Where does women's fear of men come from and how to deal with it

Psychologists say that recently the number of people who are afraid of members of the opposite sex has been constantly increasing. If fear of women in men is a rather rare phenomenon, then ladies experience fear of gentlemen much more often. It is possible to fight this phobia; for this it is necessary to carry out timely diagnosis. Then the chances of success will increase.

Fear of men is a fairly common phenomenon.

What is the name of

The fear of men is called androphobia. The concept comes from the ancient Greek words ἀνήρ “man” and φόβος “fear”. The term was coined by American psychologists. This phobia mainly affects girls, however, in rare cases it is also observed in men. Basically, the disorder starts at the age of 20. Fear manifests itself in different behaviors, sometimes it is simply avoidance of large groups of men.

For example, seeing a crowd of young guys on the street, a girl will cross to the other side of the road. For some women, this phobia prevents them from building a successful career due to a pathological fear of working in a male team. Other androphobes have a fear of intimacy with a man, and this applies to both intimate intimacy and maintaining contact in principle. This disorder can be considered a type of social phobia.

Consequences of androphobia

Androphobia negatively affects all areas of a person’s life. Even a mildly expressed phobia causes a woman to experience constant emotional stress. Since it is impossible to eliminate the object of fear from life, there is a persistent need to adapt and control emotions. It is impossible to attend public places and events.

A persistent fear of men does not allow you to make new friends, build normal relationships in a work team, or start a family. Androphobia damages a woman's emotional, physical and sexual health.

Causes of fear of men in women

The basis of women's fear of men is often the physical superiority of the stronger sex. A girl suffering from androphobia is not afraid of a little boy or a mannered homosexual. Most often, fear is caused by personal negative experiences. We list the main possible reasons, the roots of which often go back to childhood:

• rape;
• domestic violence from father, stepfather, older brother (incest, beatings);
• upbringing by mother and grandmother, the red thread of which was the negative image of the father and the entire male gender in his person;
• an unhappy parental marriage, witnessed by a daughter;
• unsuccessful first experience in a relationship with a man (intimacy, unrequited love, betrayal, betrayal)

Fear is caused by the confidence that a man is a threat and can reach absolute panic.

Phobias and male psychology ↑

Phobias are fears in their maximum, irrational and unpredictable manifestation.
By calling men the strong half of society, it is assumed that they should not be subject to fears and phobias. Or they give in to a very small extent. A similar psychological image is maintained by men themselves. But every Achilles has his own weak spot!

The stereotype “a man should not feel fear!” brought up from infancy by the social environment and public opinion. In the family and school, in the yard and other public places, boys learn the postulate: either do not be afraid of anything, or carefully hide your fear, do not show fear. Such an approach is fertile ground for the development of a host of complexes, anxious expectations, fears and phobias.

Although, on the other hand, such contradictions are the foundation for the development of truly strong personalities. Fear, as a basic orientation for personal security, is present in everyone. It is important to have the ability to curb it and rationally use the potential of the energy contained in it.

In the psychological reaction of men to possible or existing fears (phobias), there are at least 3 strategies that every woman should know:

Symptoms

The fear of men in women manifests itself, like most phobias, by avoiding a dangerous situation. In the event of forced contact with a representative of the stronger sex, the androphobe experiences common somatic symptoms:

• numbness;
• increased sweating;
• facial redness;
• trembling in the limbs;
• nausea;
• dizziness.

Characteristic signs

Androphobia is a panicky fear of men, which is often accompanied by a fear of creating close relationships. There may be an opinion that all men use force when communicating with women.

The main manifestations include:

• the touch of the opposite sex literally makes you jump away;
• if a male representative speaks, stupor may occur;
• if a girl sees a guy approaching, she starts having a panic attack.

You need to know that a woman who is afraid of members of the opposite sex can behave in two ways: play the role of a gray mouse or become an Amazon.

The first ones behave timidly, afraid to once again meet a man’s gaze. They are sure that male representatives are ideal and will not look at them. You can notice how such a girl will turn away, not look into a man’s eyes, try to move away, and not start a dialogue. It is also common to wear discreet clothes so that no one will notice.

Amazons behave aggressively and show open hatred towards men. They easily cope with men's tasks and openly despise individuals of the opposite sex. However, in fact, under this guise lies a defenseless creature.

How to get rid of your fear of men

Treatment of androphobia, like many other pathological fears, is carried out by psychotherapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. In extremely severe cases, pharmacological drugs with sedative or psychotropic properties are prescribed. However, most problems in this spectrum can be quite successfully solved by psychotherapy, both personal and group.

At the final stages of treatment, group therapy has a special effect, because participation in a group of men allows men to rehearse their behavior in a “safe space” and hear feedback from the participants.

Various methods are used for personal psychotherapy: these are cognitive and behavioral therapy, Gestalt therapy, psychoanalysis, and hypnosis. Cognitive-behavioral techniques allow the client to learn how to cope with her uncontrollably growing anxiety at critical moments.

Hypnosis and psychoanalysis extract from the depths of the subconscious the true causes of fear, forgotten experiences, and unconscious attitudes. Working with them gives the client the opportunity to make an informed choice, and thus get rid of the phobia.

Gestalt therapy is aimed at experiencing and ending an exciting situation. Each individual case of androphobia has its own effective methods that will be used by an experienced therapist. In general, this disorder has a very positive chance of being successfully treated. It is important to seek help in time.

Treatment of androphobia

Experts distinguish two components of this anxiety disorder:

1. Strong social fear.
2. Inability to talk about your fears.

Treatment is aimed at eliminating both problems.

Basic operating principles

1. Therapeutic treatment methods are based on bringing the patient closer to the object of fear.
2. During the trainings, a woman learns new models of behavior that she can use if necessary to contact men.
3. To find out the true cause of a phobia, hypnosis techniques are used.
4. Independent work of a woman: auto-training and attempts to make contact with a man.
5. An important task of a specialist is to eliminate the entrenched negative attitude towards men and replace it with a positive one.
6. When working in a group, a woman learns to talk about her fears.
7. If necessary, medications are prescribed.

Some women, who often encounter “bad men” in their life, complain about evil fate or are affirmed in the idea that any representative of the opposite sex is evil. However, in reality, it’s all about personal perception of the world around us.

Having a negative attitude, a woman unconsciously focuses her attention on those who correspond to these characteristics. Disappointed again, a person becomes convinced that he is “right” and his fear of men strengthens. This is why changing existing beliefs is very important when treating androphobia.

What should I do if my friend has androphobia?

The main problem on the path to getting rid of androphobia is the total refusal to recognize it on the part of the patient. Thanks to such a wonderful movement as feminism, a huge number of women absolutely sincerely do not understand that they have a disorder. It is very easy to hide your androphobia behind this ideology. The fact is that some feminists, despite the idea of ​​gender equality, are overly critical of the male sex.

Women suffering from androphobia expect only bad things from men and see the personality of each of them as a clot of aggression and selfishness. It is very easy to transform such an attitude into political views, and instead of resolving one’s internal conflict, one will plunge into it even more, finding like-minded people in all sorts of feminazis.

If your friend has androphobia, then the success of the business directly depends on whether she realizes it or not. It is quite difficult to convince a person of something, especially if the issue concerns his mental health. Fear of the opposite sex dooms a woman to loneliness, or to creating a lesbian relationship (which, if gender identity coincides with sex, is solely a consequence of the inability to build a relationship with a man).

The best option for your friend, if she is not aware of her androphobia, would be a “random” visit to a psychologist for some other reason.

A professional will definitely help such a client come to awareness and acceptance of the fact, and in this case, getting rid of the problem is not far off.

In a situation where a friend recognizes her fear of the male sex and wants to get rid of it, there is nothing better than turning to a psychotherapist. If she is determined enough, an excellent step would be to go to a male specialist, this would allow her to work “here and now”, however, this is not necessary. The female therapist will also use special techniques to help get rid of the phobia.

Veronika Stepanova talks about where the border between simple fear and phobia is, about the causes of fears, in the following video.

Feminism and androphobia

Sometimes a woman’s reluctance to contact the opposite sex is perceived by others as feminism. Sometimes fearful women themselves think so. An erroneous assumption makes it difficult to diagnose the disorder, and a woman's emotional health and quality of life deteriorate.

How to distinguish feminism from androphobia? Feminism is a set of ideologies that call for the protection of women's rights. Feminist movements are based on the desire to reconsider the social, economic, political and personal rights of the fairer sex.

And at the root of androphobia lies an unreasonable fear of a man and an unreasonable negative attitude towards him. With a phobic disorder, a woman’s actions are guided not by clear ideas, but by emotions that cannot be rationally explained. In addition, androphobia has specific symptoms.

conclusions

Irrational fear of the male sex can be caused by the experience of violence, aggression, deception and cruelty on the part of a particular representative. Some experts believe that desperate feminism provokes androphobia, while others believe that, on the contrary, it is its latent form. Most likely, the cause is a mental disorder, and participation in social movements is a consequence. In any case, recognizing and accepting your fear is an important part of successful therapy. Specialists of different psychological modalities work effectively with androphobia.

Causes of occurrence and mechanism of development

Any phobia is based on a traumatic event, and in some cases it is enough to experience it once to develop a fear of repeating the situation. Thus, the evolutionarily justified mechanism for protecting the individual fails, starting to work excessively—against it.

A person becomes fixated on a painful experience, mistakenly believing that he has found the only correct way to respond to the stimulus that caused acute fear. There are cases when the patient is not fully aware of what was its source, that is, it is repressed into the subconscious - the area of ​​​​feelings.

Manifestations of phobic disorder

Fear of men has several varieties. Let's take a closer look at what androphobia actually is.

Fear of a serious relationship in a woman

Modern women are more likely than men to not want to get married. This is explained by the emancipation of girls. Most of them have retreated from the idea of ​​patriarchy and do not want to devote their lives to family and children. They build a career, have fun, and develop comprehensively. In this context, a serious relationship with a man is perceived as a burden. Some women feel so self-sufficient that they see no point in getting along with someone else's character traits, habits, and needs. Such women are afraid that marriage will destroy their lives, interfere with personal self-realization, and deprive them of personal space.

For other women, fear of relationships arises for the opposite reason. They are insecure and do not trust men. Maybe they would like to leave their job and raise children, but they are afraid that the man will not be able to cope with such responsibility.

Some women do not want to enter into a serious relationship because of the myth that a husband's attitude towards his wife changes for the worse. This belief is formed due to suggestibility, stories from friends and stories from the media. In fact, relationships in or outside of marriage depend on two people, and women often change their attitude towards their spouse and themselves. They stop taking care of themselves, take off the mask they wore before the wedding, express constant complaints, and make the main mistake - they try to re-educate the man, becoming his mother.

Fear of close relationships (intimacy)

Fear of intimacy may be associated with a negative first experience of intimacy. Or with rape. In this case, behind the phobia lies a feeling of shame, pain, and disappointment.

Fear of intimate relationships with men can also be indirect in nature. For example, in previous relationships there were often conflicts and scandals, the woman did not love her husband and went to bed in the same bed out of a sense of duty, each intimacy could be called voluntary rape.

In some cases, behind the fear of intimacy there may be a fear of pregnancy or a fear of not pleasing a partner or disappointing him. And this may also hide a woman’s lack of acceptance of her body and complexes. Or parental attitudes about the sinfulness of sex, a ban on relationships with men.

It is important! If a woman suffers from somatic or psychosomatic female diseases, then this can cause pain during sex. Which also contributes to the development of fear of intimacy.

Fear of new relationships after a breakup

Fear of a new relationship arises after a painful breakup with a guy. Especially if the separation occurred on the initiative of a man. A woman develops two beliefs: “all men are assholes” and “there’s something wrong with me.” A woman begins to look for flaws in herself, and sees a former partner in every man. Moreover, because she is fixated on shortcomings, she only meets the same men, which confirms her belief.

Fear of repeating the experience

Parental divorce or personal experience of divorce leaves a negative impression of family relationships. If a woman completely refuses a relationship, then the issue is negative memories of the relationship in general, and not just within the framework of marriage.

If the experience of the parents is to blame, then the girl may not even remember the relationship between her parents. But the girl remembers what her mother told her. And she said that dad was bad and in general all men were dangerous creatures who should not be messed with.

Fear of falling in love

Behind this lies the fear of emotions and the fear of close relationships. A person is afraid of losing control over himself, of being at the mercy of emotions. Such people are used to controlling everything; they prefer to be guided by their mind rather than their heart. Typically, this happens for two reasons:

• strict family upbringing, prohibition on expression and manifestation of feelings;
• mental suffering, after which a person decided to completely abandon emotions.

Such people do not let anyone close to them. Moreover, they can be in a relationship, but the mind never gives in to feelings. Their relationship is always formal and of a business nature. Because of coldness, prudence and restraint, people with fear of falling in love find themselves alone.

It is important! Women's fear of men is rarely presented in one form. More often, several varieties and several reasons are combined. For example, the fear of falling in love is combined with the fear of repeating the experience or with childhood psychotrauma due to the costs of upbringing.

Fear of disappointment

Some women are afraid of being disappointed in a relationship and a man. These fears are associated with an inflated level of aspirations, excessive criticism, inflated demands on men, and the search for an unattainable ideal. Such women are fixated on shortcomings and dream of a relationship without contradictions. Any collision with reality leads to disappointment.

Fear of responsibility

Closely related to the fear of serious relationships. A woman is not ready to care for a man, give birth and raise children. If a girl lives with her parents, then perhaps she is not ready for independent life at all. In this case, we are talking about infantilism.

Fear of Rejection

Associated with uncertainty, low self-esteem, inferiority complex and fear of loss. The girl considers herself unattractive and unworthy. Subconsciously, she expects that she will be abandoned sooner or later. The reason for this attitude towards oneself must be sought in childhood; probably, there was not enough parental love, their acceptance and understanding. The fear of being rejected may be associated with resentment against her father if the girl views his leaving the family as a betrayal, a rejection of her.

How to get rid of the fear of losing a man and the fear of being rejected? You need to understand that with paranoid thoughts you only worsen the relationship. Parting happens for one reason - people's paths diverge. Each person grows and changes throughout his life, not necessarily in the same direction as his partner. Sometimes discrepancies occur. And instead of wasting time and clinging to the past, it is better to go into the future and meet your person. Think about whether your fear is related to dependence on your partner. What to do in this case? Get out of dependent relationships.

Diagnostics

You can detect androphobia yourself; there are special psychological tests for this. In fact, the person himself is usually aware of the problem, so the diagnosis is not in doubt. However, it is highly recommended to consult a specialist. A psychotherapist will help:

• establish the severity of the phobic disorder;
• identify the cause of pathological fear;
• identify secondary mental disorders and disorders;
• select the optimal treatment regimen for a particular patient.

The cost of an initial consultation depends on the pricing policy of the clinic and the region of residence. On average, the first visit to a psychotherapist will cost 500-1000 rubles. Treatment prices depend on the chosen technique and the required number of sessions and are determined on an individual basis.

Methods of disposal

Treatment of androphobia occurs exclusively individually and under the supervision of a good specialist. Typically, the course is designed to carry out psychotherapeutic work, which is designed to eliminate the internal causes of fear. If a woman experiences increased nervousness during a test for androphobia, she is prescribed sedative medications.

The therapist's task is to change a woman's attitude towards the opposite sex. As a result, she should receive positive emotions when she sees the stronger sex.

In some cases, an experienced psychotherapist may resort to the use of hypnosis - he is able to change subconscious negative affirmations into positive ones.

The self-hypnosis method is also very successful. The law of attraction has not been canceled: what you think is what you attract.

Adviсe

The first step is to find out the true cause of fear.

You may not be familiar with the phrase “I’ve been afraid of men all my life.” But she is very close to someone. For such women, it is important to understand in what ways you can overcome your fear in order to get a chance at a normal family life.

1. First of all, the girl must understand what exactly is the reason for her fear. Once the analysis is completed, it will be possible to tackle the problem itself.
2. You can try to change to increase your attractiveness in your own eyes. This will be especially effective if you consider yourself unworthy of some handsome man. Remember that girls wear skirts, dresses, and heels. Become attractive to males.
3. If you still cannot take the first step on your own, the fear does not leave you, then you need to prepare yourself every day for the fact that sooner or later a young man will come up and want to talk to you, and you need to be able to answer him.
4. Find time to work on your self-esteem. If it is too underestimated, you need to understand that the man is not ideal, and try to find flaws in him. Or take a completely different path and do everything to love yourself, improve what is missing, and believe in your strength.
5. If there is a fear that a man will give up, then it is better to schedule your meetings in the presence of women or to have a double date. Over time, you will be able to get used to the young man, you will begin to trust him, and you will not experience frightening feelings.
6. If the whole reason is a reluctance to be abandoned, then it is best to seek help from a psychologist. A specialist will help you overcome your fear, and also give valuable advice for the future, and explain how to build relationships.
7. If the reason lies in a serious childhood trauma inflicted by a man, then it is better to seek help from an experienced psychotherapist who can help.