In the lives of each of us there are moments when we are offended or we are offended. In the first case we are in a worse position! Yes Yes! Remember Leo Tolstoy’s phrase that we love people because we give them joy. And at the same time, our hatred is most directed at people because we have caused them pain. So when we offend others, we are in the position of a person who needs to be forgiven. But now we will talk about what the ability to forgive is and what forgiveness gives to those who have offended us.
Every day we face stress, depression, apathy. And, of course, we feel terrible internal discomfort, and the situation literally heats up. In such a situation, it is impossible to do without rude words, actions, insults, etc. Upon returning home, out of fatigue, with accumulated negativity, we attack our loved ones. They do the same. And sometimes, without meaning to, people insult, humiliate, and deceive each other. And this is all life; it is impossible to change its course. But still, the main thing in our power is to be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
Someone will object that it’s no big deal – “I was rude, I was rude!” What’s the point of asking for forgiveness?!” In fact, these are not just words, deeds, actions. And a sacrament that changes a person’s life radically.
What does it mean to forgive?
Why is it important to be able to forgive?
Forgiveness means letting go of resentment, tension and pain. Allow reality to be as it is, with all its imperfections. Forgiving means accepting that people are far from ideal. Forgiveness does not mean making excuses for yourself or others. This is learning a lesson from the current situation, gaining experience. However, the one who forgives understands that there is no point in clinging to the past - it is worth letting it go.
To forgive means to be humble, generous and merciful. You could even say that this is a Christian virtue. Why does a person need forgiveness?
- Firstly, it brings light and spiritual ease.
- The individual stops torturing himself; he understands how much easier it becomes to live if there are no grievances or regrets in his soul.
- To be free from everything is truly happiness.
Forgiveness is important for cleansing the soul. It eliminates negative connections and removes energetic dirt. Some believe that it is through this quality that one can come to enlightenment.
What to do if you are offended
First of all, you don’t need to cherish and nurse your offense. On the contrary, you need to abstract yourself from it and stop constantly scrolling through it. Some are so carried away by their offended situation that they are ready to tell everyone they meet about it. It feels like they have got a flag in their hands, which they proudly carry in front of them and let everyone know “I was offended!”
It is important to start with your subconscious; if you fail to forgive a person, then the resentment will eat away from the inside like rust and cause damage to the psyche. Even worse, it will burst out and you will not be able to contain your emotions.
First of all, this feeling is part of our egoism. This is a negative type of emotion that does not carry anything useful for a person. Rather, on the contrary - because of resentment, we break ties, do not tell the truth, and the effect of understatement and mistrust arises. Resentment can plunge a person into depression and suffering; it literally takes away our health, strength, energy and prevents us from communicating with those who are dear to us. The culprit is self-centered behavior, at the forefront of which our pride rises royally - one of the most terrible sins of humanity, because of which all other sins arise.
Experts in human psychology are confident that resentment is a disease that needs to be treated. If you start the process, serious mental problems will arise. A touchy person is nothing compared to someone who believes that everyone is just waiting to hurt him, wants to insult him, humiliate him. That is, this state can be compared to paranoia, towards which he is moving with the right steps. But in fact, a person suffers because of a non-existent phenomenon that he invented in his fantasy.
Each individual case must be examined in detail. A full analysis of what happened and why is required. You need to understand that words or actions are not always done in order to cause pain. Sometimes this is a completely fair, valuable remark.
Life story:
Marina and Katya have been best friends since 6th grade. The first was free, relaxed, the second was more modest, shy. But both were pretty, smart girls. It so happened that after graduation their paths diverged for some time. Katya got married and moved to another city. A child was born there, but family life did not work out for a long time, and now, 7 years later, tired of the tyranny of her drug-addicted husband, Ekaterina returned to her hometown.
And Marina was still alone. She graduated from medical school and began working at a local clinic. Upon returning, Katya, of course, wanted to meet her friend and spend time with her. The parents without a word let their daughter have fun - she still has the right to rest at least a little. Leaving her beloved son with his grandparents, she went to a nearby bar with a friend. Another one joined them, her name was Masha. She was a couple of years younger than them and became friends with Marina while Katyusha lived in another city.
So, in the middle of the evening, the girls sat and had a nice conversation. And as usually happens, a man approached their table and offered his company. Katya immediately snapped and made it clear that he had messed up something. He needs to sit down with others who are not against the development of events (you understand). The other two girlfriends were simply silent.
Then something stranger began to happen. Masha and Marina went to dance; they were slightly drunk. Katyusha controlled herself, after all, she had a child at home, and simply watched her friends. First one man, then another, began to approach them. And each of them was completely okay with plunging into an almost intimate dance with each of the drinking guests of the cafe.
Katya decided that Marina was simply drunk, which is why she behaved this way. I had no doubt about Masha - she was always distinguished by her dissolute disposition. She approached her beloved friend several times and asked her to step aside. She wanted so badly to stop Marina, but she wouldn’t let up. The evening ended with the girls quarreling. Moreover, Katya did not understand at all why Marina rudely drove her home and asked her to leave her and Masha alone.
Only the next morning, when her parents woke up and talked about Marina’s life, did she understand that she had begun to lead a too “free” lifestyle. Of course, she didn’t want to see the one she had missed all these years anymore. About 5 months passed, and they again found themselves in the same company, but this time a decent one. There they talked and made peace. Katya forgave Marina, although it was useless. Why? Judge further.
Marina never stopped and began to appear more and more often in conversations between men. Each one talked about what a “pleasant” time they had with her. These conversations were conveyed to Katyusha by her brother, saying that they speak very badly about your friend. Katya immediately went to her and told her everything and asked her to be more careful. She did not believe that these people were telling the truth and stood up for her friend. As a result, Marina became angry with Katya and for some reason accused her of gossip. Here, of course, the break was final. Katya never communicated with the loving girl again, although she understood that this was her personal matter. She just couldn’t forgive her for the insult.
As we see, it doesn’t always make sense to forgive a person. Although no, you need to forgive, but there is no point in entering the same river again. If a person once intentionally hurt you, he will repeat it. It is impossible to change character, much less habits, habits, and physiological characteristics of the body.
"Generosity. Why is it important to be able to forgive?”: according to R. L. Pogodin
Why is it important to be able to forgive?
What do people mean by the concept of “generosity”? This is a quality of nature that manifests itself in responsiveness and kindness. "Generosity. Why is it important to be able to forgive?” — disclosure of the topic according to R. L. Pogodin:
Only very strong people know how to overcome grievances. By getting rid of anger in oneself, a person is spiritually liberated, his soul becomes lighter. Pogodin tells the story of the girl Valya , who was undeservedly offended by the boy Vitya . He thought that Valya was laughing at his feelings, so he treacherously tripped her up. Valya was injured, but did not betray the offender, she said that she slipped herself. And she saved Vitya , otherwise he could have been expelled from school.
The boy has been rehabilitated. But he already understood that his beloved was generous. Why Valya do this? The fact is that the girl turned out to be wise beyond her years. She understood that the offender was expressing momentary anger. And Valya forgave him for this weakness and accepted this fact.
Accordingly, sometimes it is important to be able to forgive because forgiveness benefits both the one who was treated unfairly and the one who made the mistake.
What is the power of forgiveness?
We build a life at our own discretion, surround ourselves with those who we like, do not spoil our nerves, and bring pleasant and useful emotions. But we forget that ideal people simply do not exist in the world. And we get offended for any reason, thereby increasing our importance. How educated and wise are we ourselves? Don't we have any shortcomings? How often we ourselves can “blurt out” such things that the interlocutor may simply lose the power of speech from insult.
We can be offended in response to someone’s careless phrase, then, after words of forgiveness, throw out a dry “Yes, okay, everything is forgotten.” And we don’t think at all about the one who bears remorse and cannot find a place for himself because he hurt you. Yes, we can do more - forgive the person and continue communication with him, close contacts. But every time we encounter him again, hug, an incredible amount of negativity rises inside us, caused by memories of the actions of our counterpart.
There is a very interesting and instructive parable about forgiveness:
“Two bosom friends walking through the desert argued about something and in the heat of their anger, one of them slapped the other. The blow was so strong that the man felt severe pain. He said nothing in response, stepped aside and wrote in large letters in the sand: “My friend slapped me today.”
They walked on, as if nothing had happened, and reached a green place where water flowed and plants grew. The guys decided to take a dip in the cool river. And at one moment one of them, who received a slap in the face, almost drowned. He was saved by the same one who hit him in the face. And again he wrote, but only on the stone: “My friend saved my life today.”
And his friend asked a question: “When I hit you, you wrote about it in the sand, and when you saved it, on a stone. Why did you choose two different subjects?” He answered him: “When someone offends us, we must write about it in the sand, so that the violent winds will erase the inscription from the face of the Earth, and everything will be forgotten. But if they do good to us, they save us, we must knock it out, mint it on stone, so that nothing can remove or erase this inscription and everyone remembers it.”
What does history say? Yes, that we forget grievances, but always remember the good that our friends, relatives, and even strangers give us. No offense can be compared to the moments when we are given joy, love, life. But in order to learn to forgive insults, let’s first find out what an insult is.
Where do the roots of resentment come from? It all starts from childhood, when our psyche is formed. During these years, anything can harm her: a dysfunctional family, a bad attitude, or excessive adoration by adults.
In the first case, the child is constantly offended, but at the same time they are not allowed to express their emotions. So, he accumulates pain, indignation, aggression in himself and already, as an adult, having felt that after an offense he is being asked for forgiveness, he cannot completely forgive, since there are still a lot of grievances in his soul from those childhood years.
For the latter, those who were loved too much by their parents, the problem is completely different. Everything was forgiven to them, and even if they didn’t do anything wrong, they still asked for forgiveness. We didn’t buy another doll, then another expensive trinket, then an apartment, bought the wrong car, etc. Over the years, all this becomes a habit, and of course, if someone does something wrong and asks for forgiveness, he will have to wait too long. But there is a third reason that not all of us can immediately forgive another person. Why is this so difficult?
“Why is it important to be able to forgive?”: essay of at least 70 words
Why is it important to be able to forgive?
Often at school they are asked to write an essay of 70 words . This is necessary so that students learn to cover a topic in one or two paragraphs—briefly but succinctly. Here is an essay of at least 70 words on the topic “Why is it important to be able to forgive?” :
Forgiveness is necessary because it elevates a person, makes him stronger, and cleanses the soul. The generous person becomes closer to God and gains freedom. A virtuous person understands that he is not afraid of any enemies, because he is able to accept their weaknesses. He who has mercy brings goodness and benefit not only to himself, but also to those who offend him. He doesn't hold a grudge against anyone, doesn't try to take revenge. A generous person seems to exude light. He sincerely and with hope for the best loves everyone.
How does religion view forgiveness?
Any religion, be it Orthodox, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism and others, treats this issue almost the same way - forgiveness is a positive quality. He who forgives receives God's blessing. There is even a holiday in which everyone asks each other for forgiveness and immediately forgives. But this is an automatic ritual, different from specific moments when you need to forgive seriously, having analyzed the situation.
There is also a well-known dogma - if you forgive others, then God forgives you too. Remember the words from the prayer “Our Father: Lord, forgive me my sins, as I forgive my debtors.” Here the word debtor is considered as “offender”. So forgiveness is the best step for each of us.
Parable about forgiveness:
This mythical story allows us to look at those who have offended us with a different look, in which there is a lot of Light and awareness. It helps to sincerely thank the one who inflicted a spiritual wound, since according to higher knowledge, they are our Teachers, teaching us life and righteousness.
“Before incarnating on Earth, Souls gathered in heaven. And the Lord God asked one of them why she was going to Earth? She answered to learn to forgive. Who should we forgive if all souls are pure, bright, beautiful? They are sincere and love each other so much that they are not able to do anything for which they should forgive.
Turning around and looking at her sisters, the soul realized that she also loved them very much. And then she became sad and said that she really wanted to learn to forgive!
Then one of her sisters came up and said that there was no need to grieve. She is ready to go to Earth with her and help her feel that same forgiveness. She agreed to become her husband and do everything to later ask for forgiveness - drink, cheat.
The Third Soul also did not remain indifferent and said that she would be her mother, and from childhood she would begin to blame, scold, punish, interfere with her life, and she would again forgive in return.
Then the fourth Soul approached her and said that on Earth he would become her boss and would scold her for everything, deprive her of bonuses, force her to work long hours, be unfair and cruel, for which he would have to forgive her.
The next one decided to become an unjust, evil mother-in-law, etc. So all her Soul sisters approached her and together they figured out how to live on Earth and what the scenario should be in order to constantly ask each other for forgiveness and forgive. But once on Earth, each of them forgot about Herself, and even more so about the scenario that had been prepared.
Abstract yourself from the situation
How to abstract yourself from a situation that causes resentment? There are several effective techniques available even to those who have never been interested in meditative practices.
How to abstract yourself from the situation:
- Take revenge on the offender mentally. Close your eyes, turn on your imagination and imagine the picture of the punishment in detail. Scientists have long come to the conclusion that our brain is indifferent to the format of visualization and if we have presented something, the brain can count this event as accomplished and stop being offended.
- Make a list of your grievances and complaints against the offender, and then burn it with the words “I forgive you.” Don’t ask “what to do with the list”? It is the list that needs to be burned, not the offender.
- Turn off the sound, at least after the fact. The next time you replay an unpleasant and offensive situation in your brain, imagine that it is happening on the TV screen and turn off the sound. Enjoy the picture of how the aggressor helplessly waves his paws and silently opens his mouth, twisted with anger.
Now let’s summarize all the tips and recommendations on how to leave the past in the past, how to forgive an offense and whether this should always be done.
How to forgive an offense:
- Develop a sense of humor and not be offended by jokes, humor, statements and anecdotes if they are not addressed to you personally.
- Learn to understand people and understand the motives that make them offend others, including you. This will make it easier to develop combat tactics.
- Eliminate toxic people from your social circle, with whom you have nothing in common and on whom you do not depend in any way. No person - no problem.
- Formally agree with the person on whom you depend that he is right about something. This will trick your brain because you can't be offended by something you even partially agree with.
- Instead of being offended by a loved one the next time, ask them directly about the reasons for the attacks or ask them to refrain from making inappropriate jokes or comments. Often this solves the problem completely.
- Distance yourself and abstract yourself from the situation - take revenge mentally, burn the list of grievances, turn off the sound of the grievance.
- Insults inflicted in the format of direct insults should not be forgiven, but rather demand an apology. In difficult cases, contact law enforcement agencies and the court.
To make it easier for you to cope with grievances, or better yet to stop being offended altogether, we recommend taking our “Mental Self-Regulation” program, which will help you learn to keep yourself under control in any situation.
We wish you exclusively positive communication and positive emotions from this life!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Forms of verbal violence
- Overcoming the fear of confrontation
- Formation of correct self-esteem
- Hurtful words and insults: how to react and defend yourself
- Resentment: are there any advantages to it and how to overcome it?
- How to solve a problem in 6 simple steps
- Top 7 ways to leave the past in the past
- How to fix your mistake
- 10 life lessons from The Lion King
- How to deal with unconstructive criticism
Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation
Do you need to take revenge on your offender?
Most people, in a situation where they have experienced all the pain from an insult, have a large or small desire to take revenge on this person. But does it get any easier because you've taken revenge?
Perhaps, after avenging one’s grievances, a feeling of satisfaction initially arises, but then another feeling appears - disgust, resentment for oneself. The one who takes revenge automatically becomes on the same level as his offender and gets dirty in the same dirt.
