In addition, there is another important aspect of self-sufficiency - not only the desire, but the ability to organize your life independently, without depending on anyone. And in this, many modern women, unfortunately, are not strong - some depend on public opinion, some financially on a man, morally on their parents, etc.
“In psychology, SELF-SUFFICIENCY is the ability to do without outside help, live on your own, organize your life and everything in it at your own expense”
The ability to make decisions independently, to live in one’s own head, guided mostly by one’s own judgments. This does not mean not listening to anyone, it means prioritizing, after all, your final decisions (even based on a hundred advice from others) and not depending on others.
The positive factors here are the absence of dependencies and the ability to clearly define your needs, the availability of resources and the ability to satisfy them. Conscious seclusion and a life in which there is nothing and no one can become negative. But today we are talking about healthy manifestations, so we do not take the second option into account.
The only way to become a self-sufficient person is to stop expecting and demanding something from other people, take full responsibility for your life, decisions and actions, live for yourself and implement your own programs, provide for yourself financially and morally, be able to cope with difficulties and enjoy dreams.
Of course, no one is calling for you to close yourself off from your family and friends, not accept outside help, forbid your husband to work, etc.
“But we must be ABLE , if something happens, to cope with our lives on our own - then nothing will be scary and the world will no longer seem dangerous and unfair...”
Many women will probably throw slippers at me now, especially those who believe in the “inspiring mission” of a wife, but I sincerely believe that the best mother and wife is a self-sufficient person. Who knows how to earn and spend, listen to herself and make decisions, provide for her needs and desires, set priorities and defend principles, realize dreams and plans...
...To live the way you want and make any compromises consciously, guided by desire, and not by dependence, necessity, stereotypes, coercion, emotional (or any other) blackmail, etc.
It is happiness if there is an equally healthy and mature partner nearby, and therefore some abilities will not be useful to a woman for most of her life (earning money, solving complex problems, etc.).
But knowing that if necessary, you will cope with any problem, become a support for your partner in difficult times, feed your child, realize all your dreams/plans and live your life (and not someone else’s program or imposed model) is priceless.
Self-sufficiency is an obligatory stage of growing up, but not the pinnacle of development. On this foundation, other important things can and should be developed - building a harmonious and trusting relationship with a partner, the ability to receive joy from spiritual intimacy, the ability to give and receive love, achieving harmony outside and inside.
What is a woman's self-sufficiency
What is a woman's self-sufficiency? Self-sufficiency is a personality trait consisting of autonomy and independence. This manifests itself not in one particular area, but in all areas of life and activities. A self-sufficient person does not depend on the opinions of society, including relatives and friends. He does not need public approval or advice. He has enough inner confidence and determination. He knows that he can cope with any circumstances.
In psychology, it is customary to distinguish social, psychological and everyday self-sufficiency. In the first case, we are talking about education, employment and social activity. In the second case, it’s about the ability to be in solitude, spend time usefully and communicate for the sake of quality, and not for the sake of quantity. Household self-sufficiency means the ability to take care of oneself: taking care of one’s health, body and psyche, the ability to buy groceries and prepare food, create comfort at home, and provide for oneself.
Combination of roles4
Just a hundred years ago, the role of a woman was solely to take care of the household and housekeeping. What do we see today? There are successful ladies in almost all areas. Even where it would seem they shouldn’t exist - for example, the high technology sector or driving public transport.
A woman these days can become anything she wants with enough experience, strong drive and hard work. You don’t have to look far for an example. There is an amazing person in the Russian media - Tina Kandelaki. Since 2010, she has been the head of the main domestic TV channel about sporting events, MatchTV. Before that, she actively worked on radio and TV, participated in advertising campaigns for global brands, and ran her own company, which was engaged in PR and consulting. At the same time, the business lady has a daughter, she was married twice, and the second marriage lasts to this day.
In our opinion, this is one of the most striking and clear examples of the fact that a strong and self-confident woman is capable of achieving high results in both her career and personal hobbies, as well as having a family and children. At the same time, Tina looks amazing, plays sports every day, actively runs her own block and even opened a Georgian restaurant in Moscow, which received many flattering reviews from satisfied customers.
How do fragile girls manage to combine so many roles and be happy in them? Here are a few facts that public figures often share.
- Time management. The most important resource in human life is time. It runs much faster if you do it thoughtlessly and don’t systematize your activities. If you don’t know how to force yourself to do things on time, to accomplish even more than seems possible, take up personal planning.
You can start by making a list of tasks for the next day every evening. Moreover, you need to register everything down to the most insignificant details. Replant 3 flowers, learn 20 English words, watch a half-hour webinar, write a post on social networks, help your son with his homework - record everything. After completing each item you should check the box. This encourages you to quickly finish the rest of your planned activities.
- Share responsibilities. Modern women no longer carry the entire burden of everyday life, raising children and work on their shoulders. Firstly, you can come to an agreement with your husband, explain that you also work, so it would be great for him to help as much as possible. Secondly, a lot of convenient services have appeared. Now you don’t have to cook dinner after work - there is a delivery of ready-made dishes or products for cooking according to a unique recipe. There is a lot of workload at work - cleaning companies come out to clean your apartment. The child needs to explain an incomprehensible topic in algebra - tutors, and there are many private teachers and online schools on the Internet. If a woman is busy with work and earns sufficient capital, she can afford to delve into a certain area, and the rest of the issues are resolved by professionals.
- Analyze. Many women independently drive themselves into a state of apathy and melancholy. Too much work, tired of problems with my husband, children don’t listen, not enough money. All these moments are a favorite topic of conversation with a friend or mother. The solution is to talk to a psychologist about it. Indeed, in order to correctly assess the situation and find a rational solution, the help of a specialist is useful and necessary. Close people tend to subjectively assess the situation. A psychoanalyst is an outsider who has sufficient knowledge and professional tact. A fresh look and adequate assessment from the outside significantly facilitates the search for a way out of problematic issues.
How does it express itself?
How is a woman’s self-sufficiency expressed? First of all, the strength of man is noticeable. It manifests itself in the ability to admit one’s mistakes and learn from them, to listen and accept constructive criticism and not to pay attention to unfair remarks and insults.
A woman’s independence is noticeable in her behavior, words, thoughts, and actions. She knows and accepts herself, knows how to work on her shortcomings, clearly understands her desires, emotions, needs and always follows them. A self-sufficient woman has her own path, a goal in life and a plan to achieve it; nothing and no one can interfere with the path to personal happiness.
What does the phrase “self-sufficient woman” mean? This means strong and independent, and this can be expressed in different ways.
Self-sufficiency3
What did the representatives of the feminist movement fight for? What do they continue to vehemently advocate for? Naturally, for equal rights with men. Perhaps you shouldn’t go too far and take on all the responsibilities yourself in order to prove your worth to others.
However, each person is a unique unit. No one can ever guarantee that they will be by your side all your life and help you solve any problems.
In order to feel good, a woman these days must be an individual and take responsibility for her own life.
This rule does not deny the opportunity to seek help from competent people, nor does it prohibit trusting a man with the reins of power in the family. It’s just that successful ladies have long realized that it is better to have their own experience behind them than to live according to the orders of other people.
Let's say you married a man who runs a successful business and can fully provide for you, your children, and even your parents. At some point, the thought may arise that life has worked out and you can no longer try to prove yourself. Everything is so great.
But being married or having a wealthy dad does not guarantee that your problems will always be solved for you by close people or good friends. There are situations where you can’t go for help; you have to think and make decisions on your own.
Self-sufficiency is a quality that makes a woman attractive to the opposite sex. It maintains normal self-esteem and self-esteem. Capable of guiding us to achieve new goals, solve difficult problems and further development. If a woman is not interesting to herself, then other people feel this and stop taking her seriously. Conflicts occur with her once loving husband, and communication with children and friends is lost.
If a woman does not have her own business, she begins to live a life that is not her own: she imposes opinions on her children, gives advice left and right, and strives to establish rules and models of behavior for loved ones. Nobody likes restrictions on freedom. Therefore, a successful woman today strives to become an independent person with her own hobbies and source of income.
Why self-sufficiency is so important for a woman
Independence is important for any person, not just women. This is a trait of a mature personality. Why is self-sufficiency important? Because it allows you to build healthy relationships, find a decent job that matches a person’s interests and abilities, become happy and maximize your personal potential. After all, self-sufficient women are better able to cope with stress and difficult times in life. If something happens, they can take care not only of themselves, but also of their children and parents. However, they will not help lazy people and those who are stuck in the role of a victim.
Important! Self-sufficient people differ from others in that they are not afraid to be themselves. A self-sufficient woman does not lose her uniqueness and individuality, and does not dissolve into thousands of copies. This is how she attracts the attention of men and causes the envy of women.
Education and self-determination
It is no longer a secret that a honors diploma from a prestigious university does not at all mean that life is good and you can open any door behind which a diligent graduate is just waiting. It is an indisputable fact that women today, like men, must persistently engage in self-education and advanced training.
The main thing here is to find an activity that will bring not so much profit and financial independence, but will bring pleasure. Over time, many people come to the conclusion that their current depression and failure in life are largely due to their unloved job. This does not mean that everyone needs to go freelance en masse, open a business, and so on. A very large number of people are much more suited to a standard job on a set schedule with guidance.
The question is different - after graduating from school, we don’t understand what we like, we want to get an economic or legal education, which can ultimately help in accumulating capital and open the way to a good position. But what if we don’t like either economics or jurisprudence? We don’t feel like specialists, we can’t bring new creative solutions to our professional activities, we quickly burn out and get several neuroses in addition.
It’s surprising that women these days continue to think in stereotypes - any decent university, marriage and the birth of a child, work with the opportunity to take time off during the baby’s holidays. Millions of girls continue to live according to the principle of work and home. Only a few manage to take a broader look at their capabilities and prospects. But in fact, everything is simple - think about what you would like to do throughout your life.
If the work inspires, then the woman achieves success in any case. Of course, there are pitfalls here too - you need to talk to yourself as honestly as possible, discard the omnipresent “what will people say”, be able to pull yourself together and manage your time independently.
It will take much more strength and perseverance than when working in an office in a hated specialty. But what results did those ladies achieve who one day simply decided to do what brings them pleasure, be it hairdressing or the restaurant business? They continue to expand their knowledge, attend exhibitions and seminars, and participate in trainings. There is both energy and time for everything, because the topic is interesting, you want to understand it to the very end.
Let us note that such successful young ladies also have happy families, understanding husbands and happy children. By the way, men are interested in women who improve and change. It is in such family unions that two partners are each other’s friends and interlocutors.
How to become a self-sufficient woman
What does self-sufficiency mean for a woman? Awareness and responsibility are the basis of the life of a self-sufficient person. It is impossible to become independent if you do not know or accept yourself, are fixated on the past, are constantly tormented by doubts, do not understand your needs and feelings, do not know what you want and what you are capable of.
My tips
To become a self-sufficient woman, you need to evaluate your current condition. Go through the criteria we have considered again, determine what you currently lack, and write it down. Now think about how you can achieve what is missing. For example, if you are not happy with your figure, then sign up for a gym right now and consult a nutritionist.
If you are worried about lack of work or you don’t like what you do, then think about what in your case can combine three main components:
- want (your desires);
- can (your abilities and skills or what you can potentially learn);
- necessary (what is in demand in the market as a whole and in your city).
Now you can master many professions remotely or conquer one of the Internet professions. Or you can take courses in the beauty field and start seeing clients at home.
Reasons for low self-esteem
In addition to the peculiarities of upbringing, psychologists identify three more main reasons for self-doubt:
- Failures in childhood. For example, she did not take first place at the Olympics.
- Inability to set goals. This happens when communicating with people for whom self-realization means nothing.
- Atypical appearance. If a girl was overweight or wore glasses, and was laughed at at school, then she is unlikely to develop adequate self-esteem.
