Depending on value orientations, emotional attitude towards the child and the quality of time spent with him within the family, experts today distinguish several types of family education. It is this that lays the foundation for the formation of the “I” of a maturing personality. Sometimes within the same family, parents and other adults use different methods of raising a child, which makes it difficult to attribute a particular case strictly to one or another type of upbringing.
In modern pedagogy, there are several classifications of types of child upbringing, most of them divide types of upbringing into harmonious and disharmonious. In the first case, education contributes to the formation of a full-fledged personality of the child. Parents are sincerely imbued with the life, concerns and interests of the child without harming themselves and their loved ones. They try their best to treat him fairly, honestly and judiciously. For a child, adults are role models; he shares with them, trusts them, and they reciprocate. In this case, the child grows up to be a self-sufficient mature person, able to make decisions, take responsibility, self-confident, without psychological trauma.
Disharmonious types of upbringing pose a real danger to a child’s mental health and contribute to the development of various addictions, phobias, fears, and neuroses.
Let's take a closer look at disharmonious types of upbringing. The article is based on the collective concepts of various classifications of types of education.
Primary socialization of the child as the main function of the family
In psychological terms, the family determines the primary socialization of the child. Kindergarten, school, university – secondary socialization. Naturally, the primary is more important. It lays down the basic ways an individual reacts to problems, behavior patterns, and attitudes. What is meant by primary socialization:
- mastering language and emotional structure;
- mastering the basic value norms and meaningful ideas of society.
The purpose of primary socialization in the family is to form in the child social responsibility and the ability to subordinate the individual to the general.
A child's socialization goes through imitation and identification.
- Through imitation, the child learns elements of culture, skills, traditions, and rituals. But for imitation, that is, imitation, there must be an example. And these are the parents.
- Identification is the acceptance of norms and beliefs as one’s own (or non-acceptance). At this stage, all is not lost. And even if the family is dysfunctional, but the child is influenced more favorably from the outside, he may not accept the example of his parents. A clear example: in a family of alcoholics, children usually have two scenarios: to repeat the image of their parents or, on the contrary, to categorically not accept alcohol. There is very rarely a middle ground.
When family members fail to fulfill their responsibilities and rights, disharmony occurs in the family. Due to disharmony – dysfunction. When the family and other institutions of public education are dysfunctional, maladaptation of the child and social maladjustment arise as a mass phenomenon. This in turn leads to desocialization, which is what is observed in modern society.
Typology of James Michael Baldwin
It is worth noting that many practicing psychologists often used their own typologies of parenting styles in their work. For example, D.M. Baldwin singled out only two styles, however, without excluding or refuting the work of his colleagues. The psychologist described the following types of education:
- democratic;
- controlling.
The first type involves a very close connection between parents and children at all levels. The child is gently guided by adults and can always count on their support. At the same time, parents always include their child in all family affairs; he is a full-fledged member of the family, bearing his share of responsibility and having the right to meet his own needs.
The controlling type is characterized by clear restrictions on the child’s behavior, the reasons for which are always explained to him in detail. On this basis, conflicts do not arise between parents and children, because all prohibitions are introduced on a permanent basis and are understandable. Interestingly, understanding the essence of prohibitions supports mutual understanding between all family members.
Educational potential of the family
The family is the link between the child and society and other social institutions. Moral standards, rules, morality are laid down in the family, moreover, in the first 5 years of a child’s life. Such universal human values as honesty, justice, kindness, loyalty, generosity, selflessness, etc. are formed.
Otherwise, selfish behavior and destructive aspirations (aggression, hostility, anger, hatred) may develop. Ultimately this will probably lead to immoral behavior. Then the person will pose a danger to society and himself. Therefore, the value of family education is limitless for society.
As part of family education, the following is carried out:
- patriotic;
- ethnocultural;
- aesthetic;
- moral;
- physical;
- sex and gender education.
The family is the first pedagogical system into which a child finds himself. Moreover, he is constantly in this system. This means that every parent’s action, word, gesture has educational significance. Family education is carried out constantly, every day, within the framework of the shared life of children and parents.
This is the uniqueness of family education: its continuity and duration, its more emotional nature and lasting influence.
In the modern world there is a decline in the educational potential of the family. There are several reasons for this:
- lack of time for upbringing due to excessive workload of parents;
- lack of time spent together and communication between children and parents;
- the growing value gap between generations, and as a consequence - their alienation;
- increasing the influence of external unfavorable factors on the microclimate in the family.
As a result, the relationship between parents and children suffers quantitatively and qualitatively. Firstly, there is a lack of time together. Secondly, there is a lack of understanding and trust in the relationship.
The personal characteristics of the parents also have a significant impact on the family. Negatively affects:
- instability, inconsistency of personality;
- inadequate self-esteem;
- diffidence;
- egocentrism;
- accentuated character traits;
- excessively expressed nature of processing of feelings and experiences;
- inflexibility of thinking.
The attitude of the parents towards the child will determine the attitude of the child towards himself later.
Educational method of suggestion
What affects children? Reading books, watching clearly non-children's films that appeal to the imagination. Friends with leading qualities, parents with dictatorial notes in life. All this has a huge inspiring influence on children. There are known examples of children committing serious crimes solely under the influence of films and “older comrades”, in which they see themselves as heroes, without even the slightest idea of responsibility for the act. Under the pressure of childhood impressionability, in adolescence, fantasies are formed that border on epidemic psychosis, which is characteristic of an early age.
This is a stop in the development of the psyche, and in particular its logical, cause-and-effect sphere, with overwhelmingly emotionally charged images of artificial euphoric imagination. In this state, the child will commit both murder and suicide. Suggestion as a cause of suicide in adolescence is noted by many authors. Children whose psyche has not matured during adolescence cannot cope with the mental circumstances that life presents to them.
Even more striking examples of childhood suggestibility are pathological impressions of such strength that they lead to mental illness already in childhood. It should be said that not a single child was born mentally ill. It’s just that the psyche of each child is individual, it has a set of invariant formations.
Malicious program in education
Parents, for many reasons, choose to launch not the best programs. An indicator of the launch of an upbringing program (influence, influence) that is harmful to a child is epileptic seizures, or epilepsy. This is a child’s spiritual, mental protest against what is being done to him. Or copying the similar behavior of an epileptic adult, if it made a strong impression on the child. But more often it is an expression of protest, which in adulthood becomes a habitual avoidance of pressure or a warning that it is impossible to communicate with him at such (a certain) level.
The formation of stuttering has the same origin - the impression of fear, if it is not caused by organic disorders of Broca's areas or the oral cavity.
Even paralysis that developed in children through suggestion also quickly disappeared with appropriate suggestion. Doctors who are not aware of this childhood characteristic begin to heal this disease with injections and lotions, which through pain further strengthens paralysis. Many illnesses in children, having developed mentally, were then corrected through simple suggestion.
This explains the importance of suggestion in education.
It is not difficult to imagine that a child can turn out to be a moral monster just because he grew up in the appropriate environment. That is why a child, due to his unusual impressionability, must be protected from everything that in one way or another can have a detrimental effect on his childish nature. And only a conscious approach to this process can more or less ensure positive results in the child’s growing up. Psychologist Jana Neumayer
Tasks of family education
The tasks of family education include the following:
- Creating the most favorable conditions for the spiritual, physical and moral development of the child.
- Ensuring the socio-economic and psychological protection of the child in the family.
- Transferring the experience of creating and maintaining a family, raising children in it.
- Teaching children the necessary skills to care for themselves and loved ones.
- Developing self-esteem.
- Formation of the child’s social activity and social resistance to the negative influence of the environment.
Liberal and indifferent styles
In a family where children are warmly accepted emotionally, and control over them is at a low level (even to the point of forgiveness and permissiveness), a liberal parenting style reigns. There are practically no requirements or rules, and the level of management leaves much to be desired.
With an indifferent style, parents take very little part in upbringing, the child is perceived emotionally coldly, his needs and interests are simply ignored. There is practically no control on the part of the father and mother.
Of course, each of the described influence styles affects the child in a certain way. But the dominant role in the formation of personality is played by the types of family upbringing. Let's look at them in more detail.
Principles of family education
The principles of family education that determine the successful development of the child include:
- humanity (children are easy when they are welcome, and not vice versa);
- openness and trust in relationships;
- sequence of requirements;
- favorable socio-psychological climate in the family;
- inclusion of children in family life;
- help and support of the child in any situation.
Accordingly, the following are considered good conditions for education:
- emotionally positive relationship between spouses;
- love and respect of family members;
- attention and discipline;
- spending time together;
- physical contact with children (hugs, stroking).
What to do when you have problems raising children?
When difficulties arise with the upbringing or behavior of children, it is worth going to an appointment with a family or child psychologist. Moreover, it is advisable for both parents to attend the consultation, because everyone is a participant in the process, and, therefore, his position and behavior need professional analysis.
Disharmonious types of education can and should be improved. It is best to do this in tandem with psychologists and at the earliest possible age of the child, because after 16 years in most cases it is too late.
Disharmonious upbringing of a child in adulthood can manifest itself in the form of addictions, infantilism, neuroses, and various complexes. Therefore, if you have problems, it is important to promptly contact specialists for help.
If you want to solve problems with children and make their upbringing more effective, contact our Center!
Family parenting styles
“Dependence on parents, which is instilled in children as the virtue of obedience to parents, is an expression of unregulated parental power,” Francoise Dolto.
There are 3 main pedagogical styles of parenting in the family. Each of them affects the child in its own way.
Authoritarian
Parents suppress the child and use their power. Children end up growing up gloomy, distrustful and passive.
Conniving
Parents have little involvement with their children. Essentially, he is left to his own devices. Children with such upbringing do not know how to make plans and achieve goals, and are not persistent.
Democratic
Parents contribute to the development of the child, encourage his interests and develop his abilities. Children grow up inquisitive and active in all areas of life, and are independent.
There is a more expanded classification of family parenting styles:
- Family idol. The child is always the center of attention, his slightest whims are satisfied. Permissiveness and praise do not benefit the future personality; the child grows up selfish and with inadequate self-esteem.
- Cinderella. The child lives in conditions of punishment and abuse. He does not receive emotional support. In the future, he will be a quiet, downtrodden person with low self-esteem and, possibly, hidden aggression.
- Overprotection. The child does not have the right to choose; his parents decide everything for him. As a result, he grows up passive and dependent, not ready for independent life.
- Inconsistency and contradiction. It comes in two models: “carrot and stick” or a mismatch between mom and dad’s styles. The child’s personality becomes unstable, duplicity and uncertainty, and internal conflicts develop.
- Hypocustody. Raising a child is left to chance. As a result, the child is raised by the street, the Internet, or someone else. There are many development options, but most of them, unfortunately, are unfavorable.
- Conniving and condescending. Parents do not punish the child or purely formally point out unwanted behavior. In this situation, the child grows up in the belief that “nothing will happen to him.”
- All-round defense. Parents do not listen to outside opinions about the child’s unacceptable behavior; they themselves do not notice it and believe that their child is always right.
- Demonstrative. Parents exaggerately emphasize the “hooligan disposition” of their “tomboy and lack of hearing.” They pretend to be worried, but they themselves are proud of the child’s behavior.
- Pedantically suspicious. Parents show total control and distrust. The child becomes anxious, nervous, and aggressive.
- Severely authoritarian. The child has no right to vote, no choice, and his objections are not accepted. The child grows up shy, withdrawn or aggressive.
- Exhorting. Parents show their position only in words. As a result, they lose authority in the eyes of the child. The child becomes his own master.
- Expanded scope of parental feelings. Parents violate the child’s personal space, want to know everything, and do not leave him any personal secrets. This is fraught with aggression, internal conflicts of the child, and distrust of people.
Overprotection
Overprotection is characterized by total control and distrust towards the child, as a result of which the child does not develop a sense of responsibility, he is weak-willed, all important decisions are made for him by his parents. The formation of such important character traits as initiative, independence and a sense of duty fade into the background.
In the case of a “sick” child, child victims, children are often treated for imaginary illnesses, meaning this is a manifestation of love. Children with this type of upbringing often have various neuroses.
Parental Settings
Parenting style is the attitude towards all children and education as such. Parental position (attitude) – attitude towards a particular child. There are 4 types of parental settings.
Acceptance and love
Parents' catchphrase: “The child is the center of my interests.” Parents spend a lot of time with the child, do things together, and show affection. As a result, the child develops normally and experiences a feeling of closeness with his parents.
Explicit rejection
Catchphrase: “I hate this child, I won’t worry about him.” Parents are inattentive and cruel to the child, avoid contact with him. As a result, the child grows up to be an emotionally undeveloped person, aggressive, and with criminal tendencies.
Excessive demands
Motto: “I don’t want a child the way he is.” Parents find fault with the child, constantly criticize and do not praise. In the future, the child is characterized by frustration and self-doubt.
Overprotectiveness
Motto: “I will do everything for my child, I will devote my life to him.” Education is characterized by excessive indulgences or restrictions on freedom. The child grows up infantile (especially in terms of social relationships) and not independent.
Types of family relationships
If we talk about type, then we are talking about the very relationships between family members: beliefs, attitudes, values. If we talk about style, then this is the purely pedagogical behavior of parents: techniques, methods, methods. The following families can be distinguished by type of upbringing.
Diktat
The name speaks for itself: parents dictate to the child how he needs to live. This type:
- negatively affects the development of the child’s initiative, self-confidence, self-esteem;
- provokes the development of inadequate self-esteem, dissatisfaction of many needs, including higher ones (self-development, self-affirmation, self-realization).
Guardianship
We are talking about excessive parental care for the child. With this type, two outcomes of socialization are possible:
- the child ultimately turns out to be unprepared for life, he is irresponsible, objectively and subjectively disadvantaged;
- the despotic orientation of character is noted.
Non-interference
Parents are indifferent to the child’s life, they have no authority in his eyes and are not a significant group. The consequence is the alienation of the child.
Confrontation
It involves confrontation between parents and child, each side defending its opinion. Consequences of this type: inadequate self-esteem, mechanisms of conflict interaction, negative personality traits (rudeness, scandalousness, cynicism, etc.).
Cooperation
The optimal and desirable type of education for successful socialization. This is interaction, family cooperation, mutual respect.
Indifference (hypoprotection)
If a child does not occupy an important place in the life of his parents, and the formation of his personality is not given due attention, this will have consequences for him in the future. The levels of trust and family value in children of this type of upbringing are, as a rule, significantly underestimated.
The child is left to his own devices. He is not inclined to share his problems and experiences, which can result in alienation, asociality, or various kinds of addictions in adulthood.
With this type of upbringing, children often suffer from psychosomatic illnesses, trying to subconsciously attract the attention of adults to themselves.
Motherly attitude
In particular, I would like to consider the influence of a mother’s relationship with her child on his development. It has been scientifically proven that this connection is the fundamental basis of all human development.
First type
Such mothers easily and quickly adapt to the needs of the child. Their behavior is supportive and permissive. Mothers of this type do not set specific goals, but wait until the child is ripe for something.
Second type
Mothers of the second type try to consciously adapt to the needs of the child, but not always successfully. Because of this, the mother’s behavior becomes tense and the relationship with the child becomes formal. Such mothers are more likely to dominate.
Third type
Mothers behave like mothers only out of duty, they do not experience any feelings. They tightly control the child, show coldness, are very categorical and cold-blooded in matters of teaching something (they do not take into account the development of a particular child).
Fourth type
Mothers are inconsistent in their behavior. They do not adequately address the age and needs of the child. Educational methods and reactions to the child’s behavior are contradictory. They do not understand their child well.
The last type is the most unfavorable for the child; it creates anxiety and uncertainty in the child. The first type is the most favorable. It instills in the child a sense of control over his own life.
Types of relationships between parents and children
Psychologists have identified several types of relationships between parents and children, and, accordingly, several types of family education, which we will consider below. All types of relationships between children and parents have the right to exist and must be subject to timely correction.
1. Hypocare. The first type of irrational education, which has several subtypes.
- Clear emotional rejection. Manifests itself in open hostility towards the child. The most common example is when parents try to load their child with certain tasks as much as possible, and sometimes even punish them for untimely or poor-quality completion. At the same time, the efforts and efforts that he made are not noticed, actions are not encouraged, affection and attention towards the child are absent. In such families, children gradually begin to feel like outcasts, and their self-esteem drops. To a lesser extent, emotional rejection manifests itself in the lack of affection and attention from parents. Children in such families are hugged and caressed very little; they lack the “tactile attention” that is so necessary for any person, which under normal conditions makes the baby feel needed and loved by the parents.
- Hypoprotection. This is a lack of education. In this case, parents do not carry out the minimum set of measures to satisfy the physical and spiritual needs of the child.
- Hidden hypoprotection. This is a formal attitude towards the education process. In this case, there is a semblance of parental interest in raising the child. This manifests itself in their verbal instructions, which are not backed up by actions. They do not require strict adherence to rules, compliance with the daily routine, there is no system of punishments and rewards in such families, and this is a necessary condition for the normal mental and physical development of the individual. Children quite quickly understand this attitude of their parents and experience it in their own way, since with this approach they do not receive, first of all, the spiritual and emotional warmth they need.
- Pandering hypoprotection. One of the most common types of education. Its essence lies in the fact that, on the one hand, parents try in every way to protect their child from the influence and educational measures of other adults, teachers, peers, which may not always be positive. But at the same time, they themselves show a permissive attitude towards children’s actions; in such families there is no control over the child’s behavior.
2. Overprotection.
- Pandering overprotection. In this case, the mother tries with all her might to prevent the child from developing any defect. There is overprotection here. A woman has fears that her child may get sick, die, behave badly, and when he grows up, leave her. Therefore, all efforts aimed at raising a child are made only for self-soothing and justification of oneself to others, but in no way for the benefit of the son or daughter.
- Dominant overprotection. Manifests itself in strict control on the part of parents. They do not show special love for the child, but instead treat him strictly, controlling and limiting his communication with peers. In such families, children experience a lack of emotional and physical contact with other people, which leads to the fact that the child does not know how to take initiative, he grows absent-minded, timid, passive and irresponsible.
3. Education according to the type of increased moral responsibility.
With this type of upbringing, parents try to project their unrealized dreams and desires onto their children. This may concern education or career. In the second case, the child is given the responsibility of caring for younger or helpless family members. Needless to say, not every child can cope with the responsibility that their parents place on them.
4. Conflicting parenting.
In this case, we are talking about the inconsistency of educational methods chosen by the mother and father, and possibly the grandmother. How to explain this? Each parent makes different demands on the child on the same issue, and the criteria for assessing the actions of a son or daughter by one or another family member may also differ. This behavior of adults makes it difficult for the child to adapt, and in extreme cases can lead to neurotic manifestations.
5. Hypersocial education.
It is more common in families with a high social position in society or in those where parents are engaged in teaching activities, i.e. in those that largely depend on social approval/disapproval. In this case, parents, creating the appearance of well-being, either do not notice the problems of their children, or suppress them with excessive educational instructions. Such children enter adult life not with a feeling of joy and interest, but with the thought “You must!”, which their parents have been instilling in them for years and which is quite difficult to get rid of on their own.
6. Education in the cult of illness.
This type of education occurs in families where a disabled child or a child with specific diseases is being raised. Many parents, especially mothers, greatly exaggerate the child’s physical weakness, thus forming in him the opinion that he is special because of his illness. Since the mother tries to predict every desire of such a child, to do everything for him, even what he could do on his own, he will grow up to be a capricious pessimist, for whom others must do everything.
Psychological requirements for family education
In order for family education to benefit the child, it is important to adhere to the following principles.
- Before cultivating any feeling, quality, attitude, it is necessary to form in the child a need for this feeling, quality, attitude. That is, create a motivating situation.
- It is important to pay great attention to assessment (verbal). This is reinforcement for desired and undesirable actions. Moreover, more emphasis needs to be placed on positive behavior. As a rule, parents, on the contrary, scold more often and more strongly, but forget to praise for something everyday and (seemingly) insignificant.
- Any personality quality must be formed in the process of activity, and not in words. All basic activities are available in the family: work, communication, play. But it is important to consider the age of the child.
- When raising something, it is important to focus on the sensory sphere rather than the intellectual. The child must feel every quality.
- You need to focus on the positive qualities of the child and respect his personality.
Classification of violations
It is not always possible for parents in a family to adhere to a certain type of upbringing throughout the child’s life. They often make mistakes that come under the close attention of psychologists and are clearly classified. The types of family education disorders can be summarized in the following list:
- binding;
- rejection;
- delegation.
Bonding is characterized by regulated and stereotypical communication that develops between parents and children. Adults comment rather harshly on all the child’s actions, which deprives them of initiative. As a result, they completely refuse to make decisions, become infantile and socially maladapted. This significantly slows down their emotional development.
Rejection causes a child to give up his wants, needs, and overall character. Relations with his parents convince him of the inconsistency of all his actions and their wrongness. In the case of young children, this can lead to autism.
When delegating, parents, consciously or not, transfer their own ambitions and dashed hopes to their children. The child's victories, which are not related to parental ambitions, are completely ignored, and he turns into a puppet. Psychologists say that such a violation in upbringing can affect even an adult and already formed personality. Such young people always live based on the approval or censure of their parents. This connection is almost impossible to break.
Of course, it is very difficult to raise a child without making mistakes and without making annoying mistakes. Every parent dreams of becoming the best for their children, so they are ready to do everything possible to achieve recognition. As psychologists advise, you should not be afraid of mistakes, the main thing is to have time to correct them in time.
Good manners
Good manners are the result of upbringing. It manifests itself externally (compliance with norms and rules of behavior) and internally (moral attitudes and motives, moral choice). There are two levels of child upbringing.
High level
A large stock of moral knowledge (attitude towards oneself, work, another person, society). Coherence of knowledge with beliefs and motives. Unity of beliefs and actions. A single personal worldview. Developed willpower, goal-setting ability. Bringing things to completion despite difficulties. A person is self-confident, positive emotions and feelings prevail.
Low level
Ambiguous ideas about what is moral and what is immoral. Personal motives diverge from social norms of behavior. Moral knowledge and beliefs are inconsistent. Goal setting is “lame”: goals are unrealistic or situational, and are easily destroyed at the slightest difficulty. The person is anxious and unsure of himself, negative emotions and feelings predominate.
Authoritative and authoritative styles
With authoritative upbringing, the mother and father treat the children emotionally warmly, but control over them is quite high. Parents recognize and encourage the child’s independence in every possible way. This style is characterized by a willingness to revise the requirements and rules for him as the baby grows up.
The authoritarian style is expressed by a low level of emotional perception of children and a high level of control. Communication between such parents and their child is more reminiscent of a dictatorship, when all requests are made in the form of orders, and demands, prohibitions and rules do not change under any pretext.
Afterword
The family for a child is a micromodel of society. It shapes life attitudes, social values and personality orientations in childhood. The experience acquired by children at a certain stage of life is determined by the characteristic characteristics of the family: tastes, life values and goals, and everyday life.
V. A. Sukhomlinsky wrote: “Wonderful children grow up in families where father and mother truly love each other and at the same time love and respect people. I immediately see a child whose parents deeply, heartily, beautifully, and devotedly love each other. This child has peace and tranquility in his soul, deep mental health, sincere faith in goodness, faith in human beauty, faith in the word of the teacher, subtle sensitivity to subtle means of influence - a kind word and beauty.”
Children deprived of parental attention and supervision join the ranks of street children, criminals, and become involved in addiction and other types of deviant behavior.
In general, the success of the educational function of a family depends on its educational potential: material and living conditions, the size of the family, and the nature of the relationships between its members. The nature of the relationship includes the emotional, work and psychological atmosphere in the family, the education and qualities of the parents, their experience, family traditions and division of responsibilities.
