5 Reasons Why You Miss Your Ex After Getting Out of a Toxic Relationship

After breaking up with a toxic partner, some become depressed not only because they remember the suffering they experienced, but also because of the desire to get their ex back. As a result, a person finds himself in a strange situation: why bring back into life someone who treated you poorly? Rest assured that it's completely normal to want your ex back, even if the relationship in the past didn't work out in your favor. There are good psychological reasons why you miss your ex-partner. Here are the 5 most common explanations for sadness after a breakup.

What does the male “I miss you” mean?

Every girl at least once in her life heard a guy say: “I miss you.” You can hear it from a friend, acquaintance, or pen pal. Sometimes girls don’t know what it means if a man says he misses him a lot. To understand the essence of what was said, it is necessary to consider the context in which this phrase sounded, with what emotions the guy said it.

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By saying “I miss you,” a guy can show his warm feelings towards you and express sexual desire. You shouldn’t immediately take this phrase as increased sympathy. You can miss a person in different situations, namely:

As per the interlocutor;
Like a girl who is pretty;
Like a friend whom you haven’t seen for a long time.

If a guy does not show feelings of sympathy, but says: “I miss you,” take a close look at his actions and emotions. If, when he sees you, his eyes fill with interest, he is having fun with you, perhaps these signs of boredom indicate serious intentions. If this is expressed only in correspondence, and nothing like this happens during personal meetings, it means that the guy does not attach importance to these words at all.

You don't allow yourself to open up enough

Relationships become boring when they lose momentum. You met, went through the candy-bouquet period, convinced each other of your feelings - everything that is needed for you to become a couple has been done. However, relationships must develop all the time, and not just at the moment of inception.

According to relationship expert and positive psychology coach Dave Wolowski, relationships grow when both partners aren't afraid to be vulnerable and open with each other. This strengthens the feeling of intimacy and connection in the couple. But if people behave withdrawn and do not share their weaknesses and experiences, they limit not only their personal growth, but also the development of relationships, which leads to stagnation and boredom.

Be open to communication and encourage conversations that will help you learn more about your partner's background, desires, dreams and priorities. The ability to share these things helps healthy relationships grow.

How bored men are - the psychological basis

Male psychology is a science, to define the concepts of which it is worth learning all the nuances. Girls don't always understand when a man is truly bored when he shows feelings towards her. Features of behavior depend solely on the temperament and character of the guy who expresses his emotions.

A man does not always say that he misses him. There are situations in which a guy may be depressed, have no desire to communicate with anyone, and walk around in a bad mood precisely because of great longing for the girl.

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At the psychological level, such behavior is very justified, because male psychology allows one to hide one’s feelings, accumulate emotions inside oneself, and release them outside only with rare exceptions.

The cure for boredom

According to scientists, boredom is associated with mind wandering - when people are bored, they become immersed in their thoughts, which makes them feel even more bored. For the same reason, we begin to feel sad when we are alone, alone with our own thoughts. Experts believe that keeping yourself busy is the best way to get rid of boredom.

“By nature, it is important for a person to feel that he has an influence on the world, and that the environment suits him. This is as important as light, fresh air and food,” Eastwood says.

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How to understand that he is truly bored

If a guy is truly bored, he really expresses his desires. Strong gentlemen see no point in deceiving themselves, no matter what the situation is at the moment.

There are main signs of melancholy:

Calls often;
Writes messages daily;
Always answers your calls;
Shows interest when communicating;
Looking for meetings;
Caring, worried, worried.

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Such emotions can truly be shown only by those gentlemen who have positive feelings for young ladies and are looking for a meeting. If a man says that he is very bored, he immediately changes his behavior, begins to show more attention, and tries to fill the void of presence with virtual communication. It is not difficult to recognize such a person; it is enough to observe his actions and control his emotions.

Why is boredom dangerous?

It is not difficult to guess that boredom is not the most pleasant human emotion. Scientists add that it leads people to self-destruction. By the way, in one study in which a group of South African teenagers took part, it turned out that boredom is the main reason for the abuse of alcohol, tobacco and marijuana.

The negative impact of melancholy on human health was confirmed by another experiment.

Scientists from University College London observed the lives of 18 thousand officials aged 20 to 64 for 10 years. It turned out that those who were bored at work had a 30% increased risk of dying in the next three years. This is due to the fact that people who had nothing to do often took a smoke break, constantly chewed something, and moved little. All this, as experts note, directly affects increased blood pressure, the occurrence of cardiovascular diseases and the appearance of obesity.

What to answer a man to the phrase “I miss you”

Girls often hear the phrase from guys that they miss you, want to see each other, spend time together. The answer depends on what kind of relationship you are in with the man. If this is your loved one who has temporarily gone on a business trip or gone to work, immediately answer him in kind. This kind of attention is extremely important. If the phrase came from an acquaintance with whom communication occurs simply at the level of friendship, it is not necessary to respond in kind. You are just interested in communicating with him, but you do not miss him.

Some women are afraid of offending their friends, acquaintances, suitors, so they reciprocate, even if it does not exist at all. This is a mistake that once again gives your partner reason to think that he is also interesting and not indifferent to you. You shouldn’t disturb his psychology, because guys are only outwardly so strong and brave, but their state of mind is always at a vulnerable level.

READ How to tell a girl that I like her a lot

Rely only on your experiences, if they show you that you also miss a person, say it in plain text. Psychologists do not recommend being afraid or hiding their feelings, because this will only destroy their nervous system and worsen their mental state.

Boredom and who is susceptible to it

According to the Great Encyclopedic Dictionary, “boredom is a type of negatively colored emotion; a passive mental state, characterized by a decrease in activity, increasing irritation, lack of interest in any activity, the surrounding world and other people.”

Despite the fact that people began to get bored long before our appearance, the word “boredom” itself appeared, for example, in the English lexicon, relatively recently - in 1852. It was first used by the famous writer Charles Dickens in the novel “Bleak House”, in which he talked about the life of Milady Dedlock - a woman “dying of boredom” in her marriage.

“Milady Dedlock, having conquered her little world (having married a rich man 20 years older than her - editor's note), not only did not shed tears, but seemed to freeze. Weary self-control, the indifference of satiety, such equanimity of fatigue that no interests or pleasures can stir it up - these are the victorious trophies of this woman. She carries herself impeccably. If she were taken to heaven tomorrow, she would probably go there without expressing the slightest delight,” wrote the author of Bleak House.

Later, the symptoms of boredom described by Dickens were confirmed by scientific research. One of the first scientists to show interest in melancholy was John Eastwood, a psychologist at York University in Toronto (Canada).

In 2012, he and his colleagues attempted to define boredom scientifically. The study was published on the American Psychological Association (APA) website.

Experts have studied many theories and conducted hundreds of interviews to find out exactly how people feel when they are bored. As a result, psychologists concluded that boredom is closely related to our attention.

“A person becomes bored at the moment when he cannot concentrate his attention on something. As a result, he simply has nothing to do,” says Eastwood.

According to the psychologist, two clearly defined personality types, two opposites, are especially susceptible to mortal melancholy:

People who are impulsive by nature are constantly looking for new emotions. The measured flow of everyday life seems too bland to them. “The world around them is not stimulating them enough,” says Eastwood.
Trying to isolate themselves from danger, suspicious people can lock themselves at home and do nothing. “They withdraw because they are too sensitive to pain,” the scientist says.

Advice from psychologists

The psychology of men is not as strong as that of women. This nuance answers the question of why they increasingly express or hide their feelings. If you hear from a guy that he is bored and wants to meet as quickly as possible, avoid being rude when communicating. There are tips from psychologists that should be followed:

Respond only when feelings are truly present;
If the boredom is not mutual, choose words that will not offend the man. You can simply send an emoticon with a smile if the communication takes place on a social network;
Recognize when a man is telling the truth and when he just wants to manipulate you;
Do not give in to your own feelings if you are unsure that the man is telling the truth.

The psychology of guys allows them to hide their emotions and mislead women for their specific purposes. If you have reason not to trust your boyfriend, to doubt that he has sincere feelings for you, ignore his messages or words.

What to do if your ex-boyfriend writes that he misses you

Sometimes after two loving people break up, a man wants to get the relationship back. 1-2 months after the breakup, the girl may receive a message from her ex saying that he missed her. What to do in such situations? How to respond to a message?

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There are different situations, so the actions may differ. In such a situation, you can do the following:

Ignore the message if you no longer want the old relationship;
Reciprocate if this is actually the case;
Blame your lover for the breakup if everything happened through his fault;
Say that you have another loved one, and your ex missed the moment to be happy.

Former relationships don’t just disappear; sooner or later one of the partners will definitely start to get bored, trying to get everything back. If you are expecting such an SMS from your ex-lover and have mutual feelings for him, forget about all the grievances, give him the opportunity to correct his mistakes and improve relationships. Missing a person is one of the main signs that he values you.

What to answer if he asks if I miss you

Men also need to feel reciprocity, to be sure that the girl is also looking forward to meeting him and sharing positive moments with him. As a result, women may wonder how to respond to “I miss you” in order to show their feelings without being too intrusive.

The following are sample responses:

And me too …
I am pleased that you think about me;
I'm also looking forward to our next meeting;
Don’t be bored, we can meet, go to the movies;
Thank you for your attention!

The answer options depend solely on what feelings you have for the guy. If you want to show that he is also dear to you, that he misses you for a reason, say so directly. No person understands hints, especially those in love. Only sincere truth and frankness will show your intentions and give you confidence in the future.

You still idealize your ex and hope for improvement.

Is there some part of you still clinging to the hope that your ex-partner will see his mistakes and come running to apologize, and then you will have a chance to start over? If this is the case, you urgently need to get rid of illusions in order to be able to move on. Try to assess the situation.

Perhaps at the beginning of your relationship your partner was romantic and kind. It's also possible that the person was compliant for a few days after the fight or even the violence, but that doesn't change the fact that you were in a toxic relationship. Make a list of things your partner has said or done to gauge their true self. Re-read the list of his negative qualities several times a day.

You have unrealistic expectations from relationships

When you look for a partner in a man who will fulfill all your romantic dreams and embody your ideas about an ideal relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Once you feel that everything is not going as you imagine, you will immediately lose interest in the person.

Most often, relationships are good and carefree in themselves only in the beginning; later it requires some effort. A healthy, adult, satisfying relationship for both people in a couple requires equal concessions and effort. To do this, you need to enter into a relationship with realistic expectations of yourself and your partner.

Why are you bored? Why are people bored? There's an answer!

Why are people bored?

The process of addiction formation is quite complex and is rooted in the subconscious, so deeply that not a single scientist would undertake to accurately determine it. Back in the days when our ape-like and hairy ancestors lived in a herd and ran around in what their mother gave birth to, a feeling of calm was caused by something that has been well studied. That is, it meant that there were no dangers here. Everything new at first caused fear, then curiosity and gradually addiction if it remained in a person’s life for a certain period. Look at the animals, they get nervous when they smell a new smell, see a new place or a new detail in the apartment. They are also addictive.

When one person misses another, this is a psychological dependence and it is difficult to distinguish what causes the feeling of sadness or emptiness. Firstly, our memory is helpful, but deceptive; it tends to idealize the past, so much so that we ourselves do not notice it. Therefore, a person who, for one reason or another, has left our lives is remembered better than he really was. Secondly, a person will always want to experience positive emotions again, it’s like doping from endorphins, and if their source was another person, it means that he is now missing, like a missing puzzle element, to reproduce the situation when it was good. Of course, this all happens subconsciously, but in reality there is simply sadness, emptiness and a desire to somehow contact the person again, for example, to call, come to visit or write a message. Sometimes this happens even contrary to common sense. Especially when it comes to love for something or someone. Everyone is familiar with the situation when a loved one can no longer be forgiven, but against all reason, one is drawn to him like a magnet.

Why are people bored? — Educational online magazine

They say that habit is second nature. In principle, this is how it is, and popular wisdom does not lie, because something that is constantly present in our lives, day after day, year after year, leads to addiction. Psychologists consider any addiction to be an addiction, that is, it is a kind of drug. A cup of coffee in the morning, a favorite robe in the evening, even a black kitten living in a neighboring house that has to cross the road every morning is a habit. If you look in the dictionary, a habit is an assumed, expected event, the frequency of which has been formed under the influence of repetition. But why, when a favorite robe is torn, and the store doesn’t have the exact brand of coffee we need, do we start to miss it all? The process of addiction formation is quite complex and is rooted in the subconscious, and so deeply that not a single scientist will undertake to accurately determine it . Back in the days when our ape-like and hairy ancestors lived in a herd and ran around in what their mother gave birth to, a feeling of calm was caused by something that has been well studied. That is, it meant that there were no dangers here. Everything new at first caused fear, then curiosity and gradually addiction if it remained in a person’s life for a certain period. Look at the animals, they get nervous when they smell a new smell, see a new place or a new detail in the apartment. They also have an addiction. When one person misses another, this is a psychological addiction, and it is difficult to distinguish what causes the feeling of sadness or emptiness. Firstly, our memory is helpful, but deceptive; it tends to idealize the past, so much so that we ourselves do not notice it. Therefore, a person who, for one reason or another, has left our lives is remembered better than he really was. Secondly, a person will always want to relive positive emotions, it’s like doping from endorphins, and if their source was another person, it means that he is now missing, like a missing piece of a puzzle, to reproduce the situation when it was good. Of course, this all happens subconsciously, but in reality there is simply sadness, emptiness and a desire to somehow contact the person again, for example, to call, come to visit or write a message. Sometimes this happens even contrary to common sense. Especially when it comes to love for something or someone. Everyone is familiar with the situation when a loved one can no longer be forgiven, but against all reason, one is drawn to him like a magnet.

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Are you used to drama in relationships?

According to psychotherapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, people with more anxious attachment styles may feel uncomfortable in calm, secure relationships because they are used to chaos. Instead of viewing a respectful relationship without scandals and manipulations as healthy and good, they believe that the relationship has become boring and lacks feelings.

This perception can lead a person into the trap of only being attracted to toxic partners. If this is a destructive pattern in your life, it's worth understanding your attachment style and working on being comfortable in secure, healthy relationships.