They say different things about emotions: some say that “emotions interfere with life,” others complain about their hyper-emotionality, while others, against the backdrop of now popular books and articles on the topic of emotional intelligence, are trying to increase not only IQ (intelligence quotient), but also EQ ( emotionality quotient)… Emotions themselves are an irreplaceable thing, but sometimes they are too strong - and this harms both their “owner” and others.
I don’t really like the expression “keep emotions under control” (I see some kind of pressure on the individual in it), but the fact remains: it is possible and necessary to control emotions and feelings.
The ability to control yourself and maintain a clear mind and free from momentary outbursts of emotions is valued in any situation and in any place: both at work and in the family. I propose today to reflect on this topic: how to learn to control yourself?
Self-control, or the Art of Balance
Guitarists know that loose or overstretched strings will lose their “voices.” To put the tool into working condition, you need to configure it correctly. The main thing in this matter is to achieve a golden mean.
The same thing happens with a person. The ability to control oneself is the correct emotional attunement. Excessive nervous tension, as well as excessive relaxation, does not allow you to achieve your goal.
Emotions that get out of control can destroy the warmest relationships. Aggression, fear, hatred in a stressful situation paralyze a person’s will and do not allow him to behave adequately. You can make reasonable decisions and correct your actions only in a balanced state.
Moreover, self-control sometimes makes it possible to discern favorable opportunities in a dead-end situation that lead to the path of success.
Be the master of emotions: suppress or manage?
Many people confuse and believe that suppressing and managing their emotions are the same thing..
To suppress means not to consider them important, not to pay attention, to forbid oneself to understand what is happening to me.
Managing emotions means showing them in the right place: after all, sometimes they are inappropriate, can offend other people, and do not allow you to calmly think about the situation.
Controlling your emotions also means understanding and taking into account that sometimes too intense emotions are a consequence of lack of sleep, hunger, fatigue, illness...
Where self-control skills are required:
• conflicts between friends: quarrels, disagreements;
• crises of family relationships: infidelity, divorce, the problem of mutual understanding between generations;
• public discussions: defending one’s position at meetings, lectures, consultations;
• scientific experiments: trial and error methods are not always successful;
• force majeure situations: fire, flood, equipment failure, injuries;
• diplomacy: the art of negotiating, giving in, compromising.
What are you trying to hide?
Find what you are ashamed of. You can't be yourself when you're trying to hide part of yourself from prying eyes. Clearly define what you are ashamed of about yourself, and be prepared to speak openly about it. Being yourself means being willing to show yourself as you are, and not as you think others will accept you. Larry King immediately spoke about his shortcomings and this simplified his communication with any interlocutor. Often he didn't even have to do this, but being willing to talk about his shortcomings made him a better communicator and made his life a lot easier.
What is self-control?
The art of self-control allows you to not be a slave to your emotions. Having mastered its basics, a person becomes less vulnerable and more self-sufficient; in any situation he knows how to cope with anger, anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt.
In a word, this is a good school that allows you not to be afraid of life's trials. Psychologists advise going through it as early as possible and suggest the following stages in mastering self-control skills.
1. Self-control in conflict situations
You can use minor everyday quarrels as training exercises. Try to analyze your behavior: how hot and angry you are. Identify the reasons for your excessive temperament.
Some useful tips
- If you are insulted, do not respond in kind.
Try to calm down, count to 10 - during this time you will cool down, and the desire to enter into conflict will disappear by itself. One of the manifestations of intense anger is an increase in heart rate and breathing, so try to take a few deep breaths to calm down. Think about something good, direct your thoughts in a positive direction. Don't let negative emotions control you. Find out the reason why it annoys you and try to eliminate it. Learn to express your feelings correctly. Don’t be afraid to calmly tell others about painful issues. Try not to notice minor flaws; do not find fault with details. Do not act rashly under the influence of emotions. Most likely, when you calm down, you will greatly regret what you did. Try to communicate politely not only with strangers, but also with loved ones. Be tolerant of the shortcomings of others. When making a remark, try to choose your words so as not to offend the person. Mentally take the side of your interlocutor. This will help you better understand your opponent's motives. Perhaps he did not want to offend you, you just made the wrong conclusions. Redirect strong emotions, for example, by playing sports. In the gym you will quickly forget about your grievances. Try to spend as much time outdoors as possible. Walking helps cope with stress. Sannikova Stela · Jun 15, 2018
Techniques for developing self-control:
• music therapy as a practice of optimizing internal reserves;
• meditation, teaching you to control emotions;
• art therapy, relaxing, distracting from obsessive thoughts and filling with life-giving energy;
• diaphragmatic breathing, which allows you to relieve tension and quickly calm down.
Mental balance, which everyone strives for, but only a few achieve, is a god-like state . It gives strength to overcome internal problems and overcome external obstacles. With him, insidious difficulties recede and goals are achieved. Thanks to him, thoughts become clearer and feelings calm down. Weaknesses, fears and complexes are afraid of him like fire. Without it there can be no self-improvement.
Having mastered the ability to control oneself and achieve mental balance, a person enters a time of true maturity. The boiling of passions is a sign of youth. However, if you spend your whole life being upset and beating yourself up over trifles, you can remain a yellow-haired youth until you turn gray.
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GuruTest
In order not to test your strength and not be exposed to danger, it is important to be able to pull yourself together and control the current circumstances. This will help you avoid many problems and vicissitudes of Fate. Use these suggestions to change your attitude and behavior.
Don't dwell on failures
Remember that life goes on as usual and often presents quite unpleasant emotions. However, this state of affairs is not at all a reason for melancholy. Learn to perceive what happened more calmly, without driving yourself into depression and worsening your own well-being. Failure is a reason to reconsider your actions, relax and unwind before correcting inaccuracies and oversights. Negative emotions that accompany you in case of erroneous actions require adjustments and persistence in achieving your goals and objectives.
Don't be discouraged
Dissatisfaction with one's own life, joyless everyday life and daily boredom from monotonous and routine activities can weaken a person. Try to find the reason for your despondency in order to change for the better. Don’t forget that life is varied, and after a dark streak there will always come a bright one. In order to avoid such a state, find something you like, get out into nature, find a source of inspiration in yourself or in the space around you. Allow yourself small joys as a reward for your routine, and your mood will rapidly improve.
Stay calm in conflict situations
Arguments, raised voices, shouting and irritation are not the best helpers in resolving disputes. Learn to cope with your own emotions and remember that cold confidence and calmness (even if only external) will quickly cool down the aggression and pressure of your interlocutor. By calming your dissatisfaction and being guided by the arguments of reason, you will be able to defend your rightness without worsening your well-being and mood with unnecessary worries. If your opponent is unable to listen to your words, end the conversation. This way you will avoid internal tension and overwork.
Don't respond to aggressive attacks
Remaining calm when confronted is important for your emotional and physical health. If you are faced with such a situation, gather yourself internally and try to disengage from the aggressor. Count slowly, evening out your breathing and focusing on your own sensations. Often your icy calm quickly cools the ardor of the offender, who is unable to bring you to reciprocal emotions. Do exercises to control emotions using breathing exercises.
Don't try to please everyone
Every person has envious people and ill-wishers, but this is not a reason to become despondent and depressed. Remember that your actions will always cause both positive and negative emotions in others. The surest weapon in the fight against envious people and manipulators will be your excellent mood, emphasized politeness and the ability to say “no” in situations where they want to take advantage of you and your work for their own selfish purposes.
Achieve prosperity on your own
By learning to cope with difficulties on your own, you eliminate the factor of dependence on someone else’s mood, desires and skills. By learning to overcome obstacles once, you will regain your confidence and build resilience. Don’t rely on help every second so that you don’t reap the bitter fruits of disappointment and cultivate your own insecurities.
Don't dwell on what happened
What happened cannot be changed, and if this is the case, there is no need to kill yourself endlessly and return to negative memories. Learn from your mistakes so that you don’t make the same mistakes in the future. Many situations can be corrected by pulling yourself together and not looking for false excuses.
Don't use generalization
By generalizing negative actions, you become hostage to the current situation. If bad things happen to you, don't say that you're always unlucky. Find a reason to continue your pursuit of well-being. Sometimes you just need to turn a corner to realize that life has positive sides.
Trust only verified information
We often become hostages to gossip and speculation, deceiving ourselves. Remember that bad news can be blown out of proportion, so trust what you are sure of. Guesses and assumptions can have a negative impact on life. Check the information that comes to you, and you will be able to draw the right conclusions without offending or betraying anyone.
Assess your capabilities
The pursuit of ideal should be an incentive for development, so do not over-praise yourself and act according to your own capabilities and abilities. At the initial stage, clearly distribute your energy in order to accurately achieve the desired result and avoid disappointment.
Look for the positive in everything
Even parting with a loved one is not a reason for prolonged depression. Natural feelings of melancholy, disappointment and despondency should not overwhelm you. Find the positives in current situations that will help you look at failures from a different perspective. Don't be dramatic or overcomplicate things to get over negative emotions faster.
Any action you take aimed at development will become an additional incentive to master yourself, your emotions and actions. Start each day with positive little things that will help you get into a good mood.
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16.08.2017 13:09
Start writing your blog
The more frank, the better. The first frank posts will be painful for you. You will worry about what people think of you and want to fit in. There will be a temptation to hide in the middle of humanity and not stick out. But with each new article and with each critical comment addressed to you, you will worry less and less about other people’s opinions about yourself, and louder and louder, you will hear your own voice from within. You will also begin to become yourself because you will gain enormous knowledge of yourself while writing articles.
Speak in public regularly
Terrible point, 13th. And yet this is the most effective way to be yourself. I’m not saying this because I run the oratory club Speaker Club every Saturday. I opened the Speakers Club because I believe in it. By constantly speaking in front of an audience, you will not only improve yourself thanks to feedback from listeners from the audience, but you will accept yourself for who you are. The next step is to teach other people to accept you for who you are. Vanity, haste, panic will all pass. Being yourself will become your default state, which will bring you a lot of happiness and will be so irresistible to captivate those around you.
PS Read for tomorrow: “5 effective exercises on how to become yourself.”
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Exercises to be yourself
Answer honestly - why is it difficult for you to be yourself? Because you are trying to please others! You are captive of other people's opinions. There are exercises on how to become yourself and not depend on the opinions of others. One of the most effective is to sometimes intentionally take other people out of their comfort zone. They probably won't like it. This is “weight-bearing exercise.” Intentionally inducing negative feelings towards yourself is as far from “trying to please” as it can be, which means it is a powerful exercise in the journey towards yourself.
