Each of us dreams of not only meeting a loved one, but also creating a strong and reliable relationship with him. Some get it right the first time, others are destined to spend several months or years to find a soul mate among many people, and still others, even though from the outside it seems that they have an ideal relationship, have to constantly deal with one or another type of physical or emotional violence.
The third are the least fortunate, because the ideal partner for all the people around him, as soon as he crosses the threshold of the house and closes the door behind him, gets rid of the social mask and turns into a soulless and bloodthirsty monster who systematically tortures his victim and gets enormous pleasure from it.
The problem of physical violence is now being actively discussed by the public and experts. Emotional violence in relationships, which, just like physical violence, negatively affects the victim, still remains in a gray area. In Russian laws, psychological violence as a legal category is practically not disclosed.
In our society it is not customary to talk about this, and our fellow citizens are very loyal to this type of violence. Very often, women who have the temerity to share their problems and experiences with their loved ones may hear in response that, they say, their husbands beat other wives every day, but your husband has only forbidden you to communicate with your girlfriend, use the computer, or go to work. And few people think about the fact that such dismissive, rude and cruel treatment in a relationship humiliates the human dignity of the victim and breaks her psyche.
There are several main types of emotional abuse, each of which has its own distinctive signs and characteristics. In this article I would like to talk about neglect in relationships, because this type of mental violence involves the use of such subtle and sophisticated techniques that the victim does not immediately and not in all cases realize that her partner is an emotional abuser.
What is neglect in a relationship in simple words? What are the main signs of negligence? In what forms does this type of emotional abuse manifest itself? How does neglect in a relationship affect the physical and mental health of the victim? How to resist neglect and put the rapist in his place?
Is indifference an innate quality?
Indifference is a quality that characterizes a person as a soulless person who does not pay attention to other people’s troubles, sorrows and experiences. Indifference is an acquired trait.
A person cannot be born indifferent; he becomes this way due to life circumstances, examples and his own judgments. Indifference is considered a conscious refusal to help someone solve issues that do not concern the person or concern them indirectly.
The indifference of one person breeds the indifference of others. For example, someone who was not helped at a difficult moment and showed indifference will do the same to others. Because for many people, on the one hand, it is easier to stay on the sidelines than to shoulder the burden of solving other people’s problems and offering help. On the other hand, if a person was once refused, he will most likely do the opposite and also refuse to help others.
Signs of a woman's indifference. What are the signs to determine the behavior of a woman in love?
- The girl constantly secretly watches the guy who arouses her sympathy, and immediately looks away when her eyes meet his. At the same time, she can cover herself with paint like a schoolgirl, and this gives her away completely.
- She is constantly friendly with the young man, laughs at his jokes, responds to requests, willingly makes contact and tries to attract attention to herself.
- She prefers to communicate with her friends by talking with the object of her sympathy; in a word, she behaves in a way that was previously unusual for her.
- When communicating with a young man who is not indifferent to her, the girl unconsciously shows physical signs - straightening her hair in a gesture that men consider very sexy, gesticulating, showing her wrists, trying to violate personal space, trying to touch the guy’s hand or face. A young man with at least a little understanding of psychology will understand that tactile contact means sympathy.
- If a woman has a sincere feeling for a man, when talking to him, she constantly turns her head in his direction, unconsciously repeats his poses - “mirrors”.
- If you carefully observe a girl in love, you can easily notice that when talking to the guy she likes, her pupils dilate. This occurs due to the fact that a large amount of adrenaline enters the body.
- If a girl does not see a young man to whom she is not indifferent for a long time, she begins to show interest in him, asking mutual friends about what he is currently doing. Pages on social networks are now also under the close attention of the person in love.
- Gifts for no reason are a reason to think about the nature of the relationship. Most likely, the girl wants to win the sympathy of the young man and show how important he is to her. If, moreover, the present is made with your own hands, this indicates that the person spent a lot of time making it, hoping to please you.
What dangers are fraught with people’s indifference and where does it come from?
The indifference of people has become a real problem in modern society. It permeates representatives of different age and social groups, and is instilled in children.
The child cannot pass by the hungry and helpless kitten; he wants to cuddle and feed him. What does mom do? He pulls the baby by the hand and forbids him to approach the animal because “he has shingles, is homeless, lost, we are in a hurry,” etc. Having heard the same thing twice, the third time this child himself will pass by, repeating his mother’s words in his thoughts. He may be ashamed of himself, but he will try to drown out and forget this feeling.
In the same way, most adults indifferently pass by those who may need help. A person has fallen and lies motionless on the sidewalk or bench. Most people will pretend they didn't notice, or think he was drunk, or were in a hurry to go about their business. And at this time a person could have a heart attack, a blood clot would break off, and for a few minutes he could still be saved. But indifference did not allow this to be done.
Many will pass by if they see a robbery attack, the beating of one person by another or a group of people. “My house is on the edge, I don’t know anything” - it’s always easier to say this and pass by without calling the police or providing help. Or, it is possible that these are criminals who have been wanted for a long time and without success (due to indifference, among other reasons), and the victim will never receive help.
Reasons for husband's indifference. What to do?
We will try to find the answer to this together. Indifference in the psychology of a man’s relationship with a woman can be corrected. To begin with, accept that you yourself may be the reason for the indifference towards you. Blaming other people for your troubles is stupid and pointless. Now ask yourself:
- When did you notice the first signs of your husband's indifference?
- What happened before this moment?
- What did you do to make him lose attention to you? Or didn't they?..
Try these questions in different order, and write down everything that comes to mind without thinking.
- How do you benefit from an indifferent relationship?
- And why do you need this particular man who is next to you now?
Of course, the reasons for indifference can be discussed together, but only if you calmly accept any mutual answers. A good option is to seek psychological advice, especially if your biography includes the loss of a loved one and the pain of separation. It’s not easy to remove emotional layers, so trust a professional. Often, under the indifference of relationships lie very strong feelings, it would be enough to have the patience and desire to find them...
I can hear a reproach, like, why should a woman be attractive and charming, but a man, as always, won’t lift a finger?! Firstly, you are again looking for the reason not in yourself. And secondly... for God's sake, stay ordinary, it's your choice. Life is about choice. The same Roksolana studied the Turkish language and the laws of government in order to be attractive to the Sultan, Cleopatra learned alchemy and the secrets of magic. What are you interested in, first of all, to yourself?..
Why is indifference dangerous?
How else is indifference dangerous? The fact that, spreading everywhere, deprives society of humanity and mutual assistance. People are no longer confident that if they are attacked, someone will volunteer to help or call the police. Because most people won't do that themselves.
Nowadays, people would rather take out their phone and turn on the video camera to film the chaos that is happening than to come to the rescue and call others.
By showing indifference, a person loses touch with empathy and becomes an indifferent person. People don’t want to take on other people’s experiences; they envy other people’s joy.
Monotony
Another sign is a lack of diversity. Dating is like two peas in a pod. During meetings, there is a sense of alienation and reluctance to open up. The guy does not strive to surprise the girl, trying to make every moment together memorable.
Of course, he is not obliged to pretend to be a professional animator, trying to capture the female imagination every second. But without signs of attention, sometimes not too bright, but understandable, a man in love is simply unable to leave his chosen one.
The problem of indifference to life
The problem of an indifferent attitude towards life can also be caused by individual factors, certain life events, and personal experience. For example, a person who is depressed is most likely indifferent to life and the events taking place in it.
Anyone who has become a victim or suffered from the indifference of other people often becomes indifferent because someone once did not help him.
An indifferent attitude towards life also appears in those who are disappointed in themselves and others, suffer from apathy and do not see the meaning of life.
People who live indifferently are people who have no goals or favorite things to do, who have lost their closest people, and who, for various reasons, are left alone.
People who have selfish tendencies in the bad sense of the word also show indifference in life. they are fixated on themselves, their feelings and worldview. They are sincerely confident that only their problems are the most difficult, while other people’s problems are not worth a damn.
Inveterate egoists never think about helping other people and under no circumstances will they show concern for someone else’s misfortune. Just as they will not sincerely rejoice at someone else’s happiness.
There are times when a person, faced with someone else’s problem, gets lost and doesn’t know what to do or how to behave. Again, the fear of doing something wrong or wrong takes a person aside and prevents him from helping another. These actions and situations cannot be regarded as indifference; rather, they are an exception.
Indifference in relationships. Never take steps towards intimacy in response to indifference.
I’ll leave the tamers of the obstinate with their house-building for a while and ask the women.
Women, do you want to know the simple secret to building successful relationships? It is in vain that some people think that there is no such secret, that there are no universal and simple recipes. In some places it doesn’t happen, but here it does. And it has been known since ancient times. The secret couldn’t be simpler: never take steps towards intimacy in response to a man’s indifference or aggression. Women, do you want to know the simple secret to building successful relationships?
It is also good to always encourage any right thing a man does. But the main thing is the first. Never, under any circumstances, break this rule from the very beginning. From the very beginning of a relationship, this is very important, because if you never follow this rule and suddenly start abruptly, the effect may be the opposite. I'll tell you which one later. But if from the very beginning you consistently and clearly build a field of relationships in which it will be possible to receive love and intimacy from you only by giving you the same love and intimacy, and nothing else, in which every step back of your partner will lead to a decrease in your interest, It will be almost impossible to get you into a relationship with an imbalance. There will always be a person with you who values you, and everyone who does not value you will not have access to you. It seems that this rule is not only logical, but also simple. Why take a step towards intimacy with someone who is indifferent or aggressive? Isn't this the healthiest reaction - to pull your hand away from the cold or fire? Isn’t it mutual warmth and mutual pleasure that pushes people closer together? Unfortunately, this is only true for holistic and mature people. Immature people are so fragmented and contradictory from within that they require unimaginable strength to comply with this rule. And in order to understand where to apply it, a round table.
Pierre Janet was the first to write about the internal fragmentation of the psyche and personality. This is a brilliant psychologist who worked before Freud and even before Breuer, the author of the concept of “Interiorization”, on which the entire theory of unconscious processes and almost the entire psychology of the 20th century is built. Pierre Janet is less known than those who made full use of his discoveries, since he stepped far forward and wrote a lot of paradoxical things. In his books, he described various mental phenomena and his “Energy System”, in fact, quite accurately explains many phenomena that are still considered mysteries. Janet studied women somnambulists and hysterics to understand the mechanism of mental automatism. Janet’s main conclusion: a healthy psyche is distinguished by great plasticity and at the same time integrity, the processes in it are coordinated and at the same time have great flexibility, so a person with such a psyche is practically not suggestible.
An unhealthy psyche, “Weak” as Janet called it, is inconsistent, fragmented, each part acts on its own, but in order to maintain at least some constancy, plasticity is impaired, ideas are fixed, many become obsessive. In addition to cases of obvious pathology, when the fragmentation and fixity of the psyche is great, there are also possible cases of normal underdevelopment, which occurs at a young age, and therefore young people are contradictory, suggestible, prone to go to extremes and become infected with affect.
All I am trying to talk about is that with a lack of personality development, a person behaves childishly, but, being deprived of youthful advantages, he suffers more. It also causes suffering to loved ones.
For a person to feel normal, she needs at least a minimum of personal support, which she can feel as her own and independently support. An unformed personality needs a minimum of external resources and supports that to feel its existence and security, a formed personality for a long time can make do only with internal ones. An unformed personality quickly collapses under extreme conditions, is easily influenced, quickly becomes infected with ideas, and immediately surrenders “Itself.”
A formed personality can resist and survive for quite a long time without any external support. Its reserves are limited, but they can last for a very long time, depending on the strength of personality integration and the power of the inner core. But this is a lyrical digression. The point is that if a personality is not fully formed, and even deprived of external supports, it turns into what Janet wrote about: a fragmented, contradictory, disorganized being, incapable of self-control. Only if no one takes control of such a person does she remain in the chaos of feelings, ideas, and emotions. She is sometimes bored, sometimes anxious, sometimes carried away somewhere, she submits to almost any external movement, and it is difficult for her to resist, since her personality is fragmented and no part of it outweighs.
Either the department responsible for the sense of duty is turned on, then the department responsible for pleasure, then the department involved in planning, then the department that protects from stress. Therefore, such a person sometimes doesn’t care about everything, sometimes something worries him very much, sometimes he wants to break away and fly, sometimes, on the contrary, he behaves strictly according to the rules, sometimes he likes to be promiscuous, sometimes such hints are disgusting. It would not be an exaggeration to say that such a person is looking for a “Master”. Of course, she is not constantly searching, this would mean the unity of her goals, but her goals change, but in fact there are no goals at all. But in moments of fatigue from one’s toil, anxiety, the chaotic nature of the world or boredom and monotony, in a word, in moments of realizing one’s inability to cope with managing one’s life, such a person really wants to find someone to whom one could entrust oneself.
After such an extensive digression, it should be clear why a woman, especially a young woman or who has just emerged from a symbiosis (parental or marital) or who simply failed to grow up or is experiencing a personal crisis and internal breakdown, cannot build relationships consistently. A simple recipe is too complicated for her, she wants one thing, then another, and most importantly, she cannot restrain any emotions, and a variety of emotions arise in her. In response to rudeness, a passionate desire for intimacy may arise in order to relieve stress right away, and in response to affection, boredom and an unbearable need to be sarcastic may suddenly begin. Guilt replaces aggression and vice versa.
She literally “cannot control herself”, behaves stupidly and destructively, instead of being reasonable, confident, correct, and thereby attractive to equally reasonable, confident and correct people. No. She is scattered, disheveled, torn in the energetic and emotional sense. It ignites, then cools, fills with energy and is de-energized at the same time. The number of holes in her psychic field is incalculable, and as soon as one closes, a new one appears.
Sometimes this is noticeable externally, but almost always in behavior and speech. That is why reasonable, confident and correct people avoid her. Those who feel her weakness and chaos inside stick to her. She is like a flower that exudes nectar that is too sweet or even too poisonous for people who are looking for healthy relationships and mutual love. But people who have the same chaos inside are drawn to it because they see their own in it or they have a certain core, but a very specific one, more like the trunk of a bumblebee, and they fly to this flower to collect honey. However, this is not honey, and the flying ones are not bumblebees, and the poor thing is not a flower. Therefore, the little vampire’s paws stick, he becomes furious, and tears it off along with the petals.
And sometimes he finds a way to drink nectar without getting stuck, but since it is more likely poison or alcohol, he quickly goes into a drunken frenzy. Or another scenario: a predatory flower slams its petals and begins to eat the brain of such an insect. In general, there are many stories, they are fascinating and all about passionate and painful relationships that beautifully or uglyly destroy both. It’s true that most bitches (albeit not all) are secretly or openly looking for a “Tamer”, so they unleash all their chaos on any man they like, hoping that he will somehow organize it or go to hell. Unfortunately, they are often dragged to hell too. There are two most popular interpretations of the phenomenon of “Bitchiness”, conventionally male and conventionally female. Male: a selfish woman spoiled by her parents, who is easier to abandon than to correct, but if everything is not very bad, such a woman will be cured by love and respect for a man, she will give up her selfishness and become a good wife. Female: bitch - a woman disappointed in men, forced to behave this way for self-defense or out of revenge, is treated with love, tenderness and tact of a loving man. As we can see, the two interpretations offer opposite models of behavior for the bitch's partner. The masculine urges to set conditions harshly and if the conditions are not met, to leave, because “That means he doesn’t love you.” The female one calls, on the contrary, to long and persistently gain the trust of the bitch, enduring all her quirks and shocks in order to gradually “Melt the Icy Heart.” In fact, both models work poorly. And both are good under certain conditions. The first model works when a man’s conditions are not strict, but clear, but very fair, he is consistent, he is decent himself, he is interesting to a woman, he does not obey her, but does not offend her either. In order to organize a more chaotic and contradictory partner and build the right field of relationships, it is very, that is, extremely important not to offend him or deceive him. You need to take care of yourself and be very tactful, not to be fooled by provocations. In response to his rudeness, it is better to politely say goodbye, thereby allowing him to realize his behavior and feel guilty. Only if a person himself constantly violates boundaries, attacks and behaves tactlessly, is it impossible to figure out where he is to blame and where the other is, which means it is impossible to build a field. In this case, the more chaotic partner will easily drag the second into chaos, and the second will be amazed at his own madness. To have a normal relationship, it is better to communicate with a more organized (as a person) person, more stable and mature than yourself. And if your partner is less organized, you need to watch yourself very carefully and be doubly stable. Such a fair, but firm and consistent position really has a chance to charm the bitch and force her to recognize in the man the one to whom she wants to entrust leadership: a reliable, fair, strong man. But is it really good to give leadership over yourself to someone, even the kindest one? Of course not. However, this may be better than driving yourself and those around you crazy by ruining your life. The latter, in general, is the same subordination, only not to one, but to everyone in a row, chaotically and unsystematically, whoever turns up. It is best to take your personality into your own hands, at least gradually. And sometimes a partner can help with this if he does not use the leadership given to him over himself, but gradually returns it to where it should be. But more on this important point later. For now, let’s focus on the fact that such a model can work and create something like a harmonious couple. But for this, the man must show himself to be a very worthy person (who can be completely trusted), and the woman must turn out to be not so much a bitch, but rather an unbalanced, contradictory, emotionally unstable person who is trying to get rid of it. A real bitch learned to live in her chaos and somehow coexist with her own demons by giving them shares. That’s why she won’t come under human power so easily. But more on that later. The female model of taming a bitch (this is “Love, Endure, Win Trust”) is very criticized by men and considered a trap. No one wants to love, endure, conquer, and end up being used, and even humiliated. From such a picture, any man would be better off becoming a monk if all women turn into bitches, but for now just look for flexible women. Men don't see the logic in showing women their weakness when they expect them to be strong. However, under certain conditions, the female model also works. And it increases masculine strength in a woman’s eyes. If a man manages to maintain a sense of self-worth, not to humiliate himself and show only one weakness - love, and in everything else - strength, he can well afford to “Conquer a Woman”. At a certain moment, having shown his love enough, he can make it clear that his hopes have been exhausted, relationships without reciprocity no longer interest him, and most “Bitches” will not be able to let such a man go and will run after him, willing to get rid of his bitchy behavior. In principle, these are all descriptions of the same thing as in the male model, just from the other side. If you use the models straightforwardly, they do not work at all. “Hardly bending” a bitch means being sent away immediately or accepted and vindictively humiliated a little later. “Winning Trust” by humiliating yourself means losing not only her respect, but also your own. In a word, any models are nonsense, only internal harmony and your own core matter. The main thing to pay attention to is that effective behavior in both models is, in fact, the behavior of a very mature and internally stable person. Immature and unstable, both models will be overused and cause problems. His emotions will always drown out and blind him, because the bitch has an amazing ability to explode his brain. In any model, the partner will behave exactly as an extremely hysterical and unstable girl behaves: tell her to go to hell, then ask for forgiveness, then disappear, then demand something, then change her plans again. This is the best way to resist a partner who has a desire for a normal relationship. But a partner with the same chaos inside may like it. Another question is where these souls will end up together.
Incredibly, a mature person is able to pull an insufficiently mature partner into a relationship that will help him mature. Women, do you want to know the simple secret to building successful relationships? These are relationships with a high degree of trust, but also with the preservation of boundaries, with great warmth, but a balance of contributions, with shared responsibility for the common space, but with personal obligations, with saturation with the energy of the outside world, without symbiotic stuffiness, but also without the coldness of distanced relationships. A person who does not want to develop will not be able to endure such relationships and will fly out of them at an early stage, but a person who strives for development and is ready for it will find such relationships beneficial. For those rejected into chaos, there are a huge number of people like them, ready to dance with them around witches’ fires, drink each other’s tears and blood and practice love magic. Marina Komissarova.
Indifference: an emotion or a way of life?
Indifference as an emotion can be equated to indifference. Indifference is a consequence of fear. Fear of problems that may arise if a person shows involvement in someone else's fate.
These problems, in fact, have no place in the life of an individual. They do not fit into his regime and do not correspond to his schedule... Indifference has become a common factor in modern society. That’s why there are so many cases when an ambulance is not allowed to go ahead on the highway and in courtyards, when people pass by those lying on the ground, pretending not to notice assaults and beatings on the streets and in neighboring apartments... Indifference and fear of consequences are the two main ones criteria in this sad statistic.
Scientific research into feelings of indifference
Scientific research on indifference has been carried out by both psychologists and philosophers. Fabry, Rubinstein, Spinoza studied indifference. Many agreed that indifference can be equated to apathy, emotional passivity, lack of interests and hobbies, and a decrease in overall activity.
In 1993, N. Fetiskin noted that students and schoolchildren experience boredom during many lectures and lessons.
In 1984, researcher I. Shurygina found bored students among music school students. And in 1989, A. Chebykin revealed the fact that students’ expectations from classes are not met, and instead of positive emotions, they are forced to be bored or afraid of the teacher.
“Emotional-motivational paralysis” - this is the definition of indifference given by the dictionary of Meshcheryakov and Zinchenko.
Indifference is primarily characterized by the absence of any feelings and emotions, both positive and negative. A person does not experience aggression or irritation; he is neither happy nor bored. Indifference often develops after experiencing stress. But many researchers have identified indifference as a symptom of mental or physical illness. Indifference can be provoked by hereditary factors, a nervous breakdown or overstrain, endocrine system problems, certain medications, bad habits and their consequences, and old age.
There are two types of indifference. In the first case, the person looks depressed and sad, he is not interested in the events taking place and the people around him.
In the second case, the individual carefully hides his indifference to life behind the mask of a successful and active person.
The man shows indifference. Causes
- Perhaps his thoughts are occupied with another girl. Even a passing crush can cause a man to focus on a new object of affection. In this case, he may lose interest in his former girlfriend.
- Sometimes girls show excessive dependence on their lover. This is mistake. In this case, the man ceases to perceive the girl as his “prey” and loses interest in conquering her. In addition, excessive affection always causes a repulsive effect.
- Indifference may appear as a result of too serious intentions on the part of the girl. Men are more inert regarding creating a family and lasting relationships; they take such decisions longer than girls. Too certain family prospects can be intimidating from the very beginning.
- Many men are put off by girls' excessive emotionality, tendency to aggression, conflicts and hysterics. If your chosen one is not ready for such a temperamental, exhausting relationship, perhaps indifference will appear as a defensive reaction from unpleasant experiences.
- Indifference can appear as a result of long-term monotonous relationships. The daily routine, lack of creativity and play in life contribute to the fact that feelings become dull and over time can completely cool down.
- A state of lack of interest in girls can appear after a negative past experience. Even unsuccessful relationships twice in succession can lead a man to the conclusion that relationships are not for him at all. He may begin to act as if girls are not interested in him at all.
- A man may be absorbed in other matters; serious matters or problems may temporarily push the girl into the background. As a rule, in everyday worries there is always a moment for the girl you love, but if things are truly urgent, this can temporarily occupy all the man’s attention.
How to deal with indifference and indifference?
Is it possible to learn to cope with indifference and indifference? If these feelings have not yet acquired a clinical connotation, it is possible to work with them and achieve positive results too.
What ways can help cope with indifference?
- Concentrating on positive moments and thinking about their meaning in life. positive moments should be consolidated in the subconscious and emerge in particularly difficult periods of life.
- Communication with family and friends, attending cultural events, joining social life. These activities give new emotions and an understanding that there are many interesting people and events around. And it’s a shame to miss this.
- Active and healthy lifestyle, proper nutrition, good sleep. These are well-known concepts that no longer pay attention to. But one way or another, following these rules really works wonders. First through force, then out of habit, a person begins to exercise and eat the right foods. As a result, your mood improves and the desire to live in a new way arises.
- Finding a passion, a hobby. A trip to another city or country with the aim of changing activities and the surrounding reality.
- Training and gaining new knowledge, changing the type of activity. Perhaps indifference is caused by the fact that a person has denied himself his own desires for a long time and did what he does not like.
- Participation in volunteer activities. When a person sees that his work helps save someone or makes life easier for someone, he stops being indifferent to it.
- Pets help cope with indifference and apathy. Caring for them and communicating often brought people back to life.
Indifference in relationships
A man and a woman are polarities, between which there is a constant spark, so indifference in the psychology of a man’s relationship with a woman is essentially impossible. Yin and Yang, active and passive, obvious and hidden, logic and intuition, restraint and passion - between these opposite poles there is always tension, an energetic current. It can be different in appearance - a man next to a woman can feel a surge of energy and strength, or vice versa, the relationship drains both.
It all depends on the goal. If a woman intends to use a man for physical and material pleasures, his potential will quickly dry up without receiving anything in return. If she strives to fill her chosen one with care, attention and love, a man is unlikely to leave such a cozy space, of course, if he has not completely sunk and does not care about anything other than satisfying animal instincts.
Indifference in the psychology of relationships is common. Both women and men can be indifferent. Although, in truth, the stronger sex is more guilty of this. Why? A man is a player by nature, a passionate nature. Therefore, his interest should be constantly warmed up. For a man’s attention there should always be a point of application - and this “point” is in a woman - something that awakens in him excitement and a desire to get to know you further!
