36 questions that will make you fall in love with anyone

Incredible facts

Is it possible to fall in love with a complete stranger by asking him certain questions?

A journalist from a famous newspaper decided to check a study conducted in 1997 by psychologist Arthur Aron

(Arthur Aron), in which
intimacy between people was created under experimental conditions

During the experiment, Aron paired male and female strangers and gave them 45 minutes to answer a list of 36 questions, ranging from casual to more personal.

Then the couples had to look into each other's eyes in complete silence for 4 minutes.


Getting to know your partner

One important thing in a relationship is getting to know your partner. This way you can know what to expect from them and can also find out if you are a good fit for each other.

  1. What's your ideal way to spend a holiday?
  2. What makes you not love a person?
  3. Do you consider yourself a confident person? Why or why not?
  4. What are you most proud of?
  5. What would be your best version of yourself?
  6. What life experiences did you miss?
  7. When are you truly “you”?
  8. What musical instrument would you like to play?
  9. What's the best compliment you've ever received?
  10. What age would you like to live to?
  11. Under what circumstances did you quarrel with some of your close friends?
  12. When did an ordinary event or accident completely change the course of your life?
  13. Are you happy/satisfied with those you surround yourself with? Why, why not?
  14. If you could go to any country in the world for one month, where would you go?
  15. What is your favorite memory of someone who is no longer in your life?
  16. How superstitious/superstitious are you?
  17. What has been a recurring theme in your life?
  18. What was your most inappropriate or embarrassing fart?
  19. What do you think happens after death?
  20. What are your top five rules for life?
  21. What is your favorite thing in your/our home?
  22. What book or movie would you like to see for the first time?
  23. If you had a friend who spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you keep him as a friend?
  24. What little things do people do that get on your nerves?
  25. What gives meaning to your life?
  26. What would you like to tell people, but can't?
  27. What traits do you find most attractive in people?
  28. What secret have you never told anyone?
  29. What little pleasures do you enjoy the most?
  30. Who is the most annoying person you know?
  31. What's your biggest mistake to date?
  32. What have you struggled with all your life?
  33. What is the most significant change you would like to make in your life?
  34. What do you want from life?
  35. What calms you down the most?
  36. What things do you find disgusting?
  37. What would your ideal life look like?
  38. If you received a salary to follow your dream, what would you do?
  39. What's your most embarrassing story while you were sick?
  40. What friend have you not thought about for a long time?
  41. What's the craziest thing that happened at your job?
  42. Who are you being nice to but secretly don't like?
  43. If money was no object, how would you decorate your/our home without my help?
  44. How well do you read people?
  45. Do you see your future positively?
  46. Who do you want to be like, or who do you look up to most?
  47. What were the healthiest and unhealthiest periods of your life?
  48. What is the worst emotional or mental pain you have experienced?
  49. What do you like most about where we live?
  50. What are you worrying about?
  51. What did you screw up and then tried to hide?
  52. What's the scariest/most creepy place you've ever been?
  53. Do you think the world is getting better or worse? Why?
  54. How do you think society is changing? Will we change with him?
  55. Worst thing people are proud of?
  56. What's the biggest betrayal you've experienced?
  57. What would be the best gift?
  58. What are you afraid of?
  59. What makes you feel super cool/cool?
  60. What would you like your obituary to say?
  61. What takes up too much space in your life?
  62. What is the saddest or happiest realization you have achieved?
  63. What was the hardest lesson you had to learn?
  64. Would you take $3 million if it meant the person you hate most in the world would get $9 million?
  65. What part of you as a person still needs a lot of work?
  66. What words of wisdom are stuck in your head?
  67. How well do you know yourself?
  68. What's your best flaw?
  69. How do you forgive?
  70. Tell me about the time you almost died.
  71. Are you ashamed of what you did in the past? If you feel comfortable talking about it, what was it?
  72. Do you prefer to live in the countryside, in the city or in the metropolis? Why?
  73. What are your fondest memories of a tree/trees?
  74. What sensations are the most pleasant for you?
  75. Are you happy/satisfied with your chosen career path? Or would you like to choose a different career?
  76. What's the most unethical thing you do on a regular basis?
  77. What could be more difficult than it seems?
  78. What job do you think you were born for?
  79. What's the biggest financial mistake you've made?
  80. What makes you lose faith in humanity when you think about it?
  81. What was the most painful thing you heard?
  1. What biases do you think you have?
  2. What internal struggle do you not tell anyone about?
  3. What luxury item do you sometimes treat yourself to?
  4. What do you like to do most when you have time?
  5. What is normal now, but in 100 years will be considered unethical and barbaric?
  6. When do you leave with the intention of being remembered?
  7. If there was an accident that left you unconscious in the emergency room, how long would you want to be in the emergency room?
  8. Do you believe in good and bad luck? What about the things that bring success and failure?
  9. If you had a million dollars to give to charity, what type of charity would you do?
  10. What are many people afraid of, but you are not?
  11. If you could open a business, what type of business would you open?
  12. The thing that automatically makes a person unattractive to you, even if they are physically attractive?
  13. What lie have you believed for an incredibly long time?
  14. What are the three most important turning points in your life?
  15. What animal are you most afraid of?
  16. What scandal happened in your neighborhood or city when you were growing up?
  17. How well do you think you would survive in prison?
  18. What's the most awkward social situation you've been in?
  19. What scares you every day?
  20. When was the last time you cried?
  21. What was the most peaceful, calm and pleasant night you had, after which you got enough sleep?
  22. What's the most dangerous thrill-seeking thing you'd like to do?
  23. What is your biggest regret?
  24. Is it better to trust people or not to trust them? And why?
  25. What are your best and worst qualities?
  26. Who do you miss the most?
  27. What's the hardest life lesson you've learned?
  28. What do you take for granted?
  29. Stressful situation you've ever been in? How did/have you dealt with this?
  30. What's the most ambitious thing you've tried to do?
  31. How often do you change your mind? Or how do you see the world?
  32. What's the biggest opportunity you've been given?
  33. What should people enjoy more because it won't last?
  34. What question do you want people to ask more often?
  35. What's the saddest thing in your life that no one knows about?
  36. What are you most sentimental/sentimental about?
  37. Do people more often look down on you or, on the contrary, look up to you? Why is that?
  38. What question do you most want answered?
  39. What are the characteristics of a superficial person?
  40. What do you look forward to most during the day?
  41. If you could instantly acquire a talent or skill, what would you want to know how to do?
  42. When is your favorite time of day?
  43. What are the best and worst things about the period in history we are living through?
  44. What is the most useful thing in your daily life?
  45. Strange thing that stresses you out more than it should?
  46. When do you really feel in your element?
  47. How likely are you to believe conspiracy theories?
  48. Tell us stories from your youth related to alcohol?
  49. What's the best way to improve yourself?
  50. What was the most productive time in your life? What about the least productive?
  51. What three words best describe you?
  52. How well do you work under high pressure?
  53. What is your weakness?
  54. What are the two most important events in your life?
  55. What's bad for you and you know it, but you still can't get rid of it?
  56. What is the greatest service you have done for someone?
  57. How does your current morning routine compare to your ideal morning routine?
  58. What brings you the most joy?
  59. What are you deliberately ignoring even though you know you should/should address it?
  60. What would you like to be better at?
  61. Is there something you've done wrong over the years, only to find out later that you did it wrong?

Look into the soul of a wanderer

20 years ago, a psychologist named Arthur Aron compiled a list of 36 questions that could accurately sum up the question “To love or not to love?” This list fell into oblivion and was lost in the heap of other proposals for effectively finding a partner, until it was discovered by writer Mandy Len Catron. She applied this technique on herself and was able to find her happiness. This was followed by online publications and an emotional TED talk. Such a bold step stirred up the public, and 36 issues became relevant again.

The essence of the technique is to get to know your interlocutor better and look into his soul. Of course, attacking with personal questions is not the best strategy for a first date or a simple acquaintance. However, this method has its own attractiveness and undoubted effectiveness.

Questions about their family and childhood

When you are looking for questions about relationships, it is always important to ask questions about family and childhood. Knowing where your partner came from will help you understand where they are now -

  1. What did your parents do that embarrassed you incredibly?
  2. What small, seemingly insignificant thing did your parents or someone else say when you were a child, but that has stuck with you all this time?
  3. What is the best or worst thing you inherited from your parents?
  4. What made you realize that your parents were just people like everyone else?
  5. What habits have you had since childhood?
  6. What was your most memorable family vacation or holiday as a child?
  7. How traditional was your family?
  8. Children are often very similar to their parents. How do you want to be different from your parents? And how do you want to be like them?
  9. What subjects did you love and hate most in school?
  10. What unusual game did you often play as a child?
  11. What movie seriously traumatized you as a child or as an adult?
  12. What irrational fears did you have as a child?
  13. What toy played a significant role in your childhood?
  14. What are your earliest memories?


  1. What will you choose: spend time with your loved one after work or work longer for the extra time off that will fall on your couple’s working day?
  2. Where will you go after work, feeling tired - to your friends or to your partner to resolve the conflict that occurred in the morning?
  3. Should you relax at home together or go to some place together? How specifically would you like to spend your time?
  4. Confession in pre-prepared, personally written poems or in simple words composed on the fly?
  5. How important are gifts to you as a way of showing feelings? If a person doesn’t give gifts at all, does that mean that he doesn’t love?
  6. Would you consider a person more in love if he complimented you often or tried to do more chores around the house?
  7. Is it better to live with a person you love or who loves you?
  8. If problems of equal magnitude arise simultaneously in your parents and your couple, who will you go to first?
  9. Is it important to love yourself or your man/woman more?
  10. If your child and your loved one get sick at the same time, and the first one has a mild cold, and the second one has a severe cold, who will you care for more?

Questions about relationships

Here are the basic questions for couples that explore the topic of relationships. It is important to be open-minded when asking and answering these questions. This isn't about telling your partner what they're doing wrong or what you want them to do. It's about working together as a couple to ultimately build a healthy relationship.

  1. What things have I done that you consider to be exceptionally kind or caring?
  2. What new hobbies or activities would you like to try together as a couple?
  3. What is our greatest strength as a couple?
  4. What can we do to strengthen our relationship?
  5. Is there something small we can do for each other every day to make our lives better?
  6. How much space/alone time should people be given when they are in a relationship with each other?
  7. What questions should partners ask each other before getting married?
  8. What do I do that makes you the happiest person?
  9. How important is it for people in relationships to maintain their own individuality?
  10. What makes our relationship better than others?
  11. What do you think our lives will look like in 10 years?
  12. What do you think will bring us closer as a couple?
  13. What memories do you want to create together?
  14. What do you think is an integral part of a successful relationship?
  15. What's your favorite way to spend time together?
  16. What is your favorite gift that I gave you?
  17. Where do you want to live when we retire?
  18. In what areas do you think our personalities complement each other? (For example, one is too reckless and the other is too cautious, which ultimately leads to balance).
  19. How well do you think we communicate?
  20. What adventure would you like to go on with me?
  21. What's the best relationship advice you've ever received?
  22. What do you really like about me?
  23. What do you think is the most difficult thing in marriage/relationships?
  24. What can I do to help us as a couple?
  25. How do you see your role in our relationship?
  26. What could ruin our relationship that you cannot forgive?
  27. What makes us different from other couples?
  28. What do you think would be the best way to strengthen our relationship?
  29. What are your goals in our relationship?
  30. How realistic do you think couples are in movies and television?
  31. What does a happy and healthy relationship look like?

History of the experiment

American psychologist Arthur Aron devoted a lot of research to the psychology of love. One theory was that just 36 questions would help a man and woman fall in love with each other. An experiment conducted in 1997 confirmed the hypothesis. People who asked each other 36 questions became close, paired up, and later got married.

True, as the psychologist noted, there is one condition. Questions bring together only those people who, consciously or unconsciously, have already chosen each other. That is, the question system is not a love potion or a magic wand. It is a catalyst in the chemistry of love.

And for two decades now, Aron’s method has been very popular. Those who have tried the method on themselves admit that it really works, but they themselves do not understand how it works. Moreover, questions help not only to fall in love for the first time, but also to revive love in long-term relationships, overcome a crisis, rekindle former passion, and restore romanticism.

Questions about sex

Sex is an important topic of conversation in any relationship. It's important to know what each of you considers to be a healthy and enjoyable sex life.

  1. To what extent do you think our sexual attractions coincide?
  2. How important do you think sex is in our relationships?
  3. What are you interested in, but haven’t told me?
  4. What do I do in bed that drives you crazy?
  5. What's the most adventurous thing you've done sexually?
  6. Besides orgasms, what's the best part of sex?
  7. What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to you during sex?
  8. When am I your sexiest/sexiest?
  9. What would you like me to do in the bedroom to spice things up a little?
  10. What's better than great sex?
  11. What do I do outside the bedroom that turns you on?

Is there something you dream of doing? Why haven’t we started doing this yet?9

These are the questions that will save relationships where the person’s needs for self-development are not taken into account. Let your partner tell you about his dream, about his incredible plans. Maybe your chosen one wants to build a house with his own hands? Or maybe he wants to buy an insectarium for breeding butterflies? What prevents him from realizing his plans? Your approval and support will be a great reward for his frankness, and will mark the beginning of saving the relationship.

Questions about having children

A couple needs to be on the same page when it comes to children. There can be a lot of fighting and heartache in a relationship if one partner wants children and the other doesn't, or if you both have very different expectations for raising children.

  1. Do you want to have children eventually? How many children do you want? Why?
  2. What's the worst parenting mistake a couple can make?
  3. What's the best way to raise children?
  4. How do we know if we have done a good job as parents?
  5. Do you think it is more important for a couple with children to focus on the children or more on each other? Why?
  6. How do you think children will/have changed our lives and relationships?

✍️ September 24, 2021

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