9 secrets: how to learn to convince people

Each of us has our own point of view on many facts of life. And sometimes it is necessary to convey this point of view to others. But if time after time something prevents you from doing this? Is it possible to learn effective persuasion techniques?

Beliefs and arguments are part of the communication of each of us. We encounter this repeatedly every day: in communication with family, when raising children, at work, with friends and acquaintances, and sometimes with strangers. Someone is trying to convince us, we are trying to convince someone... Sometimes we defend our own point of view, and sometimes we try to motivate people to do as we propose. Both defending your own opinion and actively promoting it are all parts of a single process of persuasion.

Unfortunately, we often come across unscrupulous methods of persuasion and manipulation, and we need to have sufficient skills not to succumb to them, defending our own opinion. Another common problem is the inability to express one’s point of view and convince others of it for the benefit of the common cause. For example, you have artistic taste and could try to convince your family that your interior design option is better, but either you don’t do this or your arguments are not heard. Or, for example, when preparing a project at work, you could well make a few suggestions to streamline the process, but... alas and ah! The idea that you never expressed was later voiced by your colleague, and the position of project manager and salary increase again did not go to you.

There are people whose gift of persuasion is surprising to others. They often don’t even need to get into an argument, because their argument is so coherent that they agree with it without objection. For others, nothing works out over and over again. So what is the reason?

Mistakes of Overconfidence

Albina is a bright and active woman, but she admits that it is difficult for her to convince others of anything. For her work colleagues and friends, the moments when Albina tries to convince them of something, from choosing a cafe to financial decisions, become a test. Albina literally flies at them, arguments pour in so quickly that the interlocutors do not have time to hear them. Albina speaks in a peremptory tone, as if everything has already been decided. And often she hears agreement with her arguments... which, however, remains only words.

Have you ever thought that overly self-confident people may find it difficult to achieve mutual understanding with others, including convincing them of something? Often interlocutors outwardly agree with the arguments presented, just to stop their flow, but the result shows that the arguments did not produce a real effect.

In a situation of dependence (“boss - subordinate”, “tyrant husband - subordinate wife”) this may not be decisive, because everything will be done. But this has nothing to do with persuasion, since it is essentially an order. A situation of persuasion occurs when the interlocutors are at the “same level”, or the persuader is lower (in terms of status, age, position). And in this situation, excessive self-confidence is an obstacle to communication.

Self-confident people are often aggressive in communication and allow so-called conflict triggers - words, actions that not only interfere with persuasion, but also provoke conflict where there might not be any. However, the use of conflictogens (conscious or unconscious) is a frequent hindrance for many people, and not just for self-confident individuals.

Anyone who is trying to convince others that they are right or wants their idea to be implemented needs to avoid the following mistakes...

...direct manifestations of superiority: orders, threats, ironic remarks, direct ridicule, mockery, sarcasm.

... a condescending attitude: “Well, how can you not know this?”, “They speak Russian to you,” “You seem to be an intelligent person, but you behave...”, etc.

...bragging: “I had a similar problem and I dealt with it perfectly,” “I have a sharp mind, everyone talks about it.” Such phrases make you want to put the braggart in his place, and not at all agree with the arguments he gives.

...categoricalness, imposing one’s own advice: “My option is the only correct one,” “My opinion is thought out, unlike others.”

... interrupting the interlocutor. You should not show that your thoughts are in some way “more valuable” than those of your interlocutor, as this destroys the contact.

...withholding important information. If, in an effort to convince, you withhold some information, be prepared for the fact that the person, having learned about this, will no longer trust your opinion in the future, expecting a catch.

...manifestations of selfishness. If during the course of persuasion it becomes clear that a person wants to achieve something only for his own benefit or convenience, his argumentation stops “working”. This position becomes obvious to others and leads to alienation of the person.

So, if you want to convince others of something, leave behind excessive self-confidence and an aggressive style of proving that you are right. Without doing this, you can again only complain that you “spoke the point”, but again “no one heard” you.

Psychology of influence: how to lie without your interlocutor noticing

The persuasiveness of speech does not make a lie look good if there is a lot of it. It is better to focus on the truth and omit unpleasant details. But sometimes it is necessary. To lie effectively, you need to believe your own lie, become part of it.

Watch your gestures. Stand in an open position, look your interlocutor straight in the eyes. Better practice in front of a mirror. Remember - you are not lying.
Think through everything down to the last detail.
Deny everything. Reinforced concrete evidence does not work against you. You're telling the truth, haven't you forgotten?
Don't make excuses.
Don't apologize or humiliate yourself.

Have you been refused? Was your lie considered too far-fetched? They turned around and left. The interlocutor is waiting for the moment until you start begging him: then he will take a dominant position. If you leave abruptly without getting into verbal confrontations, your chances of winning will increase.

Mistakes of uncertainty

Alena considers herself an insecure person. She is invisible in the company of friends and in the team. Her family does not listen to her opinion. She almost never expresses her point of view, preferring silent agreement. Some acquaintances consider her a person with no opinion of her own. This allows others to manipulate Alena: she does some of the work for her colleagues, “carries” the whole house on herself, believing that her needs are less important than the needs of her husband and children. But more and more often Alena feels an internal protest and feels the desire to show that she also has her own opinion...

When do we need to be able to persuade? In what situations can we use the ability to persuade?

When we need to express our point of view and prove that we have the right to it. We may not need anyone to do what we want. Sometimes we need others to recognize our right to have exactly the opinion that we have. This is especially important in personal relationships: between adult children and parents, between spouses, etc. In this case, the partners do not solve a joint problem, but simply get to know each other’s attitudes, which can affect the further building of relationships. In this case, the goal of persuasion is the partner’s acceptance of us as we are.
When partners have a common goal that requires implementation. This is the most common situation when you need to be able to express your opinion and convince others of it. Implementing a project at work, renovating a home, spending time together - all this and much more requires us to have the art of persuasion and negotiation.
When arguing is nothing more than entertainment. For example, a debate between friends about the situation on the economic market or about new fashion trends is entertainment that trains the ability to argue and prove one’s point of view. Such debates about tastes, opinions and preferences are almost fruitless, since the participants in the discussion remain unconvinced. But this situation is remarkable in that people who are not very good at arguing and proving that they are right can practice this in a situation that is safe for themselves. And then - apply new experience when it is necessary and important.

People who are considered insecure by others often tend to keep their opinions to themselves. They cannot defend their interests because they are afraid of losing the favor of others. Insecure people often act according to one of several schemes, each of which is quite ineffective.

“I can’t even say a word.” In this case, the person has his own opinion, but keeps it to himself. He doesn't even try to express it, because he is afraid that he will be ridiculed or that he will not be able to defend it. And then one of the options is implemented. Having outwardly agreed with other people's arguments, a person does what he promised, but at the same time internal tension (protest) arises, which sooner or later can lead to an “explosion” in the relationship. Either the person does not do what he promised, and deliberately or “accidentally” fails the task, earning himself the image of a person who cannot be relied on.
“I act through others.” People who are unsure of themselves sometimes choose a “transmitter”, i.e. another person to whom they can express their opinion and ask to help “promote” the idea, but on their own behalf. For example, a “quiet” mother-in-law, who does not directly say anything to her daughter-in-law, chooses her son as a “transmitter”, who is forced to convey his mother’s thoughts, passing them off as her own opinion, which can ruin the relationship. When transmitting your thoughts through another person, you need to realize that in such transmission of information a lot of “noise” arises, i.e. information that you did not mean at all. When it comes to work, such a position will prevent a person from building his own career, and his best ideas (of which he has many!) will be picked up by more daring colleagues. If during the transmission unnecessary “noise” information arises or the idea turns out to be unsuccessful, the “transmitter” will relieve itself of responsibility by referring to the original source, i.e. you. Thus, in case of success, all the laurels do not go to you, but in case of failure, all the stones are yours.
“I speak, but they don’t listen to me.” Slightly more confident people tend to express their opinion, but often do so hesitantly and as if apologizing to others. They strive to convey their ideas to others and present the right arguments, but often they go unnoticed behind the more confident, albeit less weighty, arguments of others.

What to do? First of all, develop inner confidence, and the ability to speak about your point of view and be able to prove it will come. It is perhaps impossible to remain an insecure person, but at the same time be able to perfectly convince others. But the path to self-confidence can begin with several episodes in which you were a “winner,” including being able to defend your point of view, even in a small dispute. The path to confidence is a self-reinforcing system: the more reasons to be proud of yourself, the more confidence you have in your abilities. So try to use techniques to persuade others, win the discussion and become more confident!

Persuasive speech

The art of rhetoric originated in Ancient Greece. Then the art of persuasion was a factor of survival: the accused in court was forced to defend himself. The Greeks hired expensive tutors to learn the subtleties of sophistry. Today this is not necessary. Thanks to the Internet, we can find out for ourselves how to make speech literate and beautiful.

Why develop speech

Speech is the main way of communication between people. With the help of words we solve pressing problems and conflicts. A person with a beautiful speech can talk to anyone. The advantages that evidence and persuasiveness of speech give:

rapid advancement up the career ladder;
harmony at work and in the family;
attractiveness in the eyes of others;
increased entrepreneurial abilities, the ability to successfully establish a business;
self-confidence, stress resistance;

Persuasion Techniques

So, you want to learn how to convince others of your opinion. However, it is worth remembering that this will not always be possible, as we know, “of all truths, the most important is your own.” Most often, you will have to take into account the interests of your partner and adapt to him, looking for compromises in controversial situations. But there are techniques that can help you increase the effectiveness of your persuasion and, as a result, feel satisfied that your opinion was listened to.

First of all, clearly state your goal . Now, in this conversation, in this meeting, you want to achieve something. If time permits, formulate in advance exactly what you need to say. The wording should be clear and short, for example: “I want to be granted extraordinary leave”; “I want us to buy this particular cabinet”; “I want the doctor to give me a referral to a specific clinic.” If the main condition is not met and the internal goal is not formed, you will not be able to find sufficient arguments or look convincing.
Consider the type of interlocutor. Some people respond more to rational and others to emotional persuasion techniques. For example, people of the thinking type remain equanimous even in difficult situations and love order, clarity and functionality. In polemics, they are guided by logical considerations and try to weigh the pros and cons. When talking with such a person, you need to use objective information, maintain a reserved communication style and maintain a distance of respect. But people of the feeling type are more susceptible to emotional argumentation (“You will feel calmer if you do this…”; “This option will make you nervous”). For such people, logical justifications are less valuable, since for them the area of feelings, their own and those around them, is more important. Remember that an argument that is 100% valid for you may be quite weak for the interlocutor. For example, you might tell your doctor, “I'll be upset if you can't give me the referral I need.” By saying this, you assume that your disorder is as significant a factor for an outsider as it is for you, but this is unlikely to be the case. And the “further” a person is from you, the less effective arguments based on your feelings work.
Consider the strength of the arguments. Try to put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor and think about what arguments will be strong for him, and use them. The most convincing order of arguments is: strong - medium - one is the strongest. It has been proven that what happened at the very beginning and at the very end is best remembered. What happened in the middle is what a person remembers worst. Therefore, the beginning, and especially the ending, should be “strong,” but in the middle it is worth using “average” caliber argumentation. Weak arguments should generally be avoided.
Remain respectful of your interlocutor. We have already talked about the need to avoid conflict triggers that interrupt effective communication and force the interlocutor to defend himself. Throughout the conversation, try to maintain respect for your partner, his interests and opinions, even if they differ from yours. In this case, the interlocutor will not need to defend himself, and the persuasion process can be more fruitful.
Maintain respect for yourself, do not belittle your status. Don't apologize for having a certain position. You need to use the word “sorry” as little as possible (unless there are good reasons for doing so), as this makes your position subordinate and insecure. And uncertainty is associated with low personal and professional status.
Start with what unites you. If your positions differ from those of your interlocutor, start persuasion with what unites you, and not with what is the subject of disagreement. For example, if you just can’t come to an agreement on the question of where you should go on vacation, you can start this conversation by saying, for example, “It’s good that we have a vacation at the same time,” “It’s good that that we love to relax together, remember how great it was last time!” It is much easier to come to an agreement with a person, thinking that you have a lot in common with him, than in the case when conflict issues come to the fore.
Learn to listen and hear! Situations often occur when interlocutors mean completely different things and argue without understanding each other. And in this case it is difficult to both convince and come to a common decision. Be a good listener: listen to your interlocutor to the end, clarify his position by formulating it out loud again. There are simple ways to check whether you correctly understood what was said to you: “In other words, you think that...”, “What you said could mean...”. Don’t hesitate to ask again: “What exactly do you mean?”, “Please clarify...”.
Let the interlocutor believe that this thought belongs to him. People are much more careful about their own thoughts and judgments than about others. Use it. For example: “Do you remember we talked about... You then said that... This idea seemed very reasonable to me!” Or a less straightforward option: “Your reasoning led me to believe that...”. Let your interlocutor feel that your proposals, if not entirely his idea, are certainly half his!
Show that your option is beneficial to your interlocutor. Remember that all people need to meet five basic needs (according to A. Maslow):

physiological (food, water, sleep, housing, health, etc.);
in safety, confidence in the future;
in belonging to any community (family, group of friends, team, etc.);
in respect, recognition;
in self-realization, realization of one’s capabilities and spiritual needs.

If you can show that your idea will help fulfill one or more needs of the interlocutor, the success of your persuasion is almost guaranteed.

So, we have looked at the basic techniques of persuasion. Of course, in order to learn how to convince others, first of all you need to... learn. Just by reading this article, you will not become proficient in the art of persuading others. Practicing these techniques and then analyzing your successes and failures will give you the experience you need and make you a master persuader in the future.

introduction

Everyone tries to convince people from early childhood. Everyone does it differently. Crying, smiling, banging his fist on the table. It's primitive, but it works. Remember going to the supermarket with your mother. Surely they were begging for candy or a toy? This _

and there is an attempt to convince.

Remember your first dates at school? This

I also had experience in acquiring persuasion skills. Unfortunately, it turns out that as soon as you acquire your first stack of business cards, the tenacity that you associated with your ability to convince others suddenly disappears somewhere.

Not at all. This book will answer many questions from those who want to be more convincing, no matter what it concerns - trade, the service sector, communication with employees of your enterprise, relationships with relatives or friends.

Getting others to see the world through your eyes, accept your ideas, make your wishes come true, or simply agree with you is both an art and a science.

The ability to persuade is not only the ability to sell. Being persuasive is a vital quality for anyone who wants to succeed.

By reading this book, you will quietly change many of your ideas. You will begin to wonder how best to dress and what position your body should be in during a conversation. Follow every piece of advice from the author and you will succeed. What could be better for a person who understands the intricacies of the science of persuasion than to be convinced by someone, make the right decision and love the result?

In this science, the main thing is that the person who made the decision you need feels comfortable afterwards. To make this possible, you must learn to understand how best to persuade.

The simplest recipe: make others convince yourself. To do this, ask them a lot of questions.

The result of your work is the point of view that you managed to change. The secret to success lies in two words: no manipulation. The process of persuasion involves long-term cooperation.

The ability to persuade is an art

Persuasion is a science

The ability to persuade is the search for compromises

The ability to persuade is the ability to communicate

The ability to persuade is the ability to ask questions that clarify the situation

The ability to persuade is the ability to force another person to convince himself.

The ability to persuade is the rational use of the principles of persuasion

The ability to persuade is achieving the desired result

The ability to persuade is finally a victory

“I did it my way!” - is sung in a famous song. But if Frank Sinatra or Elvis Presley were masters of persuasion, they would sing like this: “I did it my way, and everyone agreed with me!” Explore every possible way to make others see the world through your eyes. If you agree with what I told you, turn this page...

Jeffrey Gitomer

Control your opponent's thoughts

You must win over your interlocutor in every possible way, learn to speak the same language with him and control his train of thoughts. Never end a conversation in a radical form of farewell - aim your opponent at long-term communication or cooperation, exchange phone numbers and email addresses.

Some people still believe that the ability to persuade is a natural gift, and if you have this gift, success in society is guaranteed. Yes, indeed, there are people who naturally have this skill, but if you are not one of them, don’t be upset!

You can learn to be persuasive; many books have been written about this. All that is required is knowledge and the ability to put into practice special techniques and techniques, as well as a little self-confidence.

The techniques you will learn about today can be used not only to convince clients, but also in communicating with any people. When interacting with clients, they will help build the negotiation process more competently and convincingly.

Too much pressure doesn't work

When a sales manager is too assertive, it may mean that he is not really confident in the quality of his product - he puts pressure, compensating for this very uncertainty.

Brennan believes that too much pressure doesn't work. He is sure that the product must first be sold to oneself:

“If you don’t want to buy your product yourself, the person you are communicating with will have the feeling that they want to buy it, and not the desire to buy into your persuasion.”

To be on the same wavelength with a person, you need to feel comfortable yourself, and then you will sound convincing, regardless of what you are trying to prove.

So the first step towards success is to have confidence in yourself and what you say. In order to find it, you will have to ask yourself some uncomfortable questions.

For example, if you are promoting a new project, it makes sense to find and fix weak points in it.

If you are selling a product, but do not fully know all its functions, first carefully study it and, if possible, try it on yourself.

In general, no matter what you sell, before you convince others to buy it, prove to yourself that it is a very necessary thing.

Put yourself in your opponent's shoes

First, learn to put yourself in the shoes of your opponent and guess his interests and preferences as accurately as possible. After a few minutes of communication, even with a stranger, you can understand some of his life values.

Agree, you can immediately see people for whom the main place in life is family, children, education, and career growth. During a conversation, it is necessary to use such moments even to a minimal extent. For example, such psychological techniques are often used by experienced sales consultants. They offer a business person a more expensive product with many additional functions, arguing that this product will save their time and make it easier to perform many tasks.

Important little things that guarantee success

Watch for nonverbal cues from your interlocutor that indicate a willingness to cooperate:

head nods;
the body is tilted forward;
verbal confirmations (yes, yes, of course, wonderful);
carefully follows the progress of the conversation and your gestures;
does not object, listens;

If your opponent expresses most of these signals, he is ready to agree with you.

But these signals indicate the interlocutor’s disapproval:

crossed arms over the chest, closed posture;
lowered head, unblinking gaze;
distraction from the conversation (went off to sort through papers, fidgets with something in his hands, wants to leave);
self-touching;

When a person is in a closed position, give him something in his hands and divert attention to yourself. Show him a document, a schedule, a presentation. Share a chocolate - it will put you at ease. After that, we begin to plan how to speak convincingly and beautifully.

Psychology of influence: persuade, influence

If the interlocutor is not positive, you need to win him over to your side. The psychology of influence offers us several tricks to quickly win over a person.

How to be persuasive in negotiations:

Create an informal atmosphere. Offer your opponent a cup of tea or coffee. At your own expense or the company's expense, of course (especially if this is a potential client). He will relax and warm up to you.
Be brief. Condense your main idea into 30 seconds or 1 minute.
Keep calm. Even if the other person is wrong, your composure is the key to success.
Be neat. A neat and scrupulous person is more trustworthy than a slob.

How to make speech clear and intelligible

A person’s diction plays an important role. Correct diction is rarely innate, so it needs to be trained:

prepare speeches on different topics, speak in front of the mirror;
read more scientific papers, expand your vocabulary;
say tongue twisters every day;
avoid filler words;
learn not to swallow words;

A persuasive person is a person who has 100% mastery of language skills.

Let me speak

A competent salesman is not one who talks a lot, but one who knows how to listen. Let the client speak and, if necessary, ask leading questions. Don't forget that questions should be open-ended. To correctly structure an open question, start it with one of the interrogative pronouns: what, where, how, which, how, why, why, when, etc.

Examples of open questions:

“What do you think about...”; “How do you feel about...”; “What product characteristics are important to you?”