Perfectionist, hypersensitive, indifferent: why do we become like this?

Meaning of the word indifferent

Their homeland was a strip of road that crossed the world in endless traffic; and the great trouble for the old nomads was the lack of new songs; while, indifferent to human troubles, indifferent as yet to the approaching night, which hid the plains in the distance, the peak of Mlun, calm in the sunset rays, watched the Doubtful Land.

I could not hate this person alone: ​​bright, open nature, although many would call him an empty person... But her soul, as it is now, was created by me, created by those evenings last year, when indifferent to her, indifferent to everything - I was so smart, so free, so angry, created most of all by those enthusiastic, feverish hints that I did not stop making to her at every meeting, starting with our walk in Aerien, [27] where I first told her that she - Nina Lermontova, [28] until the evening of December 23, when I, in response to her words spoken with feverish trembling: “I cannot be delighted with anything,” calmly and quietly read her the stanza “Fairy Tales for Children.”

In his pajamas, barefoot, indifferent to the possibility of breaking his toes on the invisible legs of chairs and tables, indifferent to the fact that upstairs in their bedroom his younger brother Neil, sobbing, grinding his teeth in his sleep, could suddenly wake up, see Graham's empty bed and be scared.

Ju stood with his head down, still indifferent to whether he should be or not, blithely indifferent to the world, because the plain world was indifferently destroying him.

The mystery of the Trinity seems to tell a person that God is not a soulless, impersonal and indifferent blind man; not “someone in gray,” as some wise men claim, that is, not a cold principle, indifferently looking at the world and saying with stony calm: “Hush, a man was born.”

Now I will walk you to the room in which you will live for the next seven years,” the man said this and began to roll the document into a tube, but I still couldn’t understand what I didn’t like more: his indifferent look or his equally indifferent smile.

He took a shower, had breakfast, called his wife, indifferently apologized for yesterday’s behavior, and received an equally indifferent answer, dialed Shestopalov’s number, and waited a long time for a response.

Life in the consciousness of the indifferent quickly withers, turns gray, huge layers of it die off, and in the end the indifferent person is left alone with his ignorance and his pitiful well-being.

Of course, our mathematical, precise life makes our character seem cold and indifferent, but believe me that a person born with an ardent heart, accepting indifference by force of habit, will not change his feelings; only the way of expressing it will be different; believe that an indifferent person is not yet cold-blooded and that between one and the other there is the same difference as between flowing and stagnant waters covered with ice; the external appearance of both is the same, but one freezes to the very bottom, the other does not stop flowing and babbling under its impenetrable cover.

And the cruel and indifferent world - well, that is, the cruel, indifferent public - is very convenient to hate from there.



adj., used often

indifferent , indifferent , indifferent , indifferent ; more indifferent ; adv. indifferently

1. Indifferent is someone who does not show interest or participation in someone or something. An indifferent person. | An indifferent observer, spectator, passerby. | He could not remain indifferent to what was happening before his eyes.

2. Indifferent is called something that expresses an indifferent, disinterested attitude towards someone or something, imbued with indifference, indifference, disinterest. Indifferent face. | To look at someone or something with an indifferent look.

3. If someone is indifferent to something, then this means that this person does not experience interest, inclination, or attraction to something. Indifferent to music and politics. | Indifferent to outfits. | He is indifferent to women.

4. If someone is indifferent to someone, then this means that this person does not experience feelings of love or infatuation for someone. He was equally indifferent to both his first wife and his second.

indifference noun, p. Show indifference. | He was overcome by complete indifference to everything.

Source: Dmitriev's Explanatory Dictionary on

Meanings in other dictionaries

  1. indifferent - It probably arose in the Old Church Slavonic language, where, apparently, it was formed as a tracing paper from the Greek isopsychos, they also convey iso, soul - psych, ny - os. Krylov's etymological dictionary
  2. indifferent - indifferent cr. f. -shen, -shna Spelling dictionary. One N or two?
  3. indifferent - INDIFFERENT -aya, -oe; -shen, -shna, -shno. 1. Indifferent, indifferent to people, to the environment, to what is happening. R. person. R. observer, viewer. He is indifferent to everything. * Shamefully indifferent to good and evil (Lermontov). Kuznetsov's Explanatory Dictionary
  4. indifferent - Borrow. from Art.-Sl. language, where indifferent is a word-former. tracing paper Greek isopsychos (iso- - equal-, -psych- - -soul-, -os - -nyi). Shansky Etymological Dictionary
  5. indifferent - INDIFFERENT, indifferent, indifferent; indifferent, indifferent, indifferent. 1. without additional and to someone or something. Indifferent, indifferent, passive, devoid of interest in everything around him, coldly calm. An indifferent person. An indifferent look. Ushakov's Explanatory Dictionary
  6. indifferent - Unanimous, having the same state of mind. Concise Church Slavonic Dictionary
  7. indifferent - adj., number of synonyms... Russian synonym dictionary
  8. indifferent - spell. indifferent; cr. f. -shen, -shna Lopatin's Spelling Dictionary
  9. indifferent - • absolutely ~ • deeply ~ • unusually ~ • completely ~ Dictionary of Russian Idiomatics
  10. indifferent - Old Slavonic - indifferent. Greek – “indifferent”. The time of the appearance and wide spread of the word in the Russian language is difficult to accurately determine. Derivatives: indifference, indifferent. Etymological Dictionary of Semenov
  11. indifferent - Equal/soul/n/y. Morphemic-spelling dictionary
  12. indifferent - Indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent, indifferent... Zaliznyak's Grammar Dictionary
  13. indifferent - -aya, -oe; -shen, -shna, -shno. 1. Indifferent, indifferent to the environment, what is happening. An indifferent person. □ We are shamefully indifferent to good and evil, At the beginning of the race we wither without a fight. Lermontov, Duma. Small academic dictionary
  14. indifferent - indifferent adj. Showing indifference 2., being indifferent, indifferent to everything and everyone. Explanatory Dictionary by Efremova
  15. indifferent - INDIFFERENT - INDIFFERENT Indifferent - not indifferent indifference - indifference (see) An indifferent person is a not indifferent person. An indifferent look is a caring look. Indifferent to music - not indifferent to music. Dictionary of antonyms of the Russian language
  16. indifferent - INDIFFERENT, oh, oh; shen, shna. 1. Indifferent, indifferent to people, to the environment. Indifferent people. R. observer. Indifferent to everything. 2. to someone or something. Not having an inclination or predilection for someone. Indifferent to ballet. | noun indifference, I, cf. Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary
  17. indifferent - see >> carefree, dispassionate, cold-blooded Abramov’s Dictionary of Synonyms
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People "without skin"

Perfectionists are often very sensitive people. But sensitive individuals are not always perfectionists. They are called people “without skin,” when a rude word or a dismissive look can hurt, and betrayal or separation unsettles them for a long time and becomes a tragedy.

Sensitivity can also be biologically determined when a person is born with a very delicate, receptive nervous system, says Mikhail Khors. But sometimes such a feature speaks of a “god complex.”

“Such a person does not necessarily strive for success, he may not have good grades at school or higher education, he may not have a prestigious job, salary, recognition of colleagues, but at the same time he has a complex of an omnipotent and omniscient being who knows exactly how to it should be, how the world should be. And if it is structured differently than what he imagined, then it is a bad world. It is painful for such people to live in a world that is not structured according to their laws. In religion this is called “pride”. Pride is the sin that is the mother of all other sins.”

Nadezhda Solovyova believes that in this case we are not talking about perfectionism, but rather about intolerance.

“You cannot put an equal sign between intolerance and perfectionism. There are intolerant people who are not perfectionists, and vice versa.”

A psychotherapist will help you cope with the “God complex”. Hypersensitive people can also improve their quality of life through therapy sessions and learn to react less painfully to traumatic situations and events.

Do opposites attract?

Families built by people with different temperaments and characters are considered stronger. A classic example of such a union is the heroes of Vera Alentova and Alexei Batalov in the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”, Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezukhov in Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace”. But not in a movie or book, but in a real couple created by a perfectionist and his antipode, according to psychiatrist Mikhail Gordeev, serious problems will arise.

“It is unlikely that they will get together. And even great love will quickly fade away, because they have different perceptions of the world. After all, in a couple, a person often sets criteria for a partner. And a perfectionist can set criteria in productivity, punctuality, and beauty. He may have an ideal of beauty, and, say, he will like a beautiful woman, but in the morning she will still wake up with a rumpled face, and this is already a violation of the ideal.”

Indifference (Indifferent)

Indifference (Indifferent) as a personality quality is the loss of the ability to love something or someone.

Indifferent love is a stupid incompatible phrase, as absurd as the combination of mortal murder or good Evil. An indifferent person is one who has lost the ability to love, a person with a burnt-out heart. Sergei Yesenin described this state: “And nothing will disturb the soul, And nothing will make it tremble, - He who has loved cannot love, He who has burned out cannot be set on fire.”

When love for something or someone lives in a person, it overflows and pours out on others, it cannot be measured and hidden. The damage and destructiveness of indifference lies in the absence of love. A callous person with a hardened heart can tenderly love himself, his wife and children, without showing his feelings and without showing emotions. There is no equal sign between indifference and callousness; these are far from synonymous. In most families, men, to one degree or another, show callousness towards loved ones, but accusing them of lack of love means a cruel insult. They were not taught in childhood, and they do not know how to show love, tenderness and affection. If indifference to one's wives and children coincided with callousness, we would have universal celibacy.

Somehow Love meets on its way Falling in Love. - Hello, love! How I admire you, you are the strongest feeling! - exclaims Love. “Yes, I’m stronger than you,” Lyubov agrees. - But do you know what my strength is? — she asks thoughtfully. “Because people cannot be happy without you, you connect hearts,” Love answers confidently. “No, this is not my strength; what makes me strong is my ability to forgive,” Lyubov disagrees. - What can you forgive if you are already hurt by Betrayal? - Love is perplexed. “Yes, I suffer greatly from Betrayal,” says Lyubov, “but I can forgive Betrayal, since a person commits this act not out of malice, but out of ignorance.” - But you won’t be able to forgive Treason! - exclaims Love. “Yes, it’s difficult to forgive Betrayal,” states Lyubov. - But I can also forgive Treason, because the person who cheated has the opportunity to choose the best, comparing people through trial and error.

- Could you really forgive a lie? - asks Love. “Silly, lying is only human weakness; it causes less harm than all other feelings.” Often people lie out of reluctance to hurt or out of awareness of their own hopelessness, and this is not so bad. - So, it’s normal for people to hide the truth and lie to each other? - Love is perplexed. “Of course, people can tell lies, but not when they truly love,” answers Lyubov. Therefore, lying has nothing to do with me; when people love, they don’t lie. - What else can you forgive? — Love is interested. - I can forgive Anger, because it is short-lived and passes over time, Harshness, since it is caused by Sadness, and a person is upset not for his own reason. I can forgive Resentment, she is the older sister of Chagrin, I can also forgive Disappointment, since Suffering often comes after it, answers Love.

- Oh, Love, I wish I had your strength! - Love exclaims admiringly. “But I’m not like that, I fade away at the first test.” How I envy you! - You're wrong, my girl! - Love disagrees. “There is a feeling that even I cannot forgive.” Indeed, I can forgive a lot, but this terrible feeling can cause me severe pain, and there is no medicine in the world to cure it. This feeling poisons me and hurts me more than Betrayal and Treason, it hurts me worse than Evil, Lies and Resentment. This feeling is called Indifference, it is the most terrible of all existing feelings. Disgust, Hatred and Contempt are also negative feelings, but they express an attitude towards a person. They are nothing compared to Indifference. An indifferent person does not care about the feelings of others and what is happening in their lives. It is indifference that is stronger than me; it destroys Love.

B. Yasensky in “The Conspiracy of the Indifferent” wrote: “Do not be afraid of enemies - in the worst case, they can kill. Don't be afraid of your friends - at worst, they can betray you. Fear the indifferent - they do not kill or betray, but it is with their silent consent that betrayals and murders are committed on earth.” An indifferent, that is, indifferent person is nothing, dreaming, amorphous, passive or, as it is said in the book of Revelations 3:15-16, “lukewarm”: “I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot; Oh, that you were cold or hot! But because you are warm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.” A “hot” or “cold” person is expressed in some way, has his own face, position, opinion. A “warm” person, that is, an indifferent person, is not capable of an active spiritual life.

Often, the root of indifference is buried in distant childhood. For a child, expressing emotions is a vital need. If you reject it, it will not disappear anywhere, because it serves as a manifestation of the essence of the little person. The need will remain unfulfilled inside and will persistently seek other indirect forms of manifestation. Unfortunately, when realized, the needs of the psyche take on a distorted appearance, as happens with indifference. The child was rudely forbidden to show his emotions. He developed emotional fear. But you cannot escape from nature; the manifestation of feelings and emotions is an important human need. To fulfill the need, he puts on a mask of indifference.

The subconscious firmly preserves children's dislike, lack of warmth and affection, lack of proper attention and care from parents. Statistics say that most indifferent people in childhood were deprived of maternal love and care. In later life, there is an ordinary “transfer” of attitudes towards oneself in childhood to one’s spouse, children and other people. Indifference comes back to parents like a boomerang.

Adolescents have a certain form of indifference that is mistaken for maturity. Boys are instilled with the belief that a real man should not be emotional, tough and extremely restrained, otherwise he will be considered a “weak man.” Therefore, young men try on a mask of indifference. In addition to a difficult childhood deprived of love, the mask of indifference gradually develops mental laziness in a person, preventing him from responding to other people’s worries and providing effective help in difficult times. Mental laziness eats away at the soul, forcing you to truly play the role of an indifferent person - not to interfere, not to pay attention, to take care of your nerves and strength. Gradually, the principles of indifference ripen in the mind: “My hut is on the edge, I don’t know anything”, “My shirt is closer to my body”, “After us there’s a flood”, “Our business is a side”, “Even if the grass doesn’t grow.” Over time, indifference becomes a serious mental illness, the further development of which means complete indifference to everything in the world, even to oneself. Just as rust eats up iron, indifference, without conscious effort on the part of a person, gradually enslaves and destroys his soul. A person irrevocably withdraws into himself, while poisoning the lives of family members. Everyone avoids him. Indifference kills all feelings; in terms of the power of its harmful effects, it significantly exceeds betrayal, resentment and lies.

I had to see with my own eyes the growth of indifference in the example of the son of one acquaintance. The family was dysfunctional: the mother hated the father, and she poured out her hatred and disappointment with life on the children. The mother's harshness and callousness were selective - the son was sick, so everything went to the girl. To cultivate indifference, you need to have a certain “pedagogical skill.” The first thing Makarenko did as a woman was to wean her son from taking care of someone. Everyone in the house walked on tiptoe so as not to disturb the patient. Selfishness and terrible utter laziness began to grow in the boy. He was no longer sick, but the habit of lying on the couch all day and being completely uninterested in anything remained. By the time he reached adulthood, he stood two meters tall, a fathom at the shoulders, and could kill a bull with his head. If we impartially describe his manifested qualities: they are laziness, gross selfishness, deceit, hypocrisy, cynicism, irresponsibility and ignorance. The toxic cocktail of personality traits was already alarming with its persistent lack of interest in most areas of life. But what was most troubling was not the ability to love someone or something. Having married for convenience, ten years later he abandoned his family, leaving two children. He never thought about them again. Alimony did not pay a single ruble. He returned to his parents and has been lying on the couch for fifteen years. No feelings, no love, complete paralysis of the soul - indifference.

Indifference takes a person into the looking glass of life. When he ceases to be interested in his own life, this is the logical end of the cultivation of indifference. But this is by no means indifference. There is a yawning chasm of fundamental differences between indifference and indifference. Indifference is: 1. selective lack of interest in someone or something at a given moment; 2. setting the mind to eliminate the excessive importance of someone or something. A person may be indifferent to himself, for example, after a strong shock. The nervous system “presses on the brakes” in order to restore wasted energy. In other cases, a person has a certain interest in something or someone. Only the corpse is not interested. So, a wife may be indifferent to football, but love figure skating. She can be indifferent to aquarium fish and, at the same time, adore her dog. In other words, indifference, unlike indifference, gets along quite well with selective love and interest in someone or something.

Indifference does not attach special importance to someone or something, does not highlight any objects of the external world with a bold line on the scale of importance. It makes no difference to her where to sing - in the Kremlin Palace or in front of ordinary peasants, where to perform - at the Olympic Games or at the championship of the Harvest society. Regardless of faces, that is, indifferently, she will everywhere express her point of view in the same way.

Indifference, unlike sterile and detached indifference, does not deny love and interest. Indifference paralyzes the soul. Indifference operates with the category not of the soul, but of the mind. For example, a person is partial to nicotine, but his mind forbids him to reach for a pack of cigarettes. If the mind is strong, the person will push the soul aside and will be indifferent to smoking.

Often, the reason for indifference lies in a person’s desire to protect himself from the negative emotions that befall him. Thus, in the niche of indifference it is convenient to protect yourself from the grumpiness of your boss or wife. When a stream of reproaches pours out on him every day, he, wanting to “survive,” often unconsciously plays the role of indifference. The only trouble is that over time this role becomes his natural internal incurable state.

In A.P. Chekhov’s story “Tosca,” human indifference is brilliantly depicted. Cab driver Iona Potapov's only son died. To overcome melancholy and an acute feeling of loneliness, he wants to tell someone about his misfortune, but no one wants to listen to him, no one cares about him. “He gets dressed and goes to the stable where his horse is. He thinks about oats, hay, the weather... He can’t think about his son when he’s alone... You can talk to someone about him, but it’s unbearably creepy to think about him and draw his image for yourself... - Are you chewing? - Jonah asks his horse, seeing its sparkling eyes. - Well, chew, chew... If we didn’t go out to harvest oats, we’ll eat hay... Yes... I’m getting old now... My son should be driving, not me... He was a real cab driver... If only he could live... Jonah is silent for a while and continues: - So, brother filly... Kuzma Ionych is gone... He ordered him to live long... He took it and died in vain... Now, let's say, you have a foal, and you are this foal's own mother... And suddenly, let's say, this same foal ordered you to live long... Isn't it a pity? The little horse chews, listens and breathes into the hands of its owner... Jonah gets carried away and tells her everything..."

Petr Kovalev 2013 Other articles by the author:

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