Everyone has encountered perfectionists in their lives. But not everyone knows the meaning of this term. Who is a perfectionist? A person who is characterized by perfectionism. In that case, what is perfectionism? Many definitions can be given, but, in general, this is a psychological state, the belief that an ideal exists and can be achieved. In simple terms, a perfectionist likes everything to be perfect. But only he himself determines the degree of perfection.
Who is a perfectionist - the meaning of the term in simple words
So, in simple terms, a perfectionist is a person who believes that the ideal exists and can be achieved, and therefore makes excessive demands on himself and others. He strives to do everything flawlessly and flawlessly. A perfectionist may become irritated if he notices a flaw or imperfection in something.
A perfectionist is a fairly common personality type lately. The reasons for this are called very different - medical, psychological, even features of politics and economics. Moreover, depending on the type and severity, perfectionism can have positive, neutral or negative consequences. There are probably perfectionists among the readers of this article, so it’s worth considering this phenomenon in more detail.
Symptoms of the disorder
Defining perfectionism is impossible without describing the symptoms of the pathological process. The clinical picture includes a group of manifestations.
Internal tension
Sufferers experience constant internal discomfort, trying to do everything perfectly. But they are always unhappy with the results. This is a typical feature of neurotic perfectionism. The tension builds until it reaches anxiety. Anxiety can develop into an independent pathological process. Then, in addition to psychotherapy, the patient will also need medications. The disorder has an extremely negative effect on the body.
Tendency to do everything perfectly
Core feature. It develops from the very first days of the disorder and becomes its basis. The tendency to do everything as best as possible reaches the point of absurdity: even with perfectly done work, a person is dissatisfied and looks for problems in it. This leads to anxiety and rapid fatigue. Asthenic syndrome develops. The patient becomes irritable, constantly wants to sleep, and cannot rest properly.
Phobias and fears
They develop after some time. Phobias and fears are based on a pathological desire to control everything and do the best job possible. For a long time, such tension is leveled out by the reserves of the nervous system. Then anxiety disorders and phobias develop. Panic attacks are possible. The problem can only be dealt with under the supervision of specialists.
Increased demands on yourself
The person perceives himself inadequately. In particular, this is manifested by increased demands on oneself, the desire to be the best. But this is impossible. A vicious circle arises.
Increased demands on others
This trait irritates others. Not only does a person perceive himself inadequately, he also perceives others in the same way. Makes his own demands. Therefore, a perfectionist has an insufficient social circle and few friends. Which means social isolation and even greater internal discomfort from the feeling of one’s own inferiority and uselessness.
Low self-esteem
Is part of the whole.
The symptoms are obvious and clearly visible, especially if the process reaches moderate and clinical severity.
Types of perfectionism
Perfectionism can manifest itself in several different ways.
:
- Self-directed perfectionism
. In this case, a person strives to achieve a certain ideal and is as demanding of himself as possible. - Perfectionism directed at other people
. In this case, the “patient” makes clearly excessive demands on the people around him, sometimes demanding the impossible from them. - Perfectionism addressed to the world at large
. At the same time, the person is convinced that everything in the world should be “correct.” - Socially prescribed perfectionism
. In this case, a person blindly and thoroughly follows any standards imposed from the outside, tries to correspond to what others expect from him. - The so-called “forest perfectionism”
. It manifests itself in a strong love for nature, a desire to visit forests and other natural sites, virgin and sparsely populated places.
Perfectionism can be characterized in another way. It makes sense to highlight “creative”
and
“consumer”
perfectionism. In the first case, a person strives to create something at an exceptionally high level, to do his job “perfectly,” and constantly finds fault with himself and redoes what happened. He is mainly interested in self-improvement; he makes no special demands on others, sometimes he doesn’t even notice what’s happening around him.
“Consumer” perfectionism is the desire to get the best from life in a ready-made form, applying a minimum of independent effort to it. It is this form of perfectionism that is more common in the modern world, although there are also perfectionist “creators”.
“Consumer” perfectionism, in particular, is widespread among representatives of the social “elite”, “golden youth”, among children of rich and influential parents. If such people find themselves in a simpler and more democratic environment (for example, a hotel room of not the best quality), then they experience depression. But such perfectionism also occurs among ordinary people, even among those who call themselves “creative.” They present work and the creative process as a set of simple, template actions, which, when performed, can automatically produce an “ideal” result. If the result does not meet expectations, such people become severely depressed and become disillusioned with their abilities.
Severity of perfectionism
The severity of perfectionism is divided into three degrees.
- Easy or first
The patient does not dwell on his own problems and failures. However, they greatly upset him. A person does not stop, strives to look at things with a positive, optimistic view. The motto is: if it didn’t work out now, it will definitely work out later, next time. People live with this condition for a long time; it does not go away on its own. Need help from a specialist. But only if the disorder progresses.
- Moderate severity
The patient does not accept failure. They are difficult and painful for him. He perceives any problem as a critical, real tragedy. Although, in fact, most often the problem is not terrible and can be completely solvable. This degree requires mandatory assistance from a specialist.
- Severe or clinical degree
The person cannot do anything. The so-called perfectionist paralysis develops. When the patient wants to do something, but is afraid of not achieving the ideal. In such thoughts he remains inactive. This is already a full-fledged pathological process. A comprehensive correction is required under the supervision of a psychotherapist.
What is bad about perfectionism is precisely the paralysis of activity, self-doubt and loss of time. The patient can concentrate for a long time on a task that is already done well. It just couldn't be better. This is an obstacle to development and a serious psychological burden.
Causes of perfectionism
In fact, perfectionism has always existed. For example, monarchs are known to have pronounced perfectionism. Such, for example, was the Russian Emperor Paul, whose demands during his reign significantly affected the fate of the country, and not always positively. However, perfectionism began to manifest itself to a greater extent in the last few decades. Scientists are wondering why this happened.
Some of them see the origins of mass perfectionism in neoliberal ideology and corresponding political regimes. Neoliberalism is a fascist ideology that has nothing in common with real liberalism, but has earned some popularity in our time. She preaches extreme antisociality and the competitive, market nature of all social relations, including friendships and family ones. In this regard, any human action, even in everyday life, must have a “marketable appearance” so that it can be sold or exchanged for some other value, material or “spiritual”.
However, fascism and neoliberalism should not be blamed alone. There are theories that derive perfectionism from childhood with a certain style of parenting of a child. If the parents never approve of the child or approve of him rarely, mainly for exceptionally good deeds, he will constantly strive for this approval; This is how socially prescribed perfectionism arises. If parents constantly praise the child, regardless of his behavior and merits, this can develop into “consumer” perfectionism: the grown-up child will continue to consider himself the best and, therefore, worthy of living in the best conditions, regardless of the nature of his activities.
There are studies that link perfectionism to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). With this mental disorder, the patient experiences obsessive thoughts, most often of an alarming nature; he is afraid that everything will not go as planned, he is afraid of becoming infected with something terrible due to contact with imperfectly clean objects, etc. He strives to avoid a frightening outcome through obsessive actions - constant hand washing, cleaning, “obsessive” execution any work.
What is the mechanism of perfectionism?
Its essence is that a person is not sufficiently familiar with the realities of the world around him. He mistakes the ideal world drawn in his head for reality and becomes confused when he has to come into contact with the present reality. When “fantasizing” is neglected, a person is not at all able to exist in reality.
Thus, captivated by legends about an ideal and carefree life abroad in developed countries, a person goes there, but quickly becomes depressed when faced with an abundance of real problems even in the most “advertised” country. A perfectionist who has a higher education with honors and gets a job in his specialty is faced with the fact that the greatest factor for success at work is not his ideal knowledge, but completely different skills and abilities, often far from the work process: will, patience, ability communicate, ability to get along in a large team, etc.
By the way, often people who are perfectionists have certain difficulties in the social sphere: they are unsociable, do not like people, show aggression towards others, and may rarely leave the house. Many of them admit that they are afraid of people. In reality, such people are afraid to face difficulties and inconsistencies in the real world that do not correspond to their rosy fantasies.
What does it mean to be a perfectionist?
What a perfectionist means can be explained simply - a harmless individual who always keeps his word, fulfills his promises and duties, he is punctual and impeccable. For example, women always look perfect, take care of their figure, speech, and health. Perfectionist salespeople can spend hours arranging displays until they look perfect. Such people do not recognize shades of gray; for them there is only black or white.
The word perfectionist is a heightened desire to achieve perfection. It usually refers to a person's virtues. However, many psychologists have a different opinion on this matter - they are sure that this is a serious personal problem. First of all, low self-esteem, which affects all areas of life. Perfectionists do not have a “golden mean”; they lack flexibility and communication skills; they constantly go to extremes.
Constantly digging into details interferes with productivity at work. As a result, a person does not meet deadlines, cannot complete the task, and when he returns to it, it often becomes irrelevant. This puts pressure on the perfectionist, causes a feeling of displeasure, and negatively affects the nervous system, which leads to neuroses.
Perfectionist women resemble robots, which is why they often find themselves lonely. People of this type cannot stand criticism, which interferes with socialization.
How to recognize perfectionism in yourself
More often than not, perfectionists know that they are perfectionists. If there are doubts about this, then it makes sense to look at your state of mind, at your own attitude towards yourself and the world around you.
You may be a perfectionist if you are embarrassed by unevenness, crooked lines, someone's ugly handwriting (including your own), clutter in the room, and even the fact that some thing is clearly out of place. At the same time, you strive to fix it, put the thing in its place, smooth out unevenness, and often put off some really important things for the sake of this.
You are clearly a perfectionist if you do not notice your own successes and concentrate on failures and mistakes. Moreover, this can be directed not only at oneself, but also at a stranger. When listening to music, you find fault too much with the voice, the quality of the recording, the level of play of the musicians, and you rate low even what others recognize as masterpieces. You are a perfectionist if you have difficulty analyzing any object or phenomenon: what exactly is good about it, what is not so good, what is completely bad, what can be fixed and what cannot be corrected.
You are definitely a perfectionist if you tend to constantly compare yourself to other people, especially the successful, rich and famous. You are a perfectionist if you are constantly concerned about what others will say about you.
When does pathology occur?
Anankast individuals have a scrupulous desire for accuracy and order. It’s not difficult to expose them; they take everything to the point of absurdity. For example, they can create a schedule for home meals or wardrobe months in advance. They can, after leaving the house, return several times and double-check whether household devices have been left on. They do household chores much longer than necessary, because almost everything is redone several times.
Increased attention to detail delays the work process, so at work pedants may cope with responsibilities worse than their colleagues. Since they are conscientious individuals, lost hours can be compensated for by delays during non-working hours. Such dedication leads to quarrels in the family.
Even when they are at home, they cannot stop thinking about work issues and constantly analyze their actions. Thoughts deprive pedants of rest and proper sleep, which results in neuroses.
The main signs of a perfectionist
Among the many manifestations of perfectionism, we can highlight the fundamental
:
- Inflated performance standards and expectations that often do not correspond to real capabilities.
- The belief that others demand too much from you.
- Constantly comparing oneself with successful people, as well as comparing all sorts of actually observed objects and phenomena with certain “ideals”.
- Life is based on the “all or nothing” principle.
Treatment of the pathological condition
Is it possible to stop being a perfectionist and get rid of this shortcoming forever? Yes, it's quite possible. Psychotherapy is needed. Several techniques are used.
- Psychodynamic. To identify the causes of the pathological process.
- Behavioral. After identifying the causes, it is necessary to correct the disorder.
- Cognitive. So that the patient perceives himself adequately.
How else to deal with this? If anxiety develops, you can get rid of the symptoms with the help of sedatives and mild tranquilizers. They must be taken strictly with the approval of the attending physician and nothing else. Unauthorized actions are unacceptable.
It takes up to several months to resolve the problem. In especially difficult cases, several years of work on yourself.
Pros and cons of perfectionism
Of course, perfectionism is not always a disease or mental disorder.
If it does not manifest itself to a pathological degree, then it has a lot of positive features
:
- A perfectionist is a person responsible for his actions. He strives to maximally satisfy those who need his help or services.
- Healthy perfectionism implies that all problems on the way to achieving what you want can and should be resolved. As a result, such a perfectionist is distinguished by an active life position and optimism.
- A “healthy” perfectionist quickly adapts to new conditions and becomes “at home” in a new environment.
- The owner of “healthy” perfectionism is an independent person who has a strong point of view on reality and does not succumb to other people’s influences.
But there is also “unhealthy” perfectionism.
The disadvantages of this state are in many ways the reverse side of the advantages of “healthy” perfectionism
:
- It is characterized by low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with life.
- Such a perfectionist becomes dependent on public opinion or the desires of certain people whom he considers to be his “ideals.”
- A perfectionist who is overly demanding of others often finds himself completely alone.
- A “pathological” perfectionist is practically unable to develop in any way, since he is not prepared for the laws of real life, does not know them and does not want to take them into account (including even the elementary laws of physics). He is able to live only in his illusory world.
Types of pedants
There is no clear division of pedants, but two types can be distinguished:
- Moderate (rational). Pedantry appears as a result of meaningfulness, pushing him towards cleanliness and conscientiousness. Often such people are successful because they approach any issues accurately and thoroughly.
- Excessive (painful). When a person is manically worried about business and does not stop mentally scrolling through the same details, as if “disassembling” them into their component parts. This happens unconsciously. This state is called anankastia; it is more depressing than beneficial. A person suffering from this form of pedantry is always nervous and twitchy; ultimately, this can result in a clinical case where the help of a specialist will be required. In order not to contact such a person or, on the contrary, to help him, if there is one in your environment, you need to be able to timely authenticate the norm and deviation.
How to communicate with a man and a woman who is a perfectionist
When meeting a woman or man who is a perfectionist, it is necessary to take into account that such people tend to invent “ideals”. The person she or he likes immediately becomes an “ideal” for a perfectionist. The perfectionist extends all his ideas about the ideal husband, partner, friend to him. And when it turns out that the partner does not correspond to all these invented “signs of the ideal,” disappointment sets in, turning into scandal and discord.
Therefore, in order to maintain a normal relationship with a perfectionist, you should immediately explain that you are not an “ideal”; you, like any other person, have a lot of weaknesses and shortcomings that must be taken into account. If your perfectionist partner likes this “alignment,” you can count on a long and positive relationship. If not, it is better to immediately stop close communication.
Diagnostics
How to understand that you are a perfectionist? You need to undergo diagnostics under the supervision of a psychologist or psychotherapist. The events are something like this:
- Oral survey. Or, more simply put, an ordinary conversation. An experienced specialist quickly identifies the problem and discovers it during the first conversation. Then additional diagnostic methods are developed.
- Special tests for perfectionism are used: questionnaires, dysfunctional attitude scales, perfectionism scale. There are also additional questionnaires. They are quite reliable, especially in the system.
- Functional test. The patient is asked to perform a simple task. Based on the results, we can talk about one or another degree of deviation. Determine whether it is a disease or not. Disorders are indicated by increased emotional tension, patient remarks, and anxiety.
Is the “disease” dangerous?
“Healthy” perfectionism is not only not a dangerous state, but in a sense “ideal” for a person. Such a perfectionist, in particular, has a quality that is valuable for the present time - resistance to stress. If perfectionism takes the form of a mental disorder, then it is definitely harmful both for the “patient” himself and for the people around him.
Are things really that bad?
In fact, it is impossible to answer this question unambiguously. After all, on the one hand, everyone understands that it is impossible to be perfect in everything. But at the same time, nature itself has laid in man the desire to be better, to strive for the ideal.
System administrator perfectionism
But everything is comparative these days. Since just a few decades ago society accepted perfectionists with delight, society valued them. And today the term perfectionism causes ridicule, and in some cases, condemnation from society.
Tips to help overcome perfectionism
Of course, we are talking about “bad” perfectionism, because there is no need to fight “good”
:
- First of all, it is necessary to study the world around us
. Not only from books, films and other fantasies of other people, but also in direct reality. It should be clearly understood that one’s own and other people’s ideas, as well as theories, hypotheses and instructions, are only simplified models of reality, which in itself does not particularly correspond to them. - You shouldn't give up your ideals, but you shouldn't strive for them either
. The ideal must be “used” as a guide, and nothing more. So, if you want to play the guitar like Yngwie Malmsteen, you must understand that you will most likely never have exactly the same guitar, exactly the same equipment, the same opportunities for constant practice, or the same finger shape. and the opportunity to perform at the same venues; which means the sound of your music will be completely different from that of your idol - at best, it will be more or less close to him.
Instead of an afterword
To finally answer your question: are perfectionists hostages of their own and others’ ambitions, or people to be emulated, we can recall the examples of great inventors.
D. Mendeleev is known as the inventor of the periodic table. He spent many years on it, but worked meticulously to please his mother. She alone tried to get Dmitry, the 17th child in the family, accepted into a prestigious university. His whole life became proof of his mother’s love and gratitude.
Another idealist was the physicist L. Landau, who came to the conclusion that marriage would not be called a good word. He won the Nobel Prize, but due to his busy schedule, he forgot about his wife on his wedding night. With the words: “Oh, I’m unhappy!” I never left the regular laboratory tests.
Being a perfectionist is sometimes good - the next generations will appreciate your work. But will his descendants be among them? And is it easy to go through life next to a person suffering from a manic idea of making everyone perfect? And isn't this dangerous? How do you think? Share your opinion with us!
Dagirova Lidiya · 24 Sep, 2019
