna “Between need and want. Find your path and follow it” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
- Robert Holden “Starting a new life!” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
You can even memorize some quotes from these books. They can become the motto of your changes.
How to awaken your desire to change
It is necessary to understand your problems and the reasons that lead to their formation. Then you will have a list of unwanted people, situations, opinions, circumstances that need to be corrected. Now evaluate how harmful their impact is, what could happen in the absence of this factor.
Let's give an example. A woman is married, unhappy in her marriage, 5 years old, cannot have a child, although she is physically healthy. She secretly suffers from mutual love for her colleague, but cannot leave her unloved husband because of feelings of pity and guilt. If she changes the situation and leaves her husband, she gets a healthy relationship, family happiness, and possibly the birth of a long-awaited child.
The desire for change can be easily stimulated by embracing a brighter future.
Learn to value time
People who have started a new life know very well: time is one of the most important resources, which in no case should be wasted. Each day consists of only twenty-four hours, almost half of which is spent on rest. That is why it is strictly contraindicated to sit for hours on end in front of a computer or TV, devote time to social networks and other trifles. You can't learn a foreign language if you're constantly scrolling through your Instagram feed. You won't be able to have time to do exercises or meditate if you get up late! Control your daily routine, leave enough time for sleep, replace useless things with useful ones. However, do not forget that a moment of idleness will not hurt you, although in order to get it, you will have to work a lot first.
How to let go of the past and start life over
We become attached to the familiar - to everyday life, to acquaintances, even to the same bus. This gives a feeling of stability, success, calmness, and prosperity. The most difficult step is the first, preparatory step. It suggests a break with previous years. It could be:
Psychologist Daria Milai
Make an appointment
- Leaving the family. Are you 30 and living with a mom who controls every action? You can only get rid of control, evaluation, condemnation and suppression of potential by moving away. Personal space not only makes it possible to stay awake at night and throw things around, but also to realize self-realization.
- Divorce or separation from a young man. Difficult relationships that lead to nowhere, betrayals, quarrels, resentments - this wears you out emotionally and prevents you from being happy. Assess the situation - do you need to fight for the relationship or will nothing else save it? In the second case, it is necessary to separate.
- Quitting a job you don't like. Identify interests and skills, find a position that bridges the two fields.
The rule of care applies to everything - stop reading a book you don’t like, watching an uninteresting movie, eating something that tastes bad, doing things that are familiar but unnecessary. When you leave, don’t look back - by giving yourself a chance to return, you reduce responsibility for decisions and confidence in action.
Get started RIGHT NOW!
This means that you don’t have to wait for tomorrow morning, even if it’s already very late (and such thoughts rarely come in the morning or afternoon). Tomorrow you will think: “Whatever comes to mind for the coming sleep,” and you will be right, because it is not for nothing that we have the proverb “The morning is wiser than the evening.” But often in the evening not only delusional, but also brilliant thoughts come that need to be caught, otherwise in the morning they will melt away like a dream. Right now you need to make a list (which we will talk about a little later), and in the morning you can correct it.
Where to start a new life
I will give you 10 recommendations that can be taken as a guide to action in the first stages. To start:
- Finish the things you started and cut off these ends - you should not be burdened by an unfinished obligation. Give your report, call your ex and dot the i's, write a letter of resignation and talk to your boss.
- Clean up - sort out all the old trash that reminds you of your routine. Some items can be thrown away as unnecessary, the rest can be sold on one of the sites. The most valuable things should be left behind.
- Forget the past. Let's give an example in relationships: throw out old photos together, hide (sell, give away) gifts, do not go to a page on social networks, do not re-read correspondence.
- Live for tomorrow - plan, dream, set goals. It's pleasant and productive.
- Draw a tree of tasks - in the center there are one or two large ones, below that there are smaller steps, gradually strive to complete them. For example, a big goal is buying a car, smaller ones are getting a driver’s license and approval for a car loan, raising funds for a down payment.
- Come up with a motivation system. When you make the right steps and decisions, reward yourself. Incentives vary depending on specific circumstances. For example, for an overweight girl, the motive may be to lose weight, and the result may be a downward arrow on the scale.
- Don’t give up, stay positive, always look on the bright side of the situation.
- Visualize your “plan” by dividing the page into two columns: “leave in the past”, “implement in the future”.
- Imagine the material result of where to start living in a new way - a private house instead of a one-room apartment, a magnificent wedding for 100 people, or the office of a company director. A visual picture will help you not to deviate from your intended goal.
- Believe in yourself, then those around you will believe too!
Criticize yourself.
To do this, take a sheet of paper and a pen. Maybe someone likes to write with a pencil, and someone has completely forgotten how to write and uses only a keyboard, but I love gel pens and white A4 sheets, because “what is written with a pen cannot be cut out with an axe.” Even if I cross out some of my writings, they can be read later, and this often helps me, over time, return to a good thought that at first seemed stupid. In general, a piece of paper and a pen stimulate and organize my thoughts. By the way, if you don’t have a blank sheet of paper, then immediately make a note to yourself “always have a sheet of paper on hand.”
So, draw a vertical line, dividing the sheet into two equal parts. Now in the upper part of the left half we write “Disadvantages”, and in the upper part of the right half we write “Advantages”. Now you need to analyze yourself and list ALL your qualities in the appropriate fields. Don't spare yourself! It is impossible to solve a problem without identifying it. Remember the first phrase that a person says in a support group: “My name is Vasya and I am an alcoholic.” After all, this is not done in order to humiliate yourself in front of others, but so that a person realizes for himself what his problem is. But you don't need to be modest either. In a conversation with yourself, you can frankly admit that you are a “good conversationalist,” or an “outstanding specialist,” or simply a “polite person.” Unfortunately, many people do not even realize that it is modesty, politeness, goodwill and non-conflict that endear other people to them. Many bosses would prefer just such a person to any rude person, even if that person’s professional qualities are at a higher level.
Well, the list is ready. Now we put another sheet of paper next to it and write the heading “Work on yourself.” Below you need to write down the qualities that you need to acquire, change or get rid of. For example, “stop smoking”, “don’t spit on the street”, “say hello to employees”, “shut up if you start to get angry” and the like. These are your wishes for yourself. They will be difficult to achieve, but they are necessary to remember, so this sheet will hang in your room in a visible place.
Do the opposite things
I give you life guidelines that will help you, but the main work is yours: you have to do it. Don't think and read.
The easiest way to start living with a clean slate is to start doing the opposite.
Two years ago I was in a shaky state, drinking a lot and chasing different girls.
I was unhappy and decided to do the exact opposite: I chose one girl, stopped drinking and started working out.
Since then I have never been in such a shaky and insecure state because I did the opposite of what I did before.
If you feel that your life needs a revolution, then do something opposite to what you are doing now.
You spend all your free time watching TV series and movies - try reading books.
If you spend every Friday night drinking uncontrollably, schedule a trip to the gym for Friday evening.
Do you spend all your free time hanging out with your friends? Be alone and spend time learning new skills.
To start living from scratch, you will have to change the standard way of your life.
Do something you haven’t done before, experiment.
The most important thing is not to stay in the same role all your life.
Change, change, change - only idiots forbid you to change yourself.
You can change and you have every right to do so.
Do the opposite things and change your personality as you wish.
Get rid of fears
If you woke up in the morning and thought: “I’m starting a new life!”, be bold in your decision. We are always scared, especially when there is uncertainty inside. We cannot approach the manager and ask for a promotion, we cannot tell our other half that we are not satisfied. But it is enough to take the first step to make it easier to control the situation. Why spend a long time getting ready if you never take the long-awaited road to a new you? Step over all the barriers that prevent you from moving on, and change yourself and your life to something new.
If you are very scared, imagine yourself as a fireman. When a person in this profession enters a burning building, he also experiences fear, but all negative emotions fade into the background when he realizes that he needs to do his job - save people. Start taking action: save yourself, and you will simply have no time for fear.
Think about what's stopping you
Can you honestly say what exactly is stopping you from making the most of your talents and ability to enjoy life? Perhaps you feel like you don’t have enough talent or time, you just don’t have the resources or don’t have enough money. Now think about which of these points will seem unimportant to you if you are told that you only have a year left to live. Psychologists note that awareness of death can quickly bring order to priorities. All that remains after this is just to begin to act actively.
Maintain your previous contacts
Of course, when we start a new life, advice that we should communicate with old friends may seem a little strange: you can just make new acquaintances! However, do not forget about those who supported you in grief and shared their joys. Despite all your grandiose plans and enormous busyness, it is extremely important to maintain relationships with such people. This is not difficult to do, just write a message or call, sit in a cafe or cinema. Knowing that you have people in your life who can be there and support you when you need it is one of the most rewarding things.
Start your project
If anything changes a person’s life before and after, it’s his own project.
A year ago, like you, I was toiling around in my free time, not knowing what to do. Out of boredom, I watched memes, videos, films, TV series - this is how the beginning of my summer passed.
But at one point everything changed, and I began to live from scratch.
I had my own project, what you are reading now - and I no longer had problems with free time. I don't have any free time anymore.
Always working on my project and sometimes working part-time for money.
A project is the best thing you can come up with for yourself as an individual.
You can make your own website. You can make music. You can open your own business selling bracelets or T-shirts. You can become an artist, an entrepreneur, a tattoo artist - whatever your imagination allows.
Never let them limit you.
When I was working as a show host, my old boss came up to me and said, “Do you want to go back to work? If anything happens, please contact me” - I didn’t bother to fuck myself and say that now I will be paid the same per hour as for a working day at the enterprise where he is calling me.
Two days after that, I was offered a permanent job elsewhere. I politely declined again.
In three days I was offered TWO permanent jobs, but they always say that you won’t find a job now.
Listening to negative people is tantamount to suicide - at one moment you can believe them, and then your life, like their life, will be over.
I’ll tell you a secret about the so-called “stable job on a schedule”: it’s easy to find, because everyone wants a slave.
While you work from eight to five, they can exploit you for eight hours whenever they want. You do a job worth a hundred thousand, but you get paid ten.
This is the essence of working on a schedule - you are building another person’s business. You are hired to do work for a lot of money and get paid pennies for it.
Finding a slave job is easy - I realized this a long time ago. They're practically chasing me, trying to sell me this job, but I don't need it.
What is not at all easy is to raise your own project and believe in yourself, even when no one believes.
It's not easy to find clients and work for yourself.
You don't have a contract with anyone whereby you owe something to your slave trader... oops, employer.
Your only agreement is between you and your destiny. You choose to move to a place where you are not promised anything.
Instead of slavery, you choose the chance to start living from scratch.
Start working on your own project, devote all your free time to it, put your soul into it - and then I guarantee that you will begin to live a new life.
Tip three. Change your habits
At the age of 40, every person has a burden of long-formed habits behind him. And these habits often prevent us from starting a new and interesting life. For example, on weekends you are used to lying in bed until 12 noon, then lazily getting up and being idle all day. But with such laziness you will not be able to start any new life!
In order to start life first, you need considerable willpower. Therefore, it is simply necessary to change those ossified stereotypes of behavior that prevent you from moving forward. Create new positive habits for yourself: play sports, take walks around the city, go out into nature, live a new interesting and eventful life, and your success will definitely find you!
Change your appearance
What do most women do after breaking up with a man? Of course, he goes to a beauty salon, where he changes his hairstyle and tries out new makeup. External changes are an excellent symbol of a new life. Change your style, replace your glasses with contact lenses, try to do something with your appearance that you haven’t dared to do for a long time. The main thing is that the changes correspond to your inner mood. You can be sure: an insecure guy can literally amaze the audience with his daring image, and a previously unremarkable girl can become a femme fatale who will receive a huge number of compliments every day. The main thing is to understand that your entrance into a new life is a kind of podium on which you must appear in all your glory.
Set long-term goals
In order for the path to a new life to be as effective and productive as possible, it is recommended to set long-term goals: for example, building or buying a house, losing 15 kilograms, getting a new profession. Write down the approximate date when you want to achieve the desired result and start moving. You can break the time period into small periods and reward yourself after completing each of them.
