When we describe a bad day, we often use the phrase “I’m a mess today.” Sometimes the disassembled state lasts too long to ignore. Personal life collapses against the backdrop of career achievements, and dreams of a perfect body lead away from connection with the real world. Life is a bright puzzle. To fold it completely means to achieve the integrity of one’s own “I”. Sometimes details have to be carefully and painstakingly turned out by hand, but this is the only way to know yourself.
Manifestations of Integrity
A person who has accepted his identity:
- Builds relationships with other people because he feels interest, tenderness, excitement, pleasure, etc. in them. And not because she is not able to satisfy some needs on her own. Why is she selective in choosing the people with whom she spends time? And if she remains close to the person who causes her pain, it is only because she made a conscious choice, devoid of illusions and fantasies that he will change and appreciate her suffering.
- She is tolerant of the shortcomings of others, because she understands that everyone has a different life story, limitations and opportunities. Why don’t you have the right to condemn or criticize someone?
- Knows how to appreciate and thank. Even a small show of care will not go unnoticed. She does not devalue and does not expect anyone else to solve problems for her.
- Accepts not only positive, but also negative traits and character traits. She values and loves herself. It also allows you to express different feelings without hiding them deep inside, just because someone doesn’t like it. He is not afraid to be uncomfortable, because he values life, making a choice towards quality.
- He knows what capabilities and resources he has. And he not only knows, but also knows how to apply them. And also, what gaps and shortcomings should be worked on if you want change.
You can get more detailed information about what other characteristics of a person who has internal freedom by clicking on this link.
Human trinity
Personal integrity develops through the improvement of body, spirit and mind. Let's go in reverse and imagine the opposite of our hero. He is weak, does not know how to resist temptation, shirks responsibility, turns away, exposes others to attack in order to save his own skin. Lure him with a coin and he's yours. Scare him with a whip and he will do anything. Why is he like this?
This person has not developed his body, which is why it is weak, flimsy, and has difficulty withstanding cold, physical activity, and pain. Labor alone is torture for such a person. He did not improve his mind, therefore he was not used to grasping the whole picture, realizing the consequences of his actions, the global nature of each action.
It seems to him that now he will drift away, and no one will notice it, and his fate will not change for the worse. But he is deeply mistaken, unable to realize all this. He did not train his spirit, and therefore easily betrays his principles, if any. He is not used to forcing himself, he is not used to enduring.
So, the integrity of the individual is achieved through education, training and improvement of the three components of oneself - a hardy physical shell, a strong spirit, and a bright intellect. This is achieved through work, discipline and patience.
The main reasons for lack of integrity
Each person is individual, no one is absolutely similar or identical. Therefore, the reasons for the emergence of unfreedom can be completely different. Now we will look at those that are most common and prevent us from manifesting ourselves as we are.
Childhood trauma
Criticism from adults who are so close and loved is quite traumatic. There is a fear of losing their love, which is why the child sometimes chooses to hide his feelings and desires, trying to please them, to be obedient, comfortable, and the best.
The child does not have a clear opinion about what he is, he is just being formed and gradually explores every part of himself. In the meantime, he does not have his own knowledge and experience, he relies on what others tell him. And he believes, especially those who are an example and authority for him. After all, every random word thrown, especially in a fit of feelings, can affect his self-esteem.
By the way, here you can take a self-esteem test.
Depreciation
Even as adults, we tend to believe those we love. But we don’t always choose people as partners or friends who are capable of giving recognition and, in general, building healthy relationships. Therefore, we get hurt by words, are manipulated and try to live up to their expectations. Simply be “good”.
Avoiding Injury
And sometimes it happens the other way around: wanting to avoid pain, having had an unpleasant experience in the past, a person closes down. That is, he stops trusting the world, believing that in this way it preserves its integrity. But in fact, by being so zealously concerned about safety, he loses a lot by being in a personally organized internal “prison.”
Following stereotypes
To avoid chaos, society comes up with various stereotypes of behavior. It's more convenient to manage. And then you have to bend over backwards to meet them. Ignoring true needs. That’s when people work in jobs that don’t bring joy and satisfaction, build marriages because it’s necessary, and spend money to maintain an image of success. They also try in every possible way to get rid of labels, such as “unworthy man”, “bad mother” and so on.
Passing the buck
When a conflict arises, a rare person, first of all, tries to figure out what contribution he made so that a quarrel arose. It's easier to blame someone else. That's how it is with shortcomings. Sometimes we desperately don’t want to accept that we are not perfect and make mistakes. This is especially difficult for individuals who have an “excellent student complex.”
Wednesday
It happens that people, very valuable and important, categorically do not want to accept our otherness. Some people, for personal reasons, cannot cope with anger. And then he forbids his partner to test it. And in order to stay in a relationship with him, you have to adapt and learn to hold back your anger. Over time, there is a loss of freedom of presentation. It’s as if the right to feel what is felt disappears.
State borders
Political scientists and historians constantly have to deal with such a concept as territorial integrity. Its essence is no different from everything described above. The only difference is that in this case we are talking about the specific land borders of a certain country, its national language, flag, anthem and other attributes.
Previously, in the political concept, the principle of state integrity was also based on national principles. If the assimilation of peoples took place, it was insignificant. Therefore, Latins lived on the territory of modern Italy, Celts lived in France, Goths lived in Germany, and Slavic ancestors lived on our lands. Today, the peoples who inhabit a particular state do not affect its integrity.
Exercises
Meditation for self-awareness and acceptance
First stage
Relaxation itself. Take care of the space so that no one can disturb you for 20 minutes. Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes and try to relax. Watch your breathing, it should be even and deep. Mentally observe how you inhale and exhale.
When you're ready, imagine the hallway you're walking down. From different sides you see doors with inscriptions about each year of life. Open the one that interests you most. Let it be adolescence, or earlier childhood, it is important to follow your impulse and desire. When you enter, you will see yourself. Take a closer look at what is happening at this moment, what are you doing, what feelings are you experiencing? Take a look around.
Then go to your place and talk. Find out what you want in the past, what makes you happy, or, on the contrary, sad. In general, ask the questions that you consider necessary. Share something, experience, advice, support, or reassure. When you're done, say goodbye and head out into the hallway to return to the present.
Don’t open your eyes right away, feel what has changed in your feelings, thoughts, body. How did your body react to this adventure in general? And when you are ready, slowly open your eyes and then stand up.
Second phase
Take a piece of paper and write down everything you saw and understood. If you can’t find words to describe your condition, don’t keep your emotions inside, throw them out on paper using a drawing. It doesn't have to be beautiful and correct. Let your hand move freely, draw without analysis or thought. And only when you're done, try to understand what happened and what it all means to you. What resource did you take away, what did you acquire, or vice versa, did you realize it, but couldn’t get it?
If you write down thoughts, let them flow, structure them later. Brainstorming is useful because it allows you to obtain valuable information from the depths of the subconscious. Which they usually denied or didn’t want to notice.
Polarities
The point of this method is to show how many-sided each of us is, and cannot simply be good or bad. Even serial killers have principles or character traits that command respect. Although I don’t really believe it. A person is like a battery; if there is a plus, then there will definitely be a minus, only then will he function fully and efficiently.
So let's get started. Write down at least 10 qualities that you possess that are most characteristic of you. After that, opposite each point, try to write the opposite characteristic. For example, good-natured – cruel, spontaneous – serious, etc. Reconsider what image emerged from polar character traits. Now you will have to get used to it, and spend at least half an hour in a new role.
This is not just a game, and honing acting skills. It's something you don't allow yourself to express. For example, because if you show someone that you can be cruel, they will judge you or stop loving you. And if you are always cheerful, then loneliness will bypass you. But in fact, it turns out that the unpleasant and unacceptable lurks deep inside, creating an internal conflict. How can a good-natured person dare to firmly defend his boundaries? No, he will endure in silence, feeling dissatisfied. But he will remain cute to others. Even if unhappy.
Self-knowledge
To know yourself better, it is important to understand what exactly makes you feel. Each of those that exist. You can use the table above. Just choose one emotion and make a list of the moments at which it arises for you.
It is recommended that in order to avoid confusion, otherwise awareness or assimilation cannot be achieved, do not grab onto everything at once. Make a distinction. For example, two emotions per day. Or better yet, choose one. When you decide, close your eyes and try to feel it. Then, on a piece of paper, release the entire stream of thoughts that arise. You shouldn’t judge yourself for them, or try to hide something or quickly forget. This is you, simply true, and not beautifully packaged. And you don’t have to show the result to anyone. You are doing this for yourself.
Projections
Think about a person you admire or want to be like. Create a list of at least 5 qualities that attract you so much. And if you notice them in someone else, it means you also have them. Just accept it as a fact. Do the same thing, only with the person who causes hostility.
Now let's go a little deeper. Try mentally, and maybe even out loud, to say the phrase addressed to the person from the first part of the exercise: “I don’t like about you...”, and vice versa, to someone who doesn’t inspire sympathy, we mentally talk about what we like about him.
Look for differences and similarities with each of them. They are there anyway. Overcome your resistance, this will help you look at the world from a slightly different angle, which will allow you to become more free and identical to yourself.
Recommendation
I also recommend watching this free training. It is designed for 30 days and based on its results, you will notice qualitative changes in your life.
Who is he, our hero?
When we meet a person of strong character who is responsible for his words, keeps his promises, has high morality and spirituality, we call him holistic. In difficult times, he does not deviate from his views and principles, he is ready to die for his ideals, but he will never stain his conscience with corruption and defection.
He is developed in all aspects, the strength of his spirit prevails over the calls of instincts - therefore he cannot be broken, because how can you defeat the spirit of a person who is able to endure physical trials and move forward, no matter what? This is the ideal heroic personality, these are the people who save cities, cover children with their breasts, sacrifice their lives for the sake of their relatives. Deep down we envy them and want to be like them. They are the container of the integrity we are talking about.
But what needs to be done to be such a person, how to achieve personal integrity - these are the main questions we ask ourselves.
Seika-Tanden
This happened when I had been practicing aikido for some time. At one time, I read in the books of V. Zhikarentsev, who devoted many years to this art, about the presence in the human body of a center of gravity - Seika-Tanden - which is located several fingers below the navel. Connecting with it, acting “out of it,” gives a person colossal physical and other capabilities. The ability to connect with it is one of the components of the art of Aikido.
So, during the classes I was able to feel and connect with this center several times. While performing the training elements, I could not manage to “knock down” my partner - a healthy guy whose weight was twice as much as mine. The trainer explained to me several times how to connect with this center, and when I succeeded, my partner simply fell like a blade of grass, without any physical effort on my part. The art of Aikido itself is based on hitting the enemy without applying physical force. And many techniques are associated not only with technical execution, but also with the work of Seika-Tanden. In general, such moments need to be felt...
What is integrity if we consider this concept from the perspective of this information? This, among other things, is the ability to connect with your body, your energy and its elements, knowing which one and why.
