Questions about how you can change your life for the better, where to start making changes, arise in almost every person. And it doesn’t matter how successful he is, how rich he is, how many friends he has, whether he has a family. The desire to develop lies at the core of personality, and moments of stagnation even lead to depression. If things are not going very smoothly, and problems are piling up more and more, changes become especially necessary. But how to do this, because not everyone can decide to make global changes. I will talk about this in this article.
Why do you need changes in life?
What are changes in a person's life? Let's give a definition. Changes in life are turning points. Whatever tone they are painted in (positive or negative), this is stress. Changes are often associated with situations of choice, making difficult decisions and taking responsibility for them.
Why and for what purpose are changes needed in life? Those situations that lead to change become life lessons. Sometimes change makes a person feel weak and helpless. Some situations seem hopeless and the available solutions are not satisfactory. But this must and can be overcome.
You need to have great resilience, wisdom and personal maturity to adapt to changing living conditions. It is important to accept the fact that changes in life will happen constantly. They are needed for the development and formation of a person as an individual and personality.
Note! The psyche, like any other system, strives for stability. That's why people are so resistant to changes in life and don't want to leave their comfort zone. It is normal to be afraid of the unknown and new, but you cannot allow yourself to become a hostage to fears.
What could they be related to?
What are the changes in a person's life? They can be related to work, health (mental and physical), personal life, education, standard of living, interests, etc. – changes affect all aspects of life, the external or internal world of a person.
In addition, there are natural (normative) and private changes in life. An example of the first: all people go through certain stages of growing up and then aging. And this applies to both physical and psychological changes, as well as social ones: the cycle “kindergarten - school - university - work”. In the case of private changes, we are talking about changes in the life of a specific person. And they, in turn, can be either specially organized by the individual himself or independent of his desires and actions.
Between boredom and impressions
Eric Berne, the author of transactional analysis, said that people are driven by needs, which he called “hunger.” Berne identified three basic needs (provided that basic needs such as security, food and sleep are satisfied): hunger for stimulation, recognition and structure. The combination of these needs or their imbalance leads to change.
Hunger for stimuli in childhood is characterized by tactile manifestations of love:
- touch,
- kisses,
- mother's smile
- embrace.
As we grow up, we satisfy our hunger for stimulation by replacing or supplementing physical strokes with social ones. That’s why “likes” on social networks, compliments from friends and strangers, and encouraging words from loved ones are so important to us.
When a person lacks novelty, he goes after it. The hunger for incentives forces us to do something. The same job, which sets one’s teeth on edge, the same hobby can suddenly become a zone of discomfort.
To gain new experiences, a person will take risks. It is important for him to feel alive and breathe deeply, otherwise he will drown in the routine of monotonous days that will drive him into depression. Therefore, a person craves change!
And it seems that we are already ready to start changing our lives, when the third hunger immediately begins to interfere with us - hunger for structure. When there is no plan, no to-do list, we lose our footing. We are faced with the question of what will happen ahead.
In order not to be afraid of the future and move forward, you need to take several steps.
How can you deal with changes in your life?
You can treat changes in life as surprises, or you can perceive them as something natural. You can transfer responsibility to higher powers (lucky/unlucky), or you can take responsibility on yourself. You can go with the flow, or you can become the master of change.
What in our life cannot be changed
To maintain mental and physical balance, it is important to distinguish what is within our area of responsibility, control and influence from what we cannot change.
What in our life is not subject to change? We can't change much:
- other people,
- laws of human development as an organism, individual, personality;
- laws of social development;
- other laws related to the structure of the world;
- the passage of time (for example, we cannot go back to the past);
- the cycle of seasons and weather;
- temperament and other congenital characteristics;
- aging and death;
- your choices and your mistakes;
- other.
Important! Any changes in themselves are neutral - just facts. It is people who characterize them as good or bad. It all depends on how we relate to changes in life.
Inner feeling of anxiety
Often people in the usual bustle begin to experience an inexplicable feeling of anxiety. Many people have a premonition of inevitable troubles or misfortunes. Someone is feeling the burden of problems that have appeared or are looming on the horizon. The most sensitive natures can generally fall into long-term depression.
It is important to understand the reasons for this mood. If it is impossible to do this on your own, it is better to turn to specialists: psychologists will be able to determine the level of anxiety and give the necessary recommendations. You just need to try to understand yourself and find the true reasons for your depressed state. And this can only mean one thing: you need to change!
After all, it is still more common for a person to approach life with joy, to take for granted all defeats and victories. This is how humans differ from animals in that they are endowed with self-reflection, that is, the ability to analyze the reasons for all their successes and failures. And when the cause is found, it can always be eliminated - if only there is a desire.
Of course, it’s more difficult when there are no more desires left. Then a good emotional shake-up comes to the rescue - a new film, meeting new interesting people. Or maybe adrenaline will help? Then a parachute jump or a descent from a mountain peak will truly revive your sense of life.
What can they lead to?
What do changes in life lead to? Change is an experience. Changes reveal a person from some side. Sometimes what seems like a tragedy can lead to positive results. For example, a person was fired, and then he found his true calling. However, even positive changes carry a certain charge of destructive energy. Let's look at the negative impact of changes in life.
Negative impact of change
Change is scary. Any changes in yourself are a rejection of part of yourself. That is, first you take something away from yourself, find yourself in a vacuum for a while, and then gain it. For example, you give up a toxic social circle, bad habits, dead-end jobs, destructive love relationships, etc.
Changes in life are a strong emotional shock. A person finds himself in a state of anxiety, because of this there is a high risk of making incorrect, rash, emotional decisions. Try to look at recent changes with fresh, new eyes, as if they were not happening to you. Take the role of observer.
Changes in life always drive a person into a state of stress and instability. The longer he stays in this state, that is, the slower he adapts and makes decisions, acts, the higher the risks and danger. Living in conditions of constant uncertainty and instability is fraught with the development of neuroses and psychosomatic diseases.
How to calmly respond to changes in life: practical recommendations
We can influence some changes in life more, others less. And some changes are completely beyond our control; all we have to do is accept them. How can you learn to be calmer about changes in life? Adhere to the following rules:
- See change as an opportunity. Think about what you can learn from the current situation, what benefits and lessons you can draw from it. Our brain works in such a way that we involuntarily focus on the negative first, because negative emotions have a greater charge of energy than positive ones. But try to change your vision of the world and develop positive thinking.
- Don't get hung up on plans and boundaries. Yes, life becomes more productive when a person has plans, goals, schedules. This is normal and even useful. But always leave room for surprises, and even better, regularly arrange small shake-ups yourself. For example, walk or drive different routes to work. Regularly try and master something new, learn something. Don't let yourself get stuck in your comfort zone - then changes in life won't throw you off track.
- Listen to your inner voice. He speaks not only at the level of the soul, but also at the level of the body. There is a whole section in psychology (psychosomatics) that teaches you to understand your inner world through bodily symptoms. If something hurts or you experience other discomfort, it means there is an unresolved internal conflict. During periods of change, listen to yourself especially carefully.
- Remember that there is always a choice and a decision. Inaction is also a decision. This is a choice to do nothing, not change anything, not take responsibility. Yes, sometimes we are not satisfied with the available solutions to situations, but we still have to choose. Remember that everything you have in the present is the result of your past actions and reactions.
- Don't let fears, complexes, and other psychological problems break you. Fight everything that blocks development and interferes with self-realization.
Where to begin
In most cases, when life is filled with suffering and despondency, a person strives to change the world around him and influence circumstances. Instead of looking for flaws in himself, he tries to remake his other half or change his environment. This approach is doomed to failure from the start.
To get on the path to change, start by doing the following:
- Determine your true values and formulate a specific goal.
- Make a step-by-step plan and follow through.
- Give up everything that interferes with your development.
- Get rid of bad habits.
- Don't waste your time: don't sit aimlessly on social networks, give up TV series and computer games.
- Start changing your appearance, eat right and exercise.
- Rebuild your thinking, think positively, believe in your strength.
Don't try to change your life instantly. If you grab onto everything at once, you will quickly burn out. Only a thoughtful approach will allow you to take targeted steps to improve your life. Before the main breakthrough, evaluate where to focus your efforts first. Write down 6 life areas on paper and rate each from 1 to 10 points:
- health;
- personal happiness;
- wealth;
- friendship;
- hobbies;
- degree of self-realization.
The area receiving the lowest score requires priority attention. If the scores have equal weight, start with health and the most significant area.
My experience
I know for sure that in life there are black, gray and white stripes, I noticed a cyclical pattern in myself. For example, this is clearly noticeable in the labor sphere. Working as a freelance copywriter cannot be called stable. In short, it looks like this: you find several regular customers for a while, you can roughly plan your work schedule and daily routine, you have at least some guidelines for a certain period of time.
At the same time, you know that these projects will end, and then you will have to look for new ones. Accordingly, for some time (no one knows how long) income will fall, the rhythm of life and internal state will change. The type of activity will also change. Patrolling various sources of vacancies and communicating with different people is not the same as the usual rhythm of cooperation with those with whom you have already worked well.
And there is also an unexpected interruption in work. For example, amid the 2021 pandemic, I lost two customers, but after a while I found a replacement.
These are the changes that you can prepare for and that you just have to accept if you want to work from home as a freelancer. At first this was alarming, but now I know that after the period of decreased workload, refusals and fruitless searches, another, brighter period will definitely come. It really happens that you can’t find a job for a month or even two, and then within a week you find several clients at once. Or they find you. The main thing is not to despair.
Kindle the flame of love
The energy of love can run out. As a result, a person is mastered by the logic of profit and selfishness. In communication, prudence, dryness, and rationality begin to prevail. Lack of love kills and certainly does not contribute to change for the better.
Start increasing the amount of love you have. Spend at least a minute daily on this activity. The main thing is that it is repeated.
Closing your eyes, find the source of love in your inner space. It is there, even if you are an unhappy, angry person. Feel the love, let it flare up, take more space. Let it penetrate into different parts of the body.
Direct this energy to all beings with whom you come into contact, as well as to strangers - the city, the country, all of humanity.
At the same time, ask higher powers to give you the opportunity to do something good for someone. When the high vibrations of love become your usual background, external changes will certainly enter your life and provoke positive changes.
