Start a new life: from Monday, from the beginning of the month... What's stopping us?
It is customary to start all great things on Monday, change your life in the New Year and lead a healthy lifestyle after the milestone of 30 (40, 50, etc.) years. But a rare case ends with the real translation of high-flown words into action.
On Monday, we stubbornly ignore the alarm clock until the critical moment and, of course, we don’t go to any gym. And in the evening we sit until a stern security guard arrives, kindly asking if it’s time for us to leave the premises, and we sadly realize that with such a schedule there is absolutely no time to learn English. On the second of January we find ourselves still in the same cramped apartment with a TV remote control instead of a book in our hands, and on the 10th we go back to the old hated job. We celebrate the anniversary with a high-calorie “Napoleon” with an unusually tasty cigarette in our teeth.
Either promises are not so important, or our willpower is weak, or there is an immutable universal order, which is useless to resist. What is happening and how to keep your word to yourself with a clear conscience?
Inga Makarova, psychologist, gestalt consultant:
“It’s not enough to leave your native path, you need to pave a new path”
Each of us grows up and lives in a certain system of values and concepts, dictated by our upbringing and environment. First, we get to know what the world around us is like and how we ourselves work. Then we live in an already established coordinate system and with our own ideas about what we can do. These are rails that are certainly comfortable and familiar to travel on - simple, predictable and safe. To really start changing yourself, it’s not enough to leave your native path, you also need to pave a new path, choosing its direction and understanding: it will be something different, something new, and it’s not a fact that it will turn out to be exactly what we want I wanted it that way. This is the risk of losing what is valuable to us today, without the guarantee of a bright future tomorrow.
Changing yourself is nothing more than leaving your comfort zone, beyond which you really don’t want to dig out. However, the healthy desire to be and live better does not leave us, and the idea of changing “tomorrow” warms the soul, instilling faith that the best is already very close and just “until the time has come.”
The reasons for such “breakfasts” are varied. We may be physically exhausted and unable to wake up an hour earlier every morning to go for a run. We may consciously or unconsciously make choices in favor of our current comfort zone. We may be under the rule of fear and anxiety that we will not actually succeed, which fetters our consciousness and prevents us from taking risks. Or we deliberately do not take responsibility for our lives and decision-making. It's much easier to go with the flow. Facing these reasons for self-deception face to face is not always pleasant, and often impossible without professional support.
Understanding a clear motivation, that is, awareness of the goal we are striving for and its value for us, can help us keep our word to ourselves. And also the willingness to take responsibility for the decisions that shape our lives.
Yulia Lapina, clinical psychologist:
“Beautiful dates help draw the line between old and new life”
Why is it difficult for us to change ourselves today, and we put off this idea until the next day, week or year? Each person has a lot of internal reasons for answering such a question, but the most important thing, in my opinion, is the lack of real motivation.
What do we promise ourselves most often? Change your appearance? Your habits? Find a job you like? But we have before our eyes many examples where people simply have to lose weight because excess weight threatens their health; change jobs because a child appears in the family; quit smoking because going to the doctor seriously scared you, etc., and all this happens without promising yourself a new life from tomorrow.
Of course, beautiful dates - birthday, New Year, the first of the month, Monday - seem to help draw the line between the old and new life, but in fact, the only thing that can make us change is a serious motive.
When making a decision to change something, we get the feeling that we are already taking concrete steps to implement our plans. Moreover, such a “decision” gives us a reason to praise ourselves: “I’ll eat this cake now, because starting tomorrow I’m going on a diet.” And this “tomorrow” can be repeated every day precisely because such promises to oneself are enough to superficially solve the problem, which most often hides serious dissatisfaction with oneself.
Such promises to oneself and their subsequent failure to fulfill them drive a person into a vicious circle of even greater dislike for himself today: “Not only am I fat, I’m also weak-willed, well, that’s okay, as of Monday...”. But if you ask yourself why I need these changes, there is not always an answer that will give you the strength to limit yourself in something, change your lifestyle and resist your habits.
If you notice that you are increasingly promising yourself a new life starting Monday, take a piece of paper and write down at least five reasons why you need this “new life”. Perhaps you will find a strong motive for change now, and at the same time the strength to take such a courageous step. And you will probably see that your life today, with its habits and small weaknesses, also gives you pleasure.
Natalya Kundryukova, Gestalt therapist, psychotrainer:
“If you feel bliss while lying on the sofa, lie down”
More often than not, the Big Promises that we put into the form of goals and objectives do not correspond to our true needs at the moment. Do you promise yourself to lose weight, start renovations, learn how to cut with a jigsaw? You calmly plan and write in your diary: “January 2. 10.00. Exercise, jogging.” Wait. Listen to yourself: is this really what you want?
Remember: if you feel hungry, you don't promise yourself that you'll come to the table in 2013, right? When your stomach is rumbling, there is no time to make plans; you should eat quickly - this is what our true needs look like. Either we satisfy them, or...
All other ideas overheard in society, imposed by parents, may be good, but have no relation to the real you. By trying to meet other people's expectations, you doom yourself to dissatisfaction, anxiety, and shame for an unfulfilled promise.
What to do? Listen to yourself, learn to feel and trust your body. If you can’t sit still, you want to dance so much, join a circle. If you feel bliss while lying on the sofa, lie down. This is much more honest with yourself and filled with truly your life meaning.
TOP 10 most unrealistic promises
- Go on a diet
- Start visiting a fitness club
- Quit smoking
- Stop being late
- Give away debts and no longer borrow
- Call your mother (grandmother and other relatives) more often
- Change job
- Learn a foreign language
- Start traveling
- Go to bed on time
Maria Karpovich, consulting psychologist:
"Five principles of the struggle for a new life"
In my practice, very often people come to appointments who cannot get out of the circle of endless promises to “start a new life.” It is clear that the answer seems simple - we need to stop deceiving ourselves and pull ourselves together, but, as it turns out, our willpower is many times weaker than our laziness, so I explain to my clients five basic principles of the struggle for a “new life”.
Principle #1: Small steps
Start with small and achievable promises. If we are talking about a diet, then you should first set yourself the task of giving up dessert for dinner twice a week, then having a kefir day every two weeks, etc. If you succeed, you can reward yourself by buying new beautiful things or going to your favorite cafe. Solving such “modest” tasks gives the feeling that we are moving towards the intended goal, there are fewer reasons for failure. It is also important that such gradualism develops in us a habit that lasts for a long time.
Principle No. 2. Help from a friend
For example, you decide to learn a foreign language - take a few friends with you to the courses! Firstly, you will feel somewhat responsible to your friends, and secondly, there will be a competitive effect - which of you will achieve success in your studies faster. The same can be done if you decide to join a sports club, take cooking classes, or go to a round-the-world regatta.
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Principle No. 3. Changing the environment
Change your environment so that everything around you helps you keep your promise and truly start a new life. One of my clients could not force herself to go to bed on time - she was constantly “hanging out” on the Internet at home, despite the fact that she could freely use it at work. Every morning, painfully trying to wake up, she promised herself that today she would definitely go to bed earlier. But everything was repeated again and again, until one day some problems occurred on the line, and she was left without the Network for several days. When the problems were fixed, she turned off the Internet herself, realizing that this was the only way to keep her promise to herself.
Principle #4: Make your intentions public.
The development of social networks also helps create additional motivation. For example, one of my clients promised himself to call his grandmother at least twice a week, but in the hustle and bustle he constantly forgot about it. Then he wrote on his blog: “Friends! I undertake to publish dialogues from my conversations with Grandma Nina on my blog every Tuesday and Thursday!” In this way, he was not only able to keep his promise, but also entertained his friends with funny stories.
Principle No. 5. Don't be afraid of failures
Anyone who fails to keep their promises to themselves tends to blame themselves for it. However, everyone who has achieved success claims that they were prepared for periodic failures. You need to not be disappointed or give up, but just get back to your plan as quickly as possible.
Those who, for example, quit smoking, sometimes return to the bad habit during periods of stress. The main thing is to find positive aspects of such a return (“I already smoke only 2 cigarettes a day, not two packs”) and not give in to provocative thoughts (“Oh, well, if nothing works out, then I won’t take it up at all”). You need to return to the first stage again - “small steps” and try to smoke not 2 a day, but one, etc.
PS
Do you have a cherished dream to change your life for the better? Today is a new day, we can start!
What things do we put off?
Remember how many times you promised yourself to start losing weight, read a book, do a project, prepare for exams, join a gym, wash the windows in your apartment? And every week you make at least 10 such vows. How many tasks have you shifted to the poor first day of the week?
If you are constantly planning to start everything new on Monday, this article will be very useful for you.
Motivation
It is possible to artificially look for a motive or goal in order to change your life for the better. But the violent search for a goal for which it would be worth getting up in the morning, planning your day and steadily fulfilling what is planned, as a rule, is not crowned with success. But a powerful motive may be the desire to master any profession in order to earn enough money.
This goal or motive most often turns out to be very effective. And it can be done by both boys and girls. You can look for examples of inspiration in life or on the World Wide Web.
Conclusion
Only developing new habits - constructive ones - will help. They will replace lazy habits - unconstructive ones.
The problem is within us
Try to remember what you feel in your soul when you put off important things? Internal resistance, right? Why does this happen in principle? Because of laziness or poor time management? Or are you a fan of making excuses? Something like “it’s late, I’ll start cleaning tomorrow” or “I don’t seem to have gained much weight, I’ll go to the gym later.” However, for some reason you immediately think differently when you take out your favorite jeans from the top shelf, and they don’t fit you. Why is this happening?
Why is self-criticism harmful?
Self-criticism is not always good. After all, it often leads us to the fact that a person, even changing in a positive direction, still remains dissatisfied with himself. This creates a reluctance to go in the direction of self-improvement, as well as long deliberations before starting a business.
Changes will only happen if you stop convincing yourself of your own inadequacy. Stop paying attention to the shortcomings. Look only for the good in yourself.
Why doesn't anything work out?
There are at least 3 behavioral mistakes that cause people to put off important things until later. Let's take them apart to eradicate them.
- Remember how you behave when you come up with some new promise? You probably tell all your friends, relatives, colleagues and acquaintances on social networks about this. It would seem that there is something bad in this? Indeed, on the contrary, when many people find out about your intentions, it will be more difficult for you to abandon them. But psychologists have proven that in this way you become scattered and waste all your inner strength. Instead of starting to implement everything you have planned, you simply announce your intentions.
- Many people come to the realization that they urgently need to change everything, precisely on emotions. When a person “cools down” and is already in a state in which he is less susceptible to stress, all desire to improve himself disappears.
- How many times before you set out to create a brighter future have you told yourself “this is the last time”? The last piece of cake, the last hamburger, the last serving of salad dressed with mayonnaise, the last day without work or fitness - these are all excuses. There is no need to endure what you so desire. Stop feeding yourself breakfast. Start today! After a while you will feel that this is exactly what you were missing.
Surely one of the above mistakes is present in your life. This prevents you from starting to make your dreams come true right now.
