How to learn to control your emotions: 4 strong exercises and 5 mistakes (1 photo)

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14 11 2021 Valentina No comments yet

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Unfortunately, not all of us are given the natural ability to keep our emotions and feelings under strict control. It depends on the person’s temperament, his upbringing, and character traits. However, many people are well aware that self-control is one of the main factors contributing to success in any field.

The ability to control the expression of one's feelings and emotions is also important for a person's personal development. Psychologists believe that every person can learn to manage their emotions. We will try to figure out how to learn to control ourselves in our article.

See also “7 important tips on how to overcome anger and irritation” We are under the influence of a negative environment all day long - stress at work, a saleswoman was rude, someone stepped on our foot in transport. As a result, the temperature rises, reaches the boiling point, we explode and... it becomes easier.

Secrets of managing your emotions

Balanced and confident people can control their emotions. A certain category of others begins to simulate feelings (for example, feign joy, show indifference, etc.) depending on the current situation in order to hide their true mood. At the same time, restraining (delaying) emotions provokes aggression or resentment. Such an internal state at any moment can provoke an emotional outburst and neurosis.

Tight control of emerging negative emotions cannot be completely eliminated. They cause destructive harm to the human body only on a regular basis. In some situations, such behavior will help prevent conflicts from arising, resolve problems at work, etc. A competent display of emotions (delight, sense of humor, interest) will win you over.

Emotions are usually expressed in the following forms:

  • expressive movements;
  • emotional actions;
  • expressing an opinion about the surrounding reality.

Facial expressions reveal all the thoughts and desires of a person. After controlling the course of your thoughts, you can achieve the expression of emotions in the right direction. In the modern world, one should not allow emotions to control a person, since he will not be able to influence any of the situations that arise in a state of passion.

Go to bed on a regular basis

Sleep is of utmost importance to your success.
Simply put, if you don't charge your batteries in time, you won't be able to expect above-average performance. The author of the article must sleep 8–9 hours a day (although this is a personal matter for everyone and depends on how much the body requires). A routine is not meant to force you to live by the clock. Rather, it is needed to create a specific plan that you should try to follow 80% of your time. Sleeping at a strictly defined time is not necessary for self-discipline, but to ensure that you receive enough energy to ensure the productivity and vitality necessary to complete the tasks discussed in this article.

Letting out our emotions

Almost every person needs emotional release. When it is not there, intensified feelings provoke tension and, as a result, illness. In order not to accumulate negative energy within yourself, you need to arm yourself with the following tips:

  • a regular outburst of emotions (even after crying, a person will be able to free himself from the “burden”);
  • discussing problems and communicating about them with loved ones;
  • communication with the reflection in the mirror to study the root causes of the tension and get rid of them);
  • keeping a personal diary for a detailed analysis of your behavior and its consequences in the future.

For emotional release, it will be useful to be a little naughty. Feeling like a child can give you, at least for a short time, a feeling of carelessness and confidence. The popular technique has been successfully used in psychology and psychotherapy for many years. Trainings and self-hypnosis have never bothered anyone. Regular repetition of the phrases “I’m calm,” “I feel better,” “everything is fine around me,” and similar expressions will help you find spiritual harmony and calm down, at least for a certain time.

Learning self-control: where to start

Before you start working on yourself, you need to find out for yourself the true reasons for your own negative emotions and experiences. And the best assistant and working tool in this matter can be a personal diary.

By recording experienced negative emotions in it and comparing them with events that occurred that became the cause of anger, rage, fear, despair, envy or other negative emotions, one can trace not only a clear relationship between incidents and reactions to them, but also the frequency of occurrence of these most undesirable reactions on certain phenomena or events in a person’s life.

It is scrupulous and meticulous keeping of a diary that will help you analyze and make the right decision about which feelings and emotions need to be taken under strict control in the first place.

In addition, by re-reading entries in your diary, you can repeatedly return to past events and think about various options for possible behavior in which negative emotions could be avoided.

So, with the help of a diary, the skill of controlling oneself in more or less typical situations will begin to develop.

The ability to relax is a real art

How sometimes we lack peace of mind and a sense of harmony. At first glance, it seems that everyone can relax without much effort. As practice shows, this does not always work out. That's why people walk around loaded with their problems - they are not able to fully enjoy life. To relieve stress, psychology and psychotherapy use a variety of relaxation techniques.

The key to peace of mind and the ability to control your emotions in a timely manner is the ability to relax. This human ability is extremely important, since physical injuries are always paid attention to, unlike mental wounds. Mental and nervous tension does not immediately become visible. Modern life is very active, and people do not notice symptoms such as fatigue, inability to concentrate on important things, irritation during the working day and insomnia. All these factors will ultimately lead to an explosion of negative feelings, from which the people around you will suffer. That is why, before learning to control yourself, it is necessary to put your thoughts and feelings in order.

Books that will help you develop this skill

  • Self-development manual from Brian Tracy “Get out of your comfort zone. Change your life. 21 methods for increasing personal effectiveness."

  • A collection of effective methods by psychologist Sharon Melnik “Stress resistance. How to remain calm and effective in any situation."
  • Brochure by Kelly McGonigal “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen.”
  • A useful book about strong personalities, “Developing Willpower,” authored by Walter Michel.
  • A collection of tips to combat laziness “Don’t put it off until tomorrow. A short guide to combating procrastination" from Timothy Pychyl.
  • Dan Dubravin's book, The Psychology of Emotions: Feelings in Control, helps improve self-control.
  • A treasure trove of useful advice: “Be the best version of yourself” from Dan Waldschmidt.
  • A collection of effective techniques for increasing con, written by Peter Bregman.
  • Motivating book “At the limit. A week without self-pity”, authored by Eric Bertrand Larssen.
  • A guide to help you quickly achieve your goals “The Psychology of Achievement” from Heidi Grant Halvorson.

To increase your ability to self-control, you need to do more than just apply psychological techniques. You have to live with the thought that you want to become better. Learn more about this topic, read useful books, watch educational films, find new methods of dealing with procrastination.

The method of experienced yogis

One of the most popular techniques is meditation . You need to imagine yourself in a pleasant place (for example, on the seashore or a forest clearing). The surf and the peaceful sound of the sea will help restore peace of mind. Meditation should be done in a well-ventilated room, comfortable clothes, a calm environment and not on a full stomach. Closing your eyes and imagining yourself in your favorite place will transport you to another world. At the moment of relaxation, the entire nervous system is brought into a state of balance.

It will not be difficult to learn relaxation techniques, but during the first practical lessons you will need the help of a psychologist. Popular activities will help:

  • learn to fully relax;
  • facilitate the fight against a number of diseases;
  • make the right decisions and ultimately learn to control yourself.

Emotions play an important role in human life. Failure to manage them can lead to very sad events. For a full life, every person needs both positive and negative feelings, which are associated with anger, resentment, jealousy and despair.

Controlling behavior in stressful situations

The following sequence of actions will help you restrain yourself from committing rash acts in a stressful situation:

  1. Do not break down or act spontaneously. By an effort of will, restrain the impulse, stop, say to yourself: “Stop! I own the emotion, not it owns me.”
  2. Take a deep breath and mentally count to ten. Ten seconds is the time that is enough to restrain yourself and not say or do something unnecessary.
  3. Look at situations from the other side. Ask the question: “Is this so important?”, “Will this be significant in an hour, a day, a year?” Think about the possible consequences.

We restrain our emotions without compromising the nervous system

Self-control, restraint and self-control are lacking for many people. Such valuable skills are learned through life experience. A person constantly trains and improves. Self-control allows you to achieve a lot in life, the most valuable achievement is inner peace of mind. It is necessary to control your emotions without compromising intrapersonal conflict. It is extremely important to gain complete understanding with your own Self.

A depressed and irritable state interferes with normal personality development, as well as career growth (cooperation and relationships with an unbalanced psychopath are still a pleasure). Living together with a hysterical woman develops into a series of serious quarrels and ultimately leads to divorce.

Constantly suppressing emotions and holding back negativity is not a panacea for “emerging emotional illness.” By suppressing irritation and bad mood, there is a high risk of developing psychological abnormalities. Negativity needs to be “thrown out” somewhere from time to time, but not on other people.

Psychologist's advice

Scientists and researchers have found that those people who constantly hold back and do not allow themselves to relax get all types of diseases. Negative energy locked inside is collected in the internal organs, it disrupts metabolic processes. For this reason, you cannot constantly restrain yourself, but you cannot not maintain control over yourself. What to do?

Let's consider some advice from psychologists:

Physical activity helps you not to accumulate negativity within yourself. If you have a chance to stay with yourself, then shout or sing your favorite song. Pleasant, calm music and sound sleep effectively tames the outburst of emotions and neutralizes anger. Even in the old days they talked about the need to go to bed, then the problem would be forgotten. Emotions are eliminated in sleep;

Turn on your imagination and be creative. Take revenge on the enemy, conquer your own fears, prove your point of view in your imagination, in your thoughts. What is lived by the brain is, in some way, experienced by us. Virtual travel leaves more positive impressions than real ones; share your feelings with your friends. Each experience that is said out loud, described in different phrases, becomes easier to experience, it decreases; pay off your debts. Every debt depresses a person on a psychological level, making life more difficult. You may not remember them, but the subconscious mind summarizes each one and spoils the emotional background. Finally, give the book to a friend, help your grandmother repair the kettle; Do not give in to emotions while intoxicated. It is important to be able to understand your own condition. Breaking plates, dancing and shouting is only allowed when sober.

Every normal, adequate person who lives in society should be able to control himself. If you want to be accepted by society in an appropriate way, then follow generally accepted norms.

Communication and Workflow

Avoid contacts with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. Especially with individuals who are called “energy vampires” - they take up not only your time, but also your energy. If possible, try not to interact with overly temperamental people, since any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to restrain your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, and do not overreact to criticism.

If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your job. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of mental balance.

Marking boundaries

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line that no one, even the closest person, should cross. Create a set of rules that restrict people from communicating with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who resist these attitudes should not be in your environment. To communicate with strangers, develop a special system that will avoid violating your boundaries and creating conflict situations.


Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit from communicating with them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious; you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to individuals who bring positive emotions. Of course, it is impossible to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the work space.

In addition to changing your environment, expanding your social circle will help you develop self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

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