It is believed that all women manipulate men, and men, in turn, have no choice but to accept their fate and obediently carry out all orders. In fact, there are not so few men who are manipulators, and their methods of influencing the fair half of humanity are somewhat different.
Men's manipulations against women are much harsher and in most cases are used in the interests of one person.
However, psychologists have discovered an interesting fact: a hidden influence on your soulmate can create harmonious relationships, restore mutual understanding and bring variety to the drab everyday life.
The main thing is not to turn this into a game of conquering the female mind, but strives for common well-being, taking into account common interests.
How to understand that you are being manipulated?
Male manipulation is easily recognized, but because of love or charm, many prefer not to notice it. Realization comes later. To prevent the development of toxic relationships, we recommend that you familiarize yourself with obvious signals, methods and examples of manipulation.
Seducer
At the initial stage of dating, he will try to make the best impression on you. He will flatter you, use all the pick-up techniques and make you feel like the most beautiful and amazing woman on earth so he can use you for his own purposes.
Sole of company
Beware of guys who try their best to make other people happy. His friends and acquaintances are simply delighted with him, considering him Mr. Charm. In fact, behind the mask of politeness there is a callous person.
Sense of duty, fear and guilt
According to psychotherapist Shari Stines, manipulative behavior involves three factors: fear, guilt and a sense of obligation. When you are manipulated, you are forced to do something you don't want to do. Otherwise, you develop fear and an unreasonable sense of guilt.
You are lost and don't recognize yourself
The term "gaslighting" is often used to define manipulation. This is a form of psychological abuse, the purpose of which is to make a partner doubt his adequacy. You may feel falsely guilty about what you did. In such situations, women lose faith in themselves and do not understand what their mistake is. In fact, it is not your fault, it is the fault of your manipulative partner.
Total control
During the first stage of a romantic relationship, it is completely normal to want to know everything about the object of your attention. However, with manipulators things are a little different. According to psychologist Lisa Aronson Fontes, if a guy is too intrusive and wants to know about your every move, it can be considered a form of stalking. Ignoring him can really hurt him. Know that every person deserves to have their personal space respected. And your boyfriend should understand this.
Humiliation
Male manipulation can be a cause of self-doubt. People around you may wonder: “How did such a beautiful and intelligent woman as you manage to pay attention to him?” Alone with you, he will try to break your personality. By humiliating you and proving his superiority, he keeps your emotions and feelings in check.
Negotiation
Manipulators do not like to lose, and if you are the first to decide to end your relationship with them, they will beg you to give them a second chance. They will do everything to get you back: they promise that they will change and declare their love. Don't believe a single word.
Meeting places
Male manipulation is determined by the location of your dates. Do you only meet at his home, in his car, in his office, or in places where he feels like he’s in charge? Congratulations, you are dating a manipulator. The meeting places were not chosen by chance; the person simply wants to be the owner of the situation, and this is easier to do on his own territory.
Insults and barbs
Often, manipulative men make critical remarks and sarcastic comments about you. If you start to get offended, he may argue that the insults are a show of love. The barbs can concern everything: from appearance to personal qualities. However, he will not offer solutions to problems, leaving you only with a negative aftertaste.
You have no right to choose
It's a common tactic in sales and negotiations to force a decision to be made as quickly as possible. This method is often used in relationships. The aggressor will put pressure on you even if you are not ready, without giving you time to think. Ultimately, the victim often agrees with the manipulator.
Open aggression
The manipulator ridicules, insults, and deliberately creates the impression that there is something wrong with you and that you will never be good enough.
Ignoring
A popular tactic among manipulators. He does not answer your calls, messages and does not get in touch without any reason. He may appear days, weeks or months later, citing busyness or problems. In this way he achieves your submission and instills insecurity in you.
Turns on the fool
Whenever you want to have an honest conversation with your partner, he turns on the fool. The manipulator pretends that he doesn’t understand what’s going on and shifts the responsibility onto you. Men use this tactic to hide their secrets or avoid commitment.
There is his decision and the wrong one
Every time you don't meet his expectations, he gets angry and pushes his emotional buttons. For example, your boyfriend asked you out on a date that you can't go on. Instead of understanding, you will hear reproaches and attempts to force pity.
Shifting problems
Your partner speaks poorly of your ex (for example, she cheated on him) and blames her for his terrible behavior. You feel guilty and the manipulator is using your emotions against you. So next time he will forbid you to communicate with other guys.
He denies his words
Manipulators have a poor memory; they often do not remember their promises or previously spoken words when it is convenient for him. By doing this, he wants to keep you on edge or distorts your words to make you look crazy.
He does not care
You've had a terrible day and all you want is to share your emotions with your loved one. But the manipulator will quickly turn all attention to himself, convincing you that his affairs are much more important than yours. In reality, he just wants attention and doesn't care about your feelings.
Plays on feelings
You meet, then he suddenly disappears and you disappear in response. The manipulator will re-gain your attention and pretend that he is interested in you and may even ask where you went. He turns into the perfect guy whenever you decide to leave. In reality, he only needs you when it is convenient for him. And when you calm down, the game will start again. The manipulator will study your strengths and weaknesses. He may suddenly cancel your plans and blame you for it, convincing you that you are not giving him enough freedom. In this way they assert themselves and feel like winners.
Sadistic tendencies
He does not react to your tears and hysterics; on the contrary, he enjoys seeing you suffer. In response you will receive indifference or cruelty.
Manipulators can be divided into two categories: bully and victim.
Buller
Makes you feel afraid, uses aggression, threats, intimidation to control you.
Victim
Creates a feeling of guilt inside you and often takes offense. You, in turn, will try to make amends and as if you will be obliged to correct the situation.
How to recognize a manipulator
No matter how skillfully the manipulator controls a woman, it is possible to recognize the player’s intentions. He is revealed by certain character traits that alarm attentive and discerning ladies.
- Constant control. Initially, it may seem that this is how attention and care are shown. In fact, this is a successful attempt to get closer to the “victim”, to find out his strengths and weaknesses. Interested in every detail: with whom the girl spends her free time, hobbies, plans for life. At the most inopportune moment, the man will trump with the information he has learned, putting the lady in an awkward position.
- Frequent criticism of ex-girlfriends. Talking about past relationships on a negative note is unacceptable for well-mannered men. When breaking up, both are to blame, but the manipulator is convinced of the opposite. And no compelling arguments will force you to change your chosen position.
- Limiting your social circle. Less frequent communication with strangers means more opportunities to control the situation. The manipulator skillfully hints that his girlfriends are envious, his male acquaintances want closer relationships, and his relatives hang like a dead weight around his neck and do not allow him to live in peace.
- Customizes for yourself. For the sake of his own convenience, he tries to change the habits and lifestyle of his beloved girl, assuring that this will be better for both of them.
- Doesn't keep promises. The words of a manipulator rarely coincide with their actions. Having spoken a lot of beautiful words and predicted a heavenly life without worries and hassle, he conquers the girl and successfully forgets about his promises.
- Playing with feelings. To make a woman dependent, a man begins to behave strangely. First he confesses his love, says that he cannot live without you, then he behaves coldly and distantly, and then he disappears completely for several days and remember as you knew.
- Excessive jealousy. Due to the constant fear of losing an easily controlled object of desire, pathological jealousy develops in the manipulator, and uncertainty is formed, which has to be carefully hidden from outsiders.
Why does male manipulation exist?
Not all types of manipulation have malicious intent. Sometimes this happens on a subconscious level.
Check out the reasons for manipulation:
– Poor communication skills. Some people don't know how to talk openly. Perhaps as children, manipulative communication from their parents was the norm for them;
– avoidance of emotional connection. Manipulative guys treat the opposite sex as objects to achieve goals and use manipulation techniques to control. It also suggests personality disorder and narcissism;
- fear. Sometimes male manipulation is used during a crisis in a relationship. Manipulative methods are used because of the fear of being alone.
Which girls are more likely to be influenced by men?
People with complexes who find it difficult to say “no” to any request are at risk. Having no personal “I”, finding a bunch of shortcomings in themselves and not having decided on a clear position in life, it is difficult for them to resist the harsh pressure of a manipulator.
Women who lose common sense from the word “loneliness” are subject to the influence of others. Afraid of being left alone, they are ready to do anything so that the man does not leave them, no matter what a tyrant and manipulator he turns out to be.
Many insecure girls consciously choose who will control them. They are used to living under someone’s guidance, otherwise they can get lost in this huge world. A man becomes an object of desire for them, for the sake of whose happiness they are ready to sacrifice their own moral values.
How to resist manipulation in a relationship with a man?
You shouldn’t think that all men dream and see how to control a woman. Often a thoughtless word comes out of a man’s mouth not out of malice. Besides, a boyfriend, husband or lover is an ordinary person. Sometimes he “breaks down” due to poor health or troubles at work.
Read on the topic Manipulation in family conflicts and quarrels
How to resist manipulation? Think about whether there is truth in his words. Don’t accumulate resentment by crying into your pillow at night. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your beloved, listening to his position in response. But the conversation should not take the format of a scandal or a one-sided game, when a woman speaks and a man is silent. By searching for a compromise and cultivating mutual respect for each other in a relationship, a peaceful agreement can be reached.
The main rule on how to resist manipulation by a man is not to completely dissolve in him, go a little to the side after hearing an offensive phrase from him, try to figure out the situation on your own, putting everything in order in your head. Management from the outside can even help a woman and spur her to self-improvement. If a man’s manipulations have long outgrown the level of “for good,” and from a caring partner he has turned into a selfish manipulator pursuing only his own goals, do not hold on to him so tightly. Think about where this relationship will lead you.
Read on the topic 10 dangerous and wrong relationships that you urgently need to get out of
How to deal with a manipulative man
- Take the initiative. When you hear manipulative phrases, immediately take the initiative. For example, saying this: “This is your opinion, I don’t think so and in general this topic is closed. That’s it, the conversation is closed and is no longer discussed.” It works very effectively and is really simple.
- In the case of gaslighting, when you are tormented by doubts about your own rightness, then listen to your inner experiences. Tell your friends or psychologists about them, who will help you gain a sense of reality that the manipulator wants to destroy. Your task is to find a foothold among other people.
- Convict the thief on the spot. This method for brave girls is to say directly: “You know, it seems to me that you are manipulating me and not telling me something. Let’s stop this practice and not come back to this again, okay.” By exposing the manipulator in this way, you will cut his threads and make him feel the “burning earth under his feet.” A manipulative man is afraid that he will be found out.
- Once you find yourself in the clutches of a manipulator, do not be afraid to ask for help. Try to find people who can return you to the real world, which the manipulator managed to replace. Turn to friends, relatives or psychologists for help, because it is extremely difficult to get out of the clutches of a manipulator on your own.
Usually, the victim’s self-esteem is so low due to psychological violence on the part of the manipulator that she simply no longer has enough strength to act independently.
We suggest reading these articles: How to recognize psychological violence against yourself? And secondly, how do perverted narcissists affect the personality?)
How to resist a manipulative man in a relationship
First, identify the problem and name it. Pretty obvious start. If you want to fight something or get rid of something, first admit it. How do you know you are dealing with manipulation? Learn to trust your feelings and intuition more than the manipulator.
If you experience discomfort in a relationship with a man, your soul and body often rebel against injustice against you, and your own self-esteem becomes lower every day - this is an alarm bell that should not be ignored. (Learn the typical signs of low self-esteem in a woman so you don't let a manipulative man hurt you even more.)
Secondly, stop harboring false illusions about the possible re-education of this person. An even greater self-deception is to think that you can conquer him, make him fall in love with you, or be able to beat the manipulator and live with him.
Sooner or later, your relationship will definitely become a codependent relationship, in which the roles are divided into tyrant and victim.
Thirdly, don’t be afraid to appear firm and always assert your personal boundaries. This is the next piece of advice on how to get rid of a manipulative man. Feminine firmness disarms him and does not allow him to be used for selfish interests.
Therefore, set the boundaries of what is permitted as early as possible. Let him know how he should treat you and what will happen if he violates these boundaries. Don't accept excuses for unacceptable behavior. Stand your ground and be willing to accept the consequences of your behavior.
Fourth, remove the manipulator from your life. If he is unwilling to change and you are unhappy with the dynamics of the relationship, then it is time to end the relationship and separate. If nothing works, then by all means leave!
How to communicate with a manipulative man
Consciously ignore him. By humiliating others, the aggressor wants to gain a sense of self-worth, which is like a drug for him. It benefits the manipulator when the victim he is treating is worried about his words and cannot find a place for himself. So she focuses completely on him. This is exactly what he wants.
Therefore, you need to deprive the manipulator of attention and then he will have to look for it elsewhere. How can I do that? You don’t have to answer him or explain anything, you just need to ignore him.
If you can’t completely ignore, but want to respond to offensive remarks, then use the “majority opinion” technique .
The goal of manipulators is to sow doubt in their victim about the correctness of their point of view. This means that you can protect yourself from a manipulator and put him in his place if you show that his point of view is wrong. For example, saying that very significant people agree with your point of view, to whom he is clearly no match.
Conditional situation: the manipulator offended you with some sarcastic joke in order to continue mocking your vulnerability, saying: “You just don’t have a sense of humor.”
How to respond to this manipulator?
For example, like this: “Among normal people, a good joke was always considered one that brought a smile not only to the joker, but also to the person being joked about. And if it’s only funny to you, then I’ll disappoint you - this is not a joke.”
This way you let him know that your opinion agrees with the opinion of a large number of normal people. You can also support your words with a famous quote or aphorism of a world famous person. Then he will no longer have to argue with your opinion, but with the point of view of famous and respected people.
Simply ignore all further attempts to influence you. This will raise your self-esteem, because the verbal victory is yours. (Here you can find out how a woman can increase her own self-esteem and become much more confident?)
Conclusion
What did we learn from this article?
- That a manipulator is a wonderful actor who brilliantly plays the role of a victim.
- When he wants, he can “shed tears like a river”, fake love, joy and other emotions.
- In order not to fall into the trap of manipulation, you need to carefully observe the actions of those who, from the first days of meeting you, claim that they love you, try to make you feel with their tears, or ignore your feelings.
- Avoid becoming a victim of a manipulator, beat him or even teach him a lesson and put him in his place, perhaps if you know how to behave correctly with him.
In conclusion, we recommend that you learn from this video some more signs of manipulators and how you can fight them.
