7 741 October 17, 2021 at 06:36 pm Author of the publication: Yana Semenova
Have you seen the eyes of a lover? They shine! We all want to love and be endlessly happy. But how can you love a person so much that you want to shout to the whole world: I love you!
Anyone who has been happy for at least five minutes in their life knows that at that moment everything around is wonderful. It fills you with unprecedented delight, you want to breathe deeply, the air is intoxicating, it takes your breath away! When energy is overflowing, a person can even sing and laugh in order to somehow cope with feelings, to reduce their heady degree.
We are caught in the grip of stereotypes about love. Our guidelines are confused, but our desires are enormous. Unhappy without love and with it. A person cannot figure out what he feels and why. Let's try to understand love using... quantum mechanics.
What is it for
To the question of what true love is, few can answer. Some people call this strong passion, for some it is inseparable from respect, and for many it grows out of friendship.
Ideally, these signs coincide, but this does not always happen. Moreover, passionate relationships often turn out to be unstable. Knowing this, sometimes it makes sense to try to grow feelings yourself.
What advantages can the desire to reciprocate an unloved person give?
Surprisingly, there are a lot of them:
- Psychologists have long noticed that relationships based on friendship are stronger than those based on passion. Vivid love gives unforgettable feelings, but it can also cause disappointment. As the saying goes: “From love to hate - one step”;
- Even though the person is still unloved, his care will surround you and help you forget about loneliness. Now you will have a reliable person next to you who you can trust;
- after the start of a relationship, you can be sure that there will be a person nearby who will support you in difficult times, share all the difficulties and rejoice at your successes. In addition, the chosen one will always take care of your health and provide assistance in solving everyday problems;
- at the same time, a loving person, being nearby, will be able to point out the shortcomings and mistakes made, which gives a chance to improve and achieve more, striving for perfection.
Thus, the thought of how to love a person who loves you is quite suitable and correct for the future life. But, as with many things, it takes some effort.
Take a sober look at the individual.
Usually the object of desire to fall in love is a person who seems almost ideal or expresses true love, care, and support. Its disadvantages either go unnoticed or are stubbornly ignored and downplayed. However, this is an illusory view. If you look at such a person objectively, it turns out that many factors were overlooked. The understanding will also come that this person is a stranger.
To test this theory, you can conduct a small experiment. For this you will need:
- take a pen and a blank sheet of paper, draw it in half;
- Write down the pros of the guy/girl in the left column, and the cons in the right column;
- opposite each quality, write at least two examples from real life when these traits were actually confirmed.
It may be surprising to note that it is not possible to select situations for all properties. This means that the person was endowed with invented qualities and does not correspond to the created image. It's better to try to get to know him first. Understanding his “down to earth” will contribute to rapprochement.
Take the compatibility test
Signs of emerging reciprocity
How can you understand that all your efforts have a positive result? A feeling of love in such a situation most often arises gradually, and it is not always possible to immediately understand that indifference to this person is a thing of the past. You should listen to yourself carefully, because the first positive emotions arise almost imperceptibly at first.
Feeling of comfort and lightness
The first manifestation of falling in love can be a feeling of comfort and ease next to your partner. You are interested in being together, you have many common hobbies. You don't get bored spending leisure time together. There is no tension in communication; you can discuss almost all topics without embarrassment, without fear of misunderstanding.
Sadness at parting
Also an important sign of emerging feelings is sadness during parting and separation. You want to spend more time together, so when forced to spend time alone, melancholy comes over you.
You think about what you would do together at this time, where you would go or go. Alone, these activities seem uninteresting.
Desire to call or write
As a continuation of these thoughts, a strong desire arises to call or write to your chosen one. In the same way, I really want to receive a message from him with pleasant and gentle words, hear his voice or see him via video call. Fortunately, modern means of communication easily provide this opportunity.
Worry about your partner
When tender feelings arise, a desire appears to take care of the partner, worry about his condition, find out about the state of his affairs. If he is haunted by failures, then you too worry and cannot find a place for yourself. If everything is fine with him, then you have joy in your soul.
Desire to provide help or support
After you have found out how your partner spends his time, what he is interested in, what makes him happy and what upsets him, you are happy to notice any little things where your help and support is needed.
Attentiveness
You are ready to show any, even the smallest, signs of attention. You are happy to congratulate him on the holidays, choose gifts for him, give him advice when he needs it.
Respect
As mentioned above, respect is an important sign of a serious relationship. If you feel respect for your partner, this says a lot. Even if there are no bright emotions, it is this feeling that can become the key to a further happy relationship.
As a matter of fact, even where there is intense love and no respect, there is a very high risk of the relationship breaking up.
Strengthen positive associations.
Some of the hormones that are produced in the body during joy, satisfaction, a feeling of happiness, and euphoria also appear during falling in love. At the same time, the brain does not fully recognize the reason for their release. If you constantly experience positive emotions in the presence of a person unrequitedly in love, they will soon begin to be associated with him. The reverse process will begin - hormones will begin to be released as soon as this person is nearby.
Therefore, the task of the one who is trying to develop love in himself is to have fun together. Going to the movies, amusement parks, museums, and other interesting places will soon turn into falling in love.
How to understand that you should not continue
Seeing the devoted attitude and boundless feelings addressed to you on the part of a person who is in love with you, it is difficult to resist and at least try to awaken reciprocal emotions in yourself.
As you can see from the article, there are quite effective ways to achieve this. But what to do if, despite the efforts made, nothing works out and your soul is empty?
There is no internal fracture in the relationship
Firstly, you need to remember that in everything and everywhere you need a golden mean. You shouldn’t categorically refuse a person who is in love with you, but breaking yourself is also not a good idea.
If you constantly step over your desires, an internal personality conflict may arise when your own desires do not coincide with what is happening around you. In the first place, we remember, is our personal integrity.
Irritability
A sign that nothing is working out can be irritation and hostility during meetings and conversations. No matter how much you want to find something in common, you can’t make the conversation stick together, which is why the feeling of awkwardness and inconvenience persists.
You are trying to understand what is wrong, you may even start looking for guilt in yourself. But this only adds to the discomfort.
Relief from separation
Separation in this case can seem like joy and liberation. If when you break up you feel only relief and no sadness, this is a reason to think about whether it really makes sense to continue this relationship.
How to love a person who loves you? There cannot be a definite answer to this question, because all people are different, each has their own characteristics of perceiving the world. Just as it is sometimes difficult to understand whether it is necessary to continue communication at all. However, if you understand yourself and take the advice of psychologists, a positive result is quite possible.
Such different love
It seems to us that we have many different feelings: inspiration, joy and happiness. In fact, there is only one feeling - love. Knowledge of the online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan gives us a precise understanding that for people with different psyches, love is felt differently. Understanding the question: how to love people—psychology brings us to a completely new level of knowledge.
A person with the skin vector perceives love through affection and tenderness, kisses, hugs, and touches. People with the anal vector consider gratitude, care, respect and attention to their deeds and words, maintaining cleanliness and comfort as a shade of love.
When you suffer in separation from your loved one, this is normal.
But you feel really bad when you lack strong feelings. You feel anger, jealousy, ingratitude, resentment. Lonely, gloomy, dissatisfied, you want with all your heart to be loved for who you are. You are looking for ways to make a person love you. You want certain gestures and actions from your partner in order to feel: I am loved. Pleasure does not last long: confirmation of love must be received constantly. At the same time, there is melancholy, regret, silent reproach in the eyes: I love you, but you...
Such manipulations are an attempt by all means to attract attention, to evoke pity and compassion for oneself. But hysterics, complaints and reproaches have the opposite effect.
These conditions can be corrected. The more developed feelings, the greater the ability to love. Classical literature of the late 19th and early 20th centuries helps to organize sensitivity and allow great feelings to mature. Read as much as possible, get inspired and cry, empathizing with the characters. There is no need to be ashamed of emotionality in the modern world. It is important that emotions are directed outward and not towards oneself.
I would especially like to highlight Miguel Cervantes’s novel “Don Quixote” - the greatest work about imagination, love and life in a world of beautiful ladies and noble knights.
Get as close as possible.
This does not mean sex, but tactile contact, frequent meetings, and, if possible, living together. When one person becomes part of the daily rituals of another, attachment develops between people. And if, after such rapprochement, one of these two leaves, breaks the chain, the other begins to experience his lack. Although before this there could only be irritation.
It is still undesirable to forcefully and abruptly fit into each other’s daily schedule. But a smooth gradual rapprochement will be beneficial.
Take a personality type test
Look out for jealousy.
If you can complete the previous step, you can move on to this one. It is not at all necessary to love a person in order to be jealous of him. However, for some reason, many people associate jealousy itself with serious experiences. In fact, it is based on a sense of ownership, on the fear of losing something familiar. And these are changes that are difficult to accept. To evoke this emotion, it is enough to use several of the following methods:
- imagine a person hugging or kissing someone else;
- imagine him refusing to spend time together because he is going to meet someone else;
- fantasize that he will fall in love with someone else, disappear from the life of the one he loves now;
- consider the possibility of him cheating or at least flirting with someone on the side.
If everything is fine with the imagination, a tangible effect can be achieved after just a few minutes of practice.
Have confidential conversations.
The communication component is very often underestimated. It’s in vain, because it is he who perfectly brings together even people who are opposite in character or interests. Conversations about the personal and intimate help most in this direction. These are conversations about:
- fears, worries, phobias;
- shame, embarrassment, ridiculous incidents from the past;
- painful experience, psychological trauma, failures;
- childhood memories, family as a whole;
- secret desires, dreams.
This does not mean that you will have to communicate only on such topics, but it is a fact that they cannot be avoided.
Have patience.
Cultivating love “in laboratory conditions”, and not in a natural way, is a long task that rarely happens without failures. If you have a clear desire to see everything through to the end, you will have to learn two things:
- there will be no quick results. If something occurs within a couple of weeks, it will be weak or short-lived. Quitting attempts at this stage = invalidating progress;
- mistakes and failures are normal. It is important to be able to continue actions after them, correct your mistakes, and not interrupt everything because of one or two mistakes.
Otherwise, efforts and time will be wasted without benefit for any of the partners.
How to learn to love - advice for men and women
Professor Leo Bascaglia said: “Psychologists, psychiatrists, sociologists, anthropologists and teachers in their countless monographs and dissertations come to the same conclusion that love is a “learned response, a learned feeling”...
Why do most of us behave as if love does not need to be learned, and wait for its mystical awakening, as if it lies dormant in the depths of human consciousness, so that one fine day it will reveal itself in all its fullness.
You could wait like this forever! We don't seem to want to acknowledge the fact that many of us spend our entire lives looking for love, only to die without ever knowing it.
Selfless love is considered one of the highest manifestations of human spirituality. Selfless love is also one of the most complex types of love. This world was not invented by us, but it is within our power to love it.
There is a set of basic principles on how to learn to love unselfishly. Of course, you can add your own points to them. Scientists claim to have discovered the secret of selfless love. Selfless love creates powerful emotional connections. Strong bonds of this kind can be critical to the survival of humanity.
Selfless love is like nothing else. It is associated with pleasure, romantic experiences and even euphoria. Throughout the history of mankind, there has been a selfless attitude towards others, compassion, generosity, and only now the need for altruism has been proven from a scientific point of view. So, the basic principles:
1.
Remember, what we send out comes back to us tenfold, and it’s up to you to decide what exactly you want to receive tenfold.
2.
Treat the world you are lucky enough to find yourself in as your own room. Keep it as wonderful as it found you, otherwise no one will do it for you: use energy-saving technologies, take care of the forest, save water, don’t scatter garbage, take care of flora and fauna.
3.
Take care of our smaller brothers and those who are weaker than you, who need your help: hang bird feeders, feed stray animals, take things to an orphanage, become a blood donor.
4.
Talk to lonely old people, not just your grandparents. After all, they all lack care and warmth.
5.
Create beauty around you: create a flowerbed in the yard, paint a picture with the brightest colors, help a friend sew the dress of her dreams.
6.
Rejoice at the new day - the rays of the sun, the gloomy clouds, the singing of birds, fresh air and rain, the first snow, smile at random passers-by.
Probably, now the phrase has become more clear - how to learn to love unselfishly. Selfless love is a mosaic made up of care and love for loved ones, care for the world around us, love for animals, and for oneself. Such feelings do not lead to destruction, but to the creation of the surrounding reality.
By accepting it, you can create and live the life of your dreams. It is impossible to be truly happy without the desire to love this world with every fiber of the soul. Use every day of your life and try to love the world around you, and it will reciprocate you.
