Loving yourself, narcissism or selfishness are completely different things. Love is about giving and receiving, and if you can give enough care, attention and compassion to yourself, chances are you can give it to others. You've probably heard the old truth that we can't love others if we don't love ourselves. Love blossoms when we give this feeling to other people, but love always begins with “I”.
We are the only ones responsible for our lives, decisions and actions, so we simply do not have the right to be inattentive to ourselves.
However, we do not always think about why it is so important to love ourselves, even if we completely agree with the statement. The reasons outlined below show that self-love is very important.
Loving Yourself #1: When you like who you are, you accept yourself for who you are.
In fact, I am well aware of all my positive and negative sides and accept them. But this does not mean that I am happy with all my qualities.
Loving yourself doesn't mean you have to stop improving yourself. It only helps you understand that you are alone with your unique character, qualities and capabilities.
This gives you a feeling of confidence. When you accept who you are, you don't feel the need to imitate anyone or compare yourself to others. What is the most powerful inspiring feeling.
How to love yourself - advice from a psychologist
A psychologist can give advice on how to love yourself. However, without real action results cannot be achieved. If you want to find self-love, then you need to use the following exercises:
- Write down all your strengths on a piece of paper and remember them often.
- When passing by a mirror, compliment yourself and smile.
- Set achievable goals and praise yourself for achieving them.
- Play sports, make yourself beautiful, improve your body.
- Engage in self-development, develop in yourself the qualities that you want to possess.
- Allow yourself to be imperfect, forgive your mistakes and learn to correct them rather than punish them.
- Build relationships with yourself the same way you do with other people. Learn to negotiate, keep your word, please yourself, etc.
Loving yourself No. 3. The ability to get rid of guilt and self-flagellation
Sadness, guilt and shame are the worst things a person can experience. Self-love means less anxiety and depression, as well as stress and self-torture.
One of my friends has always been unhappy with her weight, although, to tell the truth, she is a very beautiful girl. She went on numerous diets and lost so many pounds that she was forced to see a doctor. This is a scary, fairly common situation that indicates a lack of self-love.
The result of self-love
Many people's lives changed immediately after they fell in love with themselves. People, first of all, became happy, calm and harmonious. Secondly, they were able to understand their own desires and motives. The results depend entirely on the person who makes the effort or looks for excuses to do nothing.
Life begins with self-love. And before that, a person is engaged in survival in the world of people, where everything is done so that he defends himself, closes himself, withdraws, or sacrifices himself.
Reason #4: When you love yourself, you look better.
It's really simple. You can focus on your strengths instead of worrying about your weaknesses and imperfections.
Everyone has flaws, but most people don't pay attention to them. For example, my friend is short and she will never try to change that. Moreover, she hates high heels, can you imagine?
She used to be obsessed with this problem for many years, and could not understand that she had a great figure, beautiful eyes and a kind heart. But when she accepted this so-called “imperfection” of hers, she became even more beautiful and bright.
Signs of problems2
How can you independently understand that there are some problems with pride and self-esteem? An external assessment is not always able to provide the necessary information. After all, it is its owner who understands his personality best. The person himself subconsciously notes all his problems, complexes, shortcomings, fears, experiences. He is not always aware of them, but this must be done in order to correct the situation.
You need to look into yourself and, if you find at least one of the listed characteristics, then think about correcting your life:
- poor nutrition. If a person eats anything, he, of course, does not love and does not take care of himself. Sweets and fast food can be addictive. And their abuse threatens with inevitable health problems - obesity and diabetes. Many realize this, but still do not find the strength to refuse something tasty, but dangerous. Indulging in a fleeting desire is a lack of willpower that prevents you from moving towards your main goal. And lack of willpower is one of the signs of self-dislike;
- disregard for appearance. If a person doesn’t take good care of himself, then he most likely thinks that there is no point in it. The reasons may be different, but most often the answer is: “I will remain ugly anyway, why is all this?” Insecurities and complexes that prevent such people from becoming better are also signs of a lack of self-esteem;
- mess in the room or apartment. It’s not for nothing that they say that if a person has a mess in his room, then it’s in his head. Such a person does not care about the condition of his things and home, because he does not value them. Just like he doesn’t value himself. If such a person had respect for himself, then he would never allow himself to make a mess in the apartment and live in a “pig sty”;
- lack of daily routine. A person may spend hours of sleep at the computer or smartphone. Why? Because he doesn't care about his condition after waking up. Again the question of willpower and discipline arises. A self-respecting person would take care to be ready for the new day, not be late for work or school, and be alert and well-rested in the morning. And those who don’t care about themselves will continue to go with the flow and satisfy only their fleeting “wants”, ignoring the main goals.
Why doesn't a person take care of himself? He lacks self-esteem and willpower to make his life better. He may feel like he can't do it. Therefore, he is waiting for someone who will take care of him instead of himself. The one who will put him to bed on time, remind him of the need for order, call him to eat at a certain time. Such people have not fully matured, and their real age does not play any role in this matter. The most common reason for such an unformed consciousness is excessive care in childhood and adolescence.
Reason No. 5. If you love yourself, then everything will be wonderful in your family.
When you love yourself, you know what you deserve. In this sense, I would like to follow the example of my mother. My parents still have a very affectionate and warm relationship, although they have been married for over 25 years.
I never noticed the slightest sign of contempt or lack of respect between them. I know very well that my mother will not stand such an attitude. When you love yourself, you will never be abused. And this is very important for a healthy family life.
Reason No. 6. ...and the children will be happier
Children always try to copy the behavior, manners, and views of their parents. The ability to love is one of the important things that children should accept.
But this will not be possible if parents cannot demonstrate this ability. When you love yourself, you create a healthy and life-giving example for your children.
Research has proven that a child's success and happiness are largely determined by the experiences they have during childhood. That's why, if you want to teach your children to love themselves, you must first learn how to do it yourself.
Recommendations
Learn to accept yourself as you are
- The desire to develop and improve is wonderful, but if you try to fit your image to generally accepted norms and stereotypes, ignoring your own characteristics and characteristics, nothing good will come of it, you will only cause harm and provoke stress due to inconsistency. Get to know yourself first.
- What do you love, what makes you happy, what scares you or makes you sad? If you accept your nature, you will know the secret to a happy and successful life. Let’s say it is customary for a man to engage in purely masculine activities in his free time, for example, fixing a car or making repairs. But what if he wants to cross-stitch? If he relaxes in the process and gains strength? Is he now stressed all the time without being able to relieve it?
- Allow yourself to make mistakes, forgive for failures and wrong decisions. If you stumbled, it means that at that moment, in that situation, you couldn’t do otherwise, you didn’t have enough experience, knowledge or strength.
- Long-term living of dissatisfaction (due to low self-esteem and ignoring some needs) may well lead to the occurrence of a disease such as depression. In the most severe cases, consultation with a specialist is necessary; if it is just beginning, and you do not feel heaviness, pain and sadness every second, then you can read an article about methods of dealing with despondency and use the recommendations indicated in it.
Take action
- Go for a massage, go to the gym, travel or walk in the park. Just finally do what you haven’t been able to do for a long time, putting it off until later or making excuses that you don’t have time, money or opportunities. And in general, make it a rule to please yourself with something every day, and every night before going to bed answer the question: “What useful things have I done for myself today?” After all, how can you learn to love yourself if you don’t pamper and please?
- Don't be afraid to express your feelings. You have the right to experience different emotions, so you shouldn’t hold onto your anger for fear of telling the offender what hurts you. Of course, you also need to know the limit so as not to overdo it. The main thing is, as soon as you notice that you are being pressured, or you don’t like something, don’t be afraid to say so, you don’t have to be convenient for others.
- No one has the right to treat you however they want. Patience is a good and useful thing, but not when you have to put up with humiliation, violence or insults. Let it happen once, and then you will find excuses for the offender, sometimes even agreeing with him. I won’t get tired of repeating - the responsibility for your life and its quality lies only with you, so take care of it and don’t waste it.
- Look in the mirror, what do you look like? A person who treats himself well will not allow untidiness or neglect in anything. You don't have to follow fashion, but how do you take care of your appearance? What kind of food do you eat? What do you do to stay healthy and fit?
- We also recommend reading a small free book: “Spiritual Hacking. The path to youth, prosperity and omnipotence."
Exercises
- Write a list of 30 points indicating your talents, abilities and qualities that you possess. Then think about each point, namely, where it might be useful to you. Also write 50 statements that begin with the words: “I…” and continue in the form you want. Let’s say “I am a gentle woman”, “I am caring”, “I am an excellent cook”...
- Remember, in school days, questionnaires were popular where it was necessary to answer the question of how we see a person? This is called feedback. Tell your friends that this is important to you, so could they answer how they see you, how they treat you and what associations arise? What could they trust you with, what kind of help or advice would they ask for? This is a very important stage, although it makes you want to avoid it due to anxiety, but it is important to overpower yourself, because usually our ideas about our character do not coincide with those of others, and this is normal. This is important information: “How do I appear in the eyes of others?”
- Write negative habitual phrases addressed to you on a piece of paper. For example: “I am a loser.” Using the positive affirmations method, transform this expression into a positive, resourceful statement. Let's say: “I am a person who deserves happiness, I attract success and luck.” And every day, repeat it to yourself several times as a mantra. If you can’t formulate it yourself, I suggest using ready-made working forms from this article.
Healthy selfishness
It is also important to learn to refuse. Being comfortable does not mean being respected and worthy of love. Just remember the rule: “You don’t owe anyone anything.”
Yes, it causes a lot of negativity and a desire to challenge, but it’s true. You are not obligated to make life easier for someone by stepping on the throat of your interests. You can do this only because you feel the desire to take care at the moment, taking responsibility for your decision, choice, so that later you do not blame another for not appreciating your victims.
Do you feel the difference between “should” and “want”? Look at the article “The best techniques and phrases for politely refusing a person’s services”, it provides more extensive information on this issue.
There is a stereotype in society that you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself or love yourself, because it’s selfishness, it means it’s shameful, it’s wrong and ugly. It is important to understand the difference between these concepts.
Selfishness is when selfishness is excessive, when other people lose their value and significance for such a person. When they are needed only to gain benefits, their needs are ignored, and attempts to be equals are mercilessly suppressed.
Such a person, one might say, is “incomplete”, since he is not able to feel the whole gamut of feelings and emotions inherent in nature. He doesn’t know what intimacy and warmth are, what a relationship can give, where people value and respect each other.
Reason No. 7. When you love yourself, the world around you changes
When we fall in love, everything around us becomes more beautiful and attractive. Falling in love with yourself is no exception! This allows you to look at things, people and life from a different perspective, from a better perspective.
But the most important thing is that all these changes are only in your perception. Thus, you can choose: to love yourself and this world or not.
Self-love can make you a better person. It improves physical, psychological and emotional well-being. Try it and you will see that more good people and circumstances in life are attracted to you.
Do you agree with my list of reasons why it is so important to love yourself? Please share your thoughts, maybe I missed something.
Attitude of others
When a person loves and appreciates himself, he experiences self-respect and becomes calm and confident. Be sure that other people notice this immediately: by indirect signs, manner of speech, gait and posture, ability to hold oneself and many other little things that only a professional actor can “fake as confidence.”
We read much more information from a person than we are used to thinking, because our subconscious works on a par with the mind.
It is this “subcortex” that tells other people about our internal state and partially shapes their attitude towards us.
